Blame Game

Adam McFadden eased the battered pickup truck into an available parking space right next to an aromatic juniper bush. He disengaged the engine but sat a moment to gather his thoughts.

He certainly did not want to rush to judgment. A meeting with Daniel's third grade teacher did not necessarily mean Daniel's conduct had declined.

Or did it?

No matter what the situation involved, if Daniel had brought trouble down upon his head Adam needed to remember that an assurance of his love should follow any discipline he levied. As a parent for a bit over a year now, the nineteen year old admitted to himself he still had much to learn regarding the subject of discipline.

For eighteen years he had existed solely on the receiving end of it, of his parents handing down the law.

Now, he was the law.

The aftermath meant something.

Crane had taught him that not too many weeks before. Adam had spanked his brother for lying about his whereabouts. That night Adam kissed him goodnight and switched off the bedside lamp.

"Adam, do you still love me?"

"What?" Startled at the question, Adam doubled back to the bed. "Of course I do. I just told you so, didn't I?"

Crane slid down under the covers. "Yes."

That settled that.

Adam turned to leave but paused once more. "Crane, why did you ask me that? Do you think I don't love you because I spanked you?"

Crane licked his lips. "You didn't hug me."

"When?"

"After you spanked me."

"I…" Adam searched for words. "What?"

Crane whispered, "Mama and Daddy would have…."

"Wait," Adam interrupted self-consciously. "I know exactly what you want to say, and you're right." He crossed his arms behind his head. "No matter what we did, they always held us after."

Crane smiled. "Right."

Adam sank down on the edge of the mattress and leaned down to kiss his brother on the cheek. "Sorry about that. I messed up today. I was still so upset even after I spanked you that I forgot to remember that I got my message across with the spanking, but at the same time, I failed to remind you that I will never stop loving you." Adam smiled. "So this is for you." He scooted back against the headboard and gathered Crane in his arms. "I love you more than you will ever know, and you are a blessing in my life."

Crane hugged him back. "Ditto."

"And Crane?"

"Yes?"

"I wish I could say this was my last mistake as a parent, but in all honesty, I know more will follow. But I'll keep trying."

"I know," Crane agreed, then turned to his side. "Good night."

"Night."

The ringing of the school's bell snapped Adam back to the present, his meeting with Daniel's teacher. Yes, no matter what Daniel had done, the boys needed him to assure them his love did not waver when he disciplined.

Adam unlatched his seat belt and opened the door.

The day smelled like rain, and he studied the clouds. Murphys needed the precipitation and he hoped the shower would add some much hoped for water to the soil.

If he returned to the family ranch in time he could take care of the outdoor chores before the rain arrived.

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose and slid out, closing the door behind him. He didn't bother to engage the locks. This was Murphys, after all, and people around the area tended to practice honesty in their actions.

Besides, who would really want to steal a battered, farm scarred, child impacted, old ranch vehicle?

Adam followed the sidewalk to the front door of the elementary school, the same school once attended by Crane, Brian, and him, the same school with Ford, Evan, and Daniel currently enrolled.

Nothing had changed with the décor. The original colorful signs still hung from the ceiling and greeted parents and visitors or pointed the way to the office.

Adam stopped to speak with the secretary, Marilyn Gordon. She had worked at the school for years and knew him, as well as all of his younger brothers. After the deaths of the McFadden parents, she had driven to the house immediately after the news broke and stayed with the younger boys so that a stunned Adam could prepare for his parents' funerals.

Ms. Gordon gave of herself with no expectation of repayment, one of those rare and incredibly loving souls.

Adam leaned down impulsively and kissed her cheek before departing the office for his conference on the third grade hall.

As he rounded the corner he nearly trampled the first grade class, who marched toward the cafeteria en route to lunch. Ford spotted his big brother and instantly defected, throwing himself against his brother and wrapping his arms around Adam's waist. Adam squeezed him quickly in return before leaning down to whisper, "Jump back in line before you get into trouble with your teacher. I don't want you to bring a frowny face home for me to sign."

The tiny hands immediately loosened and Adam grinned as Ford carefully re-inserted himself into the line. The first grade teacher communicated with parents daily by sending home either a frowny face report or a smiley face report to illustrate the day's behavior and schoolwork.

Adam grinned at the child's desire to follow the rules, and acknowledged Ford had matured. Even though Ford finished kindergarten the spring before, Adam still worried that Ford would falter without the protection and routine of the kindergarten approach.

The little boy had burst with pride at the start of the school year, excited to be a first grader and no longer what Ford dubbed a "baby" kindergartner.

Ford reminded Adam of a kewpie doll because a cowlick at the crown of his head caused a tuft of Ford's white blond hair to stick up straight. The child possessed an infectious laugh and rarely caused problems at home or in school. Like Crane, Ford had more of an introvert's personality, but he was far more timid and reticent than his older brother.

The little girl in front of Ford felt it necessary to report Ford's rule breaking to the teacher. She twirled a dark brown ponytail and tattled, "Ford didn't do what you said and he got out of the line to go see his daddy."

"That's not his daddy!" corrected a husky red headed boy at the end of the line. "That's his brother, Dum Dum."

The kids lapsed into chaos then, arguing back and forth for several moments until the teacher regained silence. Stabbed with guilt, Adam raised his eyebrows apologetically and presented her with his best sheepish look.

The teacher grinned to show her forgiveness, however, and reminded herself Ford's tall, dark and handsome brother oversaw six younger brothers. She motioned to the children to resume their trek to the cafeteria.

Adam waved a subdued goodbye to Ford before continuing to the third grade classrooms.

Daniel's homeroom teacher, Mr. Burrows, rose from behind his desk and shook Adam's hand in greeting. He indicated the empty classroom and crossed to the windows to point to the students outside at recess. Adam spotted Daniel balanced on a cross rail at the top of the monkey bars.

Mr. Burrows tapped the window to signal a group of girls jump roping. They called to Daniel and the little boy quickly swung himself from the equipment and onto the ground.

"Take a seat, please," Mr. Burrows pointed to a chair facing his desk. "Thank you for responding so quickly."

"No problem. School is the boys' number one priority and I'm glad you alerted me about Daniel."

Adam sat down and glanced around the room at the classroom décor. Mr. Burrows had devoted each wall to posters and decorations of the subject disciplines of Math, Reading and Language Arts, Science, and Social Studies. Throughout the colorful room Adam noted designated small-group work areas.

Daniel's appearance interrupted his survey. The little boy trudged into the classroom with a scowl firmly in place.

Adam smiled reassuringly and motioned Daniel to him. He embraced him quickly and watched as Daniel slid into his assigned desk and rested his head on his propped elbows.

Once Daniel settled Mr. Burrows reviewed the purpose of the conference, a serious decline in Daniel's work output.

Daniel's lip puffed into a pout as Adam glanced from the little boy to the teacher during the explanation.

Goofing off at school must be some rite of passage, Adam told himself. Last year Crane had pulled an almost identical stunt to Daniel's.

"As we know, Daniel's a very smart child," Mr. Burrows summarized, "but he wants to entertain the class too often. I have told him numerous times that the classroom is not the forum for his performances; instead, his recess time is wide open for whatever enjoyment he desires." The teacher checked for confirmation, "Right, Daniel? We have discussed this."

Instead of replying Daniel kicked at the desk in front of him, taking a measure satisfaction in the resultant clang.

"Stop banging," the teacher ordered automatically.

Daniel scowled harder but obeyed.

"Daniel, Mr. Burrows just asked you something." Adam didn't have to work too hard to confirm the little boy's guilt. Daniel had evidently been enjoying himself way too much at school. Adam directed firmly. "Sit up right this second and reply to Mr. Burrows."

The third grader obeyed and mumbled, "Yes, I know to play at recess."

"Good," Mr. Burrows responded.

Adam re-directed his attention to the teacher. "Over the phone you said Daniel is not completing work. Does that mean work in class or homework?"

"Both, actually." Mr. Burrows reached into his sturdy oak desk for his gradebook, opened it, and elaborated, "In the past two weeks he has failed to turn in two homework assignments and…" Mr. Burrows tapped his forefinger against the page and counted, "one, two three, four class assignments."

Adam turned instantly to confront Daniel.

"That wasn't my fault!" Daniel insisted, his voice rising with each word. "I didn't know I had homework!"

Adam narrowed his eyes. "Daniel," he warned. The child knew better than to be disrespectful.

"And it's not even my fault!" Daniel protested with eight year old fury. "I…."

Adam interrupted, "Enough- be quiet right now. Don't say another word. Just listen."

With his protest in mid-sentence, Daniel regarded Adam first with annoyance, then with a bit of worry. Daniel thought quickly about his options. Adam tended to get mad when one of them tried to blame an irresponsible act on someone else. He decided to follow instructions and get quiet.

"Remember what we talked about last night," Adam reminded him pointedly, his uncompromising tone transforming the words to a hypothetical statement rather than a query. "Our whole family- we talked about school expectations and school behavior and where priorities should always remain."

Somewhere in the middle of Adam's reference Daniel resumed his victim demeanor, but tempered it to nod in agreement.

"Ok, then, if you recall I told you last night that you were to never disrespect your teacher nor were you to play in class." Adam paused. "Look at me, Dan."

Daniel straightened his posture and Mr. Burrows couldn't hide a smile at the genetics evidenced before him. All of the McFadden brothers physically resembled each other and even shared some of the same mannerisms.

Adam leaned forward to rest his forearms on his knees and reminded Daniel, his tone unyielding, "I made you a promise last night about the consequences if you copped an attitude. Do you recall the conversation, or do you want me to remind you again?" Adam's voice had adopted the no-nonsense steel edge that served as a warning to the boys. "I can reschedule this conference with your teacher after you and I go back to the house for a bit," he suggested.

Though reluctant to surrender his dramatic pouting, in his heart Daniel knew better than to continue his current behavior. The evening before his brother had indeed rehashed some non-negotiable rules about behavior, and Adam had not been the only one to contribute to the conversation. Crane had reminded Daniel of the details of his academic freefall some months before, and Brian had shared the story of the penultimate consequence of such behavior from his own elementary school days. A born storyteller, Brian narrated the first-hand memory from the perspective of his younger self to a rapt fraternal audience:

So I thought I was the man as a fourth grader, because that was the grade in school when kids had grown enough to have not one, but two academic teachers. Once school really got going and the newness wore off I decided I could pretty much run the classroom my way, working when I felt like working and breaking rules I wanted to break. This went on for three straight days while both those teachers tried to reason with me or punished me. Once that didn't work and they realized they needed reinforcements they called the folks.

Now the one thing Mama and Daddy prized after bringing us up with a religious background was our educations. They absolutely-undeniably-not-in-your-wildest-dreams did not play when it came to school. So when one of my two academic teachers phoned home the grown-ups concluded together that the problem wasn't an academic learning one.

Unbeknownst to me, Mama and Daddy requested the teacher phone the very next time I failed to work. Now nobody told me that the school and the parents were in cahoots with each other, so I just went right ahead with my new action plan of freedom from work. I didn't even expend the energy to sharpen a pencil. Turns out, this happened the very next day after the teacher initially called the house. So without even hesitating, my teacher phoned home the second she told us to turn in math papers and discovered mine was blank.

Next thing I know our Daddy's standing in the classroom doorway. Let me tell you, I know my eyes got as big as saucers when I saw him appear. He and the teacher spoke privately a second before she handed him my math page. Of course it was blank- except for my name. Daddy motioned for me to step outside and I decided to brazen it out so as not to lose face with my classmates. My antenna went up but I still thought I was ok, but then he told me to explain why nothing was written, no work attempted. I offered one excuse after another- you know, the blame game- and he shot them all down, one at a time. Then, my ever helpful teacher presented him with a list of the work I needed to make-up and Daddy took it and told her he was taking me home.

Let me tell you, that was news to me! Daddy didn't offer any explanation. He checked me out at the office and I got that funny butterfly feeling in my tummy like something bad was happening or was about to happen. I kept trying to get Daddy to tell why he was taking me home but he would flip the question to having me explain once more why my schoolwork hadn't been done.

That was one really long car ride.

So we got home and I guess Mama expected me because she didn't act surprised when we walked in together. Crane and Daniel were in the living room. Daniel was a baby then, and Mama was just cleaning him up after lunch. She came in the kitchen with us and when she joined Daddy that feeling in my stomach just bottomed out. Daddy gave her the gist of the teacher's claims and directed me to tell Mama how my lack of work at school had nothing to do with my own actions.

When I opened my mouth and started to say something Mama levelled me with that look- you know, she had this way that she narrowed her eyes when she knew you weren't being honest and I started fumbling with my words. I tried to offer a defense again but she was relentless and finally I just stumbled to a stop and quit speaking altogether. So Daddy filled in with additional info he had gleaned from my phone call loving teacher.

Mama and Daddy used to have these glances between them, not saying anything, just looking at each other in certain ways. And when that happened they would just completely unite without making a sound. It didn't matter what issue arose, they just had this secret communication they would use when they wanted. So the instant I witnessed them look at each other that way I knew my classroom free time had just imploded. Then I started crying because I knew what would happen next. As you are aware, our folks rarely spanked, but once they decided to put their hands on you they meant you'd regret every second of whatever sin you'd committed. So I was already bawling. Loudly. Daddy yanked me across his lap and tore my butt up right then and right there in the kitchen. And let me assure you, the spanking was beyond painful. Oh man! I can still remember that pain! When Daddy finally turned me loose he helped me pull my clothes back over my butt and they both reiterated their expectations. Mama pulled me over and kissed me and talked about how much they loved me and that it was their duty to help prepare me for a successful life. Then she ordered me to go wash my face. I thought the worst had passed. But, no! Mama drove me right back to school and made me return to class with my butt still throbbing! Oh wow!

The second I got home from school that day Daddy and Mama sat me down and supervised my make-up work, along with my regular homework. It took me four days of working diligently after school to knock out the make-up work, so that sabotaged every second of my free time. But they promised that when report cards came if I had even a single bad grade anywhere I could expect another spanking. They operated that way. Had I been disrespectful to the teacher I would have been spanked as well. So when I took the next report card home I can assure you it was one that made them proud. Mama and Daddy did not play about schoolwork or teachers- no, they absolutely did not!

Mr. Burrows tapped Daniel on the shoulder and the startled third grader realized his teacher had been talking to him. "Sorry," he mumbled, then supplemented the apology for Adam's benefit. "I 'pologize, Mr. Burrows. I was thinking about something else and didn't hear you."

The teacher smiled. "It must have been important, because you were definitely lost in thought."

Daniel glanced at his oldest brother for direction.

Adam raised his eyebrows expectantly as a response.

"Mr. Burrows," Daniel turned to address his teacher. "Could you please let me finish all that work at home and bring it back to you? Would that be ok for me to do?"

Nodding thoughtfully, Mr. Burrows agreed. "Fine, Son, but until that work is complete and in my hands, you will still forfeit recess."

Daniel winced, but nodded his acceptance. After all, even he knew that he deserved the punishment.

"Further, this is the last time I'll allow you to make up work you failed to complete in the classroom due to conduct. If you start playing again, you'll keep any zeroes you earn."

Adam glanced from Mr. Burrows to Daniel before addressing Mr. Burrows. "After today, you should see a noticeable improvement. However, if Daniel misbehaves or doesn't work again- the second he starts goofing off, call me and I will drive to the school. I can assure you I don't take his behavior lightly and he will have plenty of time at home to take care of his schoolwork."

The two men stood and shook hands. Adam motioned toward Daniel. "Mind if Daniel walks me back to the office?"

Daniel's expression changed to one of uncertainty. Brian's narrative from the previous night remained at the forefront of his thoughts.

Was it a trick to load him into the truck, take him home, and spank him?

But Adam said the office, not home.

Mr. Burrows waved his consent.

Adam waited until they had almost reached the office entrance before he spoke. He leaned down and kissed the top off his brother's head, then titled Daniel's chin so the boy met his gaze. "Dan, you made me really proud by taking responsibility for this problem and for changing your attitude. You started off by trying to play the blame game but you stopped and chose a wiser path. That was great and also the right and smartest move."

Daniel smiled shyly. He idolized Adam, and having Adam compliment him pleased him enormously.

"Still," Adam continued, "what I told you last night still stands. I expect good grades and I expect you to behave at school. Both. Until you get control of both you are forbidden from watching television and from playing outside at home. You will be applying any potential free time toward completing your make-up work. Clear?"

Daniel's eyes filled and he swiped the back of his hand across them to halt the tears. The loss of play time was a big deal to the third grader. He nodded.

"Verbal," Adam prompted.

"I understand, Adam."

"Good. Further, if Mr. Burrows calls me again about witnessing you playing in class, not completing work, or misbehaving in any way I will spank. I promise. I will not warn you again, but you will be across my lap."

"I- Adam, I don't need a spanking," Daniel quickly interjected.

"Great, but you will have to prove that to me each day with good work and behavior and by zero negative teacher calls home."

Daniel wrapped his arms around Adam's waist. Adam kissed the top of the dark head once more before tousling the child's hair. "Off you go. Hurry back down the hall to Mr. Burrows and get to work. I'll see you when you get home this afternoon."

Adam returned to the parking lot and climbed into the truck. He cranked the ignition and murmured ruefully, "I feel just like Mama and Daddy must have felt listening to all of us playing the blame game- yet another job requirement of parenthood handed out with no instructions except the common sense kind."