Chapter 3: Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes
Harry and his parents were invited to a special tour through the Weasley Twins' joke shop Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes by his godfather Sirius Orion Black. Since it was Sirius' initial investment that allowed the twins to start their shop and Harry was the twins' friend, they wouldn't say 'no'. "Thanks for inviting us, Sirius." Harry said.
"It's a pleasure, Prongslet." Sirius replied with a malicious smile. 'No matter how much the Dursleys act like they're no longer the magic-hating bigots I remember from my pre-Azkaban days, there's no way the Marauder wannabes' extravagance won't be too much for them. Their furious reactions will be so fun.'
At the shop, Petunia quickly spotted something that caught her attention and disapproval. "Love potions?" She asked in disgust. "How can people be allowed to sell this kind of thing?"
"These don't last long enough to be a threat, Mrs. Dursley." One of the twins quickly assured.
"Long-term ones like Amortentia are what people must be on the lookout for." The other added. "Especially Harry now that he's close to becoming an adult in the Wizarding World and there'll be several girls trying to get him. He'd better get a girlfriend soon."
"That won't be a problem for my boy." Vernon proudly stated and then glared at the twins. "You'd better be careful about who you sell these potions to." He then calmed down. "Now that we got past that, I'm curious about the puking pastilles I read from one of Harry's letters."
"Wanting to skip work, Mr. Dursley?" One of the twins maliciously asked.
"Not that we blame you since our investor said you live of one of the most boring jobs a muggle could get." The other added, causing Harry and the Dursleys to glare at him.
"What?" Sirius said defensively. "The only thing more boring than listening about Vernon Dursley's job being described is a history lesson from Binns."
Vernon decided to ignore Sirius. "Actually, I'm curious about the purple half. Does it cure just the effects of the orange one or is it useful against other illnesses?"
"Brother, I believe we've been given a lot to think about."
"I agree with you, dear brother."
"Thank you!" The two of them said.
The other Weasleys then joined them for the conversation. Arthur Weasley had a box labeled "Muggle Magic" and that box had a picture of a man dressed like a magician. "Oh! Hello, Vernon!" Arthur eagerly greeted Mr. Dursley. "I've just got this muggle magic box. Do you mind helping me understand how it works?"
"Well, I've never been particularly interested in illusionism but I believe I'll be able to help." Vernon uneasily replied.
"Illusionism?" Mr. Weasley asked in confusion.
"That's how muggle magic is called by muggles who acknowledge that it's not real magic, Dad." One of the twins explained.
"To play it safe, you'd better use that term whenever you speak of muggle magic in the presence of muggles who don't know about the Wizarding World." The other suggested.
"That's true, Arthur." Vernon confirmed. "Magicians are becoming known as illusionists because of that."
Ronald Weasley hoped to get a big discount for the joke items he intended to buy because his brothers Fred and George (or was it Gred and Forge?) owned the business but he only got a few knuts. He'd probably use coarse language if he didn't remember his mother was there. "Can't I at least get some real discount on the puking pastilles?" Ron pleaded. "I want to get out of potions."
"RONALD WEASLEY, YOU ARE NOT USING THOSE THINGS TO SKIP LESSONS!" His mother bellowed in anger.
"It'd be a bad idea using those things to trick Severus Snape." Petunia suggested. "He'd probably give you a detention without knowing or even caring if the vomits were your fault or not."
"True that." A twin commented.
"It'd explain why the demand for Skiving Snackboxes isn't as high as expected." The other added.
"We still could spike Snape's drinks with the sickening side of those snacks." Ron suggested.
"Lousy teacher or not, Snivellus is good enough of a Potions Master to notice anything wrong with his tea or whatever else he drinks and won't fall for that." Sirius replied. "Just keep honing your skills as a Keeper. You don't want to lose your post. Especially to a jerk like McLaggen."
The twins shuddered at the idea. They had bad memories from the time Cormac McLaggen was in the Gryffindor Quidditch Team. In honor to those times, they spend a good part of their last school term using McLaggen as a test subject for their products. Without asking for his permission, of course.
"Professor Black, does Professor Lupin still have that boggart?" Ron asked. "I'd like to know what Snape's biggest fear is."
"I bet it's mirrors." Harry suggested. "I would be afraid of them if I were that ugly."
"Hahahahahahahahahahaha." Sirius laughed. "Good one, Prongslet!"
"Sirius Orion Black!" Molly Weasley exclaimed. "You're a Professor and must set an example for students!"
"What did you expect?" Sirius dismissively asked. "I am not such a good Professor as Remus Lupin."
'Will he ever grow tired of that joke?' Harry thought.
"Either way, Mr. Dursley," One twin said.
"If you want some prank item," The other added.
"I'll get it at the muggle world for sake of the Statute of Secrecy." Vernon flatly stated.
"Fair enough." The twins said. Pranksters as they are, they took the Statute of Secrecy seriously.
"I still think Fred and George should work for the Ministry." Molly sternly said.
"In a way, we are." A twin said.
"The Ministry buys some of our products just in case Death Eaters cause trouble." The other added.
"Not that there's a high demand since, fortunately, Voldemort isn't around." Sirius commented.
"Don't say that name!" Several characters shouted.
"Sheesh." Sirius snorted. "For people who aren't Moony, you're such a bunch of scared cats."
"You only said that crazy man's name to have another excuse to say 'such'." Vernon accused Sirius.
"Do you really think I'd do that?" Sirius asked and everyone else said "Yes."
End chapter.