Straw Hat Guy!
By Winter Knight
Chapter 3: "HOLY CRAP I'M IN ROUGETOWN!" part two
Note: You know the drill! I do not own any of these characters!
In the Last chapter, I got a review that proves that this fanfic has controversy...YAY ME! Although it reminds me of the "Carol Burnett" incident on Family Guy... Peter will explain the whole mess just to clear things up and protect the innocent and me from being sued! However controversy like this is what prevented me from posting the fanfic in the first place but since I got nards...what the hey!
I also wonder if readers got the jokes involving Vera de Milo from "In Living Color" and "Civil War"
WARNING: SOME JOKES CAN BE OFFENSIVE AND OBSCURE! SO I AM NOT TO BLAME IF YOU GET PISSED!
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Peter shows up and he goes up to the readers and is about to make an announcement, "Ok, we got a couple of letters from those who were against the three parody characters from the last chapters (says in a silent angry way "Meg"), but apparently they are not what you think they are. for you see... APRIL FOOL! heheheheheheheh... Ok, come on out everyone!"
And then 2 teenage girls with blurred faces and a deep fried rabbit appears, Peter than says "first off (bleep) the rabbit is actually "Harvey the stunt rabbit, Mr.Winter Knight hired him in case animals had to do dangerous stunts, what's up Harvey?" Harvey then says "What's up...DOC! anyway Peter I'm off to the "Clam" because I can only be seen by fanfic writers and drunks, see you later!"
Peter then says "As for the teenage cat and rabbit girls with blurred faces, "catgirl" here is played by Connie D'Amico, Meg's rival and all around bitch! Mr. Winter Knight just so happened to find a temporary role for her. And as for "Rabbitgirl" it's actually... The Playboy Bunny? But you're a guy! does that mean..." And then the Playboy bunny then says "actually Glen has no problems with having sex with male actors, like that bodybuilder from the last chapter." But then Vera De Milo appears and says "Hey! Mr. Bunny-Buns, get aload of these buns...of steel! (makes a horse laugh)" Peter and Connie then see Vera beat up the anthropodmorphic nudie magazine mascot and the battle ends with Vera putting the Playboy Bunny's nose in her armpits, Vera then says "I guess he couldn't take the sweet smell of success... (makes a horse laugh)" Vera walks away with the rabbit on her muscular arms while making that horse laugh of hers.
Peter then says "I wonder if anyone finds that scene funny? But anyway folks... WE GOT YA! They were never (bleep), (bleep), and (bleep), they were just actors impersonating them, our first hint was never giving those characters names and out second was obscuring their faces with images of Ryan Seacrest and the last one was bleeping their character's names. For you see (puts on a "Punk'd hat) YOU GOT PUNKED! Say it with me! YOU...GOT...PUNKED! heheheheheheh, I bet you all feel like JACKASSes now" But then Johnny Knoxville then shows up out of nowhere and says "Hey lardass! I own that name, andyou have to pay me a quarter if you ever say it!" Peter then says "or else what? (sees Johnny take off Peter's shirt and place a baby alligator near his nipple) Ok ok, here's a quarter!" Johnny Knoxville then says "pleasure doing business with you...WATCH "JACKASS"!"
Peter is now relieved that Johnny Knoxville is gone and he continues, "Now that I got the Author out of trouble, I am now! (gets carried off by the jackass crew) CONTINUE THE STORY!"
Last Time: The Griffins are in for it now, their trip to RogueTown ends with them being surrounded by Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons as Buggy the clown and Lady Alvida...that and some cop turned marine is going to arrest some of them for not being registered for the "Cursed Fruit Registration Act" In East Blue, Oh man is it me or when Meg as Usopp is upside down, her face does resemble a penis. And Lois' jugs are bigger than my fists and hey, why are you girls looking at me like that...hey I was just joking! No...No...AAAAHHHH (Is attacked by Meg and Lois) Ok, Ok, I'll start the story already!
Peter and the others are surrounded, But then Peter gets a Idea, he inflates himself into a giant balloon and pulls out a pin, Peter then says "Ok you losers, I just filled myself with Methane and once I pop myself and explode, LA is nothing compate to the pollution problem RougeTown is about to have!" Tom, Diane, and Joe then talk amonst themselves and agree to let the Grifffins slide, Peter then says "oh and by the way "Chaser"...Buggy and Alvida are Evil Pirates and unregistered cursed fruit users!" Joe and then a blonde little girl then turn on Tom and Diane and blasted them and the crew with seastone nets, making the cursed fruit users weak.
As everyone runs off, Stewie and Brian get seperated and they run into a blonde little girl and she says "Hello, Zolo! I'm Naval Officer Tashigi and I'm here to bring you to justice, Stewie then looks at her and he cringes in fear, Stewie says "you look like someone I knew in my past..." "Tashigi" then says, You're gonna say that I look like your old childhood friend Kuina even though I might be her twin sister, right?" Brian then says "C'mon Stewie, isn't it obvious? it's Olivia! (Stewie doesn't remember) umm you had acting class with her (Stewie still doesn't remember) she "married" you? (Stewie doesn't remember) you burned her "house" down" Stewie then remembers and says "Oh yeah! well her house wasn't the only one I burned down, it was the only one I didn't blame on someone else...Like that time I burned someone's house down and blamed it on that bitch from "Beverly Hills 90210" and that dead bitch from "TLC". Ok..."Tashigi" let's do thi...(gets grabbed by Lois) put me down you vile strumpet! I got a score to settle!" And as Lois has Stewie in his arms, Stewie flips her "Tashigi" and says "YOU BAST... umm I mean YOU BITCH! YOU SAID I WAS FLAT AND I MISSED THE F-SHARP BECAUSE OF IT!" "Tashigi" then says to everyone around her, "don't even think about it, I carry swords so I'm the best at there is...sorry Wolverine." And then "Wolverine" says "I don't know who you are lady, the name is not "Wolverine", It's James Howlett!"
They made it back to the "Thousand Sunny and sailed off" Lois then tells Quagmire "No Glen! you can't keep those whores with you! they almost got the Author in trouble." Quagmire then pulls out a hentai out of his "magic speedo" and says "If anyone needs me I'll be shaking hands with the Captain..." Brian then says "well there goes our T rating! I'll go see if he's actually doing what I think he is..." Brian then sees Quagmire shaking hands with Peter, I mean Peter Griffin, not his own "Peter". Brian says "Man that was close... I haven't felt that psyched out since that time Peter went to "Westworld" on the planet Dellos...
(cutaway)
Peter is in a cowboy suit and he goes up against the android "gunslinger" and before "gunslinger" is about to shoot Peter, Peter then shouts out "SPEED OF THE PUMA!" and he suddenly runs off into the sunset away from him, Peter is then next to a bordello and he shouts out "EARS OF THE WOLF!" And he hears what sounds like some people getting it on, Peter then shouts out "EYES OF THE HAWK!" And he sees what looks like a robot humping a washing machine. Peter then shouts out "SPEED OF THE PUMA" and runs behind "Gunslinger" and after he shouts "STRENGTH OF THE BEAR!" he lifts up gunslinger and throws him off a cliff, "Gunslinger" then ends up next to a rotting carcass of a Coyote holding a tiny umbrella. Peter then says "today "Gunslinger", tomorrow "Tex Hex"! and so he walks into the sunset.
(cutaway ends)
Brian then says "In case those of you weren't born around 1987, Peter thought he was "Marshall Bravestarr". Don't ask, please don't ask!
Peter then sets the course of the ship to "Little Garden" Because In Peter's own words "We finally spend a family vacation seeing dinosaurs such as the Tyrannosaurus Rex, the Barneysaurus, the whatever the hell Dino is-asaurus, and that cute old fossil Cloris Leechman. Plus 4Shame Entertainment skipped that arc."
Chris then says "Hey Dad, if we are in the Straw Hat's world, then whatever happened to the real Straw Hat pirates?
(Cutaway)
Luffy, Zolo, Nami, Usopp, Sanji, Chopper, Robin, and Franky are in the Griffin house and they are weirded out by everything, what really got to them was having a lunatic Mayor who constantly wears a batman costume, complete with nipples. Usopp then says "Hey guys, ever get the feeling we're being watched?" And Sanji uses the internet in Meg's room and says "'ey guys check dis out, someone keeps writing about us on some fanfic website, that person's name is..." Luffy interrupts Sanji and is holding a video tape labled "Ass-ablanca, rated XXX" and Luffy says "Look what I found! a movie!"
(the next morning)
The Straw Hat Pirates are having breakfast but a rather groggy Sanji is on the table with a hangover, Sanji says "For da last time Nami, I only drank just so the Statue of Liberty can take her clothes off!"
(cutaway ends)
Peter then says "I guess it's just something we'll never know, that and what would happen if "Family Guy" was animated by Filmation.
(cutaway)
Peter, Quagmire, and Cleveland in a gorilla costume are about to enter a haunted house, but then 4 guys in scientific equiptment leave the house with a ghost they just caught, Peter then says "dammit, the "Real" Ghostbusters got us first! well let's show them who's boss..."LET'S GO GHOSTBUSTERS!" Cleveland then says "Peter, I don't know what's worse, the fact that our animation is limited thus making the only thing that moves are our mouths...or the fact that I'm casted as a ghostbusting gorilla, I mean that's racist." Peter then says "At least no politician called you a "macaca" yet, now we gotta get back at those guys, just as soon as the animators find our stock footage of us running. Peter and Cleveland then see Quagmire as a muscular barbarian with a power sword and Quagmire then says "Man, I guess the animators switched my transformation stock scene with that of Prince Adams'...now if you will excuse me I'm gonna bang his sister..."By the Power of Grayskull" alright...HEH HEH HEH ALL RIGHT! GIGGITY GIGGITY GIGGITY!"
(cutaway ends)
Peter then says "Holy Crap! if "Family Guy" was animated by Filmation, we would suck! Peter then says Ok, I think we have time for one more gag, You know I wonder if my evil twin brother Thaddeus Grifffin is affected by "Straw Hat Land" and then the Griffins see Thaddeus, dressed as Portgas D. Trace, Making that unusual evil laugh and sailing away on his boat.
And so the ship sails for "The Little Garden" while I go to bed after putting my best material into this chapter. However the "Thousand Sunny" appears to go straight towards "Mirrorball Island"...
(Note the names of people in real life have never been uttered, and are altered for my protection..however SCREW SHANNON DOHERTY AND THAT PYROMANIAC CHICK FROM "TLC"!