After the storm hits
He goes around as usual.
Sanji cooks his food like the chef he was, trains his best and jokes around with his Namaka .. To untrained eyes, it is normal, but those who knew best could tell, Only does everything come out a little bit forced .. His eyes a little bit dampened out, a tad more pernickety about his food.
More Tobacco to puff
"It will kill you, cook-sama" Chopper would gently scold
"Leave him be, Chopper. Let him enjoy his cigarette, A man only dies once after all"
Sanji turned his head towards Zoro, of course only Zoro would say that, as kind and dependable a friend he can be, Zoro fell short on a lot of things, directions, spirituality and emotional intelligence being the most prominent.
'A man dies little by little, Zoro, every failure, every heart break, every disappointment , it kills a little part of him'
"Sanjiiiiii, I am hungry" Luffy screams, as usual and he can't help but laugh it out inside. Luffy, he is the rock, he never changes. "Havenot you eaten already?"
"But, I am still hungry, besides I have news for you, rumours rather"
"One day on land and you have caught on the rumour mill"
"It is about Charlotte"
He stood petrified
"She was captured by marines along with one of her sisters but has since escaped"
"Luffy, you radish head, who told you he would want to hear anything about Harlot blood pudding" Usopp berated.
"That is enough both of you" He commanded as he lit on another cigarette "Usopp, you don't have to call her that and Luffy I am not interested in stale news, the past is a past"
He headed towards the Kitchen, leaving Zoro on deck yelling at the both of them.
He really needs owner Zeff and the baratie crew these days. Only he would know how to handle him right now.
"Is everything alright, Sanji?"
"Robin-chwaannn" He dreamily said
"I heard the commotion out there, then saw you coming .. It is unlike you to leave the fun behind"
"I am fine, I just happen to have some chores to do. Would you like to eat anything, Robin?"
Robin smiled, she knew so well he was trying to avoid the subject
"Sanji-san, you know what does this book say? The one I am reading right now?"
He nodded his negation
"it says that it is OK to be bitter , to be sad, to be angry, from time to time. It is OK to get it out every once in a while, cook-san" Robin, always so perceptive
Or maybe he is just too easy to read.
It is at night, when everything is quiet , no noise or chores to distract him that it troubles him the most.
It keeps rolling and he keeps thinking it over, over and over again.
How she betrayed him,
How idiotic he was,
How pathetic she is.
Sanji liked women and he still does, however the difference was he used to like faceless women .. Just women and then she came along and it became Pudding .. Not a random faceless woman.
Pudding mattered.
Before Pudding, woman was his beloved mother, his poor sister, Nami and Robin chan. Woman was what Zeff told him she was, dignified and polished.
He liked women because it was natural, it was human. Unlike everything his biological family stood for.
He didnot reckon that Woman could be poison and spider .. He simply couldnot imagine first hand. Until, Pudding broke his heart.
"Don't take it hard on yourself, she duped us all, besides if it would be of any solace, She loves you, we can now tell" Nami's voice pulled him out of thought.
"It is cold out there, go to sleep, Nami-chan"
"Sanji, we all know you are hurting, we know you are heartbroken, you don't have to hide it or deny it"
"There" he removed his coat, draping it over Nami's torso "Chopper will be pissed off, if you catch a cold, Goodnight, Nami-Chan"
How could he be such a fool? How could he just trust her with his heart that much? How could she stomp and stampede it with such cruelty?
'Guess She wasnot different, she wasnot any different from his brothers or her clan for what mattered'
'She loves you' Nami's voice rings in his head.
Even if it is true, it doesnot console him, not in the slightest bit.
It is Luffy who finds him the next morning.
"Sanjiii, breakfast?" he pouted
"can't you just wait until everybody is up?! Or do you have to eat breakfast at least ten times until you are quite satisfied and done?"
"You know this engine burns a lot of fuel besides, they won't be up until late. Take Zoro up there , he doesnot even bother to wake up and he snores all night" Luffy complained
"Ahhh, there" he tossed him food across the table "Now, shut up and let me work in peace"
"Sanji"
"You werenot mistaken to have given it all your heart"
"Luffy?"
"This food, it is delicious and you shouldnot regret it, anything you have done, anything you have endured ... Zeff had taught you so"
Luffy left him tongue tied.
The ocean inside of him, it is swallowing him, and he isnot reaching the bottom of it. He had given her his love , made room for her in the heart that she possessed and toyed with. He would have given her his freedom..
And oh his face still aches everytime he remembers the mask he wore for her when it was swollen and bruised.. His face aches, when he remembers how she mocked him ...
His throat, it chokes on the tears he had shed, the ones that streamed down his face when her words cut through his chest, how her elaborate lies clouded his visions.
His heart aches.
His pride aches
Because
he loved her and he still does and he cannot forget it, he can neither forget her nor forgive her .
"It will get better" Chopper chirps as he hovers around runny nosed Nami before he reprimands her for being careless and catching a cold "Now the entire crew will get sick" he says
'Better' Sanji muses.
He cannot help but wonder, what could have happened? What should have happened? And if it is ever going to end? When would it get better?
"it is easy to get conned, watch out kid" Zeff scoffed "Those who pretend to resemble us can easily deceive us"
He thought pudding was just like him, indeed she was so like him .. Blacksheep, outcast and more or less cuisine oriented! This is how he was fooled, this is how she crept up on him, he now knows.
"Hold on ... Steady" Usopp was shouting at Frank "don't rush it or you will ruin everything"
He should have known best that nothing good comes out of his family, nothing whatsoever, he should have known.
"You have to survive this, become the man I want you to be" he could almost hear Zeff on the brewing winds And he knows he owes it to him, to his Nakama to recover.