Thanks a lot to Dancing InTheDark85 for your comment! Thanks for taking the time! :) I hope you'll like this next chapter a well (and I hope I'll have some more to read from you, soon ;)).
This is a very long chapter; I wanted it to end at a certain point - you'll learn the reason for this at the end of it. Enjoy!
Chapter's warnings: More butchered german poetry. Our boys have their first fight as a couple. More sex; though nothing graphic. Lusty Jim. Scared Bones. Scared Jim. First mentioning of what happened to Bones in the past.
He who found a friend in someone
and is a friend to someone else,
he who loves another person,
you may add your joy to ours!
Even when there's one soul only
in this world you call your own!
And who never loved - be gone here
from our union; cry and mourn!
- Ode an die Freude (Ode to Joy), 2nd stanza, Friedrich Schiller, freely translated from German
Chapter 3: The Wind and the Rock
The early rays of morning sun were already filtering through the white linnen curtains when Leonard gained consciousness. Blinking, he wondered for a moment where he was and if he was supposed to be somewhere else; but then, he noticed the heavy weight on his right arm. Looking down, his face split into a rare smile. Jim. He'd stayed.
Gently, he lifted his head to bury his nose in the soft blonde locks, deeply breathing in the unique scent of his love. Traces of shampoo. Musk, a lot of it. 'Not surprising after last night...'
McCoy still found it hard to believe it'd really happened. ' I had sex with Jim - my captain... my best friend. Holy crap.'
He wondered what it would mean to them both - if it'd mean anything at all to Jim. Leonard didn't think his friend a cold-hearted man, not at all, but all he knew of Jim was that he'd never committed himself to anybody. He was more the 'I'm gonna leave now, have a nice life!' kind of guy.
'Who could ever hold Jim Kirk?' McCoy thought painfully, unconsciously tightening his grip of him. 'He's like the wind, already blowing on before you notice, seeking new adventures... I'm like a rock,' he deadpanned grimly. 'Content with staying in one place and only moving when someone forcibly removes me from my location.'
Before he could wallow in despair any longer, though, the wind-like creature next to him started to wake up.
Jim Kirk blinked a few times, taking in his surroundings. Looking around, he spotted Leonard (who unintentionally held his breath) and grinned. "Morning, Bones!"
"Mornin', darlin'."
"You sleep well?"
"Sure did, kid. You?"
"Excellent!" That was obvious. Jim nearly buzzed with energy and cheerfulness. McCoy couldn't help but smile warmly at him (it was quickly becoming a habit). He lifted a hand up to his young lovers' face and gently brushed his thumb over his cheek. "Wanna take a shower?"
"Yeah," Jim agreed readily, sniffing at his armpit and grimacing. "I definitively need one. What about you?"
"You go ahead, Jim. I'll wait till you're finished."
Kirk frowned. "Aren't you getting into the shower with me?"
McCoy felt his heart become light. "If you want me to...?"
Jim laughed. "I really don't think we can play the bashful virgins now; not after all we did last night!"
"...Yeah, you're probably right about that. So... you liked it, then?"
"If it wasn't the understatement of the century, I'd say yes, I liked it."
"And you're not - not hurt?"
Jim's smile faltered slightly. ' There it is again... That self - depreciation.' "Why would you think I'm hurt?"
When Leonard looked away, he asked more concerned: "Why would you think you'd hurt me, Bones?" McCoy didn't answer immediately. Kirk's suspicion grew. ' Something's definitively not right here!'
"Hey," he said softly, taking Leonard's head into his hands and forcing him to look him in the eyes. "I trust you. I know you'd never willingly hurt me, Bones! And now that's settled, get your lazy ass out of bed and accompany me into the shower, ok?"
McCoy nodded and finally moved himself out of the rumpled sheets, smiling at Jim as he passed him towards the bathroom. Jim smiled back, though it was intermingled with a frown.
' What's wrong with him? First he goes and punches some old guy in the face for hinting that he might be gay, then we're fucking and now he's afraid of hurting me...'
It puzzled Jim, and Jim didn't like being puzzled. ' Maybe I should stop by Med Bay later and check this guy out... Yeah, will do that.' With that resolve, he hurried into the shower after his lover.
Leonard entered Med Bay at twelve o'clock sharp and was immediately greeted by many heads turned into his direction. When he walked over towards his head nurse, he could literally feel the eyes burning holes into his back. Christine seemed to read his thoughts, for she leaned in and whispered lowly: "Rumor's already spread on how you beat another doctor up because he'd spoken ill of your ex. For some of them, you're an irate madman on whom they need to keep an eye on, for the others, you're a hero."
McCoy lifted an eyebrow. "A hero?!"
"Well, for the female part, to be exact." Christine winked, then grew serious. "I already talked to Dr Burgh this morning. He wants an apology from you, then he's going to refrain from issuing an official complain."
She sighed when she saw her superior officer tense and his face cloud up. "I know you hate this, Leonard, but this mess could ruin your reputation! Just apologize, and the whole thing's through."
McCoy nodded reluctantly, seething inside. "I'm not too sure about that, though."
Still, he began his round of check-ups with the stationary patients. Many of them were members of Star Fleet and had known him for quite a while, so the sub note among them was more one of confusion and curiosity than of anger. It was a different matter with the external doctors and nurses, however. Chapel had obviously already spoken to them and declaring McCoy's aggression as some sort of overworked meltdown; so they demanded no explanation from him, what made him extremely grateful. Still, they regarded him with a certain wariness, as if expecting him to snap again at any provocation, and many of them refused to stay alone with him in the same room. Just peachy.
' Well, at least they're still doing their job,' McCoy thought, resigned. He really couldn't complain so far: the doctors and nurses who had had psychological schooling had their hands full with patients to talk to, analyze and to assign to the different support groups that frequently met on campus. Next, Leonard checked his mail. Then he spoke to Chapel and his substitute shift supervisor again, discussing the progress some of them made. Then he checked his stock of medication. Finally, after two and a half hours, he had no more excuse not to talk to his nemesis, so he decided to simply get it over with. Looking around, he spotted Dr Burgh next to the storage rooms and briskly walked over.
His approach didn't go unnoticed. The older man regarded him surprisingly calmly (considering Leonard had effectively broken his nose) and McCoy thought he also detected a certain amount of.. victory?... in the pale blue eyes, though it could simply have been a light reflex on his glasses.
"Dr Burgh," Leonard began, "I.. need to apologize." He'd chosen to say need to instead of want to. He wanted the other man to know he didn't regret breaking his fucking nose in the least. Dr Burgh eyed him for a long moment with such obvious amusement that McCoy had to forcibly restrain himself from punching him again. In the end, it'd be him who'd have to live with the consequences.
"My dear Leonard," Burgh chuckled. "I never thought you to be able of such... passion. I still remember you as the quiet, thin young man who'd rather spend the evening studying than going out to party like so many of your classmates... I can still see you there, bent over a PADD or a test tube, you know?" he stepped closer to Leonard who couldn't help but lean back instinctively. "I still remember other things, too..." His face was very close to McCoy's now, who'd gone completely rigid, hands clutched behind his back. "I remember what you did... So naughty. But then, you didn't do it for you, right? Still... It would've cost you your university place if I'd told anyone. It could still cost your approbation, if somebody were to find out. I hear they're not very patient with thieves." Finally leaning back, Dr Burgh raised his voice again and smiled. "But then again, you'll surely not give me any reason to mention this to, say, Admiral Pike. He'd be so disappointed. He thinks very highly of you, Leonard, after that miracle you performed on his paralysis. I was really impressed, too, you know? I read about your success in many medical journals. I was so proud. And," he chuckled again. "to think that I was your teacher! Tell me, Leonard, was it me that made you who you are today? You were such an introverted, skinny student - was it me who'd toughen you up?"
Leonard took a step back and snarled. "You didn't make me who I am!"
"Hey, Bones," they suddenly heard a voice call out to them across the room. Both men turned to see a certain starship captain bounce over. McCoy relaxed slightly at the sight of his love, but at the same time, he wished Jim had not come here. Still, he admired his captain for a moment - Kirk looked striking. Freshly showered (and a very long and thorough shower it'd been) and dressed in an impeccable new grey uniform, he looked every fiber the Star Fleet hero he was. ' Course it helps to look like a damn supermodel,' Leonard thought proudly. Then he remembered why he didn't want Jim here and scowled.
"What're ya doin' here, Captain?"
Kirk furrowed his brow slightly, his suspicion confirmed that he'd come in exactly the right moment. When he came through the doors of Med Bay and saw the two men standing together in a corner, he'd immediately seen the tension that radiated from his lover. And then the less-than-happy-to-see-him greeting from Bones, the thick southern accent, always so prominent when he was nervous - an absolute tell-tale. He stopped next to them, looking at Bones. "Hello to you, too, Dr McCoy! I wanted to see the new personnel myself." With that, he turned towards the older man he'd take to be in his late fifties.
"You must be Dr Burgh from the Ole Miss, the former professor of my dear CMO here."
"Indeed I am, Captain! Of course, I know you from all the news' headlines! Who could possibly not know James T. Kirk?" Reaching out his hand, Jim had no other choice than to take it, but was quickly letting go again. There was something downright creepy about the way the old man stared at him and Bones. Kirk decided then that he didn't like him.
"Yeah, well, it was not just me, I had an excellent crew at my side," he answered, capturing Leonard's gaze for a second.
"Without a doubt! I already know your wonderful CMO, after all... Such a professional!" Somehow, to Kirk, the praise sounded fishy.
"Yes - Dr McCoy's an outstanding medic," he finally agreed. He almost jumped when Dr Burgh laid a hand on his shoulder, patting it twice. "A great choice, no question - although with a tendency to misbehave! But I'm sure that's nothing new to you, you've known him for some years now, no? Not as long as I know him, though..." There was that superior smile again. "... I could tell you stories about him you wouldn't believe..."
Jim narrowed his eyes when he saw his friend grow pale and noticed the faint tremor that ran through his body. 'That guy knows something about him... Something bad.' He'd never seen Bones shy away from a challenge. His CMO was the only person he knew that cared nothing about what other people said and thought about him - why was this threat affecting him so?
"I don't think there's anything you could tell me about him that would lessen him in any way."
"Spoken like a true friend. But then again, everybody knows about that special relationship you have." Now that was definitively a leer. Jim decided to end this strange conversation now.
"Good day to you, Doctor, I need to get going. Dr McCoy," he addressed his lover formally, "can I talk to you for a minute?" Leonard looked unsure if he really wanted to go with Jim, but nodded and followed his captain without a word.
Jim let them trough Med Bay's double door entrance and stopped in the almost deserted hallway. Then, he rounded on McCoy and stared at him with a hard, piercing glare. Leonard swallowed. He knew that look - his friend meant business.
"What does he know about you that I don't?"
"I don't know what-"
"Don't LIE to me, Bones! I know there's something between you-"
"There's nothing between me and Burgh, Jim!" McCoy forced out, gnashing his teeth. He moved to turn away, but Kirk quickly grabbed his upper arm. "You WILL tell me! I am your captain, I have a right to know what's with my crew-"
"Oh, so now ya pulling rank with me?! Ya don't have a right to know everything tha's happened in my past-"
"I do when it concerns your well-being! I have a responsibility as your Captain-"
"Stop saying that!"
"-as your friend, then. Why don't you tell me what's happened?"
"It is of no concern to you now-"
"So you're admitting there IS something!" Jim cried, almost triumphantly. McCoy looked as if he wanted to phaser-roast himself. "Let go of me."
"No, first you're gonna-"
"Please, Jim. Let go of me," his friend asked quietly. Jim frowned and regarded him closely. Bones looked no longer livid with indignation but sad and... scared? He gentled his grip but didn't quite let go.
"Promise me you'll tell me sometime?"
McCoy shook his head, more resigned than in denial. "Damn your stubborn head to hell, Jim," he sighed. "I promise." With that, he removed his arm from Kirk's grip and turned back towards Med Bay. Jim watched him go. He should've been content that his friend would confide in him at last - if only he'd not look so damn broken about it.
Late that night, McCoy entered the key code to his quarters very quietly, as if it'd make any difference in how loudly the automated door would open. Not surprisingly, it opened with its usual sharp hiss, making him wince. He knew for himself he was acting cowardly, working especially late and sneaking like a burglar into his own rooms, all to hopefully find his love already asleep. Then he could simply climb into bed beside him, pull the covers over his head and pretend the whole day hadn't happened. But as fate was a bitch today, he had no such luck. Jim was sitting on the couch of the living room, a glass of Leonard's best scotch in hand, looking like the angel of justice himself. McCoy sighed. The righteous indignation his lover was emitting was radiating towards him. He was in for a lecture - again. Resigning to it, he kicked off his boots and slowly made his way over to the couch, sitting down next to Kirk, who still stared at him with that aura of moral superiority.
"I'm sorry, Jim."
"..."
"I know I should've come sooner..."
"..."
"...You're really not going to make this easy on me, right?"
"No." Kirk took a sip of scotch.
"..."
"So why did you do it? Why did you wait till..." he looked at the old-fashioned clock sitting on the bookshelf above him, "...almost three in the morning to come home?" Leonard shook his head. "Because I'm a coward, Jim... Because I feel like I don't deserve you. Because I am scared out o' my damn mind that you'll leave me if you find out I'm not the person you think I am."
"I could never do anything else than admire you, Bones."
The doctor sighed again. "You say that now..."
It was quiet for a few seconds. Then Jim got up, took a second glass from the cupboard and poured another scotch into it, then, bringing it over to Leonard, handed it to him. "Down this."
McCoy complied. Kirk nodded, satisfied. He sat down again. "I really wish I could say 'You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to', but I can't. Something's eating you up, Bones, and I got this feeling it could be dangerous to your career as well. I am sorry, but I must ask you, as your friend and as your Captain, to tell me what it is that that Burgh guy knows about you."
"...Well, I did promise to tell ya..." Leonard rubbed his hands over his face, worn and tired but resolved. "As you might have figured by now, it was back when I was still a student of medicine at the Ole Miss." Jim nodded silently.
"You see, I worked part-time at a charity health center not far from campus. We were required to get some first-hand experience as volunteers at some hospital or another medical institution, additional to our practical classes at university. So I volunteered to treat people that'd fallen through the roster of society - lost causes that other hospitals had sent away as incurable, to die somewhere else... Bad cases of one practically unknown alien disease or another... People that were highly contagious and a threat to doctors as well as to other patients... and, from time to time, your old-fashioned case of xenophobia. It's still the old south, ya know?" he looked at Jim, though not really seeing him. "Humans don' always open their hearts for other species..."
Jim wanted to ask more, but decided against it. As interesting as Bones' charity work was, this was about something else. He let his lover reminiscent for a few more moments, then he gently urged him: "So what happened?"
"I fucked up, Jim, tha's what happened," McCoy answered bluntly. "The center... They were running out of supplies... Lacking even the simplest bandages or painkillers! I cut patients open without any anesthesia; my nurses had to hold 'em down 'til I was finished." Kirk swallowed hard at the pain he was seeing in the other man's eyes, but said nothing, waiting patiently for Leonard to continue.
"So, one day, I broke into the storage room at university, where they kept the medical equipment, and stole some of it. The next week, when we were running low again, I did it again." Having finally confessed the worst part, McCoy rushed through the rest of his story. "I was clever; at least I thought I was... I only ever took so much it didn't register, nicked supplies from fresh deliveries after they'd been controlled and signed off." He paused shortly, and looked at his friend with an expression of year-old shame. "Burgh caught me red-handed one time. Must've kept an eye on me for a while already. Said he wouldn't go to the dean of the faculty, said he'd be sorry to lose me as a student, that he'd not do this to my wife... He knew Jocelyn was pregnant, Jim," Leonard whispered, eyes blank and staring ahead. "I was twenty-two, freshly married, with a baby on the way... I was grateful then that he didn't report me, but he made me give up work for the health center, made me work exclusively for him, as his assistant..." Leonard trailed off and fell silent, not daring to look into his love's face. Surely Jim must be disappointed in him now. But he really hadn't known what to do back then, he'd been desperate to help the center...
"You are an idiot."
McCoy winced; here it was, the disappointment he'd been afraid of-
"Look at me, Bones!" Having no energy left in him to fight, Leonard obeyed and saw to his surprise that Kirk's eyes were serious, but gentle. He saw nothing of the disappointment he'd been sure he'd see. Jim took his face into his warm hands. "You're an idiot 'cause you really believed I'd be mad about this. I regard you even higher for it! You could've done what everyone else did, just walk away, but you wanted to help." Kirk chuckled lightly. "This is so much you..."
Leonard shook his head, looking down again. "You have a ridiculously high opinion of me, Jim. I was a thief."
"You've got a ridiculously low opinion of yourself, Bones, you're like a modern-day Robin Hood," Jim smiled. "Taking from the rich and giving it to the poor..." McCoy shook his head again. "You're much too sentimental, Jim, ya know that?"
"Sentimental, me?" Kirk pretended to be offended. "Look who's talking." Suddenly getting a wicked gleam into his eyes, he tipped his index finger contemplatively against his chin. "Still, I guess you need some sort of... punishment."
The older man thought he'd not heard correctly. "You want to punish me?!"
"Well, you've been a naughty boy."
"I- what the- and what do intend to do to me?"
"Oh, I don't know... Maybe spank you for keeping information from your superior officer?" Kirk tried to look innocent, but failed miserably. McCoy let out a nervous laugh.
"You- you're kiddin', right?"
"Maybe yes, maybe no."
"Dammit, Jim, I'm not going to let you spank me! Who still does that, anyway?"
"It'll be fun! You might even like it, you know?" Suddenly Kirk was moving forward, capturing Leonard's wrists and pinning the other man to the couch with his weight. "Think I can make you beg me to take you, Bones?" he whispered into his ear. "Think I can make you scream?"
Next thing he knew, Jim Kirk was sprawled on the floor, staring up at his lover with a look of utter bewilderment. "...Ouch."
"Gods, I'm sorry, Jim," Leonard pulled his friend to his feet, equally shocked, though more from the sudden, intense feeling of fear that was slowly ebbing away now. 'This is Jim,' he tried to calm himself, 'He'd never hurt me.'
"Hey, Bones... This is me, remember? I wouldn't do anything like that to you; not if you're not asking for it." Leonard had to smile besides himself about Jim's unique telepathy, and nodded. "I know that, Jim. I... don't know what's gotten into me..." He felt very bad about lying to his lover as it went against everything he believed in, but couldn't help it. "...It wasn't on purpose," he finally stated, which was perfectly true. Realizing he'd totally killed the mood, he massaged his neck tiredly and asked: "Wanna go to bed?"
Kirk nodded. "Right..." Again, he was regarding McCoy with that look of suspicion, as if he knew Leonard had not yet disclosed the full truth of what had happened at the academy; a look that he got more and more often. Leonard probably wouldn't be able to hide it for much longer.
The next few days passed quite normal; with Leonard working at Med Bay and Jim meeting with other captains, admirals and, now and then, with Scotty, who was in charge of Enterprise's refitting. The Scotsman was optimistic that they'd be able to start on their new mission soon, which was to be an exploratory one, though the board of Admirals had yet to decide where exactly they wanted to send their flagship.
Jim and Leonard were still working on their 'relationship of sorts' as McCoy referred to it in secret. They'd never really talked about being officially together or not, and while they were still sharing a bed, most of the time in Jim's more luxurious quarters, their one passionate night had not yet repeated itself. Leonard knew Jim was waiting for him to make the first move; he'd seen it whenever he undressed in the evenings. He'd seen the gleam in his lover's eyes, the hunger, the hard-on he was never trying to hide.
When a week had passed without anything other happening than a few hurried kisses in between, Jim decided that enough celibacy was enough. So that night, when McCoy showed up for dinner, Kirk greeted him with Shepherd's Pie, stark naked but for an apron tied around his waist. He made such a show of displaying his pert behind that they forgot all about food and Leonard had Jim up on the counter in no time, with his captain's legs wrapped around his waist and the doctor's cock deep inside him.
"You know," Kirk panted when they lay on the kitchen floor afterwards, spent. "I think I could get used to this."
McCoy nodded. "Yeah kid, me too."
"What I mean is - I don't want anyone but you anymore, Bones." Jim propped himself up on an elbow to look into his lover's green-and-brown eyes. "I don't want to fool around any longer. I want to be yours, and yours alone. And I want you to be mine."
Leonard pushed himself up from the floor to stare at Jim, hardly daring to believe his ears. "What- do you really mean this, Jim?" He searched his younger friend's face, finding only certainty. "I do."
Drowning in emotion, Leonard wrapped him in his arms, tightly. "I love you, Jim."
"I love you too, Bones."
They slept with each other again that night, slowly and lovingly.
A week passed again, this time in perfect bliss. Leonard and Jim didn't hide their relationship, but didn't make a fuss about it, either. They just touched more often than necessary but refrained from making out in public due to McCoy's aversion to it and for the sake of Kirk's reputation as a serious and respected Fleet Captain. Jim's restraint didn't go as far as he'd not give his lover the occasional quick peck on the cheek, though, when he thought that Leonard needed it or, more often, when he wanted him to stop bitching about something.
They met regularly for lunch in the cafeteria, sometimes with Scotty or Chekov, as the engineer and the Ensign had both stayed in San Fran instead of visiting their families. Spock had chosen to help the surviving Vulcans with collecting and cataloguing all that remained of the knowledge of the Vulcan people; meeting Vulcans that'd not been on planet when it was destroyed, and was generally busy with helping his father Sarek in his time off the ship.
Scotty noticed very quickly that something new had developed between his Captain and the Chief Medical Officer but, as a true Scot, said nothing more about it than giving Jim a quick slap on the back, accompanied by the words "So ya finally got the goode Doctor into yer bed, eh, lad? About bloody time, aye?", which made Kirk almost wet himself with laughter and Leonard want to strangle him.
The couple debated if they'd tell Pavel Chekov or let the (still ridiculously) young Ensign find out for himself, deciding in the end they could probably tell him, as his best friend Hikaru Sulu was in a relationship with another man too and they even had a child. So Kirk spoke to him quietly over some coffee while McCoy was busy looking the other way with beet red ears. The skinny kid said nothing for a moment, obviously processing what he'd heard in that brilliant brain of his. Then, he looked up with wide eyes and a look of pure innocence on his face and asked: "Does that mean you're like my mommy and daddy now, Keptin?"
That made Kirk grin so wide it must surely hurt his face and McCoy groan and shake his head. "No, kid, we're just the same. Jim's the Captain, looking out after everybody besides himself-" (This earned him and outraged "Hey" from said person) "-and I am the doctor that'll patch you up when you're injured."
The Russian thought about that, too. "But.. my father looks after all of us and my mother patches me up when I'm injured..."
McCoy decided then to give it up as a lost cause.
Christine noticed something had changed when her superior officer started humming one day while ticking off a list of delivered supplies. She thought for a moment she hallucinated when she first heard that noise coming from the grumpy doctor. Leonard didn't hum contentedly. He just didn't. So she crept slowly closer towards the storage room, carefully peeking around the door frame to see if the coast was clear or if McCoy was suffering from another mental meltdown. But there he was, looking perfectly in order, checking his list and humming.
"Dr McCoy..?" she asked not too loud lest she might spook him. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, thanks darlin'," he answered happily (well, the McCoy-version of happy which was really a lack of annoyance and anger). Christine took in his appearance: he looked well-rested (he never looked well-rested; that word literally didn't exist for that workaholic!), clean and ...shaved? She squinted her eyes and took a step closer. Yes, no doubt, he was impeccably clean-shaved, also a first that she'd almost never seen besides official ceremonies and dinners, where it was mandatory. So used she was to his usual 2-3 days worth of light brown stubble, she stared at his face as if it was missing something existential.
"Are you... having a date tonight, Leonard?" she finally asked, in her opinion the only explanation for his strange behavior. 'But he's NEVER having a date!'
"Huh? No, I'm meeting with the Captain tonight..." McCoy answered, distractedly, still making ticks on his list. Christine let that sink in a bit, until realization hit.
"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH HIM!"
Poor Leonard almost dropped his checklist when she practically screeched at him. "Dammit, Christine, yell louder, the other side o' campus might not have heard ya!"
"Sorry, sorry," she whispered hurriedly. "It's just - I can't believe it - after all that time! Oh, Leonard!" and with that, she threw her arms around him and hugged him close. "I'm so happy for you! What a happy ending - I mean, you've really made him wait, didn't you? I can't wait to tell Nyota; we were guessing when the Captain'd finally be successful-"
"Wait a moment," Leonard interrupted her cheerful monologue, "You mean you girls knew Jim was trying to... uhm, seduce me?"
"Oh Leonard," his Head Nurse sighed, exasperated at the stupidity of men, "of course we did. It was obvious, really, that the Captain's head over heels for you. As are you - remember all the times you've sat by his side when he' get beaten up in a bar brawl or something? That look in your eyes when he'd finally wake up? Like you wouldn't want to be anywhere else for all the money in the world..."
"...I see," he answered, slightly uncomfortable with the idea of being so transparent. "So who else suspects anything?"
"Well, Spock, obviously, as Nyota would have told him. And... some of the other nurses might've noticed, too..."
"Just great," he groaned. "So I've been part of the gossip without even knowing! They'll never take me seriously again..."
"Nonsense," Christine countered decidedly. "They'll be happy for you. And those who are not don't know you."
Christine was proved to be right about the nurses. The doctors were a different matter, however. Some still had their petty problems with homosexuality; but most simply frowned upon the Captain of a starship engaging in a sexual relationship with a subordinate officer; the difference in power making it easy to apply pressure upon the crewman or -woman, especially when it happened in another part of the galaxy. Though it was not unheard of, as many space missions went on for years, it was generally disapproved and the officers involved were expected to keep it quiet or to marry.
Luckily, most of the people working at Star Fleet HQ knew Dr McCoy and Captain Kirk were longtime friends and ruled out the possibility that Kirk was misusing his position to take advantage of his doctor. And, as Christine had said, those who knew them personally had known for years they'd end up with each other.
So Leonard did not encounter much aversion, much to his relief, though his "arch-enemy" (as Jim called Dr Burgh) seemed to watch him even closer when they happened to work in the same room; almost always smirking at him and occasionally even winking, which unnerved and angered McCoy to no end. He didn't know how to stop it, though; his former professor was personally invited by Admiral Pike and Leonard had by no means the power to ask him to leave again. Only Burgh endangering a patient would give him the right to order him to leave Med Bay; but the medic didn't make the slightest mistake - he was a medical professional, after all.
All Leonard could do was try to assign him to different stations; and, if that failed, ignore him as best as he could. Unfortunately, Burgh did his best to be un-ignorable and addressed him whenever possible, always asking the younger man questions about himself or his captain, which Leonard didn't answer, though he kept his temper now (if barely).
Jim'd made it a habit of showing up now and then to check on his lover, or, as he'd say, to 'make sure you're not already arrested for murder'. He'd stroll in, give Leonard a quick peck on the cheek (the absolute maximum of sexual contact McCoy would permit in front of his staff) and flirt with the nurses (he was still Jim Kirk, after all, and old habits die hard).
One late evening, when Kirk entered Med Bay to convince his lover that even unearthly good-looking doctors needed sleep, he found the admission area deserted. Figuring Bones was in his office, he walked over to the automated door, which wasn't locked and opened when he touched the keypad. The office was lightened. When Jim entered, he found Bones sitting at his desk, a PADD before him, and behind him, slightly bent forward, Dr Burgh. He had his hands on Bones' shoulders.
The whole scene might have seemed quite ordinary if Kirk didn't know with absolute sincerity that his lover would never permit anyone besides Jim to touch him this way, let alone have another's nose close to his neck and - smell it?
'Something's seriously wrong here...' Bones' face was set in stone, his posture rigid, though he looked... resigned, his hazel eyes fixed unblinkingly on the PADD.
It all lasted only for a second, though. When they heard the tell-tale hiss of the door, both men looked up, Bones' eyes widening in shock, Dr Burgh stepping quickly away from him, letting his hands fall away.
Kirk cleared his throat, his piercing-blue eyes fixed on the older man.
"Am I... interrupting something?"
Burgh was the first to recover, quickly sliding a pleasant smile into place. "Good evening, Captain, Dr McCoy and I were just discussing our schedule for the next days. But I believe we are finished here..."
"I think you are, too, Doctor." Kirk's voice was steel.
Burgh's smile faltered slightly. "...Well, good night, then." He walked over to the door which opened and closed behind him.
The room was so silent they both could hear his steps fading in the distance. Neither said a word; Jim's lips were pressed tightly while he waited for his lover to speak first.
Finally, Bones looked up, his face was passive. "Did you want something, Jim?"
Jim set his teeth, angered by his calm voice. ' So he wants to play this cool, huh?' "I wanted to take you home. But maybe you didn't want me to come, Bones?"
His friend stood up quickly. "Why wouldn't I? I was just delayed." he didn't look Jim in the eye and walked past him towards the door. "Let's go then-"
"No way!" Kirk grabbed his wrist before his lover could get away. "First you're gonna answer me a question: Is he after you?"
"Who?"
"You know exactly who, Bones!" he was getting angry at Leonard's indifference. It was an act, that he knew for sure, he'd just absolutely no idea why his friend was pretending nothing had happened. When Bones still refused to look at him, he turned him around forcibly. "Is that Burgh guy after you?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Jim!"
"Answer me!"
"No!"
"No what?"
"No I'm not gonna answer this! There's nothin' ya need to know!"
"I'm your lover, I am supposed to know when some old fart has his sights set on my boyfriend!" Kirk was getting frustrated. "I know something's going on here, Bones. JUST. TELL. ME!"
"NO!" Leonard could be incredible stubborn when he wanted to; but this time, Jim wasn't prepared to let it go. He shoved his lover backwards until Bones' backside collided with the table. Jim took his chin in his hand, forcing him to look at him. Leonard's fiery hazel eyes sparkled with anger and indignation, but underneath, there was some deeper emotion. Kirk latched onto it and pulled Bones' head in for a rough kiss. He felt his lover stiffen up in surprise, but then opening up to him, granting him access. He shoved his tongue into his moist depths, exploring, conquering to his soul's content. Leonard answered his kiss passionately, wrapping him in his arms. Jim could feel his lover's arousal pressing against him between their thighs, ending all coherent thought. Driven by sheer desire, he buried his left hand in Leonard's unruly locks, pulling his head to the side and raking his teeth along the curve of his neck where Dr Burgh had dared to smell his lover, drawing a sharp gasp from the other man. "Jim!"
"Mine," growled Kirk against his friend's tanned skin, ripping open the shirt of his scrubs and pushing against his chest to make him lie back. But Bones resisted and shoved against Jim, trying to turn them around to gain the upper hand. The blonde grinned wickedly. "Not this time, Bones."
Swiftly taking each of Leonard's wrists into a hand, he used his better angle to pin his lover to the desk, rubbing his erection against his prone lap. "Gods, Bones... You're driving me crazy..." he moaned full of lust, groping between them for the waistband of Leonard's pants, pulling them down in one quick motion. He felt Bones push against his shoulder with his now-free hand, attempting to bring some space between them. His Captain would not have it, though, leaning further in, now using his bodyweight to his advantage to keep him down. He let his free hand slip into Bones' boxers, gripping him firmly and causing Bones to throw his head back against the tabletop, moaning. Jim couldn't help but stare transfixed at his lover; that dark hair, even messier that usual, the flushed cheeks, that perfect, unmarred skin...
'He's so fucking beautiful,' he mused. Bending down for another passionate kiss, he let go of Bones' cock, guiding his hand around to his entrance, feeling his friend stiffen upon the contact. Jim kissed his cheek quickly. "Relax, Bones," he whispered comfortingly. Feeling Leonard giving a bit, Jim slipped his index finger inside. Immediately, his lover tensed up again. Knowing he'd have to take it slow with his virgin doctor, Kirk withdrew slightly but not slipping out again, instead moving the digit around, intending to loosen him.
Only Bones was not loosening but tensing up further. Jim frowned slightly; hearing him breath in quick gasps. The blonde released the wrist he was still pinning to the table and felt for his lover's erection, intending to distract him. Noticing it had considerably diminished, he frowned harder. 'What the fuck-?'
Jim leaned back slightly to look at Bones' face, considering. The other man's eyes were squeezed shut, his teeth set, chest still heaving in pants that seemed almost painful. 'He can't be in pain; I didn't do anything yet!'
"Bones? Bones, talk to me!" When his friend didn't answer, he gently kissed his cheek to get his attention. "Look at me, please."
Finally, Leonard opened his eyes again and stared at Jim with desperation and stark fear in his soft, hazel eyes. "Stop. Oh gods, Jim, please stop," he pleaded in a hoarse whisper. Jim, scared beyond words, immediately retrieved his finger and stepped away from his lover. Wide-eyed, he watched as Bones rolled off his desk and pulled his pants back up with shaking hands, keeping his head down and not looking at his Captain.
"I- I can't, I'm sorry, Jim... I can't." Leonard covered his face with his hands, still trembling.
Jim, unsure if his lover would permit any physical contact, kept his distance, still shell-shocked. He ached to reach out to him, to hug him; Bones' emotional pain was almost tangible and it hurt Jim to see it. He let a few moments pass, trying to gather his own thoughts. Bones still kept a secret from him; that much was clear now, and Kirk was terribly afraid he could guess what it was. But it was impossible...
"Bones," he finally asked quietly. "Have you been... molested?"
His friend let his hands slip away from his face, closing his eyes for a moment, obviously still struggling with himself. Then he opened them again and looked at Jim, and in his eyes was so much anguish, shame and defeat that he really didn't need to say anything.
' No! No no no no no...' Jim couldn't help but reach out to his friend now; cradling his cheek, still staring into his too-wide eyes, his too-unguarded face, while the world around him came crushing down.
"Oh Bones..."
Leonard numbly stared at his lover, seeing so much of the fear he himself felt reflected there. This was it. His secret was out. Jim would never regard him the same way again. He waited for the question he knew with absolute certainty that it'd come.
"...Will you tell me about it?"
And here it was. ' No reason not to tell it all now.'
There really was no reason to hold back anymore; though Leonard wished with all his heart he would not have to be the one to change the way Jim looked at him; knowing he could never take back what was about to be said.
He sighed and nodded, buckling his knees and sliding down the front of his desk onto the floor, pulling Jim down with him.
Drawing his legs in towards his body, his arms wrapped around them as to protect himself from the demons of the past, Leonard began to speak.
^^y^^
I know this ends with a MAJOR cliffhanger; I apologize for that. I usually don't do this but it was needed here because the next chapter will be only Bones' memory; and it will be dark. So I'm gonna let it stand alone and you can chose whether to read it or proceed directly to chapter 5. Well, until then, please stay with me and review, if you liked it. Next chapter: The Impossible.
Love, Coco