Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or the characters thereof. Catarina is based on a friend of mine, Kissacazador, my FF best friend! She helped me and suggested her for a character.
Warning: Unrelated Sam/Dean. Some language, graphic imagery. Sexual Content. If you don't like Wincest, don't read! I get graphic with most of my Wincest and I don't want to offend you.
Plot: John has decided to follow Catarina, much to his chagrin and at his sons' pushing and nagging. But when she ends up in a fire surround by Demons, he finds himself feeling very protective of her, not to mention annoyed by the infuriatingly stubborn woman who seems to despise him for no reason, something that puzzles him. Will he ever find out why she hates him so much?
And can they keep her alive long enough so she can talk to him about it?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cat got the salt laid and backed up fast, praying the circle held. Demons, fucking demons. Her wards were shot, fuckers had the place burning around her and she was trapped. At least she'd die human, fuck!
Strong hands grabbed her as the smoke blinded her and she gave an hmmph! as she was hauled over a shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Another pair of hands were pulling boards from a backdoor and they leaped through it just in time, as the place turned into an inferno.
Coughing on smoke and ash, she felt herself sitting on metal and looked down to see a black hood under her. She looked up to dark eyes and dark hair with some silver on the sides and groaned. Him! It just had to be him. Of course, just her luck. Her body responded to his proximity but she shut it down fast. Nipples got hard and fire surged through her again and she stared in lust but repressed it again. Looking away, she summoned up anger; that would get rid of the guy!
"Let me up, I can get myself up without your help, thank you very much, John Winchester. Not to be ungrateful, but what the Hell are you doing here!" She growled and sighed. She had almost died, she could be nicer…she saw the hurt look in his eyes and flinched, "Thank you." She grumbled and dusted herself off.
"We found the same signs you did, and just happened to be in the area. Didn't expect you to be here but saw your truck out front, checked on you. Thank goodness we did, too. You into suicide missions or what! You should have gotten out of the building…" John said and worried, she took too many risks and it would get her killed, and really soon, too.
"It was surrounded by demons! It was either burn to death or be possessed and/or be killed painfully. I chose burning, thank you very much." Catarina spat but was unable to shake the boys as they cleaned her cuts and bandaged her, sitting still as their gentle touches fixed her up. They were persistent things, she had to admit, but…they were nice men and only trying to help really. She didn't want to hurt their feelings, too.
John just…got under her skin. Made her defensive. Insidious desire touched her again and she ignored it. The kids were great but the Dad…he was…something else entirely. Too…attractive for his own damn good! Hers, too.
His dark eyes looked into hers and he growled, anger hitting him, too. "Fine, next time you get close to dying, I won't help, I'll just let it kill you! Are you always this…!" He bit back the word and growled, "I won't say the word but you know what you are being!" He stalked off and left her staring at him, "You are being stupid, Catarina, and taking stupid risks! I have been hunting a very long time and hunters do not live long by taking the risks you take! Sure, you are skilled and talented, I'll give you that, but the shit you're pulling, skilled or not, will get you killed sooner. I know you don't like me and can't figure out why but…could care less compared to thought of you getting killed! You don't have to like me, you don't have to tolerate me; hell, I'm sorry my presence makes you feel such loathing! But you do owe it to yourself and the people you fight with and for to stay alive and do your damn job right! My job is not to be liked! Hell, most of them hate me, dislike me, or simply can't stand me! Most of them have a right, I'm not a good man all the time; I've fucked up and got others killed, and I regret that! Some just hate me on general principle! Demons follow my family around, looking for ways to kill us, and we have to live with them and it scares others off; can't be helped. We didn't ask for this life, it chose us! It probably chose you, too. I save people, I kill the bad things, and I damn well will not apologize for being good at my damn job! I will however pass on some advice." He leaned in and touched her face softly, kissed her cheek and smiled lightly, eyes searching her face fondly, "You keep up your behavior and bad judgments, keep pushing others away and eventually…" He stood now to leave and the boys followed, "You will end up alone and unwanted, just like me."
They shut the door behind them quietly and she stared at the door. Pride tried to insist she had been right but…even she knew it was wrong. She had been wrong. She had almost gotten killed and John was right.
He just…fuck, what was it about him that bugged her so much? He was sexy, smart, tough and damn good looking, but he was also abrasive, blunt, stubborn, and mouthy as hell! He just…made her want to rip his clothes off and take those sexy lips with her own.
She wanted him. Desired him. She hadn't wanted anyone this way for years, and…she wasn't used to it. He got under her skin because he made her want to run her hands over his naked body everytime she was close to him. His voice turned her hot and wet. She had to deal with this…but for now, she chose to ignore it.
But she did call him, he'd earned that much.
He answered on the first ring, clearly laughing at something his sons had done or said.
"-ala Sex is not happening tonight! I need the car tonight." He muttered and she heard them chuckle. "Hello?"
"John." Catarina got out and his laughter died as he got quiet. Yes, his feelings were still hurt. "I'm sorry I was so defensive. You were right, I was stupid and foolish. I'll be more careful next time." She licked a lip and rolled her eyes at her next words, groaning, "I do have a hunt I'm going to next, a werewolf thing…"
"Want some company?" John asked, not mad anymore, eager to help. "Where's the hunt?"
"Maybe." She said hesitantly, "If you have the time. It's a few miles away, New Port, Iowa."
"Nope, got nothing going on. Glad to help." John said smiling. The boys high-fived in the backseat, smiling smugly. John ignored their knowing looks and sighed. "You want to…um, never mind."
"What?" Catarina asked and waited, was he doing what she thought he was doing? "Don't go coward on me now, Winchester!"
"Would you consider having supper with us when we get there? Dean's a great cook and…" John sighed, "We got a spare room you can stay in." He eyed the Impala's back seat, looked like he was sleeping in the car tonight.
"I'll take it, ain't got room money anyway. Can I help cook supper? To repay the favor, don't read too much into it." Catarina said and got quiet. "Thank you for...the talk and the room."
"No problem, we'll call once we're berthed." John said and hung up.
"Good work, Dad. Now you just need to woo her." Sam said and smiled happily at his Dad.
"She's just staying the night. Not what you think, son." John said and even he heard the lie in his words.
"Yeah, just staying the night and eating with us. Nothing more to it. Okay." Dean said and they smiled but didn't say a word.
Silence filled the car and they sighed.
"And maybe we'll take a walk later, talk some more." John said softly and smiled a little.
The boys wisely said nothing but chuckled internally. 'Attaboy!' echoed in their minds but remained unsaid.
At least they were getting along and maybe going on a walk, getting to know each other.
It was a step, a really small one but still…a step in the right direction.
Even if it meant that Dad had to squeeze his too tall frame into his son's car for night.
Then they laughed and he shot them a look, and they gave him an innocent look.
He was going to be so stiff in the morning!
Xxxxxxxxxx
Catarina eyed the car seat and frowned. Obviously he wouldn't fit there but…he had insisted. She felt a warm feeling in her chest, touched he'd do this for her, that stubborn man! She headed in anyway at his commanding look and watched him climb over the seat and shut the door. She felt uneasy leaving him alone there, for someone that demons wanted to kill so badly, he was taking a risk exposing himself this way…
"It's warded; the car." Dean whispered by her ear. "No demon touches my baby, not even a fingertip. It's got wards everywhere, carved them in ourselves. Don't worry, he'll be safe. Uncomfortable but safe." Dean chuckled, his sexy lips curving up in a smile as Sam slipped him a look and he shook his head. Sam frowned and nodded in agreement. No sex tonight apparently, and he had new cuffs for them to try, too…oh, well. "Let's get to sleeping, seven comes quicker than one might think." He finished, taking his lover's hand anyway and kissing him softly, "Gonna claim that ass later, baby. Never you worry."
"Better. I'm letting his love life interfere with my orgasms here." Sam teased and whispered, "Hope he's happy with my sacrifice, I really wanted your dick in me tonight, pounding in and …." He trailed fingertips along Dean's groin and Dean moaned softly and then was forced to stop by Dean's hand that grabbed it hard in his own. "Spoil sport. I'd settle for sucking you and doing it that way, too." He eyed the bathrooms down the way with obvious hinting.
"Settle in, Catarina, we're going to use the bathroom for a minute…or hour…be back soon." Dean said and they practically ran there. She shook her head and headed in now, still worried about John. Peeking in she saw him sleeping, curved in a ball of sorts. He seemed okay so she went to lay down.
A gentleman, wow, he really was a gentlemen. She thought in amazement. She hadn't met many of them in her line of work. She wondered if he…surely he had his share of women, as good looking as he was, he could be charming, and surely losing Mary hadn't affected his sex drive that much. Was he a one-woman guy or…was he like them? She didn't mind him being gay really and, if he was, she wouldn't judge him but…she really wanted him to be straight and wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers, hell, no! But…she bit a lip and slipped into the car now. Sitting in the front seat, not satisfied with leaving him alone out here. She got comfortable in the front seat, using her jacket as a pillow. Finding sleep easily now that she was sure he'd be safe, a knife and gun on the floorboard where she could reach them quickly.
John would be safe; those boys needed him. And she reluctantly faced a truth she herself had been avoiding, too.
She needed John Winchester, too.
And, fuck, she prayed he wasn't gay!
Xxxxxxxxxxxx
John woke up to soft breathing, and knew it wasn't his. He sat up and groaned as he cricked in several places; he really didn't fit in here! John groaned again and a soft sigh sounded now, and a mussed, but very beautiful Catarina peek over the seat to see if he was okay.
"Cat?" He asked in surprise. She smiled softly at his surprise.
"I didn't feel right leaving you out here alone, so I joined you. Just to be on the safe side." She said and held up a gun. John laughed and nodded, sitting up the rest of the way now.
"What time is it?" John asked and noticed a light dimly lighting the sky and the light fog of dawn touching the grass nearby.
"Six fifteen." She said and sat up and cricked a bit herself. "John, I have been dying to ask since I got in this car to sleep with you, are you gay? Do you play the field, you know lots of men? Women? Bi?" She waited for these answers expectantly.
"No, not gay or bi. Just women and not so much these past few years. I don't do one night stands or casual sex, so I don't do that much. I mostly look for women I can be with longer, maybe have relationships with. My job doesn't exactly loan itself to that kind of thing, so I usually settle for being alone." John answered and saw her surprised, "What? I'm such a good looking guy I must be fucking everything under the Sun? You seriously thought that?" He laughed at her blushing look as she looked away. "You?"
"Same here, I don't do casual sex either. I…used to pick up men but my job tends to get them killed so I just gave up for the most part." Catarina admitted. "Evil shit doesn't allow us love lives, I suspect it's a luxury us hunters really can't afford most of the time."
"Yeah, I noticed that, too." John agreed and then hesitated, "They won't be up for an hour so…would you like to get some coffee? There's a café in that convenience store up front, we could get some, bring some back for the boys, some donuts or something."
"Sounds good to me. Just do me a favor." Catarina said and laughed at his look. "Just share the damn bed with me next time. We each take a side. Surely you won't ravish me the moment we hit the mattress, right?"
"No, I won't but…if I wanted to, would you let me?" John asked and she blushed again, and he looked embarrassed. "I shouldn't have said that, I just had a thought and it came out, sorry!" He muttered to himself, 'Idiot!' now. He tried to escape the car but found himself trapped. "Cat, no need to respond to the question but…can you get out so I can, too. I'm a bit squashed back here."
"Oh, sorry!" She gasped and opened the door, getting out. John popped the seat forward and crawled out stiffly. Slowly standing and adjusting his spine again, he looked at her with regret.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." John apologized and bit a lip, "It's just that I like you. More than I should. I barely know you and…I desire you and I should be subtler. The boys say I'm more like a bulldozer, going for what I want and barreling in head first. Dean's much the same way. Sam, he takes after his mom, he goes more for the slow and easy approach. I really would like to have coffee with you." He pled with her and she nodded smiling.
"I'd love a coffee." Catarina said happily, taking an arm as they walked away now. Her fingers caressed the muscles under the shirt fabric and she got wet at the feeling of them. Man was muscled and hot, she could tell. Fuck, she wanted him to ravish her! "And the ravishing thing? I wouldn't mind us doing that at a later date, I really wouldn't. I'd like to get to know you first but…not too much. I would love to be in your bed, John."
"Um, wow, yeah, me, too." John said and gulped nervously, "We'll do that then." Then he smiled and she melted. Such a sexy smile!
"Yeah, we will." She said and smiled back, "I'm parched, coffee?" She quarked a brow at his erection and he blushed, looking away she laughed.
"Coffee, definitely coffee." John agreed and tentatively touched her fingers with his own. Head down. She let her finger entwine with his and they held hands now as they walked. Both feeling more relaxed about this thing between them.
It wasn't love or…whatever the boys had but…
It was something special, they could tell that much.
Xxxxxxxxxx
Sam tested the cuffs and eyed his lover hotly. Dean was sucking him hard and he was so close to cumming already, "Dean!" He moaned, "Close, too close!"
"Uh, uh, just paying you back for last night." Dean responded, rolling his balls with his hand again. "You fucked me but good last night, Sammy. Damn near sucked my dick off, too. You were an eager little slut, weren't you?"
"Yes, but…you started it." Sam argued as best he could as all the blood fled his brain and poured directly into his dick. "You and the bathroom thing."
Dean had let him suck him in a stall and fucked Sam hard for over an hour into the side of the stall when they had gotten in there, both moaned and crying out, and cumming loudly at least twice before he let Sam go from the stall wall. He'd had to sit on the toilet or he'd have fallen to the floor, legs boneless for a minute. Sam in his lap, cuddling his face into his neck as he tried to breathe again and regain control of his legs and body sometime soon. "That felt…so good!" Sam sighed happily and pulled him in for a kiss, a deep but slow one, full of simmering passion and want, their usual kind. "I love you."
"I love you, too." Dean had responded and held him tight for a bit longer, savoring their naked bodies touching skin to skin this way.
Then they had dressed and headed to the trailer where they found Catarina not in it and found her in the front seat of the car, sleeping. She looked happy. So they left her there and continued their sex. Sam had pulled him under him and sucked him hard, Dean moaned loudly and growled in desire as Sam worked fingers into him now.
Then he'd thrust in and took him slow then hard, deep, shallow then deep again, until they exploded into faster and harder, pounded into him as Dean clawed the bed and his back as they did the same the rest of the night, sucking each other and Sam fucking him hard again and again until they passed out from it.
Now it was Sam's turn and they were most certainly enjoying it as he thrust into Sam and started slow but ended up pounding him with his legs pressed to his muscled chest and Sam screamed his pleasure, turning into Dean's whore then, as he usually did when taken hard and fast by Dean. Both men came with loud cries as Dean came several times into Sam, filling his ass completely until he leaked from it. And Sam came all over their torsos, then licked it of Dean completely and Dean licked it off him, both smiling seductively still. They practically fell into the small shower and sucked each other in turns until the other came in their throats as they washed each other off. Kissing happily into the wall long after the water was turned off and cuddled for a minute. Sated and spent, they dried off and dressed in time to hear a knock at the door.
They let Dad and Catarina in and saw their looks. Their very knowing and amazed looks.
"Wow, you boys do have a lot of sex! And so loudly, too. Sounded fantastic though." Catarina commented as she sat the donuts onto the table for them.
"Yeah, it was." Dean said happily and Sam just smiled back in response, shrugging as he cuddled closer to Dean to make room for Dad to scoot over so Cat could sit by him.
"Not fantastic, perfect as usual. Dean is perfect." Sam said with total confidence. "No one loves me like Dean does."
"Same here, Sammy." Dean agreed, totally confident, too.
"They always this mushy?" Catarina asked with an amused look.
"It's this or the sexual innuendoes, they only have two modes really. Lovey dovey or hinting at sex often and very creatively." John agreed then shot them a look.
"We'll do the innuendoes later." Dean teased and kissed Sam again, and Sam melted into it, but kept it brief and soft. "I love you, baby boy."
"Love you, too, D." Sam and snuggled closer. "So…tonight's a full moon, Dad." He said all business now.
"Yeah, we know where it kills them, the state park across the way." Catarina spoke up and pulled out a map, pointing to the spot of the last kills. "It's somewhere in here. The last kill was found there." She pointed at a spot close to a couple others dots.
"So we go check it out tonight." Dean said then asked, "We should check with the families, see what they have to say. Dad should do the cop station, maybe you could help him, Cat? We should announce our presence so the wolf goes for us first, to keep it after us and not some innocent guy." He bit a donut and held it out to Sam, who took a bite, sharing their food. "I like sticky stuff, D."
"Later, you nympho." Dean teased and went to clean up the table. "Come on, Sam, let's get changed. The first wit isn't far away from here. Dad, you riding with Cat?" He looked up from the closet and held out a suit for his Dad. John took it and then the boys went to their room to dress as he did the same.
Catarina changed in the dining area and soon they headed out. "Meet at the trailer at six o'clock." John said and they agreed to it. And soon they found themselves busy.
Xxxxxxxxxx
Six witnesses later, they agreed that the people had nothing in common. No connections. They used the library computer to check into each victim, none shared a common hangout or services that they used, except for the park, they were into the outdoors, and were wearing hiking gear when they were found.
Hikers, the usual werewolf choice of prey. Nothing new there.
So he called Dad. "Hikers, no link between them but that park, Dad. Mostly useless information but…we're heading back to the house, meet us there." Dean reported and waited to see how Dad's end had went.
"Same here, no links but…there were wolf tracks approaching them from the same direction every time. East always East, where there was nothing but abandoned fishing cabins and woods. For miles and miles and more damn miles!" John groaned. "We can't search it all, we'll have to just set a trap and get it to come to us. In its hunting grounds, of course."
"And the bait?" Sam asked rolling his eyes.
"Well, you, of course. You are the most irresistible morsels." John said and eyed them with amusement.
"Oh, no, it's your turn. We've done it the last three times." Sam objected.
"I kill them better than you." John laughed.
"Not true, we kill them just as good as you do." Dean added in his objection.
"What are you two, men or mice?" Catarina teased and she saw them smile, so handsome, like their father.
"Mice, definitely mice. And he never gives us our cheese." Sam joked and John shook his head laughing.
"Cheese…just do it, you idiots." John said and they nodded.
"Fine, but we insist on you paying for dinner later." Dean said and smiled.
Then they nodded.
Yes, they may be mice but…then again, they just loved to tease the cat, too!
Xxxxxxxxxxx
Hiking, they hated hiking. They'd learned this years ago but still…they did it. Following the trail and holding hands, pretending to be gay lovers out on a stroll. They'd stage a fight once they hit the spot around where most of the kills took place but for now they just enjoyed the privacy and time together.
"You know I won't mean what I say here soon, right? You won't be mad?" Sam said and Dean nodded.
"Me either. We just need to make it look good." Dean said, eying the moon overhead. "It'll be changing soon, get ready, Sammy. And, Sam, remember I love you."
"I will." Sam readied himself and looked up to see John and Catarina up above them in the trees, smirking. "Ready."
Both breathed deep and sent out their hunter radar, sensing it already.
"You bastard, you cheated on me…how could you!" Dean shouted and had to admit he sounded believable.
"Like you would notice! Always busy, you never took the time to see I needed more, he did. How can you say I cheated? You pushed me into it!" Sam shouted back and then it got going from there. Fictional lover 'A' fucked Sam and then Dean walked in, yada yada, and voila! Instant breakup…fictional lover 'A' wins the guy, good for him…Sam thought and waited, hearing the crashes nearby, coming toward them already. "I'm gone, you arrogant bastard! This was not my fault, you drove me to it. Go fuck your job, you seem to love it so damn much anyway!" Then he stomped off and then, when he was sufficiently far enough away, he stopped and waited behind a tree pulling his gun with the silver bullets in it out, praying Dean had his knife handy, too.
He felt a sharp scrape across his chest and cringed, ducking while firing, not caring if he hit it. It had went for him instead…he really should have seen that coming. "Dean!" Sam shouted and he heard him running through the brush. He hadn't been that far away after all, so he knew he'd get here sooner. He saw the blood blooming on his torn shirt and fired as its teeth lunged at him, not even aiming. He just didn't want those teeth to touch him.
The claw mark was bad enough. He thought as a hand pressed a cloth to his chest. "I got it." Sam said grinning proudly before passing out.
"Yeah, baby, you did." Dean said with concerned green eyes on his lover's limp form. "You sure did." Pride took second place to worry at this moment, as he carefully carried out him out to the clearing, keeping the cloth to his chest. Catarina took the wheel while the Winchesters tended to Sam, driving to the trailer and leaving the body of the thing where it lay, already taking human form. She'd go back and burn the thing in a minute; they needed to get Sam to the trailer first.
She'd do the cleanup for this hunt.
Xxxxxxxxxxx
Sam bit back a cry of pain as they poured the alcohol on his opened chest and then John checked for permanent injuries. "Just got the skin, cut clean through. Three long slashes, bastard had to be quick for Sam not to see it coming at him!" John said and began to stitch while Dean kept the other cuts and the one he sewed from bleeding too much.
Sam then passed out again from pain by the tenth stitch, a blessing in both his husband's and father's eyes. There were more stitches to come and this would take a while.
Catarina in the meantime wrapped the corpse in plastic and plopped it in the backseat, roaring away. Then dousing it with lye and oil, set it on fire behind an old water shed, knowing the fire wouldn't spread from there. The shed stood alone on sand, not grass. Not trees were even close either, and she'd made sure to destroy the camera from behind it to keep it from recording her approach first. Then she drove back. She wanted to make sure Sam was okay now.
He'd taken a nice slashing there and it had looked deep.
Xxxxxxxxxxx
She got inside and saw him bandaged, wrapped in white gauze along his chest and shoulder, the stitches were holding up well. He was out like a light and sleeping in their bed at the moment but she was relieved.
"He's going to have some nice scars from this." She noted and saw Dean look to the bedroom with worry and concern, regretting the words the moment she'd said them now. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insinuate you'd love him any less this way. I was just saying, sorry."
"I'll never love him any less." Dean said firmly and she saw he meant it. "We all got our scars, we live with them. I don't love him for being pristine skinned, I love him because he's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm lucky he chose to love me instead of some other dumb shit out there." He smiled a little now. "He'll need to take it easy for a bit but he'll be okay, we always are."
He eyed her beer and looked down guiltily before she realized she was missing something. "I bought us some beer…I hope you don't mind…" John's eyes shot to Dean who practically ran to the bedroom and he looked at her in frustration. "To go with supper, I got that, too."
She saw him sit by her and realized she'd fucked up. "What did I do wrong?" She asked. So John told her the truth, the blacking out, the drunk-loving between them, the realization and the wedding. He told her he was a former alcoholic and didn't drink anymore either. Avoided it except when he had to go to bars for cases. "Oh, no." she said going pale. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."
"That's okay, just…take it to your truck please? We don't allow alcohol in here, for Dean's sake. He's doing so well and having a hard time with it right now. It's an addiction he's still trying to control better." John said gently. "But come back in, I got some soda in the fridge if you want some with supper. You didn't fuck up, I should have told you ahead of time. I spaced it, sorry."
"Sorry, Dean!" She called and he peeked out looking tired, avoiding the beer in her hand still with his eyes.
"That's okay. Just…get it out of here, would you?" He asked then went back in the room. "Come back, you are spending the night and not in the damn car! Either of you." He said from the room.
Dean shot the morphine in Sam's vein and put it away, along with the antibiotic he'd already given him as well. Sam slept peacefully now and he cuddled him close, running fingers lightly over the bandages. "I don't care if you are scarred, you're still my Sammy and I'm keeping you." He whispered in his ear and kissed his cheek, laying his head on Sam's shoulder and contenting himself with just being close to the man he loved for now. Nothing got to take Sam from him! Nothing! If it did, it had to take him with Sam, because he wouldn't be without him. Not even a werewolf, the fucker! He traced the cuts with light fingertips and cringed. They'd cut deep but not so deep the stitches wouldn't heal them right. Sam's chest would take time to heal and he'd be sore though. They needed more medical supplies but they were okay for now.
He'd wanted that beer. So badly it shook him to his core. Turning away and running from a glass bottle had been hard, scared of a bottle but not a wolf trying to kill him, what a coward he was!
"Sammy, am I coward? It's only a beer, surely I can resist that…I'm so scared of hurting you…can't risk blacking out again. Won't do that again…can never drink again!" He whispered and Sam slept but he knew his answers.
'Not a coward and, while it is only a beer, it's a slippery slope from that one beer to a bottle of whiskey for you. It's okay, don't drink. It's okay to run from it, it's best that you do for now.' Sam response echoed in his head. His usual response when Dean felt this way, chasing away his pain and doubts. And it still did. Dean breathed easier at that thought and knew he was strong enough to deal with this, brave enough to know when to run rather than make another mistake that could destroy his life and Sam's, just when they had gotten one. He didn't want to fuck it up.
If he did, he's sooner die than go on without Sam.
He jumped when John peeked in, looking serious. "You did good, son. You did the right thing. Being around it is bad for you right now but it does get better, easier to resist. I promise. I did it and I'll help you do it, too. I'm here for you. Come eat, she put it away in her truck. Supper is on the table." John said then eyed Sam. "He'll be fine. The drugs will keep him out for the night."
Dean nodded and headed to the table, looking embarrassed.
"John told me what happened and I'm sorry I brought alcohol near you. I didn't know you were quitting and blacking out is a serious side effect, so you should avoid it. I won't do that to you again, forgive me." Catarina said quietly. "I had no idea you had quit. Last I heard you still drank."
"I know, not your fault. Now you know…so let it go." Dean said and took the bag she offered. "Mmmm, bacon cheeseburger, a double! Dad, you should marry this woman, or I will! I love these things…Sam says I'd marry…." Dean caught himself here and seemed to freeze, his eyes settling on the door to their bedroom again. "He says I'd marry one if I could…" He finished hoarsely, sitting the bag down. Staring at the table now. Not touching the food.
"At least eat half, Dean. You're no good to anyone if you starve yourself." John advised and Dean began to pick at his burger, taking small bites and barely nibbling the fries, but still eating in John's book. Some food was better than no food, John knew that. Dean always did this, even when Sam was just sick with the flu. Worried his appetite away then John had to push him to eat something, but usually it was very little, like now. He hadn't expected him to eat much anyway; it was Dean's way when it came to Sam being hurt or sick.
"Thanks, Cat." Dean said and offered. "Please stay with us? I'm sorry about the alcohol thing, I'm know I'm coward about it and, with Sam out and hurt, it's so tempting to just drink a little… but it's never just a little for me, I will reach for more and I may hurt someone next time, probably Sam. I won't remember it and…that's no real comfort when I'm standing over his grave…now is it?" Dean said with sad eyes, laced with regret and shame. "Goodnight. I'm really beat, stay please?"
"I'll stay." Catarina reassured him. "I know you would never hurt anyone, Dean. Even blacked out."
"I fucked Sam for two years…told him I loved him and made him fall in love with me…didn't remember that…took his virginity…he was willing but it could have been rape and I'd have never known it. So…yes, I could hurt someone…I already have. I won't risk it being rage or something worse next time…I won't! I'd die first…I'd die before I took another drink, and that is the God's honest truth." Dean said as he headed in to the bed, eyes on Sam's sleeping form. "I won't."
"Dean…" she said sadly at his obvious pain. John had told her but to hear him say and see that pain there in his face and voice, she knew he was still suffering for what he'd done. She watched as Dean went in and slid the door shut behind him. "He's…he needs to talk about it more. Holding it in is eating him alive."
"I know but he barely lets himself talk about it. He's too ashamed right now, after all this time and all his happy fronting with Sam, he's still not dealing with it well." John admitted. "We're too close. He won't open up that much to us. He thinks we need him strong and past it when we just want to listen to him and help him through it, let him be weak for us, even though it costs him dearly to do so. Dean has never done 'weak' well, it's a flaw we all have, us Winchesters, even Sam."
"I'd listen, if you'll give him my number." Catarina offered, handing him a napkin with the number on it. "He can call anytime and I'll listen, I'll be there for him if he lets me be."
"Can I call you?" John asked shyly, blushing. "Anytime?"
"Yes, you can call me anytime, too." Catarina said smiling at him and taking his hand. "I hate to admit it and I know it's too soon but…I like you, John Winchester. And you excite me more than any man has in years. You turn me on by just being around me and I desire you. But…it's not enough for people like us, the 'permanent' sort. We don't do casual flings or one night stands. Sex means commitment to us, has to have emotion to it beyond just lust…I know that's true. I like that about you, about me, too." Then sighed, getting up to throw their trash away. "Let's go to bed, it's late and we got an early start tomorrow."
"We?" John asked curiously and she smiled a little in his direction.
"Got a nest coming up…thought you had nothing planned and figured I'd invite you before you just followed me and ruined my hunt again." Catarina teased him and saw John smile, blushing guiltily. Yeah, he was following her and she liked that stalker quality in the man. She even thought the idea of him pursuing her was the sexiest and most wonderful idea she'd ever thought about and wanted to encourage him to keep doing it more now. Him catching her was going to be even funner…once they got that far. "Guess I could take it on alone…Sleep in my car or motel room…"
"We'll help…got nothing planned!" John said jumping at the chance to be with her again. Not caring if he seemed needy or impulsive, or sappy, or like an over eager schoolboy! He wanted her and, if she wanted him around, he was damn sure going to take her up on it. "On one condition…" He offered smiling, knowing she'd accept it.
"What?" She teased with twinkling eyes. Loving the way he smiled and looked right now, so sexy when he was being impulsive! She thought and was aroused by it already.
"We cuddle. No, I didn't say sex. I said cuddle. You sleep in my room, in my bed while we hunt together. I won't touch you until you want me to. You control the pace of our relationship, not me. We'll go slow or fast, I leave that up to you. But I do want you to be mine, want you in a way I haven't hungered for a woman since Mary…and I'm not giving up on the chance of having that with you. So tell me there's no chance of it and I'll let it go, just be friends. Tell me." John urged and waited, anxiously hoping she didn't say it with bated breath.
"There's a chance, a really good one." Catarina said taking his hand and tugging him to bed. "Don't want to be friends. Want you to make love to me, but…for now…I'll settle for cuddling." She smiled back at him wickedly causing him to harden and smile back the same way as they shut off the lights and locked the door and windows on their way back. "I belong in your bed alright but…you're going to have to work for my body, I promise you that."
"I've never been against hard work." John grinned as he undressed now and lay there, waiting for her to join him. She was soon clad in only a tank top and underwear. John slept nude but she tried not to stare. Settling for admiring the view he offered with a teasing smile. "Like what you see?" He said with a arched brow and sexy grin.
"Damn straight, you sexy thing. Now scoot over, I'm tired." She teased and crawled under the covers, feeling him cuddle into her back and wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her closer and sealing her to his side in one final move.
"You're very beautiful, Cat. Never seen anyone but…anyone so beautiful for a long time. You enchanted me as soon as I saw you that first time." John whispered in her ear, and she felt wetness touch her shoulder. He was crying a little…over Mary and over feeling just as strongly for her, she prayed he didn't think it was a betrayal of her memory or something, that would drive him away and she didn't want that.
"I may not be her but…" Catarina paused here to word it right. "I'm willing to be with you, just don't feel like she wouldn't want us to have this…that's not true. No wife who ever loved her husband ever wanted him to be alone and pining for her if she died on them… not the ones who really loved their spouses anyway. That would be cruel and real love isn't that cruel. It wants you to find happiness again, even with someone besides them. Don't back off from me because you think she'd not approve. That's all I'm saying. I'm willing to try with you, are you willing to try with me?" She asked and waited.
Feeling foolish for saying anything, she soon felt the urge to assuage his feelings. "I…." She began but was cut off.
"I want to try." John said softly, more wetness on her shoulder, prompting her to roll over to hold him as he cried for his lost love. "She'd want me to try with you. She'd like you very much."
Then she held him most of the night, until he was cried out. She reflected sadly that not taking the time to mourn did this to you. You held it in and didn't let it out to deal with it, and it came out like this, like it did with John. No one needed to tell her that Dean wasn't the only one not dealing with his past well, John was doing the same damn thing. And she really wanted to help them do it, to help heal this family…so strong and feared, so hated and mistrusted…but so in need of love and acceptance, too.
She would give them that.
If they let her in enough to do it, that was. Getting in was the hard part, once in she knew they'd let her help them, they'd trust her to do it. She just had to wait for them to do so. And she was willing to do just that…for as long as it took. They were worth the effort in her eyes, damn the others if they didn't see it for themselves.
Winchesters may attract more evil shit to them, that much had always been proven true, but that just meant they'd lost more than most had, and no amount of thinking that if they just stayed away from them, then maybe less evil would go after you, would change her damn mind! They needed someone to stick around like John had, like that Singer guy did, and like she would now, someone willing to see past the bullshit and heal them. Be there for them despite their issues.
And, yeah, she was just that person.
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