In which Tori finds Jades Diary
I open my diary, pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose, flipping to a clean page, getting ready to write another entry when I notice it. It's not my hand writing. Wait, this isn't my diary! Shit! Crap. Oh shit. Who has my diary?! It hasn't left my side all day. Except when I bumped into someone. I didn't look to see who they were Just picked up my journal, that looked similar to the other, said sorry, and walked away. But who's is it? I guess a small look wouldn't hurt. I mean it's not like the person will kill me or anything.
Entry 34,
I don't even know why the Fuck I'm writing in this. I mean diaries are stupid. Scratch that, writing about your feelings in any way, shape, or form is utterly and completely idiotic.
Nothing as to whom it belongs to so far. I have pretty good idea though. I continue reading the journal.
I'm sure Vega has a diary... crap. I can't think about her...
What do they mean they can't think about me? Wait, Vega? I only know one person who calls me that. She claims she hates me, she's goth, and she's addicted to coffee. Lets see if my hunch is right.
Anyways, what is it the meaning of a diary, journal, piece of paper you don't want anyone to read? Oh yeah, to write down your stupid feelings, things you hate, desires, interests... Okay... let's see, things I hate... wow, so many things that I despise can't simply be put on one sheet of college ruled paper.
(Not surprising.)
So, I'm just going to put the top five things I despise with a passion down.
5.) Ducks (man I hate ducks... it's a long story).
4.) When people wear skinny jeans under skirts. (It just irks me to the point I want to stab anyone who wears it like that with my scissors).
3.) When people back talk me (man I just want to punch them when they do... Damn Vega has the balls to talk back all the time).
2.) Dolphins (another very long story).
1.) Tori Vega.
And my hunch is confirmed. Its Jade. I should probably put the journal down. Wait, hold up. I keep reading further down. She's talks about why she hates the things in short explanations. But my name catches my eye.
Vega. I despise her with a fucking fiery passion. Not because of her "rubbing on my boyfriend", or my jealousy. Simply because she's her. Everything she does is flawless and she always does it right.(Have you seen me?! I mess up everything?!)She never gives up. Like her being insistent on me being her friend. I'll never admit it out loud but she's the only one I can count on to listen to me and help me.(Called it.) After all I've done to her. I've given her detention multiple times, scared her enough for her to jump out of my car, pushed her off a building (though there was an air mat), I've been a constant gank to her. And what does she do? She comes right back perkier than before.
If she messes up she's right back on it trying again until she gets it right, she doesn't wallow in self
pity. (...huh?)
She's the exact opposite of me. She's nice, funny, sweet, cool, innocent, gorgeous-(WHAT!?)let me stop right there. She's not gorgeous. Nononono. My enemy is not gorgeous. She's evil and manipulative- wait, that's me. Fuck. I have to go get my thoughts sorted, plus, I'm running out of room on this stupid piece of paper in this stupid journal.
Bye losers.
-Jade
P.S. if you are not me reading this you better hope I don't find out who you are, or so help me God I'll stab you with my favorite pair of scissors. So you better watch out.
I just read Jade West's personal thoughts. I... crap... She's gonna find me and then she'll kill me with toilet paper. Seriously, how do you kill someone with toilet paper? Do you just stick a huge wad of paper down their throat or something?
I still can't get over the fact she called me gorgeous though. But, then, of course, denied it. Why would she call me gorgeous. Crap. I need to get her her diary back and then get mine from her. How am I going to do that without her noticing. Or I can wait until she notices and comes barreling through my door.
"VEGA!" Speak of the devil. My front door slams open. I jump from my seat and close the diary. I hear her slam the front door shut. I quickly grab a random book off my book shelf in my room and jump on my bed.
She's coming up the stairs.
I open the book to a random page and start reading.
My door knob turns as I slide my glasses up the bridge of my nose.
My door flies open with an angry Jade behind it. She breaths heavily as she strides over to me. I look up at her putting on my best 'innocent' face.
"Where's the book?" She says between breaths. I furrow my eyebrows in fake confusion. I hand her the book
I'm reading only for her to throw it across my room into the bathroom.
"Where. Is. My. Journal, Vega?"
"What journal? All I have is mine." I say looking at her. She glares at me and looks around my room. I guess she spotted it because she turned and walked to it. She opened it and I get off my bed, still acting and say,
"What are you doing reading my journal?!"
She glares at me again and asks a simple question, "did you read it?" I look at her And see something flash in her eyes, but as quick as its there, it's gone.
"Its my journal. I can read it if I want." I say.
She asks again this time still firm but quieter, "Did. You. Read. It?"
I lie shaking my head no. I see her shoulders slump in relief.
"Jade what happened?" I ask. I know very well what happened I'm just playing dumb.
"Nothing, Vega. Bye. See you in school tomorrow." With that she grabs the journal And walks out my bedroom door. I hear the opening and closing of the front door, then nothing.
/~\~/~\
/One month later\
She's avoiding me. Ever since she found me with her journal she stays away from me. Does she know I read it? No. I was acting and told her lie after lie, but she doesn't know that. I've been looking for her all day, but when I try to walk to her She goes in the other direction. She comes into Sikowitz's class late and sits as far away from me as possible, And in lunch she sits at the other side of the café. She doesn't even sit at our regular table. She just sits at a random table by herself, and when I try to go sit by her she walks away, leaving uneaten food behind.
I asked Andre about it and he just shrugged and went back to eating. When I looked at Beck to ask he shook his head and said" I don't know, but don't bother her." I mean who does that?! She's one of our friends, (no matter how much she denies me being one) and no one cares. It's like she doesn't exist when she's like this. I checked everywhere. I checked the Janitors closet, the black box, the girls bathroom, everywhere. And she just up and disappeared during lunch. Then I didn't see her during classes. Then at the end of the day when she was at her locker her head was resting on the scissors and black covered locker like she was thinking or something. When I went to confront her She walked away, almost running. I want to figure out what's up with her. So tomorrow I'll pull her into the Janitors locker when she least expects it. Well, good bye.
-Tori
I read the entry in my diary I wrote before I went to bed last night. I need to figure out how I'm going to pull Jade into the closet. So right now I'm sitting in the Janitors closet waiting for her to pass the door when the bell rings for school to let out. It's so boring in here. But there's this part of me that just wants to talk to Jade and see why she's avoiding me.
The bell rings and I walk to the door and peak out. When Jade passes the door I open it and grab her wrist. I pull her in and close the door, blocking it with my body.
"What are you doing Vega?!" She yells at me, "Let me out!"
"Not until you tell me why you've been avoiding me." I say.
"What? I haven't been avoiding you!" Denial.
"You haven't been avoiding me?!" She nods her head. I can't believe this, the nerve of the girl, "Okay, if you weren't avoiding me, how come when ever I try to come near you, you all but bolt in the opposite direction? And when I do manage to catch you to talk to you You just give me nothing but the cold shoulder then walk away?! I mean it's like- It's like... God dang it I don't even know! And Freaking Beck told me not to mess with you, Andre just shrugs, And when I go to Cat She squeaks and runs away!" I look at Jade after my rant, breathing heavily. She just looks at me and shrugs. She fucking shrugged. I'm seething now. She can't just brush it off like it's nothing. "Don't fucking shrug like it's nothing. You know what, I don't even know why I even tried to get into that dark bitter twisted soul of yours. I mean, why is my mind so fucked up, that I actually want to try to be your friend, I've tried countless Times. And where did I get? I got pushed off a building, given garbage coffee, framed, thrown in detention, and where did that get me?! Fucking nowhere! You know what Jade? You got what you wanted. Don't worry about me messing with you, or trying to be your friend. I'm tired of trying, Jade. Bye." I turn around and open the door. Before I could get out She grabs my wrist, "So you're just going to give up on me?" I look back at her and she has her head down in defeat
I nod, like I did all that time ago in the Black Box theater when she helped me clean it,"pretty much".
"Okay. I knew you would, everyone does." She says it so quietly I have to strain to hear. She lets go of my wrist and walks out of the janitors closet.
I see something fall out of her bag but she doesn't stop to pick it up, she just keeps walking. Then I notice it. It's a black notebook. It's her journal. I know I shouldn't but it's in my hands before I can stop myself. I go back to the janitors closet And close the door, opening the journal to where I left off.
Entry 35,
I don't know why I keep writing in this thing... I mean, a diary. Really? I got this thing about a year ago. Around the time Vega came into my life. I don't know why, I guess I just needed something to write in so I didn't explode. Wait... i'd actually like that.
I look up from the book. That part reminds me of something,
"So what if, one day your sweat just like, builds up and you just explode?" I ask her, I mean, she can't possibly never sweat. She gives me a very Jade like answer,
"I would love that." ...of course she would.
I look back down to the book and start reading again.
Why can't Vega mind her business. She found my diary. I don't know if she read it or not, I couldn't really tell. The only thing that I think is that it was on her desk like she was going to write in it but it was closed. Ugh I'm thinking too much into this.Why do I have to feel like this? Every time she comes around it's like I can't breath and I just want to stay away from her. I don't know. I hate her. I hate these things. I hate everything. I hate this journal. The only thing I don't hate is the stage. There's something about it. There's something about the stage. Just something that draws me towards it. That. makes me who I am, and shows me what I do, what I want to be.
Think about it. The feelings of a different person. You don't have to be yourself. It's easier being someone else. Whenever I try to be myself people ridicule and mock me. They call me a gank. But I can't help it. It's who I am. Then Tori goes and makes everything perfect and every corner have light and everyone loves her. But when I try to be nice it creeps people out. It's just unnatural. She brings light to everyone. Even me. I won't show it though, I never will. I don't care how much she trys, how much she says she knows me, I'm not letting her in.
I mean, I throw the harshest words at her, words that could cut steel, and she comes back. Every time. I guess that's one of the reasons I admire her. On of the very many reasons. I hate knowing she won't give up. And I hate her for making me admire her. Well, later losers.
-Jade
P.S. if you are not me reading this you better hope I don't find out who you are, or so help me God I'll stab you with my favorite pair of scissors. So you better watch out.
So... she admires me? I don't understand. And she was wrong about me. I will give up... I guess I'm like Beck, when the going gets tough, give up...
This entry is dated about a month ago. A week after I found here diary. Ugh.
I flip to the next page and that entry is dated about a week later.
So she puts an entry every week it seems. So the next one was week before last.
Entry 36,
The song I wrote is replaying in my head over and over again. The lyrics haunting me. 'You push me back, I push you back.' How true they are. But not with Beck. He gives up every time I throw a fit or just have a bad day. He doesn't touch me like he used to. Its like there's nothing between us anymore. I mean sure I love him, but it's a platonic love. One you'd have for a friend or sibling or parent. He's like a brother. Sure I was upset with losing my rock, but there are more. Many, many, more.
On a different note, I'm avoiding Tori. I can't help it, it's just... it's something about her I can't explain it. I want to be near her but I don't want to crowd her. Its hard to understand. I hate her and I hate what she make me feel. I hate avoiding her. I don't know if I could just tell her how it is... why I'm avoiding her. I'm sure she'd look at me in disgust and tell me to go to hell. And I hate that. Well, later losers.
-Jade
P.S. if you are not me reading this you better hope I don't find out who you are, or so help me God I'll stab you with my favorite pair of scissors. So you better watch out.
Okay that one was... confusing. Wait... feelings? The ones that make her hate me? What does that mean. And why in almost every entry am I mentioned? Ugh... time for the next one. This one is last week.
Entry 37,
I'm avoiding her and she's noticing. I can't do it. She'll give up on me and then I won't have anything left. I'm retreating back into the darkness away from the light that is Vega. Why? What did I do to the dude upstairs that makes him play with me like this. I can't sleep thinking about how she'll give up on me. It's scary knowing I'll lose her. And I never even had her. Its utterly stupid for me to feel this way towards Vega. She's amazing. I'm not going to deny it any more. I'm tired of hiding. Tired of trying to fit in. So what? I like her. Oh well. Did I ever hate her? Well at first. But she grew on me like a mushroom on rotting wood. Bad simile but it's one. What can't I ever get her out of my head. I try to sleep at night but I can't. Its so bittersweet. Sweet thinking about her, bitter because it's about her giving up. Man I'm such a fucking loser. Guess I'll just drag her to the black box next Tuesday. Explain everything to her. Well, later losers.
-Jade
P.S. if you are not me reading this you better hope I don't find out who you are, or so help me God I'll stab you with my favorite pair of scissors. So you better watch out.
I look for the next one only to see she hasn't written one. Wait... Tuesday... that's today! Shoot.
I close the diary and stand opening the door and walking, taking a right and walking to the black box. I need to figure this out. Journal in hand and pln in mind, i make my way to the Black Box., I'm not sure what I was expecting. But it wasn't a curled up small looking Jade. I think of something she said about a year ago in the same place we were standing. Where we bonded over a grimy food fight set.
I shake my head and the doors shut. She hears me and looks up, "I don't get it." She looks at me confused, "what?"
"You could've just told me. You didn't have to hide it and and avoid me." She looks at me. "Well I'm sorry that I knew you'd think I'm disgusting." My eyes widen. "What makes you think I'd think you're disgusting?" I hurt hearing her say that. I did exactly what she expected me to do. Although, I toughed it out. I never truly gave up on her.
"Because everyone does! I told Beck and he hasn't talked to me since! No one has." She says the last part quietly. I sit beside her and wrap an arm around her shoulder. "Well I'd never think that. Never." We sit there in silence and she says quietly, "I know." She lets out a hoarse, dry laugh, one I almost didn't hear. As if she was realizing something. "I like you..." It was mumbled and I smile a little. "I like you too."