Disclaimer: I don't own Tolkien's work and no copyright infringement is intended.
Au: Here's another reminder that this story will be full of Male pregnancies. I'm working my way up to it, sorry it's been taking so long.
And...Just to let you know the story will follow Jackson's version somewhere till they're in Rivendell, that's when things are really going to go out of hand.
Best Laid Plans
:Chapter 2:
All the way to the camp I could feel the blood running through me and my heartbeat increase. I was anxious, nervous, not ready for the unknown which wasn't so unknown to me after all. Gandalf looked just like I had imagined him. Probably like all fans had imagined him. It made me wonder if the others looked like their descriptions at all and how they would react to the presence of a human not to mention a female.
Up and way up over the slippery rocks we went as Gandalf walked graciously as if he treaded on air. The way he would lift his robes, just not quite above the ankle, made him look somewhat like a princess raising her skirts to descend the stairs at a ball. I had to do my best not to laugh openly at the images his movements provoked in my mind.
The journey took far too long for my likening but when we arrived it was exactly like I thought it to be. The campfire sizzled, Bombur was cooking food, Ori was knitting and all in all not much differed from the expected. They looked up quizzically as Gandalf stepped into the camp and some drew back with a sigh upon seeing me following their companion. They were clearly shocked and unable to cope with the situation. At the very least Ori and Bifur were.
I tried not to give them too much attention and just flashed the casual smile as we made our way to their leader: Thorin Oakenshield. The man was standing in the ruins of an old home and had unfolded a map. A thick and strong finger was tracing a line from one point to another, setting their route in silence as we approached.
Once more I looked about to meet the curious eyes of a hobbit - and I mentally noted at this point that I'd rather been back in my own time drinking tea with this hobbit's actor. Like I had suspected the two Durin brothers were no were in sight. They had already been sent to watch the ponies and I briefly wondered if they were going to either almost drown, like they did in the book, or if they wouldn't. If not, what on earth could they be doing to lose sight of those ponies.
We had come to a halt and I looked up at Gandalf. The old wizard boomed, his voice low and allowing no argument. "Thorin Oakenshield, I have returned but not quite."
The dwarf huffed and answered without glancing up from his map. "You could have fooled me." The sarcasm was dripping from each syllable.
"This is hardly the time for making fun of my words. All I mean to say is that I will be on my way again soon. I still need more time to think." The wizard closed his eyes and gripped his staff, willing himself to calm down and relax before he would lose control in front of this stubborn creature.
Still the dwarf did not look. "Go on then. Don't waste my time if all you've come to do is say you won't be back yet."
At this point Gandalf looked like he wanted to smack either himself or the dwarf in front of him, and he took a visible deep breath before he spoke. "I have come across a new member of your company. She will travel with us from hereon. "
The dwarf looked up now, blue eyes sizzling with fire and spunk. "She?" He hissed. "Gandalf, what do you mean by 'she'?" Then his eyes came to rest on me and I could see the emotions whirl in them. The anger, the confusion and the disbelief that Gandalf would suggest for a woman to travel in their company.
"What foul creature have you brought to me?" The not yet King Under the Mountain snarled. I didn't flinch, though the insult stung nonetheless.
"You will not ask questions. Just do as you're said. This girl will accompany us for the benefit of us all." Gandalf's reasoning was sound. He gave little information but made it quite clear he would have no retort of the dwarf in an attempt to change his mind for it was already made up.
"But Gandalf," The dwarf now whined, resolution on his face as he clearly wanted to get rid of me.
"I said no questions and no buts, Master Oakenshield. The girl will come along with us. It is written in the stars."
Somehow Gandalf's final argument was definite and good enough to silence the dwarf's protests. I had no idea why the words of the stars would count so much in this matter, but even if it was an obvious lie of the wizard it was the final push needed to convince Thorin of his silence and his help. He gestured and turned to whistle for Balin. Then he shouted the other dwarf's name who hurried over.
"Do you have another contract?" he asked, impatiently as the old dwarf started to unroll a scroll.
I looked up at Gandalf who winked at me and I nervously flashed him a smile. The sun was setting behind the hill top and the lazy beams that reached my eyes made me turn away to face Thorin and Balin instead.
"You're quite small for a human." The king finally said, and eyed me in a way that sent shivers down my spine. I wasn't some kind of animal on the marketplace, ready to be sold. Why was his gaze so intense, as if he would force my mouth open at any time to check my teeth for quality. So lost was I in my thoughts that I did not find the breath to reply and instead heard Balin's rustle of vellum and Thorin's harsh voice bellowing.
"All right. Have her sign a contract."
The other dwarves gathered around us in a circle and I could hear the buzzing of their voices. Gandalf who had looked amused before now stepped by my side and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Thorin, you don't think it necessary, do you?" He said. But the king looked aside and huffed.
"I do, Gandalf. If she wants to travel with us and be part of our company she will sign a contract like all others did." His argument was valid, but Gandalf had a slightly worried streak on his face.
"Not me, Master dwarf." He reminded Thorin. It was true. The entire group had signed contracts, carefully held by Balin and hidden underneath his robes as proof. All had signed but the grey wizard.
"You're not like them, Gandalf." Thorin remarked brashly while he shoved the scroll in front of me to sign. "Now write down your name, lass."
I did what he asked of me, but only after silent reassurance from Gandalf who gave me a sympathetic nod. It seemed to be the only way to guarantee my part in this journey and I had to go along with it. I had no other choice.
Well, I could sit back and wait, let them all go about on their own but where would that get me? I wasn't even sure if the modern watchers of Earth could get me back to the twenty-first century.
As I scrunched my eyes and tried to read the paperwork in front of me, for signing without reading is the most horrible thing one can do, I recognized the letters to be so many that there'd be no time to read all. As much as I hated to be in for a surprise I had to acknowledge that I would not make it through all the rules and disclaimers on the scroll and shook my head.
"Sign." The dwarf commanded harshly. "Or be gone with it." Gandalf gave him a warning glare to which he retorted with flaring nostrils. "You know how I feel about taking women with me to the battlefield."
"You're a good man. You wish not to see them harmed." The wizard knew how to touch Thorin's gentler side and the dwarf started to glow with pride. He'd been flattered. Score for the wizard.
"Aye, and don't you forget it. This journey has no place for a lass." Thorin eyed me. "She is quite beautiful though."
"That she is." Gandalf said with a nod.
At this point I had completely tried to ignore their conversation and tried to focus on the many clauses ahead, when suddenly I could not help but screech out in surprise as I read the area that had the details about my position within the group listed.
"Cook? Profession : Cook? But that's ridiculous! Hobbits can cook good food and so can dwarves but not me. Na-ah. I'm not familiar with cooking wild things and roasting them over a fire." I looked at the frantically. It was a bit of a lie, of course I could cook. But it had always been on modern stoves, in modern kitchen's and not more than often with the use of a microwave. Compare such skills to wildlife outside camping. It was a big no-no.
"But you are a woman." One of the dwarves cried, not understanding what the fuss was about.
"A girl." I huffed. "And not one from this time."
Thorin gave me a quizzical look. "You might not be." He whispered as he walked past me.
One could only imagine what must be going in his mind now and I half expected him to pass a knowing glance at Gandalf. It was obvious now that I revealed something as secret as this to him that the wizard had ulterior motives for helping me into their group. Hopefully the importance of me joining their party was stressed now for them to accept.
But Thorin did not glance at the wizard and instead kept circling around me as his eyes looked me up and down. "Spoiled." Then turned to face me. "All right, child of time, we'll make you our 'female companion'. How does that sound for an occupation?"
I wrinkled my nose as I thought 'weird' but accepted the contract anyway. If my role was to be the female of the group I would not complain. I signed and watched Thorin roll the scroll and tuck it away inside his coat.
"Now, we're set to go." He said.
"I must ask your leave." Gandalf's voice sounded from behind my back. "I have not yet done repenting being part of this bunch of stubborn dwarves." The wizard tapped his own hat with his cane and cast me a last glance as if to say 'will you be all right?' I nodded in silence and watched him walk away. Something about his demeanor told me he didn't want to leave the group now that he had returned, but my earlier words pressed him forth. It was his task, nay, his destiny, to return at sunrise and save the bundle of dwarves ready to be fried by the hands of trolls. That time was not here yet so he had to part from them.
A low voice sounded from beside me and I knew it was Thorin who spoke, as all other dwarves returned to their previous spots next to the fire.
"If ever we enter a battle I want you out of harm's way, got it?" I nodded. "Good."
The king brushed past me and halted at the edge of the ruin. His hand brushed the stones that still formed a dilapidated wall. "Now I wish for you to leave."
I looked up at him, puzzled, and could tell he could see my confusion for he hastily clarified. "Go to the others by the fire but try not to distract them too much."
Now that I understood what he had meant to say I left for the campfire to join the others scattered around it. The company counted less than five so I figured some must be out collecting branches for the fire.
Behind me I could hear Balin whisper as he and the king remained behind in the ruin and silently conferred. They were already out of reach and I sat down on a rock near the fire and placed the backpack next to me on the stones. The casual glance was stolen until eventually I could bear the silence no longer and decided to remark about the weather. My comment was swallowed by the thickness of the evening air and when eventually I turned my eyes to the ground, for by now I expected no reply, one of the dwarves spoke up. It was Bifur whose low voice vibrated through the air.
"It's a nasty trick of the wizard to saddle us all up with a lass like yerself. Women are no good on quests such as these."
"Oh, How so?" I don't know how I found my voice or the confidence to speak, but I did. And my eyes rested upon the rugged dwarf who had spoken. "Because they are weak?"
"Yeah. They're weak-hearted creatures. They're unfit to fight with their swinging emotions and vile bloodshed creating a mess each month of the year." He seemed to think before he added "and stuff."
"They only cause trouble." Oin agreed. "They need to be looked after at all times. Hence why bringing one along our journey will only mean a setback for us all. You will slow us down."
I huffed. Now really? My eyes slid past the company gathered round the fire. Oin, who was seated next to Gloin, Dwalin, who stood near a tree and was doing something I couldn't quite see but suspected to be the sharpening of a knife or a twig, Bifur who sat almost straight opposite of me and Ori who was knitting in his own private spot. Then there was also the hobbit who sat with his soles pressed to each other, next to the knitting dwarf, and looked up at him pensively. It felt as if he knew not how to express himself and instead chose to look away. To me it felt like I was rather alone in all of this.
"It is true, we do have emotions and bleed but that's because we are sophisticated."
"Don't you rather mean complicated." Bifur retorted with a snarl. "Tell me something a woman can do we can't. They're all trouble, them women. Can't do no good stuff but die."
I protested, feeling a very feministic side of me surface. "Oh, so you think that's all we are? Weak and fifthly?" The dwarf muttered in agreement which made my voice rise. "We can carry children." There, I had named the one thing women could and men couldn't.
"And that's the only thing they're good for." Dwalin, to my surprise, surmised.
"That's not true." I said before I realized I had spoken. My jaw felt slack. "There are enough countries on earth in which women are doing all the hard work. If that isn't proof," I hesitated and came to a stop. I could not possibly tell them about all that history had taught me for it wasn't part of the history of this world yet. They were future events that would make me sound silly if I were to retell them here. I'd almost spilled tales about the first and second world war, about women going into battle, about women making machines or being doctors, about the African countries which always showed the men battling in armies and the women doing all the hard labour to make their countries grow, about the lands in which women had not only to keep the house but earn the money as well as raise the kids while their husbands sat back and let their lazy bellies grow. I could not recount these tales to them and felt my feministic side die almost as quick as it had come.
"Earth," One of the dwarves said as he pinched his own nose. "You call it Earth now. What a weird habit to have when we all know it's Middle-Earth. But you're a weird little lass."
I turned my head down in, was it shame?
The air grew thick around me as everyone remained silent for a while, then Gloin clicked with his tongue and stirred on the rock on which he was seated. "I don't think it's all they're good for." He said, remembering the women he had at home and their young child. It wasn't hard to tell his thoughts were with them for his eyes shone with a fatherly pride. "I have my woman back at home and yes, she bore me a son. But right now I have left her for this quest which must have been of such importance to us all that she understood and let me go. Yet, I can't say it doesn't hurt me to know she's back there, on her own, taking care of little Gimli while I am away. She's also working to earn us money. Oin, Dwalin, she's doing it all and she's doing a good job of it. I bet if she were to fight she'd be a wonderful skilled warrior too. I don't believe women are only obstacles in our fortune. Mine's equal to a man in her talents, if not more."
The group watched in silence as the words of the dwarf settled in our minds, then started to chat about other topics and I was relieved to see the tension had been broken. I wanted to thank Gloin for his input but he wouldn't look my way and I was too shy to get up and get over to him. It figured I didn't have to.
Before long some of the others returned from their hunt for food and wood for the fire. Bilbo, to my surprise, stood up from his spot next to Ori and walked over to me. Without looking at me he sat down by my side, on the same rock I was on, and pensively started to tap his fingertips together.
"Back in the shire men and women work together. I actually do like that a lot." Bilbo said, having come to sit next to me. I couldn't help but smile at him for his precious and carefully chosen words had melted my heart.
"That is a lovely thought." I said.
"I do mean it though." He said, eyes earnest as he looked straight into mine.
"And I do believe you." I knew what he was trying to say was not to take the dwarf's words too heart too much. Their grumpy behaviour would improve, and if not I had Bilbo here to comfort me.
"We weed together, we plant together, we work together in the fields and by night we dance together to celebrate all our hard work. It's labour done quite well and quite equally shared."
In front of us tasks were divided and one of the dwarves got the mind to shout at me. "Won't you come and cook?"
I nearly rolled my eyes. "I thought it was settled. I am to be your 'female' companion. Cook was off the list."
"It was worth a try." Nori said, mumbling as he gave Bombur the required ingredients for tonight's meal.
"Have you read your contract properly?" I looked up to see Dwalin grinning at me. Was this some kind of plot to make me their household slave? I had said no to the cooking and it was going to stay at that.
"No, have you?"
Silence.
Good, that meant he hadn't read it that well either. I smirked smugly as the other dwarves set to cooking and turned to the hobbit by my side. He talked beautifully about his years spent in the shire. About the flowery fields, the strong scent of dandelions carried by the wind, the grovel they used for paths leading from one hobbit hole to another and the many vegetables they would grow in their fields. He told me about his cousins and the mischief they made when younger, and he lit up his pipe and started to smoke to show me the shapes he could make that would dance in the air.
Soon dinner was served, the first portions, and Bilbo set aside his pipe in order to eat. We were both enjoying the meal in silence, listening to the gossip of the other dwarves and enjoying the imagery their words created in our minds. I felt at ease next to this young lad, and glanced at him with a smile.
In between spoons of food, we managed to chat.
"And you never wanted a pet afterwards?' I asked, linking back to one of the tales of mischief he had told me earlier on. Bilbo laughed and shyly shook his head. "Good lord, no. One was enough."
It was adorable to see him flush with every bit of attention he received. My eyes slid down to his feet and he noticed.
"You humans seem to wear things around your feet at all times. Isn't it suffocating?"
"Our feet are sensitive." I mused. "I could not walk around on bare feet without injuring myself and risking a cut and infection."
He gave a slight 'oh' before popping another spoon between his lips. "Your feet are very small."
"And not as hairy as yours." I laughed and was glad he didn't feel embarrassed by his feet and our talk about them at all. He was proud of them ,in fact, and started a tale about a family of pride feet hobbits in his shire. The story ended with us both smiling and finishing our bowls.
Then he inclined his head. "Gandalf's been an awfully long time." I looked up and realized that the sun had set and the sky had turned dark. It was almost time for the adventure the night would have to offer them. An adventure which included three trolls. I suppressed a shiver.
"Do you think he'll be back?"
"I can't possibly say." It was unfair to lie to him but he had to wonder about this on his own. All I could do was encourage him and hope the wizard would return in time at the break of dawn. All I could do was hope my presence hadn't interfered or my words hadn't affected his glorious comeback.
I gestured at the others around the fire. "Perhaps you should voice your worry over there?" It was just a slight push but enough to convince him and with a small smile the hobbit stood up, clapped his things to get rid of any crumbs and with a few words of consent made his way over to the other side of the fire where the last portions were being poured into bowls.
The hobbit hesitated as he stared out into the darkness and sighed. "He's been a long time." I could hear Bilbo say, worriedly.
"Who?" Bofur, who was standing near the stew, asked.
"Gandalf." Bilbo eyed the bowls the dwarf was holding.
At this point I was distracted from the conversation by the rustling of clothes as someone approached me and I looked to my side to see Ori sit down next to me. He smiled his silly smile and I greeted him with a mirror of his own emotion.
"I'm knitting them some gloves." The dwarf to my side began, and plucked at the yarn he was using. "Do you think knitting is really a manly thing to do?" he asked, sounding unsure of himself.
I laughed slightly. "I am sure it is."
Ori beamed at me. "Well, it is! It was invented by the male dwarves of Mahal long ago. It was said to be a real manly profession but little people seem to know it nowadays. Or mind the fact, as it is."
I stretched my arms and placed the bowl beside me. "It is no wonder. If one thing is successful it will be copied by another until people have forgotten it's origin." I thought back of ballet and how that was originally done by, even invented by, men. A men's sport. And somehow when I grew up it was considered for girls. Even so much that many girls didn't want to follow ballet classes just because that would make them 'girlish'. How odd a place the world was.
My eyes slid to the fire but I found Bilbo was gone.
"Exactly," I could hear Ori say next to me. "The world's getting less civilised. I'm glad we have you in our company now. You seem nice."
I turned my head to smile at him. "Why, thank you, Ori. You're very kind too."
I didn't get the chance to see him blush, if he even did so (though I have no doubt). My eyes were back almost instantly on Bofur and I could not help but ask him this.
"Where did Bilbo go?"
Bofur, finally another dwarf who seemed to accept my presence, bestowed me with a bright smile which was faintly lit by the fire, and answered me with a kind voice. "He brought dinner to the lads."
Bombur, next to his side, jumped up. "Right, you haven't met them yet but they're Thorin's nephews. Fíli and Kíli. Fíli being the oldest one. They were sent to mind the ponies."
I might not have met them yet but I definitely did know who they were or where this was going to. "Okay." I said, and lost myself in thought.
"So it's movie-verse." I mused silently to myself. "It seems Peter Jackson was closer to the truth than Tolkien was. I wonder how that can be?"
"Who are they?" Bofur asked, seemingly overhearing.
"What? Oh, just names." I waved it off, smiling inwardly as I thought how awkward both men must have felt if they knew I was calling them 'just names', legends as they were. The dwarves seemed to accept my words and didn't press me for more, and I got into a conversation with Ori again.
"Do you ever want to knit?" he asked me, eager expression on his face. "Come on, do you wish to try?"
With a sigh I had to disappoint him. "I wish I could but I can't. My hands are wet. I often wished I could do things with them, craft, knit and create stuff. But I just can't."
"Oh, that's too bad." He looked down at his handiwork with such sad eyes it made my heart quell. And then I asked him that inevitable question which had been on my mind ever since Bilbo had been sent to the two brothers with their meal.
"Can I ask you something?" Ori looked up at me. "Are you the youngest?"
A stammering reply sounded and I worried I might have offended him. "No, I am not. Why do you ask?"
"It's just, you seem so young."
"Oh, thank you, I guess." He blushed like mad and it was cute to see.
The evening filled with quiet conversation from there on. I was constantly aware of Bofur's kind eyes on me and whenever I turned to look at him I could see them glisten by the fire light. Ori explained to me a thing or two about his skills, then the alarm went off.
Two dwarves came into the camp, shouting and with arms flaying about them. Panic struck every dwarf and one by one they shot up from their seats like mushrooms in a damp forest. I was probably the last to rise as Throin tried to tell the two lads to calm down.
"Now, one at the time." Thorin said, then frowned. "And where's Bilbo?"
"That's what we've been trying to say." The blond one, definitely Fíli, said.
"He's under attack by trolls. They were stealing our ponies and then Bilbo came marching in and he's trying to steal them back now." The other, Kíli, added.
"You fools!" Thorin looked like he was about to smack both boys by their ears but he composed himself. "How did this happen?"
"He was too fast. We couldn't stop him." Fíli was a smooth liar, I noted.
"But he can't do this all by himself. We need to back him up." And Kíli was a great actor to voice such concern when I knew he had been the one to push Bilbo towards the trolls and the ponies.
"Great." The king mumbled under his breath, then turned to his companions and raised his sword. "To Bilbo." The others reached for their weapons while Thorin turned to lean to his nephews. "Let us hope we are still in time."
The brothers nodded, then started to turn to lead the way to the troll camp when their eyes came to rest on me and I merely shrugged at being discovered.
"Uncle…. What the…" Kíli didn't get to the dirty words for Thorin interrupted him. Ori clasped a hand on my shoulder as a silent support.
"Not now." Thorin growled. "The wizard brought her along. It is he you should complain to."
"Talking about the wizard, where is he? Where is Gandalf?" Fíli asked, his blue eyes darting to his uncle. Kíli's cold brown stare was still upon me and I was glad for Ori's presence by my side. I squeezed his hand gently and signalled for him he could let go. He shook his hand and wiped it past his thigh.
"You are right. Wet hands." He murmured near my ear before he made way for his bedroll to collect his weapons. Just a minor drawback, I thought, and tried to ignore Kíli's harsh stare.
"He's still gone. Thinking. He might never be back." Thorin thundered. "Now move. Fíli, show us the way."
The company headed for the deeper part of the forest, and I intended to follow when I was stopped by Oin who blocked my way.
He held a huge axe in his hands, then pushed it in mine and stepped aside with a content smile on his face.
"A woman who can fight. Show yourself useful." With those words he turned round and followed the others.
I could just catch Dwalin's warning gaze not to get in their way, but recognised the challenge in them. Then I dropped the axe and heard it fall onto the soft forest floor before I made my way back to the camp and gathered my things. I flung the backpack over my shoulder, my hair over it, and hurried after the company of loud dwarves who gradually grew more silent as they approached the trolls.
Instead of following them all the way through I halted and caught the sound of the remaining free ponies and decided to head that way instead. I could hear Kíli tusking me as he saw me head for another way and abandon the group. After that I was alone.
The rest of the night was spent in the presence of the ponies who behaved quite well. The soft humming of insects could be heard during one time, then the shouts and crying of the launched attack at the other side of the rocks. I wisely kept away from that area.
The shouts quieted down. The night lingered on as night bugs came about and taunted me but I had never felt more relaxed or happy in my life. I sat, half-asleep, and at times called back one of the ponies. Though I did not know all of their names they did listen to me. The night sped on and before I knew it the sun was rising and shining its first rays of light, stretching to reach the forest and to reach me.
I wondered if Gandalf had returned in time and suddenly the minutes past by with agonizing slowness. Only when one of the ponies came to press its nose against my face did I forget my worries and I started to focus on the creature. I got the pony by the nose, gently stroking him and whispering sweet words when a wizard blocked my sun and I looked up at him.
"You returned." I said, all smile.
"And in time to rescue the dwarves. It seemed you were right. I got to free my mind and free my friends all in less than a day's time. I've got to play the part of the hero too."
He smiled and I hugged his waist.
"Now go. The trolls are surely a sight to behold. Oh, and thank you for watching the ponies. You did a better job than those two." He inclined his head although Fíli and Kíli weren't in sight.
I frowned. "Speaking of which…. Gandalf, what exactly have they been doing to have lost track of the ponies?"
The wise wizard shrugged. "To be honest I wouldn't know. I am a wizard, not a fortune teller. I wasn't present at the time."
I smirked at him and left to see the trolls, to admire Gandalf's handiwork.