The rest of the day went by at a miserably slow pace. Rather than treat patients on very little sleep, Anders decided it was best to keep the doors to the clinic shut and just sleep. If someone needed him so badly, they could scream outside the door until the mage decided to do something about it. And yet, try as he might, sleep just would not come. He wasn't sure if it was the fear he had about actually going to a brothel later or just the upset he had felt from the just hours before. Things had ended on such a painful note and it was hard not to relive it in his mind.
Before Anders had found the courage to pick himself up and make the trek back to Darktown, he found himself shaking and unable to move. Slamming his back against the stone wall of the estate, he slid to the ground and just sobbed. Part of him hoped that Hawke might come looking for him, but it was clear he would not once the mage overheard an alarming crash and a scream within. Being a healer, he could distinguish the noise as that of frustration and not of pain. It was easy to see what a terrible situation these men had found themselves in. Anders knew now that Hawke must have some feelings for him, but there was no way he, or Justice for that matter, could let anything happen. His heart broke into a million pieces, and not even a greater healer than he could put it back together.
Inside the estate, Hawke began to do the only thing he could – destroy things. He grabbed the crystal containing the bourbon and threw it into the fire. The warrior didn't expect the small explosion caused by this, but it fueled him to lash out more. Screaming as loud as he could, he turned once-beautiful furniture into piles of split wood. And yet, somehow, this didn't take away the pain and rejection he had felt. Looking at the mess he created, he made a mental note to increase Bodahn's pay substantially.
Night had finally fallen, and Anders had managed to find the courage to go back to Hightown. As he walked, he played with the coin purse he had in his pocket. Though Hawke had stated that the prostitute he had been with only cost 50 silver, the mage brought all of the coin he had with him just in case. 3 sovereigns. It was so hard for him to make any money, what with money no longer growing on trees (not that Darktown had any trees), and running a free clinic. But he had managed to save here and there, especially after accompanying his friends on a mission around Kirkwall or the Free Marches. Hopefully it just wouldn't come to that.
Once he finally started concentrating on where he was going, he found himself not in the Red Lantern District, but just meters outside the Amell estate. Fuck you, feet!he thought. It was hard enough trying to do this without any sort of distraction. But perhaps this was a good thing. Maybe he should just go talk to Hawke and this prostitute thing didn't have to happen. He would keep his coin, get some closure, and not have his balls itch from whatever diseases he was sure to acquire. He nodded and began to round the corner to where Hawke lived. Hearing voices, he stopped short.
"What do you mean I can't come in?" hissed a familiar voice.
"Don't come back to me crying about what a mistake you made. You were the one who chose to leave me." A voice so deep and melodic, it could only be…
Anders peered around the corner. Fenris had one foot on a step at the entrance to the estate. The anger in his face was nothing new. Try as he might, the mage couldn't see Hawke behind the opened door.
"I told you, I wasn't ready. I think I might be now," replied Fenris. There was something almost caring in his voice, something Anders had never heard before.
"What, am I supposed to wait around for you forever?"
"Why not me when you wait around for that filthy mage all this time? Can't you see he doesn't want you?"
There was silence. Anders wanted to scream out and intervene, but he knew he couldn't. His feet were desperate to run towards the scene, but something – no, someone – held them in place. Leave them be, Anders. Go home and forget about this.
The door to the estate opened wider and Fenris walked inside. The click of the door shutting echoed over the stone walls surrounding the area. Yet this time, there were no tears. Anders turned and, much to Justice's disapproval, he walked towards his initial destination. Fenris was right for once,Anders thought. He knew that he would only keep Hawke waiting. The warrior deserved to be happy. And happy was something Anders had forgotten about.
Unfortunately, the mage left just before Fenris was shoved back out the front door to the estate. Whatever Hawke had been thinking when he let the elf inside, he had shaken it away and realized he was wrong. Anders may keep him waiting, but he had already waiting nearly three years. What was another lifetime?
Anders had been in the Blooming Rose only once, and it was just how he remembered – absolutely disgusting. The last time, he was simply on a mission with Hawke, Isabella, and Varric. But tonight, he was on his own mission. I think this is about the time I would have made a missionary position joke in my past life, thought the mage. Everything was just the same. The air smelled of dust, liquor, and sex. The music wasn't quite loud enough to drown out the moaning coming from the back. And for whatever reason, people were still asking if the mage was for sale.
He looked over and saw the madam by the bar, but he hadn't quite discovered the courage necessary to go talk to her yet. Instead, he went and sat at an empty table, once again playing with the coin purse in his pocket. If he stared down at the wood grain hard enough, surely no one would speak to him.
"This is not merely a place to sit and admire our find décor." The voice came from Anders' right. The mage looked up and saw the tall, white-haired woman staring down at him.
"I am Madam Lusine. Either pay for a good time, or I'll have to ask you to leave."
Anders gulped and found the courage to speak. He shuttered when his voice cracked as it had during puberty. "I-I have coin."
Madam Lusine smiled and held back a small chuckle. "Well, what is it that you are looking for tonight?"
The mage quickly looked around, not sure if he could find who he was looking for. His mouth was horribly dry. "I have a rather specific type of -," how could he put this lightly? "-partner I am looking for. I like elves."
The madam laughed, "You and everyone else. How is that specific?"
"Uh," why he couldn't speak, he wasn't quite sure. He was usually quite good with words, hence all of the manifestos. "Male elves. With blonde hair."
"Oh, now that is a bit more specific," Lusine said. "And how lucky for you, we have someone that meets that description working here. Unfortunately, he's a little busy at the moment. With another customer. But perhaps for the right amount of coin, he can muster up the strength to have a little fun with you."
Oh Maker just get up and run out of here, Anders thought. More expensive, and I'd be sloppy seconds. Not exactly how this night was supposed to pan out.
"How much more expensive?" He wasn't even sure if the words had come out of his mouth.
"Oh, perhaps 3 sovereigns."
You have got to be fucking kidding me. There goes eating for a while. He pulled the gold from the coin purse and handed it to the woman who grabbed for it greedily.
"Excellent. I shall fetch him shortly, and he will get you. Now just wait here, Darling. It shouldn't be long."
Waiting here was not quite an option. Anders got up and ran outside to throw up. As little as the mage had eaten lately, an alarming amount of bile came up. He had no idea what he was doing. So much coin spent and he wasn't even sure if he was paying for the correct elf. And even if it was him, would any of this actually make him feel better, feel loved by Hawke? He knew the answer and quickly went back inside to collect his money.
As he entered, he nearly ran into someone. He stepped back to apologize when he realized who he was staring at.
"And here we just thought you were making a donation to our organization," said the blonde elf. He smiled. "I'm Cerimon."
"Anders," the mage managed to choke out. Why in the name of the maker did you use your real name?
"Anders. Let's see what I can do for you." The elf's small hand grabbed his hand and started leading him up the stairs and to a room in the back. Once inside, the door clicked behind him, and he turned around to look at the elf. It was almost creepy. His eyes were similar to that at the mage making it almost like looking an elven version of himself. Like Hawke was with an elven version of me…
"So," the elf started as he went to go sit on the edge of a large, surprisingly elegant bed to Anders' right. "You seem confused enough, so I'll assume this is your first time coming to a place like this." Anders' blank stare was all the confirmation the elf needed. "Here are my ground rules: no kissing, no hair pulling, and nothing too terribly kinky. That ok?"
Anders looked down at the elf and managed to slightly nod his head.
Cerimon removed his shirt and started unlacing his trousers. He looked at Anders who stood as still as a statue. "Honey, we don't have to do this if you're uncomfortable."
You get one chance to do this. Do not fuck it up.With that thought, Anders faked his best smile and began to remove his robes. It seemed to have been a lifetime since he had undressed in front of another man. He pushed those memories aside. This was something he had to do for himself because it was the closest he'd ever get to Hawke. Somehow the thought made removing his boots, trousers, and finally his smallclothes a little easier.
And there he was, in such a vulnerable state, still not sure if this was right. He looked to the elf for guidance. Cerimon, finally stripped of the rest of his clothes, smiled at the mage and worked his eyes over his body. Usually the men who sought out his company were less than pleasing to the eyes. You had your old guys, heavy guys, hairy guys, and everything in between. But this man that stood before him was a work of art. A little on the thin side, but beautiful none the less. Long, lean, and hard. His muscles were well toned, not exaggerated like those of a warrior. The elf would have assumed this man a rouge if not for his timid nature. And that was a bit bothersome for the seasoned prostitute. At this point, his guests were usually hard as a rock and ready to fuck him straight to the Void. Yet this beautiful man looked away from him, as flaccid as could be. That fact aside, what he saw was still impressive. He looked forward to seeing it at its full length.
Cerimon dropped to his knees in front of the mage. He placed his hands on Anders' hips and slid them down to his thighs. Anders looked down him and was surprised to actually see desire in the man's eyes. If only he looked more like Hawke…Just the thought of his name sprung a little life into his cock. The elf moaned slightly. "There we go. Let me take care of you."
As he went to gently take the semi-hard erection into his hand, Anders placed his hand over the elf's. "I-," he had no idea how to do this, but he had to try. If not for the fantasy, he'd be wasting all of his money. "I've never done this before, so I don't know what is customary. But-"
The elf cut him off. "Normally I just please the guy and let him have sex with me."
Anders thought for a moment. He really had no clue the way any sexual encounter he could have with Hawke would turn out. But he knew that Hawke was a leader, a man who liked to take charge. And, Maker, did Anders love taking orders from that man. Each command was like a gift.
"I-I wondered if maybe it could be the other way around," the mage admitted, so quiet it was nearly inaudible. The elf tilted his head, perhaps trying to rehear the words.
"In my 10 years in this business, no one has ever asked that."
Anders didn't know how to respond. You can still make a run for it. There may not be time to grab the clothes, but you could just run and run and never look back.
"I'd really like that," Cerimon admitted. He realized that this must be some way this man would fulfill some sort of fantasy he had, but it would be really nice to be taken care of every once and a while. The elf stood up and went over to the nightstand next to the bed, and opened the drawer. He pulled a rather large, half-filled vial of oil from it and handed it to Anders. "Here, Honey, you get yourself ready."
Exactly the opportunity the mage had been waiting for. As a healer, this place screamed of disease to him. He could take this opportunity to take care of that. He grabbed the vial from the elf and leaned against the headboard. The elf sat next to him and slowly began to pump his own erection. "Take your time."
Anders took a deep breath. Though he was a virgin, he had learned to become a master of taking care of himself. Fingering himself was something he did as often as he could in his younger years, but he couldn't remember doing it since his merger with Justice. Well it's not like I'm happy with any of this," the spirit said in response to Anders' thoughts. As he uncorked the vial, he looked over at Cerimon. His eyes were closed as he continued to stroke himself. This gave Anders the opportunity to let a stream of blue light cleanse the contents of the vial as well as the man sitting next to him. He didn't want to come out of this situation with something unwelcome if he could help it.
Perhaps it was the magic's warmth that caused the elf's eyes to open. He looked over at Anders who had yet to prepare himself for the inevitable penetration. Taking matters into his own hands, he grabbed the vial, slathered three of his fingers in the oil, and started to work one of his finger's towards its destination before Anders had time to react. He nearly jumped at the sensation, but the elf, placed his free hand down on the mage's tight abdomen to steady him. "Ok, then turn over and make this easier for me."
The mage moaned at the thought. Seems like something Hawke would say. Without hesitation, the mage did as he was told and turned onto his stomach, positioned with his weight on his elbows and his knees placed under him for proper access to his entrance. That was a position he'd become far too familiar with when he was in solitary confinement in the Circle. The Templars liked to gather around the vulnerable mage and embarrass him this way. But he was surprisingly ok about this right now.
The elf smiled at the sight. He couldn't remember how long it had been since he had the chance with such a perfect specimen. He parted the man's cheeks, exposing the most delicate part of him. Slowly he teased a finger at the entrance, beckoning the mage to accept him. Anders did the best he could to relax and thinking about Hawke helped. Cerimon was finally able to slide one finger through the tight ring of muscle, and he was rewarded with an ever-so-slight moan. He moved the finger in and out slowly at first, and then a little faster. The far larger man did his best to keep still and keep quiet by biting onto his forearm in front of him.
A second finger was added and now worked with the first to scissor and stretch this most sacred space. Anders struggled not to push against the fingers, begging them to go further. But the elf, after so many years of working, was able to easily read his partners, and slowly added a third finger and pressed against the mage's prostate. It took everything Anders had not to scream out.
The elf was satisfied, and pulled his fingers out. He expected the man to stay put and then be entered, but to his surprise, Anders sat up and mauled the smaller man, his warm and eager mouth encompassing his cock. Cerimon was quite taken aback, not expecting that this was something the other man had in mind. He gasped as Anders took in his entire length. This human was a mystery; seemingly so inexperienced and scared one minute, and an expert at sucking dick the next. His greed and desperation took over and allowed him to lean back on his hands and watch the beautiful sight before him. The man at his length was consuming him as though his life depended on it.