Moving along! Another chapter, this time from Abe's perspective again. This is the fastest I've updated chapters since… oh God, Middle School? Early High School? Damn, I'm old. And on a long break, which I'm using to the fullest! I've never been much of a chatterbox, so I'll cut it off here and on with the show!

The Strong One

Abe didn't think he could ever be more grateful for Mihashi. Not that Mihashi was even helping all that much, but just knowing that Abe could at least talk to him about a few things was enough. After games now, the two of them would meet and share their worries about the game in addition to their usual comments, Abe getting mad at Mihashi for telling him that he was upset he let them get even a single run, and Mihashi denying that Abe had done anything wrong or forgiving him when Abe insisted it was his fault.

The rest of the team thought that they were being a little weird, but were overall glad that they had conversations that didn't end up in explosions. Abe could see Tajima out of the corner of his eye giving him little thumbs up signs, but couldn't make sense of it. Was Tajima glad that that they were getting along, or something else? It was hard to tell with Tajima; his brain seemed to work in a different dimension.

Also, their getting along had the unexpected side effect that Hanai yelled at Mihashi more, since Abe was usually the one to get angry first and say what they both wanted to. Abe would then take on Tajima's usual role and explain Hanai's actions, and Tajima was the one to settle Hanai down. It was a little strange how their roles were shifting, but not necessarily a bad thing. Coach Momoe would just give him an approving nod when Mihashi and him would talk things out without yelling, and he was feeling like he was understanding more and more what a catcher was meant to do.

"Mihashi!" Abe called out as they finished up morning practice and Mihashi ran over, "You're jumpier than usual, is something wrong?" Mihashi came to a stop in front of him and opened and shut his mouth a few times, eyes darting around, before he came to an answer.

"W-We have a presentation in class today," Mihashi reminded Abe, who had pushed it to the back of his mind. While in different classes, his and Mihashi's followed the same curriculum. They had to choose a topic in Health and Wellness to present on and Abe had chosen nutrition, something baseball had practically made him an expert in after working with Mihashi to make meals before. He wasn't too concerned about it, but of course Mihashi would be.

"You'll be fine," Abe told him, patting him on the shoulder gently so he would actually look at him, "You practiced for it last night, didn't you?" Mihashi bobbed his head. "When has your mass amounts of practice ever let you down? It's how you got such good control, it can get you through this, too."

Abe could tell without checking that Mihashi was calmer than before. His absolute faith in Abe was a little scary at times, but also fulfilling. He held onto it even after knowing how weak Abe could truly be. Patting him on the back, Abe told him to get going so he wouldn't be late and made his way to his own class.

"You know," Hanai said as he walked up next to Abe, "You would've been screaming at him a few weeks ago before he even started talking."

"Yeah, I know. It seems you've taken on that role now," Abe chided, letting a small smirk show on his face. Hanai punched him in the arm a little, but chuckled.

"He just infuriates me! You're even more hot headed than I am, but now you don't even explode. How'd you do it? What changed?"

Abe just shook his head. Even if he tried, he didn't think he'd be able to find the words to express what happened. Not that he wanted to anyway; he'd have to admit his weakness to someone else and he wasn't ready for that yet. Baby steps. Still, Hanai was staring at him, desperate to know something that could help. Losing your cool as the captain all the time can't be good.

"You just have to hang out with him outside of practice. Become… friends I guess."

Hanai was giving him the strangest look. One that clearly said, what do you think I am, stupid and wow good advice Einstein. If only Abe had easy access to his cell phone, he would've taken a picture, but then the moment passed and they were entering their classroom.

Abe took his seat in class and waited to give his presentation. They wouldn't go through all of them today, but they were starting at the beginning of the alphabet, at least in his class because his teacher was too unoriginal to think of something else, and that meant he was first.

"Abe, would you come up and present to the class?" Abe nodded and reached into his bag to pull out his note sheet, only to realize it wasn't in there. His pulse began to quicken and he searched some of the other pockets in his bag before he remembered that he had taken it out of his bag that morning to write some quick notes on it. He must have forgotten to put it back in his hurry to get to practice.

Panic flooded his veins as he could feel the classmates' eyes turn on him, waiting for him. What was he supposed to do? Go on without it? If he asked the teacher, could he present tomorrow? He probably could, but he would also lose points on the assignment. He could feel the color drain from his face, but he quickly reprimanded himself. He would have to deal with the panic later.

Eventually, Abe decided to go on without it. He hadn't practiced it much, but he did know the topic well and he only had to talk for 5 minutes. Everyone clapped when he finished and the teacher told him to take his seat, commenting that Abe knew the topic so well that he didn't even need notes. Almost laughing at the teacher's comment, Abe let his head hit the desk as he cursed himself for forgetting his paper. He was lucky that he knew the material this time, but what if this happened and he didn't know it? Or it was a report he had to write and turn in? Just because it turned out fine, it did not make everything fine. Already, he could feel the prickle in his arm and he sighed. Great, just great. At least this wasn't a severe mistake.

"Good presentation," Hanai commented to him as they made their way to practice after school.

"Thanks, you too."

"What were you looking for, though? At the beginning of class?" Abe could have punched him. He just had to ask this.

"My notes, but I left them at home."

"What? But then-"

"Yeah, I just did the presentation without them, wasn't too hard."

Abe thought Hanai was going to say something about how stupid it was for Abe to have forgotten his notes, but Hanai didn't say anything and instead took on an almost pensive look. Abe mentally shrugged it off and walked to practice. If Hanai didn't want to say anything about it, that was fine with him.

Practice was a little lighter than usual because they had a game tomorrow. Abe reduced Mihashi's pitch count and told him to take it easy during practice. The last thing he wanted was for Mihashi to overexert himself before the game even started. But that was almost a given with Mihashi so Abe didn't know why he bothered trying. The kid would still go home and practice on his own when told strictly not to.

Soon enough, practice was over and Abe was in the dugout taking off his catcher's gear. Mihashi was with him helping him take off his leg gear, even though Abe had insisted that he was perfectly capable of doing it himself, when Abe overhead Hanai talking somewhere to left and out of his visible range. He seemed to be talking rather quietly, but in the relative quiet Abe could make out what he was saying.

"Mine went okay, too. The teacher told me that I was a little loud, though," Hanai said.

"I can totally see that," Tajima commented.

"If only you could give some of that loudness to Mihashi," Izumi said, "He practically whispered his."

"Was it bad?" Hanai asked.

"No, it was pretty good. Just quiet."

"Hm. Oh, yeah! You know how we were allowed to use notes?"

"Yeah, practically everyone used notes," Tajima said, his voice trailing off.

"Yeah, in my class, too!" Hanai continued, "Anyway, Abe apparently made notes for his, but he forgot them, and ended up doing his presentation without it. Crazy, huh?"

Abe didn't listen to the rest of the conversation, his knuckles going white as he held his chest pad straps and anger flooding through him. So now they were gossiping about him? No, that wasn't fair. It was just idle conversation. Hanai wasn't intending to make fun of him. Their tone was clearly one of, oh and it suddenly rained yesterday, crazy, huh? And not, our teammate is psychotic and likes to hurt himself over stupid things that don't make sense, crazy, huh?

He thought he could have waited until he was home to do this, but forgetting his notes and judging his friends were pushing him over the edge fast. And it would be harder at home with his parents around. At this time of day, though, the school would be locked… in the dugout after everyone had left then. His ability to calmly plan these things scared even him sometimes.

It had been a while since he last felt the urge to do this, he mused. Mihashi had been a great deflector for baseball related things. Mihashi…

Coming back to reality, he realized that Mihashi was staring at him. Abe mentally face palmed, of course Mihashi was staring at him, he just zoned out in the middle of taking off his pads.

"Abe?" Mihashi questioned, looking at him inquisitively.

"Nothing, just got lost in thought about the upcoming game." Mihashi nodded and together they finished extricating Abe and met with the rest of the team to go over a few strategies for tomorrow's game. Abe fought against himself throughout the meeting, desperate to not let it show on his face, and gave his input when necessary as he described his pitching lead.

After far too long, the meeting ended and everyone began to leave. Abe was actually one of the first to leave, but instead of going home he double backed to the school. If he had just stayed in the team room, he had no doubt eventually Coach Momoe or someone would just tell him to go home. Like this, he would appear to have gone home already.

Abe waited behind the dugout until he was sure everyone had left. Cautiously, he made his way into it, adrenaline pumping through him. It was the first time he had ever tried to do it like this. He usually waited until he got home and found some opportunity, but recently his mother had quit going to nutrition classes because the teacher had changed and she hated her… she was home more often now. So this was plan B.

Doing a quick check out of habit, Abe determined there was no one around. Taking a deep breath, he let his defenses down and the monster came rushing in. All the voices in his head telling him that he was an idiot for forgetting his paper, that he was a terrible person for thinking ill of his friends. They even brought up how he lied to Hanai that morning. He should just tell everyone the truth. Let the world see what a monster he really is. Wouldn't that be great? Abe could almost see the vicious smile, the one that might even be on his face right now from the way he felt.

And then he began hitting his arm again, faster and harder with each hit. It was never enough pain and it never hurt less. He always felt himself holding back, but the monster always pushed him to do more. He vaguely remembered that it was possible to bite through your own finger, but self preservation would never allow you to do it under normal circumstances. And slowly but surely, he was whittling away at that part. Maybe he'd take off his finger one day.

As he was reaching numbness in his left arm, he suddenly became aware that someone was calling his name. Was he imagining it? Were the voices taking on new tones? No, this felt all too real and sounded too familiar. Tearing his gaze away from his arm, he looked up to see who was calling him.

Mihashi.

"Abe, Abe!" The cries bordered on hysterical as Mihashi vaulted the dugout wall, an act that had Abe been in his right state of mind he would surely have killed him for, and then ran over to pry Abe's arms apart. Abe noted in a moment of clarity that Mihashi was crying.

"Mihashi, what are you-"

"I-I followed you," Mihashi confessed, "You were acting… different. I wasn't going to say anything because you promised to tell me if it was important, but then you didn't go home."

"Mihashi, I-"

"I was going to just w-watch," Mihashi continued, cutting Abe off, "I thought you just wanted a safe place to c-c-cry. I didn't… I couldn't… I… I had to do something when I s-saw y-y-you… you…" Mihashi trailed off as his tears increased in their torrent down his face. Abe could tell Mihashi wanted to say so much more, but seemed at a loss of how to say it. Which was good, because if he was talking then eventually he would start asking questions. Like what the heck was Abe doing out here in the dark punching his arm? There was no way with how Mihashi ran towards him that he hadn't seen what happened.

As Mihashi's tears fell, Abe's shame increased. He thought he could hide at least this part, the part that really made him a monster. He thought he would be sneaky enough that no one would find him out here. He thought no one cared enough to find him, and certainly not enough to cry for him. But here he was, Mihashi holding both of his hands in a vice grip.

Abe had never been happier to be wrong about something.

"Mihashi," Abe started, finally deciding he should do something to stop his tears, "I explained to you before that I get mad at myself right?" Mihashi nodded. "I didn't tell you everything then. I didn't want to… admit this. But when I get mad at myself, like I explained before, I… hurt myself," Abe said this last part hanging his head down.

"Why?" Mihashi whispered. Abe shook his head, derisive laughter coming from his throat. Mihashi was so innocent, too innocent. Abe actually felt bad that he had to shatter his world like this. That now Mihashi knew not only that his… hero? Mentor? Whatever Abe was to him was not just weak, but also a monster.

"I wish I knew. It's just… what I started doing one day. And it works so I haven't stopped."

"It works?"

"Yeah. I can deal with situations at the time because I can always do this later to make up for my mistakes."

"But, doesn't it… hurt?" Mihashi asked and Abe saw his eyes drift to the redness on his left arm. He could see light bulbs going off in Mihashi's head as he connected the dots.

"Yeah, it hurts. But that's the point. It wouldn't be making up for my mistakes if it didn't hurt."

Lost in thought, Mihashi let go of Abe's arms absently. Abe sighed in relief until he saw Mihashi imitate what Abe had been doing, hitting his arm, albeit with no force behind it.

"Stop that!" Abe yelled softly, pulling his arms apart in the same manner Mihashi just had.

"I wouldn't be able to do it," Mihashi whispered.

"Of course you wouldn't. Normal people don't do this. I'm just a monster."

"No! You're not-"

"Yes! Yes I am! Why else would I do this? And continue doing this? I-I can't stop Mihashi. I've tried, promised myself every time that it would be the last. But I always fall back into it. It's like… something overcomes my right hand and I can't stop it. I-I'm not strong enough to stop on my own."

Abe felt drained after having to explain all of that. It was never his intention to tell Mihashi; he was surprised that he didn't vehemently deny it despite the evidence. Maybe he wanted to tell someone all along but didn't know how. Kept his walls up to protect himself, even as the ground beneath him disappeared.

Looking up, he took a good look at Mihashi. His eyes were a little puffy and probably red from crying for him. He was staring listlessly at the ground, his arms limp in Abe's hands. Was he about to fall asleep? If so, he could wake him up later and tell him that everything was just a dream. Abe's hopes were dashed when Mihashi snapped back up and removed his arms from Abe's grasp.

"I-I know!" Mihashi declared. Blinking stupidly for a second, Abe was going to ask him what, before his right hand was grabbed by Mihashi's left, but not in the usual temperature adjusting gesture. Mihashi laced his fingers between Abe's and squeezed his hand.

"If you can't stop your right hand," Mihashi started, locking eyes with Abe, "then I will. You can tell me, and then I can stop it like this."

Abe didn't know how Mihashi could be so brave or so good like this. He just continued to find his own naïve way to solve all of Abe's problems. If he was feeling sad, Mihashi would give him positive feelings. If his right hand was possessed, Mihashi just had to hold it. It all seemed so simple when it's put like that.

"What if I still hit my arm, but this time with your hand?" Abe asked before he could stop himself.

"Then… at least I can help share your pain."

Abe couldn't help it at that point. He cried. They weren't even the manly kind of tears he would shed when they lost a tournament game. They were the tears of a little boy overcome by feelings he couldn't quite name yet. But Abe was older than that and could put a name to them: tenderness, he thought, was the closest to naming it he could get. A warm and gentle feeling that radiated not sympathy but empathy.

Mihashi had faced his demons before with the help of the team. He was probably the one person on the team that could relate on some level to Abe and speak the words he needed to hear.

"Abe! You're crying!" Mihashi exclaimed, a little alarmed.

"Yeah, some idiot made me so happy that I started crying." Mihashi blinked rapidly for a few seconds until it dawned on him that Abe meant him. At which point he made a fweehee kind of noise and his face went into stupid happy mode. This was usually when Abe got mad at him, but he was too peaceful right now.

"Okay, okay, we have a game tomorrow, remember?" Mihashi bobbed his head in agreement before it came to a sudden halt.

"A-Abe!"

"Yeah?"

"Make sure to tell me when your right hand…" Mihashi trailed off at the end.

"Yeah, I will," Abe assured him, "Oh and Mihashi?" Abe waited until Mihashi met his eyes before he continued on with a smile, "Thanks."

Mihashi smiled back at him and Abe pulled him to his feet and they left the dugout. As they walked to their bikes, Abe remembered his thoughts this morning. And he didn't think he could be more grateful. Oh how completely wrong he was.

At some point I realized that in each chapter both of them break down crying at some point. I guess when this is the topic of a story, it's going to be really sad, but still. It has a happy ending, I promise. I'll also try to make the next one not sad, just so we can be happy for once in this story. Until I destroy it later… mwahahaha. But I like happy endings, the Disney fairytale kind and ones with some kind of goddamn closure, so that's what you'll get. But not right now. The story's not over yet.

So please do review! I love reviews, they make my world go round and make me sing songs and dance with a chicken... yes. Thanks for reading this!