Marcus' arrival was just another reason Donna felt compelled not to skip out on work today. If things had been going smoothly at the office so far, she was sure that they wouldn't be as smooth after Harvey's meeting with his brother. She knew he'd tell her not to come in if she asked, so she chose not to ask.
Before taking off, she busied herself by making Harvey's bed, pulling the sheets taut and fluffing the pillows, erasing any trace that they both laid entwined there mere hours ago. With a sigh and a frown, she shook her head and pulled the room door shut. She picked up her cell phone and dialed the lobby requesting a cab. Pulling on her boots and wrapping herself in her coat, she grabbed her purse and locked the door with the spare key that Harvey had given her for his suit emergencies.
It seemed like every hour was rush hour in New York, the cab ride back to her apartment taking twice as long as it had the night before. She walked into the warm apartment from the blustery city wind and began shedding layers of clothing. She made her way toward her bedroom, ready for a warm bath but stopped in her tracks when she spotted the wine bottle and glasses on her coffee table, the light that filtered through the windows capturing them like a Van Gogh still life painting. The visual etched a moment in time into her mind. Leaving them as they were, she made a beeline to the bathroom, lest anything else in her apartment remind her of Harvey.
It was 12:30 when Donna managed to make it into the Pearson Specter Litt offices and the halls were alive and humming. As she rounded the corner toward her desk, she bumped into Rachel who was dropping off some files on Harvey's desk.
"Hey!" Rachel greeted, smiling warmly at her friend, the lines of concern that were there during the past week had now vanished.
"Hey Rach," she said, smiling back.
"I love that dress!" she said pointing to the fitted burgundy Fendi number she had chosen for today, "Is everything okay? I thought Harvey said you were taking the day off? And he hasn't been biting anyone's head off this morning, so no major crisis, right?"
Donna smiled tightly, trying to make it as genuine as possible, "Yeah, everything's fine. Just a change of plans."
"Okay," Rachel said, not entirely convinced, "maybe celebratory dinner and drinks later on tonight? Me, you, Mike….maybe Harvey even?" she added coyly. Donna observed her for a moment, gauging what the brunette was hinting at. Rachel was many things but she was not a good liar and she was not good at feigning casual disinterest.
"How about a rain check?" she offered, "There are a couple of things that I need to take care of tonight."
"Okay, well the offer stands!" Rachel smiled, "I'll see you later."
With that, she took off bouncing down the hall, leaving Donna to her thoughts.
Harvey never returned after his meeting with Marcus. She expected he'd be back before his final meeting with McKernan Motors, where he would officially pass the torch to Mike and Louis. He never came. She organized files and then reorganized them trying to keep her mind at ease. She considered calling him but didn't know what she'd say so she put down the phone. So she waited, patiently, knowing that he'd be back at the office in due time. He always did, it was his safe zone, where he'd find solid ground when the world around him threatened to fall apart.
It was a quarter until 7 and the buzz of the office hive had died to a low hum, most people off and about to start their Friday night. Donna sat at his desk organizing the papers that he had left scattered in his haste to meet Marcus. The main office lights timed out 15 minutes ago, leaving her in the soft glow of the emergency and accent lights.
She felt his presence before she saw him. Lifting her head, she met his gaze as he strode into his office. He paused briefly as he caught her eyes, slight surprise evident in his expression. Donna circled around to the front of his desk but kept her eyes fixed on him as he moved to stand behind it.
The torment he was going through was evident. His eyes were dark pools of grief but his jaw was set and Donna knew he was fighting it. When all else failed, the secret was always in his tie. He always overdid it on the knot when we was particularly stressed, and today was no different.
"Harvey—" she began tentatively.
"Donna," he said brusquely, pausing as he shook his head lightly, indicating he was in no mood to talk.
Though it pained her to see him like this, Donna nodded silently, understanding. She turned to exit his office and leave him in peace. He'd talk eventually.
"I need you to schedule a meeting with Franklin Financials tomorrow and another with the representative for the publishing house merger on Sunday," he said, his tone empty and void of all feeling, as he walked over to his drink tray and poured himself a glass of the amber liquid.
Donna turned on him, shutting the door to his office behind her.
"What?" she asked, his request catching her entirely off-guard.
"I said I need you to —" he began, before she cut him off.
"Yeah, I heard what you said," she said, moving in on him, snatching the drink out of his hand, "And you can't be serious, Harvey."
"I am," he said loudly, as he tried to retrieve his glass from her grasp.
"Harvey, this," she replied, raising the glass, "is not going to fix what you are feeling right now. And neither is burying yourself in work. I won't let you drown yourself in it!"
He dropped his shoulders and walked away from her
"Donna, we're not doing this, we're not having this talk."
"Harvey!" Donna implored, "She's your mother!"
"And she should have thought of that before she abandoned her duties to her family!" he shouted back, "Now, I told you this subject is not open for discussion!"
As if to say this conversation was over, he dropped his weight into his chair and held her gaze defiantly, like a petulant child.
"Fine," slamming the glass tumbler on the tray, she turned to him, "you don't want to talk about that. Great! Tell me, would you prefer to talk about how you ran away last night but not before you told me that you loved me?"
Standing before him, one finger resting on his desk, she dared him to defy her. She wasn't sure where the bout of courage came from, it was a bold move but she knew it was the only way he'd talk about the real problem. It was also the first time she'd really felt like her old self in the past week. The strong, daring Donna had been missing in action, replaced by a meek, scared version driven by the felony charges that he had exonerated her of.
"Donna, I…" he faltered, at a loss for words as he looked up at her apologetically.
She shook her head slightly, giving him a small wry smile, and kept her composure though on the inside she felt that pang in her chest, evidence of another crack in the armor that was her heart. She knew she wasn't being fair, to bring this up now and expect any response, but he was the one who opened up that goddamn can of worms.
"I didn't think so. So pick your poison, Specter."
She watched as he fell back into the seat, releasing a heavy sigh as he spun his chair toward the city skyline. Her features softened as her heart went out to him.
"So…how bad is it?" she asked tentatively.
"Stage 4 Lung cancer…terminal" he replied numbly, without turning around.
"How long?" she inquired, keeping her questions short, doing her best not to push to the point where he'd shut down.
He remained quiet for a long time.
"Harvey?" she pressed gently after a long pause, her heart rate accelerating, fearing the response that would come out of him.
"Any minute now. A week, maybe two tops. She's been battling it for 6 months or so. Didn't even tell Marcus about it. But it progressed quickly."
Her heart broke for him as her own eyes welled up with the tears that he refused to shed.
"Harvey…" she called out softly but he couldn't bring himself to face her.
"Donna, I know what you're going to say but I can't—," he said somberly, unable to finish his thought.
She circled his desk, moving into his line of vision, resting against the shelves along the window.
"Harvey, you need to," she said with a gentle nod, forcing him to meet her gaze. When he remained silent, she continued.
"I saw how your dad's death tore you to pieces, Harvey. And you two had a good relationship. I just don't want you to regret not getting a chance to say goodbye to her while you still can. Once she's gone, you won't get another chance," she said, her own voice trembling, as she recalled Gordon's death and its toll on Harvey, "She's still here, Harvey. You don't have to go through it the same way you did with your dad."
His eyes held a glassy stare of their own. He nodded stiffly, silently rising from his chair, shoving his hands in his pockets as he stood to face the skyline once more. With his back turned, she cleared the tears that had welled in her eyes. She wanted to reach out and touch him, comfort him, but within the glass walls of this building, there were lines drawn all over the place. She placed a hand lightly on his shoulder, speaking quietly behind him.
"No one will think any less of you if you forgive her. It takes a strong man, not a weak one, to be able to do that."
She released his shoulder and turned to leave his office.
"Donna?" he called out, turning to the door.
She paused at the threshold, looking back at him.
"Cancel my meetings for next week," he stated with a small nod.
"Already done. Ray is waiting downstairs to take you back to your place for your car," she said with a small sad smile.
"How did you know you'd-?" he asked, looking at her with something akin to awe, even through tired eyes.
"I'm Donna," she replied, raising her eyebrows, "I know. How did you not?"
He nodded, a hint of a smile reflected in his still sad eyes.
"Donna, about last night...I—," he began, resurrecting the subject but Donna shook her head before he could finish his thought. As much as she wanted to hear what he had to say, she knew that now wasn't the time.
"You have enough to deal with right now, Harvey. We have time," she replied, echoing his own words from the previous night.
He nodded, understanding. They stared at one another for a long pause, both lost in their own thoughts.
"Good Night, Harvey," she said, breaking the silence.
"I can have Ray drop you off on the way," he offered as she turned to leave.
"Oh, that's okay. I have a standing dinner offer with Mike and Rachel tonight."
He nodded again, this time with an expression she couldn't quite decipher.
"Good Night, Donna."
She smiled softly and returned to her desk, waiting until he left. The last thing she wanted at this point was to catch that elevator ride down with him, 50 floors in tight spaces might just break her. She took this time to shoot Jessica a message about Harvey's current situation and then sent Rachel a text, taking her up on her offer for dinner and drinks, her phone quickly buzzing with a response.
Great! Table for 4?
She rolled her eyes and shook her head with a light sigh before responding.
Table for 3.