Hey these past couple chapters have been like super quick to update what is awesome but unfortunately when school gets back I have a really tough semester so I don't believe I will be able to update this quick! This chapter is a little short I know but I wanted it to be Emily POV for some stuff. Warning: mentions of self harm so if your not comfortable with that then this isn't you fanfic. All mistakes are mine. I don't own anything PLL or PLL related

Alison pov.

Sitting on my bed I twist the sheets under my hands. Emily saved me from my attempted suicide by seconds and still is trusting me by not making that call. Looking up I see Emily in the middle of my room still shocked at my confession because I was never this open before I ran. I would have done anything I could have just to get the subject to finally change before but now, I trusted Emily full heartedly. If I ever wanted Emily to trust me again I would have to be honest.

"Whatever questions you have for me em, you can ask them and I will answer them." I tell her truthfully

"I don't know what one to ask first Alison..."

"I have all night, its only 9 pm and there is no school tomorrow so we can talk for as long as you feel like."

"How long Ali?... Have you... Have you been hurting yourself?" she asks as she moves to the end of my bed.

"A little over a year but um... I've never really liked who I was and what I did to people. Especially you. Do u get what I mean by that? Like Does that answer your question?" I ask.

"Ya thanks." She says quickly. Then there is a long silence and I swear you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. I look over to her and find her fiddeling with her hands. Its one of her many tells she has that desclares she has another question but is to shy or polite to ask.

"Emily, I promise you, I won't get mad or something at whatever questions you have for me... I'm going to answer them all the best I can, all of them. I owe you that much." I say softly.

"Why didn't you tell me Ali? I would have, could have helped you."

"Because you already have A to deal with and trying to live a normal life and your attempting to fix things with Paige. I didn't want you to worry about little old me when there is more portant things to worry about. Just so you know, I would have told you way before I would have told the other girls about any of this."

"Goddamn it Alison. Don't you see that there is no Paige and I when you are around. She will always become my second choice when there is a possibility of having you instead. I freaking love you Ali, and for you to do this to yourself..." she says with her voice cracking"...for you to hurt yourself so bad and not tell me cause of you wanting to protect me, it kills me." She says with her eyes glistening. "My last question till later. Have u cleaned any of your cuts Ali? Because they can become infected."

"No I didnt" I mumble in a small voice hoping she did not hear me. By the look on her face though it tells me she did. Slowly she stood up and made her way in front of me on the side of bed.

"Ali" she started. "Ali, look at me." I rapidly snap my head down even father from her face then before. Away from her cocoa eyes that could make me do anything with just one look. Out of nowhere I feel a hand under my chin gently lift my head up and as a result I face the eyes I had been avoiding.

"Ali, hun, we have to clean them. You can do it by yourself or u can get me to do it or we both can do it together. Doesn't matter to me it's up to you."

I shake my head and feel the tears pooling in my eyes. I blink quickly and look at her "can you help me please?" I ask.

"Of course hun." Emily replied with a comforting tone. We get off the bed and the go to the bathroom. When we get there, I turn away from her suddenly nervous. I hate the way I look. The way my body looks.

"Emily can you just turn to the door so I can undress please?" I tell her hoping she doesn't hear my voice cracking.

"Sure Ali." She says and I faintly make out the sound of her feet turning away from me. Looking over my shoulder, I see that I was correct and she is looking at the door. Quickly I take off my shirt and shorts, leaving me in just my under garments. I turn towards her, Emily still facing the door and say "you can turn around now Em." As she turns, I look at the vanity above my sink and zone out, thinking of how each white line, each red angry mark happened. I snap back to reality when I feel a body hug me with so much force I nearly stop breathing again. Regaining some air to my lungs I close my arms around Emily and put my on her shoulder.

"You need to stop doing this Ali. You... You need to promise me you won't hurt yourself anymore. I'm so sorry Ali. I'm so" she chokes out, "so sorry I left you. Please forgive me Alison." I pull away from her and see her beautiful eyes and cheeks are glistening from tears. Slowly another tear begins to fall so I lift my hand up to her face and wipe it away smiling a sad smile.

"Don't you ever apologize. You should have left me years ago. I'm not good for you Em. You should be with somebody kind and gentle and amazing. Emily shouldn't have to be stuck with me. I love you to much to let you do that."

"I don't care what you think anymore Alison. I've been waiting 4 years to be with you. Tried to get over you with maya , Samara, hell even Paige but I never could. I love you Ali and I want to be with you, not somebody else. All I want is you." Looking down I too feel tears begin to fall and laugh for a second before I say.

"We have both cried way to much today."

"Yes, yes we have. Let's get you cleaned up ok Ali." And with that she picks me up and puts me on the counter.