The fall season at NYCB was a great one, and Amelia could feel herself being watched by everyone – the corps, the soloists, the principals, Peter – she was on a high. Dancing night after night got her higher than anything else, which scared her, but the Adderall left her sharp and clear for class and performances. She was on her game every day and night as she nailed every pirouette on her pointe shoes, Ryan catching her delicately but firmly in his arms. She smiled up at him as he dipped her low to the stage, the lights reflecting in his eyes as he brought her up, tossing her up in the air only to catch her on the other side. They had been given a pas de deux in Rubies, and were taking advantage of the fact that they had been given a great opportunity.
The night of their debut in Rubies, they were schmoozing in the lobby, Amelia trying to stay away from Addison and her brother Derek. However, she couldn't help but notice the way Meredith Grey was staring at him…and the way he was staring back at her. She furrowed her brow before she felt a slight tug on her arm, turning to see her mother. She smiled brightly, her long curly hair bouncing off her black silk cocktail dress.
"Mom! It's nice to see you after one of these, finally," she said, throwing her arms around her mom. She was slightly stoned; a post show high after the natural high of dancing, courtesy of Ryan. She spotted him mingling around the hall, two glasses of champagne in his hands. She waved him over to her and he smiled, heading towards her and her mother, handing Amelia a glass of champagne, his eyes slightly glassy.
"Hello Amelia. Is this your mother? You look just like her," he smiled, his arm sliding easily around her waist. She smiled at the familiarity.
"Mom, this is Ryan Kerrigan, my partner in everything," she explained. She wanted to explain that he was so much more – her secret keeper, her best friend, her partner in crime. Most of the time he was her lover, when she felt good about herself and her body. Those were the days, the days when she didn't starve herself to nothing and didn't like the way she looked in a leotard and she kept him out of her apartment, sitting on the bathroom floor and purging up every single calorie until it was a mix of bile and blood in the toilet, and even then she didn't feel good enough. She knew she wasn't the only one, she knew eating disorders ran rampant in companies and ballet schools, but that was it – she refused to admit she had a problem.
After the fall season, they quickly transitioned into Nutcracker. At the end of October, they had done Sleeping Beauty and a few handfuls of other ballets, sometimes with Amelia earning soloist roles, other times not. She always noticed Meredith and Derek exchanging glances at the after galas, and to her observant eyes it seemed something was going on. He seemed distracted and distant from Addison, but Amelia barely knew the pair together, despite being her brothers favorite, so she didn't want to step in and almost say something.
On the other hand, she and Ryan had made things official and she was his girlfriend; the entire company knew it. They were considered to be the best Pas couple in the corps, as well as the best male and female in the corps, and Amelia didn't let the smirk wipe off her face the moment she heard it. Always competitive as hell, she wasn't going to stop until she was at the top – even if it meant sabotaging a few people to get there. It was that she was evil, no, she was cunningly smart and dedicated to her craft. Not in a crazy Black Swan way, she just knew what she wanted and would stop at nothing.
With dating Ryan came letting Ryan stay over at her Soho walk-up, smoking pot on the fire escape and trading stories of growing up, of training in the world's elite ballet schools, of summer programs in other countries, of old Russian ladies with hard, silver tipped canes that hurt when you got smacked on the bum or the back of your knees. She laughed hard at his stories of growing up in the city in his parents ridiculously expensive townhouse, and she regaled him with similar tales of her and her brother and three sisters, spending summers in the Hamptons and winters in the mountains. She shared with him her spares memories of her father, the way he died, and that night he held her until she fell asleep in his arms.
But more than anything, dating Ryan meant more access to all things illegal. Sure she was already taking Adderall every day, more than she ever had at this point, but with over exerting herself in classes and rehearsals every day, and performances at night, she was in a ridiculous amount of pain. No amount of ice baths could relieve the amount of pain she was in, until one day Ryan popped over with a beautiful form of relief: Oxycodone. With the first 20mg pill, Amelia was floating far above her plush sofa, the sounds of the television swimming above her head, Ryan's voice amplified in her ear. Her pain was magically gone.
"Another," she said, holding out her tongue as he placed another one on it. Close the mouth, swallow, and she drifted farther away until she fell asleep under a pile of blankets, next to her first great love.
The morning Nutcracker was announced, the hallways of the studio were insane. Amelia was ready for class, her hair neatly pulled back. She had already popped three Adderall and an Oxy, feeling both sharp but blurred around the edges as she and Ryan walked into the studios, where everyone was shoving each other around the bulletin board. He groaned and shook his head.
"It was so crazy when it was announced at the Boston Conservatory, I can't even imagine what it's like here," he laughed, and she laughed. She had been a party guest for years, and in other parts of the ballet, when she had been at SAB; one year she had even been cast as Clara, but this year she was ready for juicy roles. She elbowed her way to the front of the list, glaring at girls who tried to protest and yell at her, and her breath caught in her throat as she took in the glorious list.
Nutcracker Casting
SUGAR PLUM FAIRY Ana Sophia Scheller
CAVALIER Gonzalo Garcia
DEWDROP Addison Montgomery
LEAD FLOWERS Arizona Robbins, Emilie Gerrity
FLOWERS CORPS Alexandra Grey (Demi-soloist), Amelia Shepherd (Demi-soloist), Claire Kretzschmar, Alina Dronova, Leah Murphy, April Kepner (Demi-soloist), Stephanie Edwards, Josephine Wilson, Isobel Stevens (Demi-solosit), Maggie Pierce, Lucy Fields, Reed Adamson, Laine Habony, Heather Brooks
FLOWERS PAS MALE Alexander Karev (Pas w/ Alexandra Grey), Ryan Kerrigan (Pas w/ Amelia Shepherd), Jackson Avery (Pas w/ April Kepner), George O'Malley (Pas W/ Isobel Stevens)
HERR DROESSELMEYER Sean Suozzi
MARZIPAN Meredith Grey
MARZIPAN CORPS Sara Adams, Marika Anderson, Likolani Brown, Emily Kikta
SPANISH Calliope Torres, David Alberda
ARABIAN Cristina Yang, Owen Hunt
CHINESE Antionio Carmena
CANDY CANE Harrison Bell
CANDY CANE CORPS Maggie Pierce, Leah Murphy, Stephanie Edwards, Alexandra Grey
MOTHER GINGER Harrison Coll
POLICHINELLES SAB Students
DOLLS Baily Jones, Amelia Shepherd
SOLDIER DOLL Spartak Hoxha
MOUSE KING Camerona Dieck
MICE SAB Students
SOLDIERS Male Company Members
FRAU & DR STAHLBAUM Richard Webber Catherine Avery
SNOW QUEEN Theadora Altman
SNOW KING Mark Sloan
SNOW CORPS Alexandra Grey, Amelia Shepherd, Claire Kretzschmar, Alina Dronova, Leah Murphy, April Kepner, Stephanie Edwards, Josephine Wilson, Isobel Stevens , Maggie Pierce, Lucy Fields, Reed Adamson, Laine Habony, Heather Brooks
PARTY GUESTS NYCB Company
PARTY CHILDREN SAB Students
CLARA Molly Grey
FRITZ Henry Montgomery
Three roles. THREE. One was a solo, and one was a demi solo! She let out a small shriek before turning to go back to Ryan, her eyes shining. Or perhaps that was just the drugs in her system.
"Oh my god, I'm a doll, Snow corps, and a Waltz Demi! And you're my partner!" she yelled out, everyone's voices still louder than her own as she smiled. He kissed her deeply, holding her close.
"You're a soldier, and a party guest, and my demi pas partner," she smiled, equally pleased for him. She could tell this was going to be a great season.
BREAK
Patsy – THIS IS NOT ADDEK it made me really upset to see your hurtful comment. I have never nor will I ever ship Addek. If I ever have Addek, it is and only ever will be to be used as a plot device to get to MerDer. I know you've been a fan of mine for a year now and I've never steered you wrong but your comment on my last chapter was really hurtful especially when I was expecting positive feedback from someone I adore and trust.
So Amelia's getting into Ryan, and falling into an eating disorder and harder drugs than just Adderall. How long do you think she can keep up the guise of being a perfect Balanchine ballerina? How many seasons do you think she can last? Do you think she can get to the top? Do you think she'll have to take a break for rehab on her way? I still haven't decided! But I promise this is Omelia and Merder, and not Addek ;) But Addison will be happy! I'm thinking Maddison, what do you guys think?