I don't know what it is about this story, but it gets me writing. Seriously, a couple of sad songs to listen to for it, and I can't stop writing.

If your wondering what I'm listening to, I just listen to the same playlist I made called Slow Songs, which includes: Taylor Swift, Mandy Moore, Keith Urban, Hey Monday, Oasis, Switchfoot, Justin Gaston, Miley Cyrus, Ryan Cabrera, Jimmy Eat World, Plain White Tees, James Taylor, Billy Ray Cyrus, and The Script. I think that's it any suggestions of songs to listen to is welcome. I love music more than writing, so um go for it.

Um I've decided to pick a song for each chapter, so what I think describes what is happening you know goes with the story sort of thing um so yeah oh and also leave suggestions of what you think should have been the song.

I Will Remember You Ryan Cabrera

Love Hurts

Chapter Three

To Be Truly Hurt Is To Truly Love

I drove as fast as I could, begging myself not too pull over and let the pain overtake me. It's not like I wasn't aware of his existence. I knew he was still breathing, and living just away from me- in a completely different place, but now he was connected to me. He knew about me now, when I was sure I was completely disconnected from him. I was almost sure we were no longer linked besides the same blood line, but now it never felt so clear he would know all about me. Mum would have told him in detail explaining her worries for me. He knew me. He knew a part of me, and I wanted to rip it away from him, because I didn't sign off on giving him anything, any part of me. I felt used and betrayed and my emotions were everywhere. I could feel my checks getting wet. My vision was blurry. I tried too concentrate on the road, and just keep starring straight ahead at the black road. Black, it matched my mood. Why did nothing ever seem too work out for me? Why was it that blackness always hovered near me? Always ready too cover the color that was surrounding me? It's like living with a shadow constantly covering your sunshine. And there was nothing I could do about it. I saw a car in front of me. A pick up trust rusted and over used. I hated it for reminding me of him, somehow an old pick up truck reminded me of him. It reminded me of Kyle. How could she do that? Open an door that was so clearly locked. I was sure I had thrown the key away, and yet she thought she had the right to go get the key. Why couldn't she just let him go? Didn't I deserve that? Didn't she deserve that? We deserved to be free of him, of everything, and yet she was intentionally pulling us back, maybe she was just a better person than me. Maybe she just still loved him. I felt a stab in my heart knowing I still loved him. Unconditional love is a killer it's meant to be a good thing, but it tears you apart. The only thing that seems to be able to make me forget about the fact I still loved him was distance ,was pretending he was a chapter in my life that was gone. Yet he was still so clearly being written into my life story still.

I pulled into the driveway sharply, maybe for the thrill of the sound of the gravel scattering around scratching the car, and annoying mum. Had I really come down to something as petty as that? Was I that girl? What was I? I got out of the car, and took a breath. I wasn't going to storm in. I couldn't. I just wanted him to have never called. I wanted this to have never happened. I wanted him to take back what he had done. I wanted none of this. I hadn't felt this much in so long, and I prayed for the numbness to come back and overtake me. I walked slowly towards the door, taking my time. I knew Mum would have seen the headlights, probably relieved I made it back ok. I opened the door quietly, and passed my mother in the kitchen. She looked up at me interest in her forest green eyes.

"Angel, where are the groceries?" Mum asked, confusion etched on her pretty features. I stared at her, and put the money down on the table

"I didn't get any."

"Why did something happen? Are you alright?" Mum's voice became frantic with worry, and I could feel her looking me up and down to see if there were any injuries on me.

I stared at her, and put the phone on the table without saying a word.

"Kyle called," I said, keeping any kind of emotion in my voice out. Mum's eyes went wide with surprise and wonder. I turned away, and walked to my room, closing the door behind me. She didn't even say anything. What was there to say? I thought about calling Hayden, but what was there to say? For all I knew, he was talking to Kyle. Maybe I was the only one that couldn't talk to him. Did that make me the bad guy? Instead, I closed my eyes, and hoped when I woke up tomorrow, I would realize it was all some messed up dream, that I wouldn't think about again.

I woke up to the sound of footsteps. I opened my eyes to see my mother anxiously hovering over me. She smiled at me as soon as I locked eyes with hers, and I just wanted to look away. I just didn't want to deal with this, to talk about it, or deal with her, and explanations, and her reasoning. Because it was her right to talk to Kyle. After all, what was there to say in the first place? She hurt me, sure, but there was nothing she could do to undo it.

"Sweetheart, time to get up." Mum explained in a soft, sweet voice, and I can see how truly worried she was about me.

"I'm not going." I said.

"Sweetie, I know that me talking to Kyle upsets you, but you have too understand...."

"I don't want to understand. I want the day off Mum, that's it please. I'll be fine."

"It's more healthy if we talk about it." Mum said in her I- know-best voice, but she knew nothing.

"Mum, nothing about this is healthy. Let me have a day off. I'll welcome Hayden and Brock, since you don't get home till seven. It's really a good idea, just let me think."

"Honey, I think you should..."

"One day, Mum. Just one day to get over this, please?"

"Alright, but we will talk about this later." Mum said, giving up in defeat. I could hear the worry and guilt in her voice, but I ignored it and shut my eyes tightly, trying to get back to sleep. Before I knew it, the world managed to finally fade out, and I was sleeping again. I was away, just away. I didn't dream. I was never a good dreamer, I just slept. I woke a couple of times, and all I could think about what was not walking home today. Once a week, Mum had to work till 8, and I was meant to catch the bus. I never did, I just always told her I did. Instead I walked home. It took me two and a half hours. It was really relaxing. Let me think, just enjoy nature, my surroundings, unless it was rainy. Then it was the worst, but anything was better than catching the bus, and having to always request to be dropped off in the middle of nowhere. People knowing where I lived and talking about how I lived in the middle of nowhere, in a tiny house. Too much attention would come out of that. I didn't want attention, besides, I figured walking was good for me.

"Dude, there's a hot girl in my room."

The sound of a deep surprised voice made me jolt awake, and open my eyes. For a second, I wasn't sure where I was, and then I saw the figure standing over me. Oh my god, where was I? Finally, I managed to see I was in my room. I stared up at the guy scared and confused. He was tall, six foot and broad shouldered, well built with brown hair and clear blue eyes. He was attractive and looked at me, like I wasn't meant to be here, in my own room, like I was the intruder. I flinched away from him.

"Who are you?" I asked trying to keep my voice calm, and less scared. Wasn't it true that you weren't supposed to show the killer that you were weak? Wasn't that protocol?

"Brock, who are you?" He asked.

"You're Brock?" I said, looking at him. Now I felt stupid. Of course he was. He even looked like a football player. I felt stupid, really stupid. He, on the other hand, looked completely lost. Before I could even explain anything, I saw Hayden enter the room. He looked exactly the same as always: happy and home. He looked like home.

"Hay!" I said jumping out of bed in excitement, and swinging my arms around him. Hayden hugged me back instantly. He even smelt like home. I missed that smell more then anything in the world. We pulled apart after a second and Hayden looked me up and down as if trying to work something out.

"Are you sick?" He asked.

"No."

"Then why aren't you at school?"

"Couldn't do it today," I said brushing off the subject, "I'm glad your here," I said, not being able to bear saying the word home. This place wasn't home. It was just a waiting place, an in between place. I just wasn't sure what I was waiting for. I wasn't sure of much anymore.

"Me too. You look good,and I see you've met Brock. Brock, this is my sister Angel. Angel, this is Brock." Hayden said.

Brock looked a tad embarrassed for a second, and rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Argh sorry. I um, forgot Hayden had a sister, for um a second. Stupid really, he talks about you all the time." Brock said sheepishly.

"That's fine, I should have realized who you were." I mumbled awkwardly.

"Oh well, it uh doesn't matter now." Brock said awkwardly.

"The drive down was good, but I'm seriously hungry. We're gonna go to the diner for something to eat, you wanna come?"

"Finally food! The whole way down here, he refused to stop at McDonald's, claiming they served the best food down here, and I had to get a taste for your town, or something equally as stupid." Brock grumbled, and then looked over at me and rolled his eyes.

I liked Brock. He was one of those naturally easy to like guys, even if he was a tad selfish. Properly one of the few football players, if he was a football player in high school, who would talk to anyone unpopular. He was a good guy, and clearly, a popular guy, just by the way he looked and carried himself. It was a nice feeling to know my brother had a good friend. I tried to smile at him, and play a long with a joke. It was odd talking to people around my own age, people I didn't know. When I did, it felt odd, nice, but odd. It was foreign to me, which I know isn't a good thing. Sad really, but it's just the way things seem to be, for me. It's like when you see a man on the street, and wonder how he can live like that, and he seems to sort of except it. I guess it's like that in a way, but not as bad, because I set myself up for the way I live, and I'm content with it. Some people just aren't cut out for friendship.

"Sure, just let me get changed."

"Please don't take forever like all girls do, I'm starving." Brock begged.

"Don't worry, she's not that kind of girl." Hayden assured him as they both left the room, and he was right. I just wasn't. I stopped caring really, I wore things that help me fade, become unnoticed. Nothing weird or baggy, just normal clothes that everyone seemed too own. It didn't take me long to find something to wear, as I searched for a necklace, for some reason I felt the need to wear one, which was odd in and of itself, because I hadn't worn one for ages. I saw IT. THE necklace. IT was buried under a colorful and bright chunky one, that I never wore, because of how bright it was. There IT was. A silver necklace with a K hanging off it, starring at me.

I closed my eyes and remembered the scene. I didn't mean to look back on it. I knew it was bad for me to remember it. I knew I would regret it, but somehow I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't stop myself from seeing something that caused me more pain then anything in the world. I would always remember it. I would always remember him.

"Take it." Kyle said, his eyes pleading with me to just except it.

I stared at him, wondering why he wanted me to.

"Kyle, I just told you I never wanted to see you again." I said quietly letting the tears fall down my face. Kyle looked at them, and his face twisted into a whole new level of sadness. If only he knew it was killing me, as much as it was killing him.

"I know Angel, I know just take it." He begged. His voice was getting more desperate, as if he sensed time was running out.

"But why?" I sobbed, now letting the tears fall down my face more, and more. I just couldn't control them.

"Because I wore this before everything changed, hun. When you see it, I want you to see me, the one you loved." Kyle said, and I saw his eyes becoming glassy.

"I still love you." I whispered as he pushed the necklace in my hand.

"Just don't forget." Kyle begged.

"I will remember you," I promised him "I just I can't..." My voice cracked, and I felt sick to the stomach.

"I know. I understand. It's ok, I love you." Kyle said.

"I love you too." I said, and then walked away, not being able to stand there, and look at him anymore.

I blinked back tears that were forming, just at remembering. I couldn't go back and think, and think about any of this. It hurt too much, for one. On the other hand, what good was it going to do? None. I took the necklace and slipped it around my neck. I let the K hide under my top, like I was hiding my hurt. I knew it was wrong, what I was doing was only hurting myself, but I couldn't help it. I missed him, and I hated that more than anything.

I opened the door to my room and walked towards the voices that were coming from the kitchen. Hayden was talking quietly.

"She's a good kid." Hayden explained.

"She seems nice." Brock replied.

"Yeah, she's my little sister, my best friend."

I entered the room then, not wanting to hear more, or maybe just satisfied with the answer.

"I'm ready." I declared quietly.

"Whoa, you do get ready fast." Brock said, clearly amazed.

Hayden laughed, and smiled at me, "Come on, lets get going."

It was a quiet ride to the diner. I almost lost my breath when I remembered my brother's favorite Diner was in La Push. I forgot how he declared it was just somehow better than the one in Forks, said there was just something about it, how he used to drag me there, when ever he could. God, he went there so much. Everyone knew him. How could I forget it was in La Push? Jack was in La Push. That boy was there, and that made me nervous.

We pulled up right outside. Parking wasn't really a problem here at all, since no one ever really came. Hayden took a deep breath.

"Smell that? Smells like the best damn food ever." Hayden told both of us.

"You're building it up too much man. That only leads to disappointment." Brock said, slapping him on the back good naturedly, and following him towards the Diner.

"Or greatness." Hayden corrected. The door dinged as we stepped in. It looked the same as the last time I had been here, which must have been over a year ago. The woman serving the counter looked over, and beamed at us.

"Hayden your back!" She cried. She must have been in her mid 40s, and I could vaguely remember her, but not that much. I didn't come nearly as much as Hayden did.

"Yeah, and I brought customers."

"Good, Good sweetheart." She said smiling at him "How's school, hun?"

"Great, loving it!"

"I'm glad. Well take a seat, and I'll be over in a second."

"Will do Missy." Hayden said, and walked towards a booth and slipping in. Brock slipped in on the other side, and I slipped in next to my brother. Brock picked up the menu, I'm gonna guess on instinct, and Hayden frowned. He grabbed it from him straight away.

"What are you doing?"

"Reading the menu." Brock said in a no duh kind of way.

"You don't need to. You want a burger and a milkshake. That's the only option, nothing else."

"It better be good." Brock muttered.

Before anyone could say any more, or bother with small talk. Missy was in front of us, looking just as happy as before.

"So I'm guessing the usual times three."

"It's nice you still remember." Hayden said with a grin.

"Well, you were my favorite and best customer. Shouldn't be too long darlin'. " Missy said grinning at us. "Good to have you home."

"Thanks." Hayden said.

The door dinged, and Missy looked up. "Have to get going love." She explained, and wandered off, towards the customers.

We all looked at each other, not sure what to say.

"So you're in love with Lisa?" I blurted out.

Brock looked over at me, surprised, and rubbed the back of his neck, while scowling at Hayden. "Yeah I am." He admitted. "But she doesn't seem to care."

"Have you told her that?" I asked, surprised by my own boldness.

"Um, no. I don't wanna scare her. I just sort of keep turning up where she is asking her out, and um, getting turned down." Brock explained honestly, I liked that quality in him. I was sure Hayden loved that about him too.

"Why do you love her?" I hedged.

"Um, cause it's like my whole life is football, you know? It's one thing, and she's this other thing, and I need her to enjoy football, otherwise everything feels like nothing."

"Have you told her that? " I asked, I was surprised yet again by how much I was saying, and how confident I was. Maybe it was because I was around Hayden. Hayden seemed to bring out the best in me, or maybe it was just that I hated seeing sadness, or maybe I just liked Brock enough to care. It felt great to care about something outside Mum and Hayden.

"Um no."

"You should. She probably thinks she's just a novelty. I'm gonna guess she over thinks everything, and saying you like her to her sounds like she's different and your gonna get bored. If you explain it like that, she'll believe you. You have to explain it to her. Take away the doubt."

"Fuck, yeah. That makes sense. What are you, like a love guru or something? Shit I should have asked you ages ago!" Brock exploded, and I'm pretty sure the whole joint heard. I slouched my shoulders, and blushed.

"Argh, um sorry, I have to call her, and tell her that!"

"It'd be better in person." Hayden jumped in.

"I have to do this now, my last try. If she doesn't call back, then I give up." Brock explained, pulling out his phone, and beginning to dial a number. I wasn't sure if it was sad, or sweet. He knew her number by heart. Then he began saying what he had just said to me, adding a call me at the end, and hanging up.

"Did you just say that to her voicemail?" I asked, shocked.

"Um, yes, why? Is that bad?"

"No, it's fine." I couldn't find it in me to tell him how bad that probably was, and Hayden didn't seem to be able to either, because we both swapped looks. Before anymore was said the door dinged again. I looked up by reaction, and I think I almost died when I saw him. He had just walked in with his friend Wolfie. They were both in old jeans and old shirts, and were chatting. He hadn't seen me yet, and my heart was already racing. I could feel my body dying for him to look at me, but I couldn't do it again. I couldn't get lost in his look again. Instead I slouched even more, so you could barely see me, and moved closer towards my brother.

"What are you doing?" Brock asked.

"Nothing." I mumbled awkwardly, trying to hide from him, while keeping track of him. He was talking to Missy, and they seemed to know each other.

Brock looked behind me, and Hayden followed his gaze to Jack and Wolfie.

"Don't look!" I hissed

"You're hiding from them. Do you like him or something?" Brock asked, interest in his voice.

"No, I just.."

"Are you afraid of him?" Hayden asks, and I could hear the protectiveness in his voice.

"No." I whispered. I mean, I was scared of him, sure, but for different reasons then Hayden would think. I was scared of why i felt compelled to just stare at him. I was scared of the fact I liked looking at him, and I was scared of him, because when I was near him it felt like something clicked, and I desperately wished it didn't. I was scared, alright, but how could I explain that to my brother? I tugged on the K necklace awkwardly.

"Then why are you hiding?" Brock asked, completely confused.

"I'm not hiding!" I hissed. I looked over, and I could see them walking towards this booth to sit in one beside it. He probably wouldn't see me, but somehow I knew he would. He'd feel the need to look this way, like I did, but then again, maybe it was just me. Maybe I was in this alone.

"Start talking about something." I whispered again.

Hayden shot me a confused look. Luckily, Brock was quick on his feet. 'Cause he started talking.

"Look, what I'm trying to say is, you gotta play it hard and fast. Stop mucking around on the field, when you're out there, you gotta just keep playing. You gotta stop thinking. You have to realize there is nothing better than this, and if you don't feel that, then you may as well not be playing this game and give up now." Brock voice boomed with confidence and leadership.

"Yeah, it's gotta be play or die." Hayden joined in.

"Not try and play." Brock voiced. "It's gotta be a need, not a want. It's gotta be......"

"Angel." A rough voice, like gravel said.

I looked up, and sure enough, there he was standing at the end of the table with Wolfie. They were both looking at me surprised, and he was looking at me, making me look back. We were both so lost, so completely lost, and I couldn't escape. I was being sucked into this vortex he created, and I didn't care. I was happy to go there. I was happy to go anywhere. I felt someone grab my arm, and I turned, breaking the connection. It was Hayden, and he looked at me completely confused.

"Um, oh sorry." I mumbled awkwardly.

Hayden started sizing him up, and Brock joined in. I guess in loyalty to Hayden. I shifted awkwardly, wishing he wasn't here right now, really wishing. When I was little I use to make wishes when I blew out my candles every birthday, and then it happened. That coming birthday I didn't make a wish, I stopped wishing, and a clench of hurt hit my stomach at the thought. That was the year I truly stopped being a child in all ways.

"I'm Jack." Jack said, his rough voice sounding confident.

"Hayden." Hayden said, his voice guarded, which was weird, because Hayden's voice was always friendly and open, I'd never heard him be so cold.

"Brock." Brock said, following Hayden's lead.

"I'm Wolfie." Wolfie said, calmly.

The boys had a stare off, and I could feel them just starring at each other, as if working out what to do next. I could feel Hayden's eyes on Jack, and I made the mistake of looking up at him, and the connection come flooding back as soon as his eyes met mine. We were both lost again, and I could feel myself losing touch with reality, until I felt a kick under the table from Brock. I snapped out of it, casting my eyes down, feeling as if I had done something wrong.

"Are you ok?" Jack asked, his voice so filled with concern, it was almost scary, but at the same time soothing. I remembered the last time I had seen him, and I grabbed my necklace at the thought.

"Everything's fines" I said, trying to keep emotion out of my voice.

Jack leaned forward, and I couldn't find it in myself to pull back. He moved so close it was scary, his face just inches from my check. I could feel his body heat, my heart hammering in my chest, and I couldn't breathe.

"I don't believe you." He whispered, his voice rough, and sending shivers up my spine. Before I could even think, he pulled away, back to where he was before, and Hayden looked like he wanted to kill him. Jack, on the other hand, looked completely fine.

"Move it boys." Missy said shoving past them easily "You come here expecting free food and now you're harassing the customers. Wait till I tell your mothers, huh."

"Sorry Aunty Missy." Jack said rolling his eyes.

"Rolling your eyes. Real cute, now get, hun. Go find your own booth. I don't think these boys are too happy to see you." She said, and made a shooing gesture.

"See you." Jack said, casually, but he made it sound like it meant so much more. Before I could get caught up in another look, I looked down at my hands.

Missy placed our plates in front of us. "Don't mind Jack and Wolfie, one of them is my nephew and the other one, well they seem to come in a package deal. His staring, well, I'm not sure.. What was that? That's really, to be honest , he's normally not that um.."

"Close to my sister." Hayden hissed in annoyance.

Missy laughed awkwardly. "Well, enjoy." Missy said, and hurried off.

"What was that?" Hayden demanded, not even looking at his food, that he normally gulped down in two bites.

"I think she's his Lisa." Brock filled in.

Now it was my turn to kick him under the table. Brock flinched, but didn't do anything.

"He's no one, come on, lets just eat." I mumbled, awkwardly, and took a bite of my burger. I could feel all eyes on me, and I tried to ignore them. After a while, Hayden gave up on just starring at me. He wasn't the type of person to ask questions. He waited for the person to come to him. I had a feeling he'd try that route, so with a shake of his head, he took a bite of his food and a smile came across his face. Brock joined him.

"You were right this is fucking good." Brock yelled.

"Told you." Hayden said, smiling.

It felt like everything that had just happened was forgotten, well at least for now. What was going on? The thought scared me, because I didn't have a clue.

Authors Note

So what do you think? I hope you like it. Please review, and give me your thoughts. They mean the world to me, and tell me what you think the song for this chapter should be. Leave ideas, suggestions, whatever just um, tell me what you think.

B.C