Chapter Three
In the dawn, Athelas sat under a linden tree, watching the slow shimmer of the frost. She had been experiencing a poignant feeling of melancholy as of late, and instead of fighting it, was letting it take her where it would. She let her thoughts drift with the lightly falling snow, and searched for the cause of her disquiet.
Arwen was part of the sorrow, she recognized that. She had been mulling over the consequences of the pain her dearest friend would bring upon herself and realized that it was not in her to let Arwen suffer alone. The time of the elves was ending, Lord Elrond and others were starting to discuss leaving Middle Earth, to return to the west. Athelas' parents had made the journey many many years before, leaving her in Lord Elrond's care. Athelas had always looked toward meeting with her parents again some day, but her ties with Arwen, the deep sympathy and friendship that had always existed between them, called her in another direction. In the glow of the dawn, she realized that what she was contemplating would cause her great pain, but also great joy in the help she could give her friend.
Athelas sighed and shifted her position on the stone bench. It reminded her of a time when she and Prince Legolas had sat there, not speaking, but enjoying the beauty of a summer shower. Why should that memory bring on a sweetness that was also sad? She was assured of Legolas' friendship, they had spent many hours laughing together, hunting, dancing. She had found that the prince had a dry sense of humor that delighted her. He was within Imladris at this moment, she could go to him and find some peace of mind.
She stopped herself abruptly. Had her affection for him deepened? She enjoyed his company, she looked forward to his visits, and regretted his leaving. Surely she had governed herself better than this. His destiny was to be out in the world, hers to stay with her beloved Arwen. The companionship they shared now would not last forever, they would both mature, both move on with the slow business of life. They would eventually drift apart, would they not? Athelas was horrified at the grief the thought brought to her.
Elves did not sell their children in marriage, nor would she be unacceptable as a mate for him. Their friendship had never been censured by either Lord Elrond or King Thranduil. But friendship was all that she had been interested in. Love was another matter. Love was eternal, love would outlast the ages of the world. She had always been careful to guard her heart, and not rush headlong into any regard for another. Why was she now thinking of Prince Legolas a companion and confidante for the rest of her life? He had given her no sign or reason to believe that he thought of her as anything but a dear friend.
Wrapping her velvet cloak tighter around her, Athelas stood and began to walk slowly among the snowy trees. She could not think of him in that manner, it brought on too many difficulties. She was tied to Arwen with profound and abiding bonds of love. They had been through so much together, shared so many things. The roots of their friendship went deep, and the thought of separation from her brought pangs of agony to Athelas. But Arwen was determined to stay, to love Aragorn, though the fires of Mordor itself were to rise up against them. Should she be left to her fate? What could Athelas do in the face of such a passion? But remembering the grief of Lord Elrond when his beloved wife, Arwen's adored mother had returned to the west, Athelas knew in her heart she could not leave her friend to face Aragorn's death. Would Lord Elrond stay? Would he wait out the years with Arwen, even if she were to follow Aragorn to the grave?
It was not in Athelas' nature to brood, but she found herself falling into a deep state of misery at the thought of what was to come. And to contemplate her own newly discovered esteem for Prince Legolas only added more confusion. How could she be happy if she knew that Arwen was lost to her, choosing death to be with Aragorn. How could Athelas abandon her? Much as Legolas respected Aragorn, when the time came, he would go to the west as well. If she dared to think about him as her mate, could she remain behind with Arwen while he departed?
Overwhelmed by her emotions, Athelas sat down in the snow and cried from sheer frustration. This was a puzzle that had no easy solution. To one who had always had the gift of serenity, the absolute jumble of feelings was very disheartening. Wiping her tears on the corner of her hood, she fought to regain control of herself. She tried to put things into perspective. First, Arwen's course seemed set in the stars. She would not turn away from Aragorn, and now Athelas doubted that she could. It was Arwen who had the first claim on Athleas' affections and duty. Now she understood that she had been slowly making up her mind to stay with Arwen. It had taken years, and it was not the choice of a moment.
Legolas had never made any claim on her affection. She regarded him as a friend, anything else must be buried within her. It was not for her to cause him pain. She would continue on as they always had, and never give him any sign of her love.
Her love. She realized that she had admitted it to herself, and kept the feeling close for a moment, savoring it, before pushing it under her resolve. Her duty was to Arwen. She would not cause him pain by giving him any reason to think of her. If it should ever be spoken of, she must refuse. She must be strong.