I've always been a firm believer in the ability of science fiction and fantasy to provide social commentary on real world events. Naturally, this would happen in my fanfiction. Having to combine practically all works of fiction creates interesting issues when you consider, like, what are vampires like in such a world? Hmm…commentary on discrimination and stereotypes? Sounds like future plot ideas to me!

~Arthur Drakoni

Kurumu and Mizore were on patrol in Middle Park, which, as its name would suggest, was located in the heart of New Avalon. They met up at the statue of Leif Erikson, and were about to move onto Museum Row when they got a message on their communicators from L.

"Good afternoon, ladies. There's someone to see you at HQ!" said L, in a suspicious upbeat tone.

"I've been dying to see my favorite succubus and snow-faire!" called a voice from the other end of the line. It was a voice which Kurumu and Mizore were well acquainted with.

"Tsukune!" they both squealed with excitement.

"And Moka too! See you when you get here!"

Kurumu was already in her succubus form, and wrapped her arms around Mizore's waist before taking flight. Soaring high above the bustling streets of New Avalon, the two monster girls soon spotted Mako and Bolin zipping down the street in the rocket-car.

"Hey, need a lift?" asked Mako.

"HQ, no stops for anything!" said Mizore.

"Whoa! Must be serious!" said Bolin.

"You could say that," said Kurumu as she and Mizore dropped into the rocket-car.

Before long the rocket-car was cruising to a halt inside the hanger, and the four Bullets were loaded into the pneumatic elevator. It hadn't been long before the ding of the elevator announced Kurumu and Mizore's reunion with Tsukune and Moka.

"Oh, Tsukune! At last we are together once again!" said Kurumu as she smothered Tsukune with her breasts for the umpteenth time.

"I haven't even been introduced, and I already like this guy!" thought Ed.

"What brings you to New Avalon?" asked Mizore as she caught Tsukune before he collapsed from lack of oxygen.

"L contacted us about possible recruitment!" said Moka.

"So, you two might be spending more time with us?" asked Ed as he slid closer to Moka. "I'm Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. Perhaps you've heard of me?"

"Of course, you're on the news all the time in Japan!" said Moka; she then leaned in closer to Ed. "Hey, there something I've been meaning to ask you. I know we haven't known each other for long, but…"

Ed put a finger to her lips. "Don't feel ashamed. Yes, I say yes, you deliciously-small-breasted-vampire-girl, you!"

"Really? Y-you think I'm pretty, and you'll let me suck your blood?" asked Moka, blushing ever so slightly and adorably.

There was a loud record-scratching sound. Ed turned to see Al working the DJ stand, which he was certain hadn't been there a few moments before. Suddenly what Moka had said finally registered in Ed's mind. "Say what?!"

Chomp! Next thing Ed knew, Moka's fangs were sinking into his neck; he initially felt a sharp stab, but this was soon replaced by feelings of euphoria like nothing he'd ever experienced before. After a while Ed began to feel dizzy and light headed, but fortunately, Moka soon let go.

"Yum! That's the greatest blood I've ever tasted since Tsukune!" sighed Moka contentedly.

"Where am I?" groaned Ed, who had collapsed to the floor and twitching his arms and legs.

"Hmp! Serves you right for two-timing me!" said Kurumu as she dragged Ed by his ear.

"So, we've meet the six of you, but where's this Percy you've been telling us so much about?" asked Tsukune.

"Oh, he'll be here as soon as Steel Samurai is over," said Al.

"I love that show! It's a real shame that Studio Gonzo is canceling it."

The was a loud slam from a door opening coming from the dorm rooms (as the sleeping quarters of Bullet HQ were referred to); Percy stood for a moment atop the grand staircase before slowly, zombie-like, making his way down the stairs.

"What did you say?" asked Percy, his voice completely lifeless and monotone.

"Studio Gonzo canceled Steel Samurai?"

"Those words! I-is it even possible to use them together in a sentence like that?"

"Kurumu, Alphonse, make sure all the windows are locked," whispered Mako.

At that point the volcano of Percy's emotion erupted, and the distraught demigod let out a loud wail as he ran back-and-forth while waving his arms wildly in the air.

"STEEL SAMURAI IS A GONER! MY CHILDHOOD IS OVER!"

"Percy, you're either sixteen or seventeen! You're childhood ended when you turned thirteen!" said Mizore.

"You have no right to comment! You cannot possibly comprehend the feelings of loss and depravity that surges within me at this very instant!"

Percy uncapped Riptide and held it like he was ready to commit seppuku. Fortunately, Tenzin and Izumi (along with everyone else) tackled him before he was able to go through with it.

"Alright, which one of you spilled the beans?" demanded Tenzin.

"He did! I think his name's Tsukune!" said Ed.

"Brother!" chastised Al.

"You knew?!" exclaimed Percy.

"We were hoping to break it to you gently, but we should have known that wasn't going to happen given this fanfic's screwball nature," Izumi sighed.

"Look, maybe you kids should take the night off. Perhaps you should take Moka and Tsukune to The Tolkien Towers," suggested Tenzin.

"Maybe not the best idea in Percy's current state, but getting out of HQ should take his mind off of things. Armstrong! You're on chaperone duty tonight!"

"It will be a privilege, nay! An honor to show your friends to wondrous view from atop the Two Towers! But, we must be here for our beloved Perseus in his hour of despair as well!" proclaimed Major Armstrong, whipping off his shirt and striking a dramatic pose.

"Is he always like this?" whispered Moka.

"I know! Isn't he the greatest?" beamed Kurumu.

"You kids have fun!" called Tenzin and Izumi as everyone left.

The two mentors hadn't been alone for long before L swooped down from out of the shadows. It was always a little hard to read L's expressions, but Tenzin and Izumi could almost detect a hint of concern.

"I got the blood work back from the lab," said L. "It's just as I had feared. Tsukune Aono has S.T.O.R.M.S."

"Incarnations of the Avatar! We've got to tell him!" exclaimed Tenzin.

"No. Wait till they get back. He clearly hasn't experience any symptoms, and he should enjoy his ignorance just a bit long," said Izumi, he gaze steely and cold even as a small tear rolled down her cheek.

Transition!

The Tolkien Towers, or the Two Towers, as they were also known, were a pair of towers modeled after the famous Eiffel and Tokyo Towers. Many movies set in New Avalon often featured the towers in their establishing shots, among other famous buildings of the city. The towers were also famous for having one of the best views of the entire city of New Avalon, which the Silver Bullets and company were currently experiencing.

"It's so beautiful! I can see why you're all so crazy about this city!" said Moka, spinning in a circle to take everything in.

"See over there? That's Mircalla Heights; it's the resident vampire neighborhood, but lots of other monsters live there. Even a few humans," said Al.

"Really? And they all get along together?" asked Tsukune.

"More or less. There's the occasional gang war, and a lot of the old syndicates still hold sway over things, but it's really turned around from the way it was in the past," said Mako.

"It's kind of like Republic City in the universe me and Mako come from," added Bolin. "Maybe not completely perfect, but not a half-bad place to live."

The top observation room was also home to a small number of cafes and shops, and Percy was presently drowning his sorrows at the tea shop. As it were, the tea shop was giving out free hats with every purchase (though limited to one per customer), and Percy had received a blue hat with a plastic daisy attached to it.

"Barkeep, another Jasmine Lavender, three sugar cubes this time," demanded Percy.

"I'm gonna have to cut you off."

"I said Jasmine Lavender with three sugar cubes! Chop, chop! What's a guy got do to get some service in this joint?!"

"I'm so sorry Mr. Jackson, I'll get right on it!" whimpered the tea shop worker.

"Actually, make it Darjeeling, but still three cubes! Don't you agree Marie Antoinette and…uh, Marie Antoinette's little sister?" said Percy, gesturing to Ed and Major Armstrong, who were sitting next to him.

"I think you've had enough tea for today, young Perseus," said Major Armstrong.

"Don't you get it?! You see the hat?! I am Mrs. Nesbitt!" shouted Percy, before laughing hysterically.

"Snap out of it, Jackson!" shouted Ed as he smacked Percy with his automail arm.

Percy shakily got to his feet and staggered towards the rest of the group. Before long Percy lost his footing, knocked everyone over, and found himself on top of Moka.

"Hello, sexy vampire girl! Would you like to suck my blood?" asked Percy, fighting back the urge to vomit all of the tea he'd just drunk.

"Oh, I really couldn't…"

"What are you doing?! You better not be throwing this golden opportunity!" snapped Inner Moka via the Rosario.

"But, he doesn't know what he's doing."

"He's a half-blood; have you ever tasted that sort of blood? Of course not, and if you screw this up you might never! So shut up, extend your fangs, and ride that demigod pony all the way around the corral!"

Fortunately for Outer Moka everyone's communicators started ringing with an incoming message from Watari. "Silver Bullets, there's been a murder in Mircalla Heights! Edward Cullen is dead!"

"The bastard had it coming!" Mizore remarked.

"How bad could…"

"He was heir apparent to the Cullen Clan, one of the most notorious vampire crime syndicates; he's committed countless hate crimes against werewolves, and he forced a girl several decades younger than he is to marry him, and had abused her, physically and emotionally, on a regular basis!"

"Oh…never mind," said Tsukune, putting his hand behind his head nervously.

Transition!

Mircalla Heights had been traditional characterized by its Central/Eastern European architecture; from the cobblestone roads to the gothic gaslight lamps to grand cathedral-esque buildings. It recent years it had seen an increased number of buildings being designed in Chinese style following the influx of Asian vampires. The murder had occurred at the Metamorphosis Bar in Kafka Square; this was in the older section of Mircalla Heights. There was a large crowd gathered around the scene of the crime; so many that it was clear to the Silver Bullets that they couldn't have all been at the Metamorphosis when the murder had happened.

"Silver Bullets! We're here on official business!" announced Mako.

"Did anyone see what happened?" asked Ed.

A Chinese vampire woman stepped forward; the Silver Bullets recognized her as Kelly Wong, having previously worked with her in their dealings with the vampire community. They wondered where the great Silver Blade (aka Jiro Mochizuki) was, but figured he'd show up soon enough.

"The Cullens were all here celebrating; can't say why exactly, but you know syndicates…"

"Those syndicates have kept this community safe for generations, but riffraff like you wouldn't possibly appreciate that!" shouted an older European vampire.

"The peanut gallery can shut it until we say otherwise!" snapped Kurumu.

"What? You think that you, a succubus whore-girl, can tell me these things?! I am Hungarian! Big boobies no work on me, only money!"

"Yeah, you're in our neighborhood now, honey!" said a (rather tan and big bottomed) female vampire of possible Armenian heritage.

"We have a situation in here! These Silver Bullet punks think that they can tell us what to do! They're part of the system!" said a muscular male vampire of Italian heritage.

"Um…I'm a vampire too, and I think what the Silver Bullets are doing is right," squeaked Moka.

"SELLOUT! TRAITOR! FREAK!" roared the crowd.

The Silver Bullets decided that the crowd was a lost cause, and that the best course of action would be to wait for the police to get things under control before moving forward with the investigation. While they wait they took Wong over to a pocket park near one of the mock-cathedrals in order to hear her side of the events.

"Some welcoming committee, eh?" remarked Wong bitterly.

"Don't worry, I had to go through much worse when I was in middle school," Moka assured her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"So, what can we infer from these photo?" asked Mako as everyone projected the images from their communicators.

"He was obviously impaled through the heart. Maybe one of the Slayers?" suggested Mizore.

"They've got a strict non-aggression policy towards non-Hellmouth vampires, but it could always be a rouge," said Wong.

"The shape looks a little more like it was made by a metal projectile. Think Hellsing or Iscariot might be involved?" asked Ed.

"Let's hope not, or we'll have an international crisis on our hands for sure."

Everyone turned their attention towards the trees just in time to see Jiro Mochizuki jumping down from the treetops. As Jiro stood silhouetted against the moonlight, the Silver Bullets noted that his sword would have worked fairly well as the weapon of the murderer. Jiro caught a scent as the wind blew; he then placed his hand on Tsukune's shoulder and gazed at him sympathetically.

"My condolences."

"For what?"

"It's okay, lots of people lead perfectly fulfilling lives before their symptoms flair up," said Jiro.

"Wait, are you saying that…I have STORMS?!" asked Tsukune, his panic growing by the second.

"You didn't know?" asked Wong, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

"But I haven't been having sex…ever!"

"I see. What about exchanging bodily fluids with anyone?" asked Jiro as everyone turned towards Moka.

"But I don't have STORMS either!" said Moka, a bit too defensively.

"Screw it…okay, not the best choice of words," said Wong. "Point is we can't move on with the investigation until we get Tsukune and Moka tested, because if they're positive they're putting the entire Mircalla Heights community at risk of a STORMS endemic!"

"How? It's not contagious or anything, right?" asked Bolin.

"Vampires suck a lot of people's blood, and we're not above sharing with each other. Under those circumstances as little a one infected person can do serious damage," said Jiro.

Transition!

"Told you we should have given it to him strait!" said L as he and the other mentors waited for the Silver Bullets to return to Bullet HQ.

"Don't you start! Right now Tsukune needs us to be there for him!" said Izumi.

"Is there anything at all we can do for him?" asked Tenzin.

"That's the thing about STORMS; the exact nature of it is unknown at present," sighed L as he stacked packets of cream.

"There is one option we can pursue…"

"No! I told that BLEEP I'd never speak to her again! Besides, a brilliant mind as mine, and sharp-witted lackeys like you, should be able to find a solution in no time at all. I am the three greatest detectives in the world after all!" said L as he took a sip of coffee with way too much sugar in it.

The three of them sat in silence for a long while until the Silver Bullets finally arrived. Moka, Kurumu, and Mizore all walked over to the mentors with Tsukune; partially for moral support, but also because Tsukune was so distraught that be had lost the will to stand on his own.

"I…I have STORMS," stammered Tsukune.

"Sexually Transmitted Organic Rapid Mutation Syndrome," said L. "Can't say where you got it, but Moka's negative."

"How long have I got?"

"So people go their entire lives without experiencing any symptoms, and some even gain superpowers," said Tenzin.

"But the odds of that happening are about a million-to-one," L interjected.

"All those pictures of people, the ones who are covered in arms and mouths and stuff…that's gonna be me?"

"Unfortunately, most manifestations of S.T.O.R.M.S. results in completely dysfunctional mutations of the body," said Izumi.

"Death usually follows not long afterwards," L chimed in.

"Are you trying to make him feel worse?!"

"How long have I got?" asked Tsukune.

"It varies from case to case," said L.

"Think not of the time you have left, but of the people who you shall spend it with, and spend it well you shall!" said Major Armstrong.

Suddenly the alarms started blaring and the red lights flashed to signal an incoming message from Watari. However, when L commanded for the message to be patched through, the voice on the other end was decidedly not Watari.

"Greetings and Hello, Silver Bullets! I trust young Tsukune is enjoying the little gift I sent him."

"What do you mean?! Who are you?!" demanded Tsukune.

"Remember, you had a burning desire for blood! You needed to feed your inner ghoul, but no place to find succulent, delicious, refreshing blood! So, at the farmer's market, I had a little stand…"

"You! The man with the ivory mask!"

"Hmm, got a certain ring to it. You may refer to me as the Man with the Ivory Mask!"

"Why? Why would you do such a horrible thing?!" sobbed Moka.

"But Ms. Akashiya, why ever not?" chuckled the Man with the Ivory Mask. "Oh! I know! It's to give me leverage over the Silver Bullets, isn't it! It is! Aren't I brilliant?"

"There's a 30% probability that you have a cure for STORMS, or at least, a means of staving off the effects," said L. "However, there is an 80% probability that you're going to trick us."

The Man with the Ivory Mask gasped. "Why L, you think I'd trick you? Well you're absolutely correct, but if it helps, I've had my associates take a hostage."

The image on the screen turned to a picture of Watari; he was bound and gagged, but thankfully still alive. Jiro suddenly regretted dragging Kotaro and Mimiko along on his mission to investigate possible Kowloon activity in Mircalla Heights.

"I'll have an associate of mine meet you at Varney's, let's say around eleven in the morning; we'll shoot the breeze, enjoy a nice brunch, and you'll release Light Yagami from prison in exchange for you hostage! Ta!"

The screen went blank and everyone exchange uneasy glances, and Jiro and Wong excused themselves to make sure the Man with the Ivory Mask hadn't decided to take more hostages. Percy had been passed out on the couch after one too many teas, and he was final regaining his senses.

"Oh, my head! Did I miss anything important?"

Transition!

Everyone got up early the next morning; even Percy managed to muscle through his hang-over. L decided it would be best for Percy to collect signature for a petition to prevent Steel Samurai's impending cancelation while everyone else did as much research as possible before rendezvousing at Varney's. Percy figured the best place to start would be down on Sesame Street, but first he needed to find someone who knew how to get there; Percy spotted a pair of Muppets walking his way, and he thought he recognized them as Bert and Ernie.

"Excuse me! Excuse me! Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?"

"We sure can! We were just heading that way ourselves!" said Ernie.

"Oh, and would you mind signing my petition? I need to convince Studio Gonzo not to cancel Steel Samurai."

"That's one of my favorite shows!" exclaimed Bert as he eagerly signed his name.

"I know, right? That's why I'm sticking it to the man, man…or Muppet, or Manly Muppet, or Muppetly Man. I'm not quite clear on the correct terminology," said Percy.

The trio made their way to Mr. Hooper's Grocery Store as soon as they got to Sesame Street. Mr. Hooper made it clear that he thought Steel Samurai was a stupid show, but Percy did a lot for the city, and Bert and Ernie were two of his best customers, so he agreed to sign. They next tried Oscar, but he was grouchy as usual, so they decided to keep moving on.

"Hey, Grover! You like Steel Samurai, right?" asked Bert.

"No way! Your name is Grover? Dude, that's my best friend's name!" said Percy.

"I'm not just Grover, I'm Super-Grover!" proclaimed Grover, donning a knights helmet and cape after signing the petition.

"Awesome! Science-heroes representin!"

Super-Grover agreed to accompany the group to collect more signatures; they were about to ask Big Bird and Elmo to sign the petition when Percy noticed Mako and Ed walking towards them. Mako and Ed were both wearing sunglasses that completely covered their eyes; Percy didn't know what, but there was something different about them.

"Hey guys, time to go already?" asked Percy.

"What? We really need a reason to come see you?" said Mako as he smiled put his arm around Percy.

"You're an open minded guy, aren't you?" asked Ed as he pulled Percy and Mako together for a group hug.

"Well, in a world of gorillas with jet packs and mad science-villains with giant robots, you've got to be open to anything after a while!"

"But, you know that thing you do with someone you like?" asked Mako as he walked his fingers up Percy's chest.

"What thing?"

"That thing they don't like to mention on Sesame Street," said Ed, leaning in close.

"Death?"

"Other thing."

"Guns?"

"Keep Guessing."

"Um…high fructose corn syrup?"

"Right…maybe we should take this in the back alley," said Mako.

"Percy, Elmo thinks we should tell a grownup," said Elmo.

"Call the Silver Bullets, they'll know what to do!" shouted Percy.

Percy soon found himself pinned against the wall of a deserted alleyway; he noted that Mako and Ed had gotten longer fangs since last time he'd…wait a second, they'd never had fangs!

"Let's dispense with the formalities!" said Ed as he and Mako removed their sunglasses, revealing that their irises had turned gold and the whites of their eyes had turned black as ink.

"Y-you, you're Kool-Aid vampires!" stammered Percy.

"The term you're searching for is Kowloon! But you'll learn how to say it with time!" said Mako, flashing a smile that displayed his fangs prominently.

"We're gonna suck your blood, and then you'll be a Kowloon just like us!" said Ed, between maniacal laughs.

This was it, Percy was completely pinned against the wall, and there wasn't any water manipulate. Suddenly an idea occurred to him; it was desperate, but at this point what was the harm in trying. In the loudest voice he could manage Percy shouted "Hey, Kool-Aid!"

"Oh, yeah!" declaired the Kool-Aid Man as he burst through the wall.

The blast from the Kool-Aid Man's entrance had knocked Mako and Ed out of the way, and gave Percy the chance he needed to make his escape. Rushing out from the back alley, Percy and the Kool-Aid Man ran straight into Jiro, Kotaro, and Mimiko; Percy noticed Elmo and Big Bird waving from inside Mr. Hooper's store and he gave them a thumbs up.

"Jiro! Mako and Ed have turned into Kowloon vampires!" shouted Percy.

"So I'd heard," said Jiro, cracking his knuckles.

"I know they've become Kowloon, but those boys are still Silver Bullets at heart! Oh, yeah!" said the Kool-Aid Man.

"As much as it pains me to say it, the public menace is right," said Mimiko

"Public menace?!" exclaimed everyone (sans Mimiko) in unison.

"The Kool-Aid Man has racked up millions of dollars in destruction of public property; smashing through walls and buildings so that he can peddle his sugary drink to kids for free!"

"Oh, yeah! Who do I need to make the check to?" asked the Kool-Aid as he pulled out his pocketbook.

Jiro slammed Mako and Ed with the butt of his katana, but he had to keep his hat and goggles adjusted to avoid the sunlight; this wasn't lost on Mako and Ed. Worse yet, Mako was still perfectly capable of firebending, and Ed could still perform alchemy. Jiro swiftly dodge a flame burst from Mako, and turned around just in time to see Ed transmuting a fire-hydrant into a water cannon; fortunately, Percy willed the water to bend away from Jiro, and sent it toward Mako and Ed.

"Well played, Silver Blade, but water has no effect on us!" cackled Mako as he shot a series of lightning blasts at Jiro.

"Damn it! Where the hell is everyone else?!" exclaimed Jiro.

"Sorry we're late! We were looking for a prostitute…totally related to the investigation!" said Bolin; even Mako and Ed pause for a moment at that.

"Well, haven't we been naughty!" cackled Ed as he transmuted the ground to send a series of stone pillars towards his follow Silver Bullets.

Moka nodded to Tsukune and he pulled off her Rosario; instantly there was a burst of energy as Moka's pink hair turned silver and she generally took on a more refined and cunning air about her. Ed transmuted his automail arm into a blade and charged at Moka, but she landed such a swift kick he was sent flying before he had time to react.

"My, someone needs to know their place better," said Moka, a devilish grin on her face.

"I hear you don't like water, but tell me, what's your opinion of…fire!" shouted Mako as he unleashed a wall of flame.

Moka was able to charge through the flames without so much as a single singe before delivering a sharp jab to Mako's stomach. Mako geared up for another lightning attack, but Moka and Jiro were ready to finish him off.

"L, we've incapacitated them," said Moka over her communicator.

"There might be a possibility of saving them, but you'll have to get them to HQ immediately!" said L.

Transition!

Everyone waited anxiously outside of the operating theater in the infirmary wing of Bullet HQ. Kurumu and Al were hugging each other for emotional support, Tsukune was trying to convince Moka to reattach her Rosario, and Bolin was pacing back and forth like a caged animal. After what seemed like an eternity, Major Armstrong emerged from the operating theater.

"As you all know, this surgery's goal was to attach a spirit locks similar to the ones Tsukune and Moka use to suppress their darker sides…"

"Keep talking," said Moka, narrowing her eyes.

"All in all, the surgery was a success. However, there were some complications…"

"Noooooo!" screamed Al and Kurumu in unison.

"Wait! It's not as bad as you think! However, it would seem Edward's spirit lock has rendered his personality…somewhat altered.

"I can't take it anymore! Let me see him! I don't care what you've done, he's still Edward Elric!" shouted Kurumu as Al and Tsukune tried to hold her back.

"Don't distress yourself, my dear Kurumu! Your gentlemen caller has arrived."

Everyone stared wide-eyed at the sight before them; it was clearly Ed, but he was more elegant and refined, his hair was a lighter shade of blonde, and he was wearing clothing befitting that of a host club president. Mako was there as well, but he didn't seem any different than usual.

"E-Edward? Is this you?" asked Kurumu, almost at a loss for words.

"Indeed it is, but what's this? Can you be Kurumu Kurono? You are so beautiful that you surely must be the princess of a foreign kingdom!" said Ed as he stroked Kurumu's face and placed a rose in her hair.

"He reminds me of someone; I can't think who though," remarked Jiro.

"You really think I'm that pretty?"

"How could I not when your eyes shine like the radiant stars?"

"I can practically taste the diabetes," muttered Moka.

"As you can see, we weren't entirely sure about how strong to make the spirit locks," said Izumi. "And it would seem we over did it on Edward's."

"I don't care! The new Ed is even better than before better than before!" exclaimed Kurumu as she hugged Ed; and he didn't even mind that she was smothering him her breasts again.

Mimiko sighed as she clicker her phone shut. "That's was Caligari. They said, even given the circumstances, they can't risk letting someone as dangerous as Yagami out."

"I know! We can get the Kool-Aid Man to break him out!" said Kotaro.

"Kotaro, that would be instigating a prison break, and that's illegal," said Jiro. "Plus, the Kool-Aid Man might get thrown in jail, and might squeal on all of us."

"Besides, the walls of Caligari are specifically designed to prevent the Kool-Aid Man from breaking in," said Mimiko.

"Don't worry, Madam Katsuragi, the answer will come to you. I'm as sure of this as I am of the elegance and grace you have!" said Ed.

"Shorty, you're a little young for my taste! Nice try thought."

"Ah, but what is age but a number?"

"As an Old Blood, I can vouch for the validity of that," said Jiro with a playful smile.

"Stay out of this you!" hissed Mimiko.

"I've got an idea," said Mizore.

After Mizore explained her plan everyone broke into heated debate about the drawbacks and benefits. Perhaps no one expressed the general sentiment better than Moka: "There's no way we're all going to wear trench coats, sunglasses, and fedoras to trick them into thinking we've got Light Yagami."

Transition!

"I can believe we're actually going through with this plan!" said Moka.

Everyone was wearing trench coats, sunglasses, and fedoras; they were gathered at Varney's, an upscale restaurant in Mircalla Heights. L was serving as the stand-in for Light, and he exchanged a disgusted glance with Jiro when they saw who the Man with the Ivory Mask had chosen as his representative.

"Cassa!" they hissed in unison.

"Old acquaintance?" asked Mizore.

"Cassandra Jill Warlock; head of the Warlock House, and a Kowloon. Had a lot of dealings with her back in the day," said Jiro.

"You're not going to flash me are you?" laughed Cassa with a playful smile.

"So, your boss a no-show?" said Mako.

"I had prior engagements, but hey, I'm with you in spirit!" said the Man with the Ivory Mask via the speaker that was on the table.

"Don't be shy; we are having a brunch-negotiation after all. Anyone care of Champaign?" asked Cassa.

"What have you done with Watari?" demanded L.

"Oh, he's around. What about Yagami?"

"H-he's in the kkkitchen!" stammered Tsukune, who was shaking like he had a cold.

Cassa frowned. "How'd you sneak Light in…"

"Nooooo! Watari! I can smell him!" growled Tsukune.

"Please excuse us," said Jiro as he and L ushered Tsukune towards the restroom.

L and Jiro recoiled with horror when Tsukune ripped off his trench coat in the restroom. His face had become elongated and bestial; his teeth were now sharp and pointed; he'd grown an extra set of arms and a rat-like tail. There could be no doubt about it; Tsukune's S.T.O.R.M.S. had begun to manifest.

"W-what's happening to me?!" groaned Tsukune as a pair of insect-like wings burst from his back, and goat horns grew from his head.

"Put charitably, it has begun," said L.

"Nooooooo! You said you could fix it!"

"Well, I was hoping it wouldn't manifest for a bit longer, but I suppose the stress…"

"SHUT UP!" roared Tsukune as he sent L flying across the restroom.

Jiro pulled out his sword, but the mere sight of the katana's blade was enough to send Tsukune bolting towards (or rather, through) the door. It took the diners a minute to register what was happening as Tsukune rampaged through, but when they finally realize he wasn't a stunt they were all rushing to the nearest exits in a panicked mass.

"WHERE IS HE?! WHERE IS HE?!" bellowed Tsukune as he smashed table after table.

"Now see here you brute! This is most uncivilized of you!" declared Ed; Tsukune flicked him aside like a bug.

"Ooh! I like it when they play rough!" said Moka.

Moka landed a powerful kick that nearly made Tsukune lose his footing. Tsukune geared up to punch her, but suddenly his eyes filled with recognition.

"M-Moka?"

"No, it couldn't be…Tsukune?"

"M-Moka. Me am a monster," said Tsukune, sounding hurt and remorseful.

"But how did…oh no! His STORMS!" exclaimed Kurumu.

"K-Kurumu? M-Mizore? No sad. No sad."

"It's eating his brain. He's…dying," said Mizore, her stoic shell cracking enough for a tear to roll down her cheek.

"Well, Watari's in the kitchen. You'll find Mimiko and Kotaro tied up next to him. See ya!" said Cassa, before making a quick escape.

"This is coming out of your paycheck!" scolded the Man with the Ivory Mask; before Tsukune smashed his speaker.

Moka sighed and glanced at her Rosario. "If he's going to die, you should be the one to say goodbye."

The instant Moka reattached the Rosario her hair turned pink again, and she regained her general cutsie/cheerful disposition. However, even Outer Moka struggled to find the silver lining with the present predicament.

"Oh! I'm sorry for all the mean things I've said! And I'm sorry Tsukune! I'm so sorry that I can't help you!" sobbed Moka.

"Mr. L, can't you do something?" asked Kotaro.

L pulled out a cellphone and weighed his options; he really didn't want to contact her, she was always such a pain. Still though, Tsukune didn't have much time left, and he'd never live with himself if he had to see the sadden faces of his Silver Bullets day after day. Suddenly one of the mirrors at the end of the room started glowing, and then she was there; gorgeous flowing silvery hair, bronze skin, purple eyes, an elegant black and purple dress. She was Urd; goddess second class, limited license.

"Hello handsome, miss me much?" asked Urd, a confident smirk on her face

"About as much as a brain tumor," replied L flatly. "What brings you around?"

"Damn! Tenzin and Izumi said it was bad, but I didn't think you'd let it get this far!"

"Ah, that explains it."

"Well, I had a felling you'd call sooner or later. Of course, with you that's like asking for the moon!"

"L, who is this?" asked Mimiko, with more than a hint of suspicion.

"I've never met this goddess before in my life!"

"BLEEP-shit!" said everyone; even Tsukune.

"Fine! Everyone, this is Urd, she's…my wife."

Everyone found the nearest glass of whatever and promptly spit it out at this revelation.

"L, I consider myself to be a generally nice person. Seriously, though, the only way someone as hot as Urd would ever consider marrying you is if she was blind and deaf and mentally retarded!" said Kurumu.

"Tisk, tisk, Kurumu! Perhaps L has hidden talents that swept Urd off her feet, and made her overlook his physical shortcomings!" declared Ed, complete with bishie sparkles.

"You know, on second thought, I like normal you a lot better."

"Please, Tsukune's dying! He dying and we can't save him!" sobbed Moka.

"No problem, I can even get Mako and Ed back to normal…well, as normal as they were before getting turned into Kowloon. Still, that's going to require a lot of energy," said Urd as she pulled out several bottles of sake and promptly chugged them.

"She gets her power from alcohol and the world tree Yggdrasil," explained L.

"Abracadabra, kid!" said Urd as she started chanting in an archaic language.

Before long Tsukune was slowly turning back to normal, and Mako and Ed were surrounded purple glowing light. Soon the spell was completed; Mako and Ed tentatively removed their spirit locks to find…they were back to normal!

"Tsukune, you're cured!" said Moka, tears of joy welling in her eyes.

"I'm cured? I'm cured!"

"Hey, Tsukune?" asked Moka as she leaned in close to him.

"Yes, Moka?"

Chomp! Next thing Tsukune knew, Moka was sucking his blood (as usual); as annoying as it was to feel anemic, in a way, it was a reassuring comfort to Tsukune that things were back to normal.

Ed angrily stomped over to Mimiko. "You called me short! You must time I'm a shrimp, a dwarf, a measly little twerp; don't you?!"

"Brother! You normal again!" said Al as he hugged Ed out of affection (and to constrain him).

"And you, goddess! If you can do all of this then why didn't you fix my arm and leg?!"

"Honey, I'm a goddess, not a miracle worker!" said Urd.

"Moka. Tsukune. I know this is a little soon and all, but have you given any thoughts to my offer of joining the West Coast team I'm starting up?" asked L.

"West Coast team?!" exclaimed Kurumu and Mizore.

"Why do you think I was interviewing them? With the success of the New Avalon team I've decided to set up team of heroes throughout the world, and beyond. I was tentatively setting the West Coast team's location to be Los Dracos since it's kind of a west coast New Avalon in many ways," explained L.

"Mr. L, in light of the past few days…I'd be happy to!" said Tsukune.

"If Tsukune's going then so am I!" added Moka.

"So, what about the Cullen murder, and the murder of those vampire prostitutes?" asked Al.

"Oh! So that explains what you guys were talking about on Sesame Street!" said Percy.

"These public relations disasters are really killing me!" mutter Mimiko.

"Cassa's as good as confessed to the murder under the orders of the Man with the Ivory Mask, and eventually she will be brought to justice. For now, I think we've all earned a couple days off before Tsukune and Moka have to leave," said L.

"But that can wait, because what time is it?" said Urd, with a knowing smile.

"It's PSA time!" declared Jiro and Kotaro.

Transition

The Silver Bullets and company were gathered in a ghetto near Sesame Street in order to deliver this issue's PSA. They were required to do this in compliance with federal guidelines about semi-educational works involving teenage science-heroes.

"Hello, my name is Urd, and we just did a really bad job of handling the serious subject of S.T.O.R.M.S. in today's episode! In order to lighten the mood, we're here to show you the place to send you kids this summer: the ghetto!"

"Here in the ghetto we serve a fine assortment of foods," said Bolin as he took the lids off of several garbage cans.

"Check out these ghetto pools!" said Percy as he stood next to an open fire hydrant.

"You'll get plenty of opportunities for fun field trips to place like here!" said Mako, as he stood in a garbage filled lot.

"And the cabins are extra cozy!" said Kurumu, who was crammed on the single bed with Mizore, Ed, and Al.

"What? Don't want you kids playing here?" asked Tsukune.

"Why would you want any kids to play here?" asked Moka.

"Give Jobs. Give Money. Give a BLEEP!" declared Oscar the Grouch.

"Okay! Little shaky with the cursing, but that's a great cut! I think we can work with it!" said Mimiko.

"Urd!" roared L as he stomped onto the set. "I just got off the phone with Keiichi. Apparently someone, meaning you, is moving into Bullet HQ; and Keiichi, Belldandy, and Skuld will be joining that someone who is you!"

"Oops, slipped my mind," said Urd, completely nonchalant.

"I told you I never wanted to see you again!"

"I wish for you, the goddess Urd, to be married to me! That was your wish, and you've got me til the day you drop dead! It's only natural that a married couple live under the same roof."

"I'm a BELLP! You BLEEP! Gotta BLEEP my BLEEP! You BLEEP BLEEP!" screamed L.

"Well, that's all the time we have for today. Join us next time for more fun and adventures!" said Jiro.

"See you soon!" said Kotaro.