After my fourth birthday, things started to change around the house.

My parents didn't say anything to me, about what happened at the party or being a ninja. As much as I was itching to clear the air, I understood that in their eyes I was still some ignorant kid. They had undoubtedly noticed over the years that I was pretty self-aware and did things on purpose, but I think they found it funny more than anything.

I'd once read fics where the mother thought she'd birthed a demon as her baby was too knowledgeable.

Thankfully, my parents were so in love with me that they just thought I was awesome.

I think the fact I was pretty ridiculous and stupid language-wise meant that they didn't even question it. Maybe if I'd already known Japanese or I'd tried to do adult things, they'd have been freaked out. Because I genuinely lived like a baby (I didn't really remember my childhood much the first time around so I felt the need to live baby la Vida Loca) I was accepted.

But, anyway. Things changed.

Dad, who had always made an effort to be the sunshine of the house and never mentioning his ninja work, made a point now to started me exercising.

In the mornings, before breakfast (cruel, I know), he'd lead me outside into our fairly modest garden. It was just a big patch of grass surrounded by fencing, with a circular flower bed in one corner. Every spring, my mum would resolutely go out and plant new flowers which always looked a bit random. We couldn't all be Alan Titchmarsh. When we got outside, he'd make me run and do so basic stretches. When he started showing me how to throw a proper punch, I had to clamp my mouth shut so I wouldn't whimper.

But my dad, for all his melodrama, was a pretty smart guy and we'd been purring together since I'd been a baby. That sort of thing…attunes you to someone. I guess it's like how animals communicate without words.

I was staring down at my fist, wishing for once I had a fringe to hide behind, when my dad's warm hand started stroking my hair.

I had mums navy eyes but dad thick mahogany waves.

"Ki-chan. Daddy just want's you to be safe," he crooned softly. He was so gentle, I leant my head against his torso and he dropped to a crouch to hug me properly. "I'm not gonna make you fight, never," he vowed.

Self-defence.

My dad was an actual angel.

What the hell? What are the actual chances that I, a politically aware pacifist, would be born – into a ninja society – into one of the few families that wouldn't want me to fight? It was a new level of ridiculousness but I could only be thankful that this was happening and not something even more stupid; like if I was born as I don't know, Tsunade's daughter. I would have become the snarkiest piece of shit out of pure disgust at my own plotline relevance. But here, as another random face in the population, with only the surprise blessing of actually good parenting, I wasn't gonna look this gift horse in the mouth.

Why ruin my own happiness?

So after my small freak-out, dad started teaching me basic punches and kicks. How to make someone much bigger than myself let go and how to run away.

Father, you are a good man.

We did that every morning and, whilst I'd never been very sporty in my last life, I was pretty good at it. My previous dad had had much the same idea, although not spurred on by war but rather perverts, so I already had some moves in mind. My dad just thought I was resourceful.

Whilst dad did his thing with me, mum also started changing things up.

Namely, writing class.

And you wonder why I'm a daddy's girl.

Every lunchtime she'd sit me down at the table and make me write my new alphabet.

I don't even know which one. (when I remembered there were multiple writing forms in Japanese, my fury had known no bounds. I did finally get round to burning those flashcards though.)

I was just thankful my previous mum had been into card making and calligraphy. Although this body had shaky hands, my mind knew what to do. I'd been pretty good at illustration back then and as a kid (here) I'd spent hours getting my baby drawings up to scratch. My neko-ka was delighted and even framed some of them. I was too flattered to be embarrassed.

So I was pretty good at writing. It's just a shame that I understood exactly zero of what was being written. If you looked at the figures as pictures, I was a dab hand. As words and letters though…total jibberish.

My mum had talked herself hoarse trying to explain to me that this wasn't just a drawing activity. I naturally ignored her.

But then, after suffering (both of us, in all honesty) for an hour, the best part of the day came.

Cooking!

Now, in my previous life, I was not a chef in France or anything of the sort. I was a thrifty student who refused to eat the same takeaway or weird stuff as my housemates. I got pretty good at making tasty food. My mum was a great cook and my granny had baked a lot for want of something to do. Both of them hadn't used recipes but amounts that 'felt right' and they could recite off the tops of the heads.

Naturally, I started doing the same thing.

Now, this was mainly cakes and desserts because I was a massive chocoholic. I'd never really learnt from anyone, aside from mum and gran, but I'd watched a heck of a lot of YouTube.

In a world that only really had dango, dumplings, and dango, I was just about ready to crack.

My whole life had felt like a diet so far and I was willing to resort to my own desperate measures.

In the past few months, mum had started leaving me home alone with Hitoshi whilst she ran out for errands. Not the best thing to do with a four-and-a-half-year-old but, then again, I was super mature and Hitoshi was a ninja.

So, it was autumn and mum had run next door to check on Saki-baa-chan (she was cute like that). Hitoshi was lounging in front of the fire (I'd never actually seen him summoned or do ninja things) so I wandered into the kitchen, my sweet-tooth craving like a fire inside me. I knew how to use the oven just from watching mum and, after I'd started helping make lunch and dinner, she'd given me my own apron and a stool to reach the countertops.

Apron on, the fridge provided me with eggs, butter and cream. Placing them next to the hob, I grabbed the dry ingredients and then a saucepan and whisk. No scales necessary means fewer dishes. Awesome.

I poured the water and butter into the pan on a low heat. When the butter had melted and the water had almost boiled, I added the sugar and a pinch of salt, stirring, before also adding the flour. Turning off the heat, I started to carefully crack in the eggs, one at a time and mixing in completely before adding another. At one point I had to fish out some shell (curse these baby fingers!) but all-in-all it was going pretty well. When all the eggs were added, I dunked in a slosh of vanilla extract I'd found on a whim and jumped back down the steps.

A quick check of the cupboards reaped a large baking tray, a cup and a frozen food bag. It took me a few minutes, but I eventually also found some oven paper (it wasn't actually greaseproof put I figured it would do the job pretty well) and I lined the tray. Securing the food bag around the cup, I carefully spooned in my pastry mixture before trimming the corner with some scissors; voila! A piping bag!

Now for the hard part.

As much as it physically pained me to sacrifice mixture, I knew this couldn't go smoothly. My mum would want to know how I'd done it straight off the bat. I wasn't a weird enough baby that she'd think I was an alien or something; she'd think it was either slurry or I'd stolen it from someone.

Piping out a stupid mess was both satisfying and heartbreaking.

I underbaked them too. And whilst I was waiting, made a mess of my workstation. I then curdled the cream.

It was a very depressing hour.

Hitoshi had wandered in at that point (lazy cat, I could have poisoned myself) and watched me set myself up for failure. Not that he knew that. Cats know very little about cooking.

His commentary, however, was not appreciated.

"What a mess….Aki-hime is going to kill you." Oh yeah, that was mum's name. Cute and short.

I mean I loved the cat, he was like my third parent at this point (damn that sounds so weird). But it was true; he'd raised me alongside my parents and I tormented him just as much as those two.

Ah, family.

Unfortunately, he was right.

Neko-ka was on a new level of apocalyptic rage that I'm pretty sure she went supernova at one point and burned my eyes. She gave me cold rice and carrots for dinner and watched me like a hawk. Thankfully, she also tore Hitoshi a new tail for being an 'irresponsible guardian' which I thought was laughable; who makes a cat a babysitter?

Oh, right. Ninja.

Unfortunately for both mum and Hitoshi, I had zero plans to quit 'experimenting'.

I was gonna 'create' those cream puffs and no one could stop me.

I needed the calories.

I could only hope I'd have just as quick a metabolism in this body as I had in my last. As civilian as I was going to be, I didn't really want to check off 'obese' either. I was a pretty skinny kid as Noko insisted on running everywhere and like hell was I gonna be left behind.

Speaking of Noko, she'd joined the Academy.

I know I shouldn't have expected anything else. I mean, just because I wasn't going to be a ninja child-soldier didn't mean she wasn't going to.

But I was so scared.

Although my parents never mentioned it again, I was now hyperaware that we were at war. I had no idea which one but I knew that Inoko was going to be rushed through the academy and onto the battlefield as quickly as possible. As early as 6, if she was talented. The thought of it made me shake and I felt like howling in righteous fury- "Even the Nazi's didn't send them out that young!"

My precious Noko-chibi was going to fight a war and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

As much knowledge as I had amassed about this universe in my previous life, I was powerless. What good were thoughts on Obito's not-death and the attack of the Nine-tails when

I was just some kid

Noone would believe me

And if they somehow did, I'd have my mind stripped by T&I faster than I could say "Amnesty".

I'll pass thanks.

Some people would say it was selfish, not using my knowledge and letting people suffer. Well, I hate to break it to you but…this is a Ninja world of war and suffering! No matter what I do, people are going to die and be wounded and get hurt. If I try and change the big things, who knows what could happen to the plot. At least I know that, no matter what happens, Kakashi and Naruto's time as Hokage brought peace for a long time.

I was better off trying to help in the little things. Making sure Inoko had someone to talk to when the stress would start to wear her down. Making sure my dad could still smile and my mum could still sing.

Maybe I'd be that one civilian who'd smile at Naruto or compliment Sakura's hair or point out the best cloud-watching spots to Shikamaru and Chouji when they were meant to be in class.

But I knew I couldn't change anything. People were going to die, yes but…at least this way, I could hope it would turn out as well as it did in Canon.

…

It was much to my surprise when I realised there wasn't a civilian school.

Parents and guardians taught you to read and write before you either attended the academy, learnt the family business or took up an apprenticeship.

I wondered if this was why kid-Naruto was so frickin' stupid in Canon. He literally couldn't read?

I found myself staying home with mum.

I was a bit isolated, I grant you, really only having Noko as a friend but, when my mum had asked me what I wanted to do with my life (a bit steep for a 5-year-old) I'd just told her I wanted to cook.

The cream puffs were, of course, my first success. Now that my intentions to be a cook were out in the open (if no one else was gonna provide decent desserts, do the job yourself), I finally allowed myself to start cooking things successfully. My mums face the first time she had a cream puff was pure gold. I can't believe no one made a choux pastry before, geez. And I thought anything could happen in anime.

The next month was a golden time for cooking and my mum had learnt all my 'recipes' alongside me.

The only sour spot was that dad was still gone. It had almost been two months. 3 weeks into his absence, Hitoshi had disappeared too and I'd never been away from either this long. I'm not ashamed to admit it shook me.

When two months looked like it was going to become three and mum and I had created various types of profiteroles and had started with the basic idea of an egg custard tart, even Neko-ka was looking grey. She concealed it admirably from me but after two days of her ashen face and limp hair, I started climbing into her bed every night. I hadn't really done that before (didn't really have nightmares) and I swore to myself I was going to do it all the time when dad was back.

His side of the bed was very cold.

It was at this time that I realised just how much I loved my parents. I had always been fond of them and right from the beginning pegged them both as good people and great parents. But now that I was consciously spending all my time with my mum and dad was gone, I understood that they were just as beloved to me as my first parents had been. To lose either of them would devastate me.

The next morning, I convinced kaa-san to share a bubble bath with me and it was the first time in a while she looked completely relaxed. Of course, we both giggled like princesses and got out wrinkled like prunes and smelling strongly of roses, but it was cathartic bonding that we both needed.

It was two weeks later, three months since he'd gone, that dad came back. He was caked with dust and had a deep scar that ran straight down from his left temple to his jaw but he was Daddy and he was home. Mum let out a sob at the sight of him, rushing over and kissing him fiercely, completely ignoring all the blood and mud that caked his person.

I was stood frozen for a moment longer. It wasn't until dad had mum tucked under one arm that he beamed down at me. He held out his other hand (and I took a moment to understand that the oddly shaped bandaged meant my dad had lost a finger) before I was sobbing and running and tou-san was holding me. He smelt just the same (underneath the dust and dirt and blood) and he was still a pillar of warmth. Without conscious thought, I purred for the first time in months and dad immediately joined in.

Which of course made all three of us cry harder.

Dad had tear tracks running through his dirty cheeks even as he grinned and laughed in relief and both mum and I were pretty dirty now too.

I couldn't have cared less.

….

It turns out that that was the end of the Third Shinobi War.

And I finally had a time frame!

As a kid, my parents didn't tell me this- 'oh, hey honey, the war's over? What's a war? Well…'- but the announcement of Minato Namikazi to be inaugurated as Yondaime was pretty huge news. This meant that I was roughly 7 years older than the Rookie 9, which is always helpful to know. Just for my bearings of course. I'm not gonna fangirl over any of them anyway…

Moving on!

The ceremony was in a few weeks and I think kaa-san was a bit too excited. Now, I adore dressing up; why wear normal clothes when you can dress like a queen? But the first time we went shopping, she started squealing and hopping around, holding little kimonos up against my body. Even the sales assistant looked vaguely disturbed.

I prefer greens and blues anyway. With my pale skin from mum (or just spending too much time inside), my dark blue eyes and thick, wavy brunette hair I looked a bit like a doll. I hated how cliché that sounded but it's true. Both my parents are pretty fine specimens and good genes and all that. Thankfully I'm pretty tall for my age. I don't think I could bear it if I was a small doll. Nothing against short people, but there are only so many stereotypes I can cope with.

I'd come from a really tall family in my previous life and wasn't sure my ego could take being the one being leaned on and not the other way around.

I mean, Kakashi was super tall and I'd never reach if I was tiny. Cough. Even though, at this point, he was twice my age and a total stranger. But 6 years wasn't the biggest age difference and the amount of KakaSaku fics there had been floating around…

Anyway!

Whilst people would be wearing white for the actual occasion, mum insisted that I be super fashionable underneath as well. I figured there would be a party afterwards where I was expected to show off my threads. Mum settled on a silver kimono with a purple sash ('Obi' or whatever) for the both of us. It was a cute idea, matching outfits, even if I looked more like a chibi-girl version of Dad than mum.

When dad's outfit had silver accents and I remembered Hitoshi's summon bandana's being the same colour, I figured it was something more than colour coordination.

When my mum was addressed 'Dazai-san' I finally – finally, it's about bloody time, this is embarrassing – knew our family name. I titled my head up in a silent and quick word of thanks that it wasn't recognisable.

So, when it came to the inauguration day, mum curled her hair and put on some natural makeup (pretty, nice shade of lipstick too- 10/10, mum) she moved on to me. The front of my hair was pulled back in a simple half up/half down style which looked both effortless and pretty. My hair (I'd never bothered to cut it) curled around my elbows and I looked cute in my kimono. Even if I wanted to die under all those infernal layers.

I was still an adult in mind, though, so could actually understand what looked good and I was a pretty cute kid. I'm not trying to be a Mary Sue or whatever (I was still dumb as bricks on paper) but I could afford to boost my own ego.

Not like an adult trapped in a kids body in another universe isn't issue enough.

Dad looked very handsome though and the kiss mum gave him in appreciation almost made me want to yell out "Oi, keep it PG for the kids!". Not that they'd understand.

The walk to the tower was so annoying though with people crowding everywhere.

My little kid body kept on getting shoved. Grrrr, why are people in crowds always so rude? It's a real pet peeve of mine, like when you make room for someone to walk past but they don't do the same for you, making either have to stop or walk in the road.

I was killed by a car! It wasn't funny!

And if this woman doesn't get her elbow out of my face, I'm gonna trip her in the most painful way I can manage.

I must have been leaking some civilian killing-intent because dad intervened before I got actively homicidal, swinging me up to perch on his shoulders.

It was so fun! My bad mood instantly evaporated, I eagerly twisted around the gaze at the plebians still forced to walk. Mum smiled up at me tolerantly, saying nothing but fixing my kimono and tossing my dad a wink before hooking arms with him again. I spent the rest of the walk either looking around or playing with dad's super soft hair. It was too short and thick for plaits so I just tried to make a cone instead.

By the time the Hokage tower came into view, dad looked a suitable level of ridiculous (a little girl with Inuzuka markings and a long brown ponytail had caught my eye when she giggled and we shared a delighted grin). The area was so busy, however, I got to stay where I was. The Sandaime was pretty far away so all I could really see was his hat and cloak. He talked for ages but it was boring and he echoed loads and, as much as 'meeting' my first main character was awesome, I couldn't help zoning out. I may have the memories of an adult but my attention span still wasn't great.

The call for "Yondaime! Yondaime! Yondaime!" was suitably rousing, however.

A sunny-blonde head appeared, slightly closer than the Sandaime, and I got my first glimpse of Minato Namikaze.

Well…geez. The fandom wasn't wrong when they'd called him pretty. And earlier I thought I was a cute girl. Minato would make Ru Paul rip off his wig and cry.

When he started talking however…..i could see why Kushina had sat up and paid attention when he hit puberty. Dad had the best baritone, hands down; dad could do perfume Ads.

Minato was the kind of helpless attractiveness of Tom Hiddleston or Eddie Redmayne. Maybe it was because he was younger, still a bit wirey and too pretty to be like Dad. It was probably disturbing to think this as a 6-year-old but I'd been 20 when I died and a hot-blooded woman like anyone else.

He said something about times of peace and prosperity etc., the usual speech stuff. It was actually really hard to listen as his voice echoed and I'm just a kid. Obviously, some people got something from it as they nodded and cheered at all the right moments.

I was just glad it was over.

Then everyone just kind of went wild. Mum and dad lead us straight through to the market street, which was lined with food and craft stalls. Red banners (kind of like bunting but more like scarves) hung all around, almost creating a tent-like ceiling in some places. I, naturally, did my best to eat everything I could get my hands on.

I even ate nuts. Now, this was actually a huge milestone for me.

In my previous life, I'd been violently allergic to them and became so sensitive to them I could smell or taste them in anything. The first time my mum had fed me them here, I'd spat it out everywhere, whilst freaking out about this world's lack of epi-pens. It had taken me a good half an hour to calm down and mum had been super worried. Unfortunately, they used nuts quite a lot here. I remembered the first (and last) time I had Beef satai back then; it was the closest I'd ever come to cardiac arrest.

Now I bit into it with savage satisfaction ('Fuck you, previous body!').

I was busy lamenting (for the millionth time) the lack of variety in desserts when the chibi-Inuzuka from before came skipping up to me.

With three puppies.

Hana Inuzuka and the Three Haimaru Brothers, anyone?

If I remember correctly, Hana could only be three or four at this point; who the hell lets a baby run around a festival? This is why I didn't wanna be a clan kid!

"Hey," she smiled hopefully. Well, she did have the most adorable lisp.

"Hi!" I grinned back. Oh, I'm going to be the best senpai ever! "do you want some dango?" I shoved it in her face like the callous child I was. "I'm Nekki!" may as well cultivate a friendship using nicknames…again.

Thankfully, the trick worked and she beamed at me even as she distributed the dango between her dogs. Not quite what I meant, but fair enough.

"'m Hana an' this s Hai-Ma-Roo" she carefully pronounced. I had to control my expression, squealing inside. I was a mature adult, not some washy fangirl!

Introductions mercifully aside, I proceeded to be a good senpai and educate her in the ways of a refined palette. To a kid, of course, this just meant we giggled over nothing and everything as we gorged ourselves on all my favourite foods so far. After eating so much we felt a bit sick (even the puppies looked a bit on the bloated side) we then took our time 'ooh-ing' and 'ahh-ing' over the arts and crafts on display. I supposed this was both a celebration of a new Hokage and also for the end of the War.

It was at a jewellery stall, the two of us gazing mesmerised at all the shinies, that Noko found us.

At this point, I think it would be appropriate to note that both Hana's guardians and my parents had been lost in the crowd. I figured it was a necessary right of passage in parenthood that everyone had to have lost their kid in a busy crowded area at least once. I'd been a very good girl and I'd hate to stunt my parent's experience and learning.

Evidently, my compatriot had the same idea and, after more lisped introductions and the obligatory cooing over the puppies, we set off again as a trio.

It was the best afternoon.

And like all good things, it had to come to an end.

In canon, Kiba and Hana's father had never been mentioned. There was a lot of speculation in the fandom, theories from early character death to being chased out of the matriarchial pack. But nothing was known about him, even a name.

So I was suitably stunned when, late afternoon, a large red hound (more wolf than anything) came barrelling towards Hana and plucked her right off of the ground like Hitoshi used to do with me.

The massive beast of a man who strode after him completely blindsided me.

It could have been any Inuzuka, come to fetch the clan Heiress. Except for the fact he looked exactly like Kiba.

Now, I'd always thought Kiba and Hana looked a lot like their mum; then again this was anime and everyone kind of looked similar if they had the same colouring etc. In real life, in this life, I could confirm that people weren't animated. They were actually real humans. This is probably why Minato and Hana surprised me so much; seeing the 'real' them as a opposed to the animated version is like a caricature and a photograph. It does no justice.

Now, I knew Kiba hadn't been born yet so I couldn't say for definite what he would look like but, if it wasn't for Hana-chibi, I would've thought he was Kiba all grown up.

The hair, the grin…

It was insane.

And whilst Kiba had been of average height in Boruto (as far as I could tell), this man was an absolute giant. No wonder Hana and Tsume used to tease him.

"'Ey, Tou-san!" Hana smiled, totally unrepentant. Well, there I'm proven right. And I was so right about her, what a gem.

The still-unnamed-Inuzuka stared down at his daughter, unimpressed, for all of two seconds before his face split into a wild grin (showcasing his gleaming incisors- 10/10 from Crufts) and roaring out a laugh that was more scary than humorous. Hana and the triplets saw nothing up, however, tails wagging (just the dogs, obviously) and mouths stretched in grins of delight.

Hana was still hanging from the red wolf-dog-beast, by the way.

It seemed, however, Hana's dad had been head of a sort of child-hunting party (what strange mental images) as my own parents and Inoichi Yamanaka came bustling towards us.

Ignoring for the moment how my ridiculous father was weeping over my unresponsive body, I stared with something akin to betrayal as Noko (my precious, non-canon relevant Noko) greeted the Head of T&I and winner of the Most-Badass-Man-Pony-in-Anime award with a happy-

"Oji!"

I almost felt my soul leave my body. And then I knew that not only was I truly my father's daughter, but I had just surrendered myself completely to the Anime experience.

RIP normalcy.

I had been so, so proud of my ability to avoid such obvious plotlines. It was bad enough I was here.

Well, I wasn't going to be cliché and try and run, thereby attracting an Interrogation specialist's attention and eventually having to reveal all I knew about the mysteries of death (not a lot considering I didn't really…experience..it).

But I was still myself (and therefore a brat) and Noko owed me for not telling me her uncle was the Yamanaka Clan Head, so…

I gasped loudly, glad that Inoichi was turned in such a way from me that I could easily reach out and grasp his ponytail.

"You're so pretty!"

My dad looked like he wanted to die, I clearly heard the sound of my mother's facepalm and everyone else was staring at me in total shock.

I was, of course, beaming up at my victim with veritable stars in my eyes. I didn't even have to try that hard, he was just that cool in Canon.

Inoichi was bright red, which was a total success considering this was the man who could break a man's mind without fluttering an eyelash.

"I-I'm a man.." he grasped at straws. I frowned at him in return, disappointed at his narrow mindset.

"So? Boys can be pretty too! Nothing is just for girls, you know!" Not my best equality speech but I was meant to be 6. Seeming to understand what he'd said wrong, especially when Noko turned to him with a frown of agreement, Inoichi smiled warmly with his hands out in a vaguely consoling manner. "I didn't mean that! I mean, thank you?" Obviously out of his depth, my mum intervened with an apology which I thought totally killed the effect.

"Now, say goodbye to Hana-chan and Inoko-chan, Kiharu-chan! You'll have to meet up again soon, wouldn't that be nice?" I dutifully did as she said, making a point to speak to each puppy (which earned me a wink from Hana's dad). I beamed an Inoichi and got a bashful smile in response, so no hard feelings.

My dad had recovered at this point and I eavesdropped when he thanked both men for their help in locating 'the rascals'.

It was a brilliant day when you got ahead of the rest of the fandom. No one else knew Hana's dad's name.