Moonlit Wishes
Part XVII

Just seeing Nicole's name on the stationary paper written by EJ was enough to start a churning in Sami's stomach, even now after all this time Sami was furious with Nicole. The things she had done to them were unspeakable. Why did EJ ever let that tramp have access into their lives? She had told him, but he refused to listen to her.

Sami still felt the burn of indignation as soon as Nicole had come by their table that night. Nicole with her bleached blonde stringy hair dressed in next to nothing just barging her way to sit down at the table with them. EJ should have known from the start that the tramp had no class. She was nothing more than a gold digger and when she realized EJ was a DiMera than that just made her set her sights on him from the very start.

For the first time it felt like EJ didn't care what she said, he should have listened to her. There were so many reasons why she hated Nicole. Their past history was enough reason for Sami to want her nowhere near her children or her husband.

Then she stopped herself because she had thought of EJ being her husband when she had tried so hard to keep it in her mind that she was only married to him to stop the vendetta and then it was to keep him in the country. Yet why couldn't he understand that she had very important reasons not to let Nicole gain any kind of entrance because if she did gain an inch she literally took a mile.

It made her want to retch thinking of all the things Nicole had done to them. Their lives would have all been so different if that bitch had never came back to Salem and for as long as she lived, if she would have had to do it all over again, she would have been more adamant in her requests to EJ to keep that snake away from them.

Nicole Walker had done nothing but brought misery and destruction to them all.

Sami looked down at her hands and realized they were shaking and she hadn't even read the next letter from EJ. She had to stand up for a while, she needed to get up from where she was sitting and walk, do something to rid herself of these feelings of anger that popped up whenever she thought of Nicole Walker.

She walked over to the window noting that the afternoon was passing by quickly, much more quickly than she had realized and she didn't want to leave before she had finished the letters. It was like this was something she needed to take care of before she left here today, so she reached in her pocket and took out her cell phone to call her grandmother.

The phone rang a few times and luckily Sami heard her grandmother's voice on the other line.

"Grandma, this is Sami," she began.

"Yes dear, is everything all right?" Caroline asked since her granddaughter's voice seemed to be slightly quavering.

"I'm ok, I just wanted to ask you a favor," Sami paused momentarily before asking her what she wanted for a favor.

"Ask away," Caroline said, hoping that Sami wasn't having another fight with Rafe. It seemed that was all they did lately causing Caroline to think that maybe she shouldn't have encouraged Sami to marry Rafe so quickly after she had called off her marriage to EJ.

"Can you keep the kids tonight? I have some things I need to do and it might be late before I finish and I thought they would be more settled in at your place instead of me coming by so late tonight."

"I'll be glad to Sami. They are such good company to me and it will be fun to have a spend the night party with all of them tonight."

"Thank you Grandma, I'll see you in the morning," Sami bid her grandmother goodbye and then turned off her phone completely, she didn't want to have to deal with Rafe calling her, she wanted to get through with these letters with no interruptions hoping by the time she was finished she would have some kind of idea why EJ decided to sign over custody of the kids to her.

She still didn't see why EJ did it, maybe by the time she got to the end she would understand because right now she was in the dark, no closer to a reason why then when she started, so after walking around the house for a few minutes she sat back down beside the trunk and readied herself to open up the next letter EJ had written for her.

Moonlit Wishes
Part XVIII

Dear Samantha,

I knew you didn't want me to take Nicole's case and tried to tell me she was a slut among other things, but I was determined to earn my way without the DiMera fortune since of course it was tied up in the estate after Father had disinherited me. Plus it didn't help matters that John was the new leader of the DiMera family telling me which cases he thought I could take and which I could not.

I wasn't going to stand for it, I was only trying to provide for our family, both the children even though you constantly reminded me that Allie was not mine, but I loved her just the same as Johnny. I never made any difference between either of those babies and you know it.

So my back was up against the wall, you were hell bent on me not taking Nicole's case and then John trying to guilt me in his own weird view of the world way by saying I wasn't being loyal to the family. Hell Samantha, here John was a DiMera for all of five minutes per se yet he was telling me I was not loyal to my family.

You both made me want to prove to you both you were wrong, not me. I wanted to leave the mansion right then and there, yet you refused to go with me saying that we had no money or plan or place to go. You told me you didn't trust me either and that hurt even more.

You told me nothing was innocent about Nicole, she was a black widow. You were so adamant about me staying away from Nicole. You told me you would never forgive Nicole and you would never understand why I was willing to help her.

I told you everything I did was for you and the twins, yet you still didn't believe me. I wanted you to see that I was doing this for us and trying to erase the hurt you insisted on giving me I just did the opposite of what you wanted, I was so sure you were wrong about Nicole.

I had never been so wrong about anything in my life apparently; I should have listened to you when you voiced your objections about Nicole. I bet you are thrilled you were right and I was wrong and I'm finally admitting it.

If I had not taken Nicole's case and allowed her access into our lives I believe things would be completely different between us today. What do you think?

EJ

Sami felt anything but thrilled with EJ's acknowledgement that she had been right about Nicole. How could she be thrilled because she and EJ were both changed forever after that bitch snaked her way into their lives? It wasn't much of a victory to be right when things were still to this day so wrong between them both.

Moonlit Wishes
Part XIX

My stubborn Samantha,

For you to tell me I was naïve about Nicole was an understatement, she really was a back stabbing money grubbing bitch, although at the time I thought you were jealous that she gave me attention when you obviously didn't want to give me any beyond what you thought I deserved which usually was nil.

I can remember the fight we had the day I came home from work. I was excited about my new office and wanted us to go down to the second hand store to find some furnishings for it. To think me a DiMera was excited to go to a thrift store should have let you know that I had completely forsaken my birthright and was willing to start anew working as hard as I could to provide for our family.

You told me you didn't want me to go to the park with you and the twins unless I called Nicole and told her I wasn't going to represent her in the divorce proceedings against Victor. You wanted to push me into making a decision I didn't think was the correct one for us. That was the reason I claimed refusing not to relinquish being Nicole's lawyer, but the other reason that was in the back of my mind was that I thought if I made you jealous you would actually admit your feelings for me. That you wanted me as much as I wanted you, I hung on to the belief that if another woman was interested in me then you would finally see the light.

To say my plan backfired on me is a vast underestimation on my part. Epic fail! I am a master planner among other things master-wise, not saying more but between you totally ignoring me when I was in desperate need of you'll just have to read between the lines on that one.

So my make Sami jealous plan wasn't my brightest idea ever, although I will state to my dying day I am a damn genius compared to any of the other men you have ever had in your life. Girl you know you I am telling you the truth.

Of course I was crazy to ever think you'd be jealous of another woman giving me any kind of attention. I was under your spell and hoped you'd take an interest in me as a man, I mean when I first came to town you were interested in me that way even if you were engaged to Dallas. I know you were even if you deny it, you were and I just wanted you, impossibly stubborn you, Samantha Gene Brady, the girl who lit up the room every time you entered it, the only girl whose attention I craved.

I wish you could have wanted me too. I would have given anything to have you want me the way I wanted you.

EJ

Sami gently folded the letter back neatly, careful not to tear this one. EJ made her feel many things and yes she had been jealous of Nicole, but her stubbornness prevented her from telling EJ anything close to the sort. Yet he had been attracted to her stubbornness, wanted her even when she gave him no reason to want her.

Maybe her having a man chase her instead of the other way around had somehow convinced her that there was no way he really would be interested in her if she had let her guard down and truly let him see her, the real her. Damn her insecurities and being jealous had only made her retreat more into her protective shell.

Could EJ have really wanted to be with her if he knew the real her, would anyone? Guess she had been too afraid to find out for sure. Well it was too late anyway for her to find out, it was past tense, she had read the letter and it said the way he wanted me, not that he wanted me now.

She shook her head; she really was losing it if she thought EJ would ever want her again. She was losing it, wasn't she?

Moonlit Wishes
Part XX

Sami thought back to those days, time spent with EJ and the twins, both of them working together to raise them. Sleepless nights when one baby would drift off to sleep only to have the other wake up. She had been sleep deprived, cranky and more than a little hostile to EJ even more so after Nicole had come back to Salem.

The day she escaped to the gym for just a little while to blow off some steam, she had ran on the treadmill until she was breathless yet she still plugged on, hoping the exertion would clear her mind. Only to have EJ come in and then regrettably Nicole soon after of course with her snide comments to Sami.

Yes, it was hard to lose weight and get back into shape especially after having twins, but Sami had worked hard and thought she was looking good, that was until Nicole made fun of her talking about how it would take forever to get the extra baby weight off. EJ nor Nicole knew how difficult it had been for her to lose weight and her fears of regaining pounds that might never come off, a fear that had stayed with her ever since her teenage years when she struggled with bulimia. They didn't know what a struggle it was not to revert back to those terrible thoughts of never being pretty enough, always being the girl who looked in the mirror and saw only the flaws.

She really should not have let her get to her that way. Nicole was nothing more than a bitchy washed up drunk and her opinion shouldn't matter, although it cut to the core especially after she joked saying Lucas would rather be in prison for shooting EJ than to be with her. Nicole had no class that was for sure, she was poison with her sharp barbed insults.

Then again maybe anyone would choose something else, even prison time to avoid being married to her. She and EJ were playacting at being married, why their annulment would already be filed if the threat of EJ being deported hadn't come up when it did.

She had to ignore her. She had enough of Nicole's insults, but when she really lost it was a little while later was when she saw Nicole trying to hold Allie. She had saw red instantly rushing to take her child away from that skanky whore and before she knew it she had slapped her.

It had felt good to hit that tramp especially after Nicole was making comments about the twins having multiple fathers. Nicole didn't know the situation and Sami had let her get to her to the point where she didn't feel rational.

Surely after EJ heard Nicole make those nasty insinuations about the twin's parentage he would drop her case. But he didn't and that had made Sami angry at him, doing anything to pick a fight with him after that scene in the gym.

So she did what she did best, she threw up another wall in her heart, EJ didn't care about her feelings or he would have told Nicole then to find another lawyer.

She decided not to let him get closer to her because if she let him in he was only going to break her heart that much she had been sure of at the time. No one really wanted to be with the girl who wasn't pretty and sweet like her sisters, the one who always came in last when it came to love. No one had ever really loved her for her and stayed around to prove it. They all left her in the end. EJ would be no different.

Too bad that no matter how hard she tried to act like what he did didn't matter to her at all, it had. She just had to be strong, the weak crumbled and were left alone, better to be the one who didn't care than to care at all.

She had decided that day she was never going to be that ugly awkward teenage girl in the mirror again, she just wasn't.

Sometimes Nicole's insults still haunted her. Sami covered her ears for all the good it did, no one was here with her yet she could still hear her words rip her confidence to shreds.

Just another reason why she hated Nicole, one of many. Oh how she wished that whore had never come back to Salem. Nicole had ruined everything.