Thanks again for all the reviews, follows and favourites. Glad you seem to be enjoying the ridealong with Kate.

Disclaimer: Castle belongs to ABC and the wonderful Andrew Marlowe, sadly not to me!

As it's weekend, I've decided to post 2 chapters today.

Here we go with Chapter 3. Enjoy!

Chapter 3

Knockout and Rise (Part3)

The next few days went by so quickly for Kate. Adjusting to work had proved far more difficult than she'd expected and she'd found herself, more than once, completely emotionally overwhelmed. Finally, once the Sonya Gilbert case was resolved, she'd decided to pay another visit to Dr. Burke. He asked her if she'd taken his advice about writing down thoughts and feelings. When she confirmed that she had and that it seemed to have helped a little, he suggested that it may be a good idea to continue. So it was that she, once again, removed the notebook from the locked drawer, poured herself a glass of wine and settled down to try and put into words the turmoil of the last few days.

I paused as I got off the elevator, fingered my mother's ring on its chain and looked around the bullpen. I still wasn't sure I was ready for this but I knew I had to get back to work because sitting at home with nothing to do but think was driving me quietly nuts! My eyes were drawn towards my desk but more so to the empty chair at the side, Castle's chair. Where was he? What was he doing right now? I was drawn back to reality by applause. What the hell? Then I realised that the entire bullpen had stopped and were watching me, smiles on faces, happy to see a colleague returned to them. I suppose I found it a little embarrassing. What had I done anyway? I'd managed not to die after being shot, nothing exactly heroic about that. I managed a slight smile and made my way, through the welcoming greetings, to the haven of my desk. The boys, Ryan and Esposito, were the next to greet me: Espo cracking a joke as always, Ryan, just as welcoming but quieter in his manner.

Once the welcome was out of the way, I needed to know how the case was going. I was eager to get my teeth into the investigation but it turns out, it was going nowhere. They'd managed to get a few leads but everything had turned out to be a dead-end. They couldn't quite believe I hadn't spoken to Castle about it but it was my turn to be amazed when they told me Castle had been there working the case with them, day after day, week after week. I guess I'd assumed that, when I wasn't there, Castle wouldn't be there either but as I think about it now, I shouldn't have been surprised. He may not be a cop but he has cop instincts and I know, if the situation had been reversed, there was no way in hell I wouldn't have been moving Heaven and Earth, trying to get answers.

"I love you, Kate"

Where else would he be?

Until he was kicked out! Kicked out by the new captain. Captain Victoria "Call-Me-Sir" Gates. I hadn't even met the woman at that point and I was already starting to hate her. She'd kicked out my partner and shut down my case. When I went in to see her, to introduce myself to my new boss, I was already seething but managed to put on my poker face as I entered her office. I got the distinct impression that the dislike was going to be mutual. First it's the, "Don't call me ma'am, call me sir" speech: then, I evidently beat her by six weeks to the detective shield. Why on earth did she even know that? She did manage to welcome me back after scanning the report from Dr. Burke and gave me back my badge but then had the nerve to tell me I had to re-qualify to get my gun. I mean, I suppose I did know I'd have to do that but, as Esposito said later, it was rather insulting. Then I brought up my case and I think my brain must have completely fogged up because I cannot believe what I said; it must have sounded so arrogant but she'd wound me up that much: as I said, I suspect I wasn't thinking straight when I implied that I was better than the people who'd been working the case. I didn't really mean it like that; it just came out that way. I think what I meant was that I had more incentive to solve the case; after all, I was the one bearing the scars. I don't think, in the end, either of us did too well in the first impressions department!

Ryan told me that if I wanted to look at the information about the bank files they'd managed to compile then I'd have to see Castle because he was holding it to keep it out of Gates' reach. I knew I was going to have to face him sooner or later but I hadn't expected it to be quite this soon. I'd told him I would call but never did. He was entitled to be angry, hurt, bitter; all the afore-mentioned. What would I say? I wished, at that moment, that I was the writer, the wordsmith, then I might just have some idea how to approach this; but I'm not, I'm a cop and I was as nervous as hell.

He was doing a book-signing and so, for the second time in my life, I stood for hours in line with a host of young women all so very eager to meet the ruggedly handsome author, Richard Castle. That had been me once but now, now I was standing there to meet the man who had said he loved me, the man I was lying to, the man I'd ignored for three months. As I got closer to the front of the queue, I could see him. He looked as good as ever, my heart quickened at the sight of him, but I knew him too well, he looked so sad, haunted even, and the thought that it was my fault was almost too much to bear. I very nearly turned and ran but, although that's my default setting, I stayed because I knew I needed to face this, I needed to face him.

"Kate. You can make it out to Kate."

He'd taken the book without looking up but as soon as I spoke, he lifted his eyes with a slight smile then instantly recognition dawned and the smile disappeared to be replaced by a cold, angry stare. It was as if a knife had been thrust into my heart and twisted for good measure. He had a job to do and I knew words would have to wait until later so I left, clutching my newly-signed copy of Heat Rises.

I had to wait outside that bookshop for another hour before the book-signing was finally over and Castle emerged, making a point of thanking the staff in his usual gracious fashion. He saw me leaning against the wall and walked straight past. If I thought my heart was breaking before, it was falling to pieces now. I really feared he wasn't even going to give me a chance to speak. I called after him, desperate for him to just give me an opportunity to try to explain. Thankfully, he stopped and turned to face me. I thought,

"Well, now's your chance, Kate. You cannot blow this."

Looking back on the conversation now, I realise he very nearly said he loved me again but hastily covered his error. I was quite surprised when Josh's name cropped up but strangely enough, that seemed to be a turning point, when I told him we'd broken up. I took a risk, then, turned and crossed the road to a small park. I hoped he'd follow and, sure enough, he joined me on the swing-set. We began to talk, very tentatively, about his book. The conversation was awkward, so different from our usual easy banter. He asked about Josh and then it all began to come out. For the first time in my life, I opened up to someone about the wall I'd built inside after my mother's death and I hoped he understood what I was trying to tell him.

"I know I'm not going to be able to be the kind of person that I wanna be, I know I'm not gonna,"

At this point, I paused, unsure whether to carry on that thought but I knew I had to; I had to try to let this wonderful man know how much he means to me:

"Gonna be able to have the kind of relationship I want,"

"With you," were the words I really wanted to say but I managed to omit those particular ones, relying on subtext as always,

"Until that wall comes down. And it's not gonna to happen 'til I put this thing to rest."

The ball was now in Castle's court. The silence seemed to go on forever. I was praying and silently imploring him to understand. My heart was now on the line. I'd just said that I'd built my wall to avoid having to face the pain of loss again but I knew at that moment that if Castle walked away, my heart would break, that the wall seemed to be no defence against this man.

He'd been gazing at me but then looked away as he said,

"Then I suppose we're just gonna have to find these guys and take 'em down."

The breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding finally escaped and I was able to manage a slight smile as he added,

"Doesn't mean I'm not still mad."

I could accept that; he had every right to be.

We went on to chat about the case and he told me about the warehouse fire which destroyed the old bank records. It seemed rather suspect to me, far too much of a coincidence and finally looked like a new direction. Hope stirred in my brain. Now I needed my partner back; and I knew just how to do it; teasing him was my speciality after all.

"How're you gonna help if Gates kicked you out?" I asked innocently.

Sure enough, cocky Castle made a re-appearance,

"I only let her kick me out because there was no reason to stay. She'll take me back."

So much more had happened over the last few days but it was getting late. Kate was fairly sure she would sleep well tonight, she was exhausted after all and the glass, or was that glasses, of wine should also help. The notebook was safely locked away but Kate decided that she would have a relaxing bath before retiring to bed. As she was soaking, she picked up her copy of Heat Rises and turned to the last few pages, the pages that she'd read many times already, the pages that mirrored real life so closely and gave her more than a slight insight into Castle's feelings about her shooting. She wiped away her tears before getting out of the tub, drying off and getting ready for bed. That night, she dreamt about a ruggedly handsome author and an emotionally damaged detective taking page 105 to its natural conclusion.