Author's Notes: What I love about having time off is that I can just sit around and write all day. No obligations other than creativity. I'll be so sad to have to go back to work next week, lol. But this author's note isn't all happy-go-lucky because I have to come in with the warnings. I feel like every chapter is going to have it's own random warning when it comes to this story. MAYBE if they gave you more space in the summary section...AHEM AHEM. But I digress - so warning: this chapter contains panic attacks, some brief suicidal thoughts, and voyeurism. Also no Ian. :( which is a warning all on its own, but next chapter he shows up for sure! Thanks to everyone for reading so far.
After the wedding, David had gone with the rest of the 'family' to their new home. Although he claimed to be exhausted and went to bed as soon as they got there, it had really been an excuse to escape to his room. He wasn't going to sleep. It might have been the same furniture, bed, and belongings - but it wasn't his room. This place wasn't his home. He didn't belong here. So what right did he have to fall asleep here?
He laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. A part of him wished to hear Matt's familiar knocking on the window, but not only did his brother not know where he lived...David was pretty sure Matt wouldn't want anything to do with him. He wished he could go back in time and take back what he said. Everything had fallen apart around him, and the one thing David was sure would always remain constant was his relationship with Matt. They were twins. For nine months they shared the same blood, same food, same womb. Theirs was a bond deeper than any other, and in that way, they knew how to hurt each other best.
David clenched his fist and slammed it into his pillow. Damnit! Why did he have to be so stupid? Why did this have to happen now on top of everything else? Why couldn't Matt have just stayed away from the wedding? David closed his eyes and tried to will his thoughts to stop. He heard the distant bellow of voices downstairs, the chatting and laughing of his new family. His mother and Kenichi should have been out celebrating their honeymoon, but they both had far too many responsibilities and obligations to take the time off to themselves. Listening to them and all their enjoyment, though, David wished they had gone.
He grabbed his pillow and shoved it over his ears, hoping he would pass out and not have to deal with any of this anymore for a few hours. Instead, he spent those few hours dealing with just that - tossing over his thoughts and mulling over his situation. The more he thought, the more he began to work himself up until his pulse began to race and he started to find it difficult to breath. No. Nonono. Not now.
He tossed the covers off, sitting up on the bed. He tried to draw in deep breaths, but his chest tightened against them. David felt as though he was suffocating, and immediately got up - running to the window and tossing it open. He ripped the screen out so he could stick his head out the window and gulp down the cool, crisp night air. Chills racked his spine, and he was becoming dizzy, but he continued to breath, continued to do his best to calm himself down. And for one brief moment, he realized how easy it would be to jump - how fast that would end all of his pain and suffering. David recoiled from the thought, snapping his attention up and away from the ground and unintentionally looking at the window across from him.
Kenichi's home was large and overindulgent. A house that wrapped around itself and protected a large, in ground pool at its center. Because of the design, David had a view of the rooms at the other end of the house - particularly one window that was at eye level with his. He could see it perfectly - Mari glowing under the backlight of a lamp. She hadn't pulled the shade, the thought obviously slipping her mind. Perhaps she didn't realize David was there, or perhaps she thought he was actually sleeping. He hadn't turned on the light, after all.
But regardless of what she thought, David saw her strip out of her dress. He knew he should have looked away, but as she unhooked her bra, his panic had faded into a warm rush of something else. He stared at her, transfixed on her image as she gave him an unknowing striptease - getting into a satin blue nightie. She disappeared from the window's view for a moment, and then the light was extinguished - leaving David alone with the shock and arousal of what he'd just seen. Slowly, he pushed himself away from the window, and took the mental image to bed - drowning in a pit of masturbatory bliss and guilt.
He was so fucked up.
At some point or another, David had drifted off to sleep. He knew this only because he woke up in the morning with the sun blaring in from his fully open window. He groaned and pulled the covers up over his head - hoping the drown out the world for a little while. The smell of sausage and pancakes wafted up the stairs, teasing his senses and causing his appetite to betray him. He tried to reason that the food wasn't worth dealing with the people, but in the end, his stomach won the battle.
He paused when he got up, wedging the half-broken screen back into the window and doing a shoddy job of it, but he left it as it was and headed downstairs in his pajamas. The whole family was seated around the table except his mother who was slaving away at the stove. Kenichi sat at the head, sipping a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper while Kalel sat with her arms folded, giving half hearted responses as Mari tried to ask her about her life. Mari...David paled a bit when he saw her, and as he paused in the doorway, everyone looked up at him.
"Ah, David. I was wondering when you'd be joining us. Have a seat. Your mother boasts to be one of the best pancake makers in the country. What would you say? Is this an exaggeration?" Kenichi smiled conversationally, and the expression was enough to piss David off. Did this guy really think he could win him over that easily?
"She's good. If you like pancakes, I guess..." he paused at the end of the table, unsure of where he should sit. He chose the spot next to Kalel because he honestly didn't think he could handle being so close to Mari right now.
"Hm. I can't wait to try them," Kenichi seemed unconcerned by the short reply. "So you start school tomorrow. Kalel, you'll show him around, right?"
Kalel made a face - probably dread at the thought of being stuck with a tagalong. David supposed he couldn't blame her. "Yeah, I guess."
"You'll like it there, David. I went to Sacramento, and the atmosphere is great - especially if you're into any of the arts," Mari smiled her dazzling smile, and David wanted to lie and say he was into all the arts just to keep her smiling at him like that.
"When did you graduate?" He blurted out dumbly because he wanted to keep the conversation going.
"Two years ago. I guess I'm pretty old compared to you younguns," she winked, threading her fingers together and resting her chin on them.
"But you're pretty amazing. I mean...so I hear. My...um...my aunt. She said you did ballet and all. And you're good at it and stuff," his eyes lowered to his plate and he felt the embarrassment heat his cheeks. Why did he always come off sounding like a moron every time he opened his mouth?
But Mari was an angel who looked past it and answered easily, "Wow. I'm flattered. I'm really not that special. I just love to dance..."
"Nonsense!" Kenichi interrupted, setting the paper down and fixing her with a stern expression. "You are incredible and effortless on stage. Most dancers wish they had your passion and technical ability. You are the best, Mariko." He dissolved into Japanese and Mari answered him fluently, with a modesty and charm in her voice and on her face.
David didn't know what made him glance at Kalel, but when he did he saw a distaste on her face. He looked between the three of them, and the spell Mari had cast on him was broken when he realized what it was doing to Kalel. Kalel was just like Matt, an outsider looking in on the favored child. The only difference was she was the one who lived here while Mari was the visitor. He frowned a little and before long, his mother was placing the plates before them - serving Kenichi last and lingering there to give him a disgusting peck on the lips.
David grabbed his fork and chopped down on the edge of a piece of sausage, spearing it with the prongs - only to be stopped by Kalel placing her hand atop his. He looked at her in question and then glanced up to see Kenichi's head bowed in a quiet blessing, murmuring something in Japanese. Oh you've got to be kidding - he had to wait for this shit before he could dig into his food? Thankfully it didn't take long and after Kenichi got to taste the meal first and compliment his Mom, Kalel relinquished her grasp and David was free to do the only thing he came down here for - eat.
Everyone else seemed to do the same - well, except Mari who took far too much care in cutting her meal into tiny pieces. She was the first one to break the silence, "So I'll be back this way next month. Our troupe will be performing Swan Lake at the Community Center theater on October 10th."
"Oh. We'll be sure to be there," Kenichi spoke proudly. "I always do love seeing you perform."
"Dad," Kalel's voice rose up in frustration. "You said you were coming to my piano recital that night."
Flustered, Kenichi looked toward her, "That's right. I'm sorry. I had forgotten the date..."
Mari shook her head easily, "Don't worry about it. Kalel's is far more important."
"Nonsense. You're both equally important," Kenichi retorted and then looked at David's mother. "One of us should at least be at the other. Would that be alright with you, Claire?"
Kalel said nothing, taking a small bite of pancake, but David could read what she didn't say on her face. So he blurted out, "Mom - I think you should go to the ballet. You've never been to one before. Wouldn't that be great? And Mr. Takahashi can go to the recital."
Everyone looked at him in surprise. His mother's expression turned harsh at David for speaking out of turn and Kenichi, well, he appeared a little displeased with the decision being made for him. Mari's expression remained neutral, not betraying her thoughts, but Kalel (and she was the most important one - the reason he had spoken up) wore an appreciative smile because she understood what he was trying to do, and that made it worth it.
"First of all, David. You don't have to be so formal. Please, call me father..." Kenichi spoke smoothly, trying to recover from the fact that he had lost control of the dominance at the table for a second.
"Not for nothing, sir. But I have a Dad. And you're not him..."
"David!" His mother warned.
"No, it's fine, Claire. We can't force the boy to accept the family. We only must accept him so he can come to us of his own free will," Kenichi laid on the psychology bullshit. "As for the 10th, we'll see as we get closer to the date which one works with whose schedule."
He settled it by not settling it, and that pissed David off. He clenched his fist around his fork and ate with a fury - hoping the sooner he got done, the sooner he could get away. Mari didn't even give them that. With her plate full of small pieces of food, pushed around and hollowed out in the middle, she reached over to take her napkin and swipe it across her lips, proclaiming how good the meal was but she really had to run. David looked down at what she left and then back up at her as she hugged her father and his mother. Everyone had their issues, he supposed.
"Please honor us with your visit again soon, Mariko," Kenichi called out.
"Of course, father." Mari came around the table, reaching an arm around Kalel's shoulder and giving her a squeeze. "See you soon, little sis." And when she did the same to David, he tensed beneath her touch - unable to get the mental image of last night out of his head. She seemed blissfully unaware, thankfully. "It was nice meeting you, David."
And with those words, she was off - presumably to be seen only every now and then. David finished off his plate and then got up, taking it to the sink and dismissing himself as well. He heard the beginnings of a protest from Kenichi, but ignored them in favor of vaulting up the steps and making his way to his room. No sooner had he closed the door did he hear footsteps following him. He recognized them as his mother's. No new house or new stairs could hide the way she walked up them.
She knocked once to announce her presence before opening it up, "David..."
"I know what you're going to say. I need to make more of an effort. I have to get along with everyone..." he flopped onto his bed, tucking one arm behind his head and using the other one to grab a rubber ball off his night stand, tossing it up in the air and catching it as it fell.
She came closer, stopping at the foot of the bed, "I know it's not easy. I'm not going to claim that it is, but I also don't want to cause problems for Kenichi right off the bat. You might not think it's right. You might think I'm betraying your father, and I can understand the loyalty you feel toward him. But things didn't work between us, and now I have a second chance at happiness. It might be selfish, but you're not always going to be with me, David. You'll be eighteen in seven months - old enough to move out on your own and have your own life. If you can just put up with this for that long, then you'll have everything within your power to change it. But I think you'll find Kenichi really isn't that bad if you give him the chance."
"Then how come things didn't work out between him and his first two wives? Isn't that a good sign that he might not be the one for you?" David caught the ball one last time before setting it aside.
"That's my mistake to make, so let me make it on my own. You don't have to help me..."
"Are you done now?" David looked toward her, really wanting to be left alone.
She seemed disappointed by his response, but accepted it nonetheless. "Don't forget to take your BuSpar." She patted him on the leg and then left the room.
David watched her go and after she closed the door behind her, he got up in order to lock it so that there would be no other unwanted interruptions. After having to put up with so much bullshit for the past couple of days, he thought it was fair to have a little bit of time to himself. Especially since he would be facing his biggest obstacle yet come tomorrow. The new school.