A/N: Hello again! Here we are with chapter three :] Thanks so much again to everyone who has reviewed so far! I still get a little thrill of excitement every time I see a review alert in my inbox. 3
I always seem to forget to mention things I should have mentioned in the first chapter. The story's title comes from the song "Bring You Back" by Paul Alan. It fits the overall feeling of the fic well, and the title is taken from a line in the chorus. Even if you don't check out anything else I use throughout the story, I strongly recommend listening to this song, as it is pretty much the theme song for the fic. n-n;
This chapter title is take from the song "The Bolder Thing to Do" by Gregory and the Hawk. All their music is incredibly beautiful and I totally recommend YouTube-ing them and listening to them :]
Chapter Three: The Bolder Thing to Do
Jim was in a dilemma, as per usual.
McCoy's diagnosis was not an optimistic one, and dammit, they still didn't know what was wrong with the Vulcan. He had to talk to Spock – needed to talk to him, dammit – but he did not want to get bodily thrown from the room the way McCoy almost had been. But he couldn't afford to waste any time, if what the doctor said was true.
He sat in his quarters and pondered what he valued more – the condition of his spine or the life of his friend.
But he only had to think about it for a second.
He stood up and walked out of his quarters and three steps down the hallway to Spock's door, hoping that by using the proper door rather than the bathroom, Spock wouldn't get angry at him and would take him seriously.
He took a moment to steel his nerves, then knocked lightly on the door.
"Who is it?" he heard, very faintly, from behind the door. He cleared his throat.
"It's me," he said, "Can I come in? I need to talk to you."
For a moment there was utter silence, then slowly the door slid open. Spock stood there staring stonily at him, then finally took a slight step aside to let Jim in.
"Spock," he said once the Vulcan had shut the door, "You need to tell me what the hell's going on."
"You need to inform me why you believe it was acceptable to allow Dr. McCoy to perform a tricorder scan without my permission," Spock replied icily, all but glaring at a now-terrified Jim.
"Jesus, Spock, we're trying to help you," he said desperately, "I'm not going to tolerate you trying to keep this to yourself anymore, not after Bones' scan."
"And what did the doctor find?" the Vulcan growled.
"That you're going to die, Spock," Jim begged, "That if we don't do something you won't make it to the end of the week." For a long moment they stared at each other, Jim breathing heavily and Spock as motionless as he could manage.
"That is... an accurate conclusion," Spock said softly, looking away. His anger seemed to have vanished as suddenly as it had appeared.
"Please, please, Spock," Jim continued, "Me and Bones, we were only trying to help. We want to help so bad but we can't if we don't know what's causing this, and I'll be damned if I lose the best science officer in the 'fleet because of some stupid secret Vulcan shit!" They stared at each other a moment, then Jim added softly, "And I don't know what I'd do if I lost my best friend."
It felt peculiar to say it, but he'd be damned if it wasn't the truth. In spite of their more-than-rocky start, he and Spock had quickly come to rely on each other during their time on the Enterprise. He felt the same deep kinship towards Spock as he did towards Bones – he supposed the older Spock had been right when he had told Jim what seemed a lifetime ago that they completed each other, could not truly live without each other – and dammit, he didn't want to even try to live without Spock.
Spock's gaze fell to the floor and for a long while he was silent, a somber thoughtfulness on his features. Finally he took in a heavy breath and said, almost inaudible,
"It is a thing of biology."
"Biology?" Jim repeated, still as confused as ever, "Like... a hereditary disease or something? Bones only looked at symptoms of contagious diseases so I guess that would make sense, but – "
"It is not a disease," Spock interjected, looking distinctly uncomfortable. Jim fell silent, but Spock offered no further explanation.
"Can't you just tell me what it is?" he asked finally and Spock winced.
"Please understand," he murmured, his face flushing a pale green, "It is a topic rarely discussed among Vulcans, much less with others."
"I want to help you," Jim whispered. Spock closed his eyes and choked out,
"It is called Pon Farr, the blood fever. It is... similar to when Terran animals go into heat."
Jim's jaw dropped. All this, because – because Spock was horny?
"It generally marks the start of puberty amongst Vulcans," Spock continued hurriedly, as if he could not get the words out fast enough, keeping his gaze steadily on the floor, "It is an occurrence that happens every seven years in which one must – one must mate, or die."
Jim snapped his mouth back closed before Spock could look back at him. So it wasn't just something as simple as being sex-starved, then. He took a moment to process the information, then slowly asked,
"Can't you get someone in the crew to – to help you?"
"No," Spock said sharply, "Vulcans are far stronger than humans, which account for ninety-seven point three percent of the crew, and Pon Farr – it causes complete loss of control – and furthermore it – it must be someone who is – who is mentally compatible..." He trailed off with a shaky intake of breath and said in a near-whisper, "I do not wish to harm anyone."
Slowly Jim sighed, his bright blue eyes darting around the room as if searching for an answer. Spock continued to keep his gaze firmly affixed to the carpet.
Finally, Jim looked at Spock, brows furrowed, and asked very softly, very tentatively,
"We've melded before – and I'm pretty tough – could – could I – ?"
"No!" Spock exclaimed, his body shuddering violently as his wide, panic-stricken eyes darted up to face him, "Jim, if I hurt you – if I – no, Jim. That is an impossibility."
"Sorry," he muttered, looking away as he felt his cheeks redden, "I just – I wish there's something I could do, Spock, I don't – I don't want you to die..."
"There is nothing you can do," Spock murmured, recollecting his composure with visible effort.
"I'll figure something out," Jim replied sternly, staring at Spock with a look of sheer determination. "I don't believe in no-win situations, if you remember correctly."
"You can cheat the Kobayashi Maru, Jim, but you cannot cheat death," Spock replied, closing his eyes, "I will not be able to report for duty tomorrow. If you could – contact my father, if I am unable to – to contact him myself."
"You will," Jim snapped, "Trust me."
"My odds of surviving this ordeal are less than point two percent," he said in an unsteady monotone.
"And the last time you said that and I told you to trust me, things worked out fine."
"While this is true, it is also incomparable to the situation at hand."
"I'm going to make this work, Spock."
The Vulcan sighed and bowed his head in defeat. He knew he would not be able to convince Jim otherwise.
"So you take tomorrow off, then. And I'll figure something out. Bones said it was all the adrenalin in you – I'm sure there must be some way to get rid of it."
"Please do not make this public knowledge," Spock said suddenly, looking mortified at the thought.
"Of course not. Me'n Bones'll be the only ones who know."
He turned to go and added, "I'm not gonna just let you die, Spock." And with that, he was gone.
Spock sat down slowly, silently, his body trembling and his mind racing. Jim was going to be sorely disappointed – for all the younger man's bravado Spock knew there was nothing that the captain could do – at least, not anything he would allow him to do. He gave another violent shudder at the thought of the offer that Jim had made.
He had been correct in his conjecture that he would be a – a viable partner, but Spock could not – would not – allow such an event to occur. It was not that he did not desire to – on the contrary, Jim was the most desirable of the potential candidates – he shuddered again, his Starfleet regulation trousers suddenly feeling exceedingly uncomfortable.
But he knew how easily humans broke – how easily Jim would break, in spite of all his self-proclaimed toughness. He recalled with shame how soft, how fragile the captain's neck had felt against his palm, how he had nearly killed the man with a single hand – and the blood fever would only make it worse. He would not allow himself to harm Jim. He would not.
A/N: I know this chapter is a bit shorter, but it builds up for the next chapter which is the... pivotal moment I am sure most of you are waiting for. x] Next update will be on Wednesday! Thanks for reading! :D