A/N: Sorry it took so long!! Please review, if you have time! Even if you don't it's ok I will still keep the story going cause I rather enjoy it! :)
Ok time for Captain Obvious.... I don't own Twilight!
Ch. 3
Here I was on my way to a mandatory pack meeting after I had pissed them all off the night before, this should be fun. I was a good twenty feet away from Sam's house when I heard the voices, apparently they chose to get started without me.
"Sam this is absurd, force him to go see her if you have to! You know this is just going to eat away at him and drive a wedge through the pack. Imprinting is something unexplainable you've see how it works, what if she needs him to wake up?."
"Quil, you know better than the rest of us what Paul is going through. I didn't force you to see Clarie until you were ready did I? Until he actually does something to the pack then we have to just support him in his decision."
"Well then Sam I guess it's only fair to tell you that Jared, Jake, Embry and I have decided that we don't want him around our imprints. If he doesn't care enough about his own to protect her how can we expect ours to be safe around him?" That's it, I couldn't hold in the anger any longer, with seconds I was storming through the back door.
"So that's it then, you are just gonna start making decisions about my life with out me? I have known you and all your imprints for four years and I love them like they are my own family. So it is a load of crap that you would think I would do anything to hurt them, I have devoted my life to protect them." My anger suddenly clouded everything else in the room as I felt my fist connect with the wall.
"Now can we please go outside and handle this like we normally do for pack disagreements? Or do I have special rules cause I am so dangerous." I didn't even try to hide the sarcasm in my voice.
"Paul I will expect you to have that wall fixed by tomorrow morning. You are not treated any differently then anyone else here, you are just too stubborn to admit that you aren't always right. Outside now, before you break anymore of my house." I hated when Sam used his Alpha voice, there was no arguing it, even trying sent sharp pains through my temples.
I just bowed my head and followed Sam along with the rest of the pack into the forest for our circle of death. Not that we ever actually killed anyone, it was just our name for the way we settled disagreements. We would all phase and the person whom the disagreement was with would stand in the middle, surrounded in a circle by the others.
One by one they would each take their turns voicing their complaints with me, I would then have a chance to say my piece. If they didn't like what I had to say they were allowed to take one good swing at me and I had to take it. It might sound barbaric to some but for a pack full of werewolves it works. We aren't the type to dwell, we handle it once and the it's over with. It is true, we get mad very easily but we don't hold grudges.
So here I am phased and standing in the middle of a bunch of angry werewolves waiting to hear the first thoughts. Something tells me by the look in his eyes that Jake will be the first to share his thoughts.
Well I guess now I will have to be, wouldn't want you to be wrong for once. Paul I understand that you only care about yourself and we have come to expect that from you. My only problem is that you actually think that your imprinting is the only one that was hard. Save it Paul, I don't want your excuses.
There was nothing I could say either, nothing that I wanted to say so I just braced myself. Jake lunged, through the air and hit me hard sending us smashing into a tree, his claws ripping my my shoulder. He got up an rejoined the circle as I went back to the middle.
Jake is right Paul, none of our imprintings were easy, it wouldn't be worth it if it was. Do you think I enjoyed people looking at me like I was a pervert cause I was always around a 2 year old? Do you think it was easy for Jake to trust another girl, imprint or not, after how bad Bella hurt him? Or do you even pay attention to the way Jared beats himself up because it took him becoming a werewolf for him to really see Kim? Even when she always knew she loved him. Or what about Sam's situation, do you think that was easy? Wait, I forgot this is Paul we are taking about, if it doesn't directly relate to you then you could care less.
I couldn't take it anymore. Quil that is not true and you know it, you guys are the only family I have. I am sick of you making me sound like a raging asshole. Just cause I don't show my emotions the same way as the rest of you doesn't mean that they don't tear me up just as much. The agony in my thoughts were starting to show but it didn't stop Quil from slashing out against my other shoulder.
Sam's Alpha voice echoed in our minds. Seeing as how Jake and Quil have already pointed out the main reason we are here does anyone else have anything to add? Everyone was quiet just shaking their heads, except for Jared.
I have just one question Paul, have you even thought about her? Does it even bother you that she is lying there helpless?
I tried but I couldn't stop the whine that escaped from my muzzle. Every second of every day from the moment I first saw her. It kills me not to run to her but I can't, I am not safe. You all said it yourselves my anger is out of control, but it is all I know. I have hid behind it for so long, I don't know anything else. My job is to keep her safe and right now the safest place for her is away from me. So please, you don't have to agree with my choice but could you at least try to accept it. Just when I thought everyone was done with their yelling, Leah proved me wrong.
Accept it, when you are taking for granted the one thing the rest of us long to have. Do you think it's easy on us who haven't imprinted to sit back and witness the amazing love that imprinting brings and know that we might never find that? Here you are though with a chance to have the greatest thing your pathetic life will ever give you and you are just throwing it away. Leah didn't even wait to hear what I had to say, she was on top of me in a second, clawing fiercely at my chest. This time though Sam had to order her off.
Leah that is enough, I think we have all made our points very clear. Paul, while we may not agree with your decision we respect it. As long as this doesn't interfere with us doing our job as a pack then I cannot force you to go see her. I am warning you though, if you anger gets outta hand or I feel like you can't handle it, you will no longer have a choice, do you understand me? I bowed my head unable to disobey the alpha. Ok then everyone phase back and lets go eat some breakfast.
We all phased back and just like that it was over. The guys were all coming up to me now, patting my back and welcoming me home. Leah was still a little stand offish but that is just the way we always were. Just like that, were in the kitchen stuffing our faces, talking, and laughing just like we did before I left. That was they way it worked with us, we have know each other far too long to stay mad. Although I am sure a lot of it had to do with the fact that they thought I would give in and go see Harley, but I wouldn't
"Thanks for the food Emily, it was delicious as always! I will see you guys in a little while, I am going to head up to the hardware store to get stuff to fix the wall."
"Wow, Paul is actually going to do something instead of putting it off til the last minute? Maybe we should send him away more often." Embry joked as the packed joined in with laughter.
"Well hopefully next time it will be under better circumstances unless you enjoy watching me fall apart at the seams." I tried to make it light hearted but there was no denying the venom it was laced with. I didn't even bother to wait to here anyone's remarks I just got up and walked out the front door. They say I am the insensitive one, then what the hell was that, did they really think I enjoyed living as a wolf.
I was at the store 15 minutes later, I decided to walk hoping the air would cool me down. In the end though it just gave me more time to think and when I was in a mood like this, that was never a good thing.
Here I was standing in the back of the store looking at the dry wall and plaster when the sales guy came up to me. "Can I help you with anything?" Why the hell couldn't people just leave me alone today.
"If I needed your help I would've asked, so NO you can't help me." Quickly I went to the front, paid for my stuff and ran outside. I had no idea what that was all about. I'll be the first to admit I have a very bad temper but that was just rude, he did nothing wrong. Something is setting me off easier than normal and I don't know what it is. Better hide these thoughts from Sam, he always reads why too much into everything.
When I reached Sam's house I was relieved to find that everyone was gone but Emily. I really couldn't deal with anymore smart remarks today. Emily was still working on the dishes from this morning when I walked into the kitchen. "Hi Emily, I am really sorry about your wall. I will have it fixed in no time." I was never angry with her, she was way too kind to me and the rest of the guys.
"It's ok Paul, we all let our tempers get the best of us sometimes, we are only human after all." She added the last part with a laugh trying to hide the pain in her eyes but I still noticed. Emily has forgiven Sam for the scar that now covers half of her beautiful face but he will never forgive himself. "The pack went cliff diving and told me to tell you to join them when you are finished." She quickly added on obviously wanting to change the subject.
"Thanks, I think I will, I need to get my mind off of things." Cliff diving was the one thing in my life that I gave myself to completely. For those few brief moments, flying through the air, I was free.
"I know you don't want to see her but maybe it would help if I told you about her. The nurse who helped you last Saturday when you went to see Harley is an old friend of the family from the Makah reservation. She is keeping me updated on her progress and lets me visit her everyday." Just hearing her name shot a pain through my heart and at the same time, got my temper boiling. I refused to take it out on Emily so I stayed quiet, grinding my teeth and working fiercely. Hopefully she would get the idea and drop it, she didn't.
"They have made some progress with finding out who she is though. Sam was able to get Cheif Swan to do a little investigating for us." She stopped there, her eyes full of sadness and worry, then continued doing the dishes.
This time the venom in my voice was too much to hide. "What is it Emily, what aren't you telling me?" My rage turned into a violent shaking and I was slowly losing control as I heard something snap, the table.
"Paul calm down, take a break and go cliff diving. When Sam comes back we will all sit down and discuss this." Hearing the fear in her normally gentle voice snapped me out of it. I stopped shaking enough to make it safely outta the house.
My wardrobe had suffered greatly since I became a werewolf so I forced myself to get undressed before I phased. I was so caught up in my thoughts of what just happened that I didn't realize I wasn't alone, until it was too late.
You did what in front of Emily? No excuses Paul, I want you to open up all of your thoughts from today, NOW! So I did, from screaming at the guy at the store, to breaking the table and almost phasing right in front of Emily. Hearing the fear in Emily's voice was enough to send Sam over the edge, I was pinned on the forest floor with his paws wrapped tightly around my neck before I even realized he was close to me. His claws dug deeper and deeper in my skin as he stared to my eyes with a look of pure hatred. Paul you are my best friend but if you ever put Emily in danger like that again I will kill you myself. I knew this was going to happen, I knew you couldn't handle being away from her. Your mind is too stubborn to admit it but your heart needs her and the rage will keep building until you give in to her. The only other outcome would be your anger completely taking over and then I will have no choice but to force you to remain a wolf, because you will no longer be safe around humans. He is screaming his thoughts at me so violently that my head is aching causing me to momentarily forget the claws still around my neck.
Please Sam, I don't want to see her, I can't see her. My anger is at it's worse when I think of her, I can't control it. My life has been nothing but hell since she came into it. The feelings I have for her are unstable, from hatred, to love, to worry, to anger, I am not safe for her.
Paul when will you get it through your head. Your life has been one pathetic excuse since the moment I met you, she isn't making it worse she is giving it meaning. As for your anger you need to stop hiding behind it, I have seen all of your thoughts and I would have to be an idiot not to realize you already love her. I am sorry but I will not have you putting Emily or the other imprints in danger and I will not have you breaking apart the pack. With the stren, Alpha voice he said the words that could very well mean my demse. YOU WILL GO SEE HER TOMORROW. He finally let me up off the ground and I was finally able to think clearly with out the bellowing hate filled yells echoing through my head. I don't hate you Paul, I am just disappointed in you. You are so much better than you give yourself credit for, you DO deserve her just wait and you will see. Now lets get back to the house, I believe Emily wanted to talk to us about something.
When we entered the house Emily had already fixed the table and dinner was waiting for us. "Emily I am so sorry about earlier, I hope you know I would never hurt you. Thank you for fixing the table you really didn't have to, it was my fault, not yours, I am sorry for messing up your house again. I know there is no excuse for my behavior but in time I hope you can forgive me." Sam was still mad at me, no apology I ever gave would be good enough for him, not with what I put his Emily though today, I couldn't blame him. I looked at Emily and Sam just starting at each other and I could tell that her face so full of forgiveness was weakening his resolve.
"Forget it even happened Paul, I am sure Sam already dealt with it, no need to bring up what is already resolved. We are one big happy family and sometimes families get mad at each other that's all." How she could be so forgiving I had no idea, if I had even half the patience she had maybe I wouldn't be in this situation now.
"That's good to hear Emily cause I have a question to ask you.' Sam looked at me with a weary eyebrow lifted. "Do you think you could come with me to the hospital tomorrow? I am going to go see Harley but I don't know if I am ready to be alone with her yet."
"Sure Paul, in fact we will both go with you tomorrow." I could tell from Sam's voice that he wasn't close to trusting me alone near Emily again for a long time.
"Now that that's settled let's eat shall we?" Emily always knew how to break the tension, food. She pulled out her chair and sat at the table and we followed. After finishing 2 plates of her delicious Chicken Pot Pie I remembered something.
"Um, Emily isn't there something you wanted to talk to me about?" I saw her smile quickly disappear and in it's place was the saddest of looks.
"Well I suppose now is a good a time as any. It's about Harley's past." I could tell by the shaking of her voice that this wouldn't be good.