Hey guys! :) I know it's been quite a while since I updated, so I'm really sorry... I'll do my best to update every story as much as possible as soon as exams are over with. I meant to post this weeks ago but I've been swamped with projects... I'm so sorry, guys. Enjoy this chapter! (Although it is really a sad excuse of a chapter...gah)

She lights a candle, but she doesn't know why.
She wants to save me, but I'm barely alive.
My soul is thirsty. I just wanna get high.
Make her go away.

"Shit..." I groaned, rushing through my house, trying to fix the tie around my neck as I slipped into my leather shoes. Why was it deciding to be difficult today? "I'm gonna be late!" I left my tie hanging around my neck and grabbed my briefcase and phone, wrenching my door open and rushing out.

Ishida was going to be furious. Could I never impress the guy? God damn, what was wrong with me? I was always forgetting promises, errands, and favors he's asked of me. Now I'm constantly running late for work? It was a wonder he didn't fire me.

Ishida is probably the greatest person in the world. He knows that in my, er, state, finding a job myself is out of the question. No one would hire me. After he graduated college, he began to work for a prestigious design company, and a few years later he even got his own company off the ground.

He hired me to work for his company. In fact, he didn't just hire me as an assistant, he assigned me as head of the design department. When he first told me that, I was completely floored. He put so much hope into me, I just couldn't bring myself to slack off... I tried my best to impress him and not make him regret hiring me.

Unfortunately, my habit had gotten out of hand about a year after he started his business, which is where we are now. Now I'm always late and slacking off. I don't mean to be... I just can't help it any more.

So here I was, speeding to work in my car, desperately hoping that Ishida would not notice how late I am. I'm supposed to show the new layout design today – three days late. I was assigned to show it at our meeting back then, but I had thought of ... better things to do, and I never got it done. Ishida was upset, no doubt about that, but allowed me an extension.

I finally made it to work and rushed into the building, swiping my card and checking myself in. I headed into the elevator and up to my floor. As soon as the elevator dinged and the door opened, I meant to rush out, but I froze when I saw Ishida standing in front of it, arms crossed and an angry expression on his face. I winced.

"Hey, Ishida..." I said slowly. Ishida glared at me when he noticed my tie hanging limply around my neck. Shit. I forgot to tie it.

"Where the hell have you been?" Ishida hissed, storming over and quickly fixing my tie. I cringed. He's worse than my mother was...

"I just woke up late. I'm sorry Ishida, honestly." I said, mentally slapping myself. Could I not wake up on time? Jesus christ. It's not like it was that difficult. Come on, Ichigo.

"What were you doing last night?" He asked, flattening my tie out in front of my chest, satisfied with his work. "Working on the layout, I hope."

"I got that done a long time ago." I grinned widely, deciding to avoid the question at hand – did he really have to ask what I had been doing last night?

"I'm sure," Ishida rolled his eyes. "That's why it's being presented three days late, right?"

"Only the best for you, Ishida." I elbowed him in the side as we headed for the conference room. We stepped through the large, expensive glass doors and took our places at the head of the large meeting table. I pulled out documents and my laptop from my briefcase and set everything up for when the executives would arrive.

"I am really sorry though." I said once more, breaking the slightly awkward silence. Ishida glanced at me, concern in his eyes.

"Ichigo, I just want you to -"

"I know, I know." I sighed, straightening a pile of papers. I hated having this talk with Ishida. I knew I was an addict, I knew I needed help. I just don't like thinking about it. It was easier not to.

"I'm just trying to help." Ishida said quietly. "I know I'm a bastard sometimes, but it's only because I -"

"Ishida, if you think you're a bastard, there's something seriously wrong with you." I said seriously, staring at his upset face. I felt bad for constantly making him stressed... "If anything, I'm the bastard, putting you through this..."

"Good morning!" A voice boomed through the conference room and I jumped. God damn Shunsui. I hate loud noises. Not to mention loud people. You can imagine my relationship with that annoying, flamboyant asshole.

"Morning, Shunsui." Ishida and I sighed as the man straightened out his light pink dress shirt, taking a seat next to Ishida. Stupid fruit.

The rest of the employees slowly filed in the room, taking their usual spots and watching me expectantly. Once everyone was present and waiting patiently, I cleared my throat and stood up.

"Well," I started. "Today, I'll be showing the new design created for Karakura Motors -"

"Finally." Byakuya said. Renji snickered lightly and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, it is a bit late, but Karakura Motors understood that we were simply working our best to create the best design possible for them." I glared daggers into Byakuya's face as he stared at me calmly, yet oh so mockingly, that god damn smirk on his face.

I hate my job sometimes.

Last night was a nightmare. It had been two days since I last saw Rukia, and I was a bit on edge. I liked being around her; she made me calm. She made me feel normal. I never wanted to shoot up when she was around.

I had sat hunched-over in my closet the entire day, clutching my grandfather's gun in shaky hands, pointing it towards the closed door as I waited for it to open any second. I had thought there was someone in my house... someone trying to get me.

Of course, I was imagining it. It's not the first time it's happened, nor will it be the last. Once my psychosis had gotten way out of hand, I had decided to install an expensive security system around my whole apartment. I always thought there was someone or something wanting to get me, and I was afraid.

To say in the least, my relationship with Karakura Tech Security was quite strained. I would call them multiple times per week, babbling about some midgets in the tree outside my window, or Mexicans in my bedroom. It was always something new, and it was never real.

Back to last night...

I had shot up very early in the morning, almost as soon as I had woke up. Once I'm awake, the urges start almost immediately and I need a fix, or else I'd be on edge all morning. It's a nightmare, really. A nightmare I can't wake up from.

So I had gotten out of bed, ignoring the random, naked woman next to me and heading for my closet immediately. I didn't care that she was there; they're out of my life after a day. I don't give a shit about them or what they see me do. They're only there for my amusement, and they better be gone when I'm finished with them.

Anyway, I had crouched down and opened my large Jack Daniels tin box which contained all of my junk. It was a little funny, really, that the gift Ishida had gotten me for Christmas years ago was where I kept my little stash. No one knew about it.

I loved opening that box and seeing it full. Some might see it as though you were peering into a casket and staring at death, but I see it as a huge ray of sunshine. As soon as I open that box and see it full, I can practically already feel the rush I'll be getting in a few minutes time.

I wasted no time in shooting up. Once I was finished and simply resting on the floor and soaking up the afterglow, it started. It was only minutes later that I had once again noticed the woman in my bed and it had caused me to panic. What if she was a spy? What if Karakura Tech had sent her?

I immediately rushed over to her, pulling the blanket off of her. She screamed at me and sat up, covering herself. I threw her clothes at her and yelled at her to get out. She had no idea what was going on. I told her I knew her plan and that I wanted her out now, and if she ever came back I'd kill her. Needless to say, she left my house as quickly as her feet would take her (cursing at me the entire way, of course.)

After she left I ran into my closet, shutting the doors and crouching on the floor. I held my grandfather's gun in my hands tightly, pointing it at the door and shaking. I stayed deathly silent. I didn't want to make a single noise... Karakura Tech was spying on me, listening to my every word through their speakers and they could see me through their little cameras. I just knew it.

I sat there for at least an hour, trying to keep my breathing under control, my heart pounding wildly. I then began to think that maybe they weren't spying, but maybe they were sending people for me. Had they called the police on me?! Were they coming to get me?! Maybe the people from the insane asylums were on there way...

Then I realized I was wrong. Karakura Tech wasn't after me; they were the ones protecting me. Protecting me from the police that were currently outside of my house!

I gasped loudly as I came to this realization and threw the gun to the floor, jumping to my feet and bursting out of the closet. I quickly grabbed my little bag of heroin and ran out of my bedroom and into the bathroom. I threw it into the toilet and flushed, watching it swirl down the toilet bowl. I grinned in relief. Now they'd never find it.

But wait... that didn't mean they couldn't find me. My eyes widened. I needed help!
I ran to the speaker in my hallway, pushing the panic button for Karakura Tech. Wait, had I pressed it? Maybe I only thought I had... I didn't know for sure.

I then leaned against the wall, sliding down it and huddling in a ball, shutting my eyes tightly. I knew there were people outside... but I didn't know whether they were here to help me or take me away... I rocked myself to sleep that night, falling asleep while crouched in a ball in my dark hallway.

This morning I had awoken to find that no, I had not pressed the button. No one had come to my house, either. It was just another night of insanity and nothing had happened... except for the fact that I had flushed all of my damn heroin. Oh, and I was late for work of course.

I sighed as I parked my car in the lot just outside of my apartment building. Work had been a pain today. I hated having to deal with Byakuya all of the time. I shut off my car and sat there for a few moments, recalling yesterday night and earlier today. I was messed up... all of these drugs were ruining my life, no doubt about it. I just didn't know what to do to fix it all...

I groaned, shutting my eyes and shoving the palms of my hands into my temples viciously. I wanted help... I wanted to be better... I needed someone here for me...

Someone save me...

Oh boy, I'm so sorry this chapter was short, guys. Although every chapter is actually short... I would have made it longer but I figured I had made you guys wait way too long already. It was unfair of me so I rushed to correct some mistakes today and I'm posting it now. It's a little rushed because I'm about to leave for the gym and I have a ton of homework so I won't have time for it later... Hopefully you guys aren't too annoyed. I promise I'll work harder on the next chapter.
I love you all so much, thanks for reading! I would appreciate a review telling me what you thought :) This was a difficult chapter to write, especially the ending scene...
By the way, guess what I'm doing for my sweet sixteen next month? Oh, nothing special, except... I'M GOING TO SEE MOTLEY CRUE!
Gah! YES! I'm going on a little road trip to Toronto and we're going to the concert and MuchOnDemand the next day. It's at the Air Canada Centre, and I am insanely excited. You all know I love Nikki Sixx to pieces – he's who this story is based off of, if you think about it – and he's been my idol since I was 10 or 11. When I see him in concert I know I will cry. LOL.
If you're a MC fan and you'll be in the Toronto area February 4th, consider buying a ticket while they're still available! I guarantee you it'll be worth it.

Enough of my chatter. I love you all! Expect an update soon!