Closer

"She took my heart, I think she took my soul"

I dream of Bella.

I smell her in the room and I know either I've finally drunk myself into a coma or I've started hallucinating. I open my eyes and she's sitting on the edge of my bed.

She smiles a slow sweet, torturingly Bella smile.

"Hey," she whispers. She looks like she did ages ago, before Cullen left her sick and broken. Still too skinny, but there as at least a bit of roundness to her hips, a bit of color naturally in her cheeks.

Her hair frames her face, looking like silk.

"I'm losing it," I whisper back. She nods and she smiles wider.

"You lost it a long time ago kid," she giggles. One delicate hand touches my leg, trails up thigh and rests on my abdomen. She sighs and lies beside me. I can feel her warmth. I can smell everything I love about her.

"You're dying," I kiss her forehead and gather her close. She nods.

"Nothing survives long without the sun Jake," she nuzzles into me.

"Are you really here?" I squeeze my eyes shut, because I don't want to open them if she'll disappear.

"I'm here," she kisses my jaw, the new Jacob is losing. The new Jacob never felt Bella's loves so fully before. I swallow.

"Can I keep you now?" and my arms wrap impossibly around her. She's so small. For someone with so much fire and so much life, she was so tiny.

She nods into my chest.

"I'm nothing without you Bells," I breathe her in. Her hair feels like it looks. She pushes herself up to look down on me. Her eyes are shining with love. She moves forward, and I forget how to breathe.

Her lips rest gently on mine. "Then don't let me go," she whispers against me. And it's gone. She's gone. I wake up stifling my screams in my pillow and fisting the sheets. I hold onto what little bit of me is left, and start the familiar mantra.

She's gone. You lost. You tried, and it wasn't good enough. So suck it up, suck it up and let it go. Let her go. You lost. You lost. It wasn't good enough.

"Jacob," the leech's voice is broken. I don't look at him.

She's gone. You lost. You tried. You tried. You tried so hard.

"It's ok."

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Bella together again. You knew and you tried anyway, but it's over now. She chose. You lost. You lost. It's over.

"She needs you, don't do this to yourself."

Over. Over. Lost. It's over man let her go.

I start to relax, start to remember. New Jacob tells the old Jacob to go suck his thumb in a corner somewhere and old Jacob runs to do so.

New Jacob opens his eyes and blinks. It's still night. New Jacob feels likes it's the perfect time to move on, to keep going. I swing my legs off the bed and stare at the man I hated the most in the world. I stare him dead in the eye so he knows he doesn't scare me.

"Fix your own problems," I bite out and I mean every single word. He's surprised. I know he's searching my head for something, more than likely someone. Old Jacob cowers and I smirk. He leaves as I'm packing.

But there's a letter on the floor, and I know it's from her. I stare at it for a long time, not sure if it would heal or hurt. Probably it would hurt, so I rip it to shreds

Bella made her bed.

Edward

"Did you find him?" Bella's eyes are so full of hope it's painful.

"No," I lie and kiss her head.

She cradles her engorged stomach and rubs it gently, "It's ok little one," she starts to cry and I feel too much. It was times like this I missed sleep, missed how blissful it was to check out when the world became too much. I was so tired, and could do nothing but wait for the feeling to pass.

Bella was going to die unless we figured out what to do. Rosalie was impossible, Bella was being stubborn, and the rest of the house had unconsciously taken sides. We were evenly split. If I attacked Rosalie, which I'd been contemplating for days, the family would break apart right down the middle.

Bella was killing us all.

As Clear As Black every time you quote from my story you make me feel 10 feet tall. Thank you so much.

82c10 you're reviewing both my babies, I don't have words to express how much that means to me. They're very different stories, and the fact you like them both, oh my gosh, you're just amazing.

sun-shine99, thanks for the compliment. My head inflated a bit. ^_^

BaiLynn thanks for gushing. Lol, I love gushing.

Thank you so much for reviewing guys. This story is an underdog, but it's loved dearly.