Carsen sauntered his way around Jorrvaskr as if he owned the place. I guess being Dragonborn he knew he was able to. All the whelps stared at him with a star struck gaze. I was surprised they didn't ogle him to death.

I really had no room to talk. The boy had me wiping drool.

I guess having the ability to shout - is why Ulfric Stormcloak had so many behind him. Or maybe they actually believed as he did. Anger can overwhelm one's self of righteousness.

But since he's dead, it really doesn't matter anymore.

The twins looked at him with such scrutiny I almost thought them to be jealous. Being two of the most powerful warriors, it would make sense. Considering the fact he was competition.

He did destroy the World-Eater. But from what I heard the ancient Nords helped him.

Still, a big deal. I'm not downing what he did of course.

"Now, that's a man you could wed." My father's voice broke my thoughts.

I blinked a few times. "What are you talking about?"

"He doesn't seem to battle a beast within himself all the time." He said. "I know girl. I know you have been having built up feelings for Vilkas."

A lump began forming in my throat. He never has actually called me out on my crush.

"Father, I was a child then. I no longer view Vilkas in that manner." I lied.

"I see the way you look at him, don't lie to me."

"I'm not." I lied again. "He is gorgeous though."

He cleared his throat roughly. "The Dragonborn asked for my permission to take you out tonight."

I gawked at him in disbelief. "What did you say?"

"Yes. So prepare for him to ask you soon." My father gave me a small smile. "You should say yes. He seems perfect for you."

I was not prepared for this. Why did he say yes? And why is he acting like I have no say in this manner?

He really did not want me with Vilkas.

"I'll go out with him," I agreed solemnly, sucking in a breath, "but only because you want me to."

"Thank you daughter." He placed a hand on my shoulder. "I appreciate you still care about my opinion."

I knew I should be thrilled that the great mighty Dragonborn wanted to take me out for the evening - but deep down I knew it was only because I was the Harbinger's daughter.

I had a title.

With a small quiet sigh, I slipped off my leather jacket. Placing it neatly on the chair in the main hall.

"I'm going to go see Skulvar." I informed my father. "I'm going to see if he is offering part time work."

He gave me a curious look. "Why?"

"I'd like to be a normal human being for a while." I said. "Not go on killing sprees or intimidating people all the time."

I could see the disappointed countenance forming on his face. It was obvious he was attempting to hide it. He wanted me to want to be a true Companion. I knew deep down he did. He wanted me to take over as Harbinger when he passed on. He wanted me to be the only part of the circle who wasn't consumed by wolf blood.

Kissing him on the cheek, I whispered, "I love you father. I'll see you soon."

"I love you too daughter."

After having a two hour conversation with Skulvar about me actually being sincere about working at the stables - I was finally able to return home.

Just as expected, Carsen was sitting on a wooden chair by the door when I entered.

"Elsa." He greeted, sounding a bit nervous. "May I speak with you?"

I rubbed my nose, deciding to already beat him to the punch. "My father notified me of what you asked him earlier. I'd love to go out with you."

Relief washed over him. "Thank the Gods. I was about to become tongue tied."

"Nice."

"So, tonight then?" He hedged.

I nodded. "Just let me go clean up."

"I'm going to head to my house to clean up as well." He notified me, standing up. "Pick you up in an hour?"

"How-"

"I live in Breezehome." He chuckled, reading my mind. "Bought it a while back."

"Ah. Thought you just came to visit the Jarl?"

"I just tell that to people before I know their sane or not."

I laughed through my nose. "Makes sense."

"Alright, well..." He began side-stepping to the door. "See you soon..."

I watched him leave, shaking my head. Who would have thought the Dragonborn would get nervous asking a woman out.

Wondering what to wear - I headed for my quarters. I had a few dresses, but did I really want to dress up that nicely? What if we are just going to hunt?

"You're going out with the Dragonborn?" Aela's voice cut into my inner conversation. "How nice."

"My father wants me to."

She looked at me skeptically, following me. "You don't want to?"

"I'm not sure." I spoke with sheer honesty. "He just met me, and only knew me as Kodlak's daughter. Is just interested because of my title?"

"You are a beautiful woman Elsa." Aela assured me. "Don't ever doubt yourself sister."

I entered the door that led to the tub. I knew Aela wouldn't take that as her cue to leave. She considered privacy for girls absurd.

'We share the same body parts.' She'd say. 'It's nothing I haven't seen before.'

So my shyness of my body vanished when she would speak to me as I would take baths when I was younger.

I rolled around on the hard floor - shaking my legs in attempt to remove my trousers. They were skin tight as all my trousers were. They all landed about ten inches above my ankle as well.

I probably should head to Solitude to get clothes that actually fit. I had quite a bit of a growth spurt.

"I think this night will be good for you." She continued, ignoring my struggles. "You don't seem to be the same girl you were when you left."

I gaped at her. "I grew up Aela."

"The fire in you though," She seemed to become lost in her own thoughts. "It's disappeared sister."

"What do you mean?" I questioned bitterly, finally feeling relief of getting my trousers off. "I'm still the same girl."

"No, you seem scared." She stated sternly. "And you aren't even sure what it is."

Damn her for being observant.

I winced at the hot water as I slipped into the tub. "Honestly Aela, you're right. And I can't remember half of my trip in Solstheim."

"Really?" She cocked her eyebrow. "Why not? Did you drink to much?"

"No- well sometimes," I muttered, washing my body off, "but that's not why I can't remember things. It's as if someone wiped my memory."

"A spell..."

"Exactly." I said, glad she was on the same page. "I always got weird spurts of nightmares. Then they would just stop."

"Odd..."

We remained silent after that, both in deep thought. It felt kind of nice to get that off my chest. Something about Aela made me believe I could trust her. I didn't have many people I called friends, and I did not consider most of the Companions my 'siblings'. Although they labeled me so.

I loved being on the field fighting, fighting for the right reasons, fighting for people - but I wanted a normal life. I did not want to be a Companion. I did not want to be someone of higher stance although I was born into it. I just wanted to be happy. I did not need high valued things, although I am a woman, and they are nice once in a while.

But happiness - that's something I've always wanted. To be with someone who loved me just as much as I loved him. Maybe have kids. Either be a blacksmith or an innkeeper. Something simple. Peaceful.

Being the daughter of the Harbinger though, I knew that was going to be difficult to come by.

I stepped out of the tub, using a large piece of cloth to dry myself off.

"What should I wear?" I questioned out loud.

Aela coughed. "You know that one dress?"

"That one dress?" I laughed.

"It's black, top is a corset." She tried to remember the details of the dress. "Pretty short..."

"Ah!" I gasped. "That one."

"You should wear that." She recommended. "Will look great on you now that you have a-"

"Shut it Aela." I interjected harshly, knowing where she was going. "I know I had no figure before."

She chuckled.

After she helped me put on the dress - I glanced over to the mirror hung up on the wall. I couldn't even recognize the woman staring back at me.

It was becoming a blur.

'Are you a coward?' I suddenly heard in my mind.

I jumped back, hitting the bookshelf hard.

"Elsa?" Aela's faint voice was starting to sound abnormal.

My vision was fading. I could see, but couldn't make out anything.

A face knelt down before me.

It wasn't Aela's.

It was a distorted face. Not even human. Fangs hung out of it's gums. It's head seemed to be made of chitin.

A loud high-pitched ear banging noise echoed through my ears. I immediately clapped my hands over my ears.

My lungs throbbed as I let out a piercing scream.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I attempted to move back, but the book shelf blocked my path.

Suddenly I felt a strong force shake me.

The high pitched noise did not seize.

"STOP!" I pleaded. "PLEASE STOP!"

My frame began trembling. I suddenly forgot how to breathe.

I shut my eyes, squeezing them tightly. I didn't want to see it. I couldn't bare it.

"Elsa!" I suddenly could hear more clearly. "Snap out of it!"

It took a few moments for me to barely open my right eye. Wondering if my vision had returned.

"W-what happened?" I breathed, opening both my eyes. "W-where am I?"

"You're in your quarters." Aela sighed with relief. "What the in Shor's stone happened to you?"

I shook my head. "I- I don't know."

"Elsa!" Farkas's husky voice called from the doorway. "You're man of the night is here."

The huntress placed her hand on my upper arm. "Are you going to be alright sister?"

"I'll be fine." I said through deep breaths. "Just don't tell anyone what happened."

Her lips formed into a thin line. She didn't like that request.

"Aela..."

"Fine, but if it happens again...I'm telling Kodlak." She unwillingly agreed. "That was not normal."

"Nothing about me is." I rolled my eyes.

Carsen ushered me into the Bannered Mare. I glanced him with a confused expression.

What about an inn is romantic?

"Ah, Dragonborn," the owner Hulda greeted with a smile, "Your table is in the corner past that wall."

"Thank you Hulda." He shot her a nod of appreciation. "This way Elsa."

We entered the back room which was used as a vacant room for guests. But the bed, wardrobe and everything was taken out.

Candles were lit, on the right side there was a small round table with two chairs around it. Wine already poured into tankards. Plates in front of both seats. Different types of flowers surrounded the room. The pedals of some scattered along the floor.

"Wow." I gasped. "Who knew this place could look beautiful."

A smile tugged at the ends of his lips. "You can make anything beautiful."

"If you got the coin." I snorted.

From the corner of my eye - I could see him roll his. He trudged over to one of the wooden chairs.

"My lady," He gestured with his eyes to the chair.

I folded my arms nervously as I took a seat.

Carsen took the seat in front of me. Dates were not my forte. I had no idea how to act. Do I stare at him? Look away?

What the hell is the protocol?

The wine filled my nose with want. I lifted the tankard into my right hand, and began chugging.

After the tankard was empty - I refilled it hastily.

"Thirsty?" Carsen looked at me with wide eyes, clutching his un-sipped tankard.

I realized I was not being lady-like. Shyly, I took a smaller sip of the sweet liquid.

"A little..." I mumbled sheepishly. Feeling my cheeks turn hot.

"Don't worry, I'm not judging." He assured me. "So what does a beautiful Nord woman like you enjoy doing?"

On to the interrogation part are we?

"I love studying the dwemer." I told him. "That's why I went to Solstheim."

"Remarkable."

"Yeah..." I pulled my eyebrows together, placing the tankard on the table. "What do you enjoy doing dragon boy?"

"Believe it or not, I like being home." He shrugged his broad shoulders. "After Alduin I realized how much I just love laying in my bed, just reading."

"I bet an adventure like that would wear one out."

His slender fingers traced the tip of the tankard. "Yeah, I just want to settle down. I love Whiterun, but I really wouldn't mind getting a house in Windhelm. Believe it or not." He released a small laugh. "I like that city for some unknown reason."

"They do have nice houses." I replied, taking a sip of the wine. "I thought you were wanting to explore though?"

"Don't get me wrong," he rubbed a hand through his hair. "I love it, but I'm growing old and tired."

"I understand the feeling." I said, attempting to hide my surprise.

Was he just saying this? Did he really want a normal life like me?

I scanned over him, realizing he was beautiful. He had hazel eyes that shined in the candle lit room. His light brown hair drooped down his forehead, just reaching his eyebrows. Perfectly straight, not one strand out of place.

He was not as built as Vilkas. Carsen would never win a battle with him. But he was well toned in a different way. The Dragonborn also didn't tower over me.

He was only about an inch taller.

"So I hear you went to get a job at the stables today..." He mentioned, realizing our conversation was dying down. "Why the stables?"

I began braiding my hair to get it out of my face. "I don't know. I like horses, and I know Earlund doesn't need any help with his forge. Neither does Adrianne."

"So you want to be a blacksmith?" He questioned, seeming honestly interested.

"I wouldn't mind. I guess." I muttered, not knowing the correct answer for that. "There are many things I desire, doesn't mean they will become reality."

"Very wise Harbinger's daughter." He smiled. "What are things you desire?"

"What can I get for you two?" A woman's voice interrupted. I glanced up to see a Redguard woman hovering over us.

I wonder how long she had been standing there.

Her eyes were drawn towards the Dragonborn. It was obvious she found him attractive.

"I'm fine with just wine." Carsen answered simply. "What do you want Elsa?"

"A bunch of sweetrolls." I said through a laugh. "I haven't had one in so long."

He nodded with approval. "A plate of sweet rolls then."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Carsen and I trotted up the stairs to Jorrvaskr. He attempted to hold my hand, but I always lifted my hand to scratch something on my face to block his attempt.

"I had a wonderful time tonight." He told me as we came to a stop. "It was good getting to know you Elsa."

"Nice getting to know you too." I bit my lip. "So uh, this is my stop."

I knew what was coming.

He leaned in closer, and I realized then - I really did not want to kiss him.

Odd with how gorgeous he was, but he just kind of bored me.

Like the catty woman I am - as soon as he was only inches away from my face.

I faked a sneeze.

Clapping a hand over my mouth, I opened my eyes, wide. "Wow! I'm so sorry!" I wailed. "I did not mean to do that!"

Disappointment took over his face. "It's okay. You can't control bodily functions."

"I had a nice time Carsen. Thank you." I dismissed, wrenching the door open.

"I'll see you later I guess?" It was obvious he knew I wasn't interested.

I nodded. "Of course."

When he turned around I hastily entered Jorrvaskr. Leaning against the door I exhaled sharply.

After we got out sweetrolls - he began going on and on about going to Sovngarde. His true colors showed.

He was a bragger.

A big one.

An annoying one.

'Everyone cheered for me. It was great.'

'I never thought I'd have such an honor. The Greybeards think of me as their master.'

'The blades wanted to follow me, because my skills in my battle are unmatched.'

'I have a small penis so I have to build myself up to feel better.'

Okay, I made up the last one.

But he was really obnoxious.

I trudged to my quarters. The living quarters were quiet. Everyone was asleep.

Unzipping my dress - I entered my quarters.

A giant shadow appeared in sight. I released a short scream, jumping back.

"DAMN IT VILKAS!" I yelped. "What are you doing?!"

"How was your evening with the great and mighty Dragonborn?" He questioned, ignoring the fact he just gave me a minor heart attack. His hand was on his chin as he looked at my book shelf.

"Fine, fine." I said, words distorted from grinding my teeth. "Why are you in here?"

He shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."

"So you decided to make yourself at home in my room?"

"Yup." He popped his lips, adjusting a book. "So are you going to go out with him again?"

I shook my head, holding the back of my dress. "Probably not."

"Annoying?"

"You have no idea." I said, grabbing a pair of brown trousers and white tank top from my dresser.

"HA." He barked.

I slid behind the curtain that hung to change.

"Where did he take you?" The wolf questioned.

"Bannered Mare."

"HA!" He barked once more. "Really?"

I was becoming annoyed. "He paid to have the back room decorated. It was pretty romantic."

"Sure it was." He grumbled.

I poked my head out as I slid on the white top. "Since when do you care anyways?"

His silver eyes met mine. "I- I don't. I'm just bored."

"Okay..."

"I don't." He defended gruffly, his deep voice growing defensive. "Don't be so cocky."

I rolled my eyes, snapping my head back behind the curtain.

The room filled with silence as I finished changing. When I walked out from behind the curtain - Vilkas was only a few inches away from me.

"Do you really not like him?" All I could see was the muscles his grey shirt hugged. "Or is it because your father approves so you don't want to?"

"My feelings are not your concern." I responded through a shuddering breath. "As you even just stated. You don't even care."

Suddenly I felt his finger slip under my chin. "I do care. I don't trust that guy." He forced me to look up at him.

I felt my stomach turn to knots. I wanted to stand up on my toes to crash my lips to his.

I wanted to so bad it hurt.

Remembering what I told Carsen earlier - I suddenly realized Vilkas was the desire I would not get.

"Want some mead?" I pulled away as I went over to my desk.

He exhaled sharply, "Sure."

I popped open two bottles then handed him one. As I strode over to my bed - I grabbed a book off the shelf.

Something had to get my mind over the fact he had been waiting in my room for my return.

Why did he choose to linger?

Why did he question my date?

I opened the book about Dwemer history that I have read probably over forty times.

"So," he began after taking a sip of mead, "You are quite the heavy drinker."

I stared at my book as I gulped down the mead. "So?"

"Why?"

"Because I like it?"

"Interesting..." He cleared his throat, taking a seat on the wooden chair beside my bed. "You used to say it tasted like cow crap."

"Things change Vilkas."

"I do have one question though..." He mused, scratching his onyx scruffy facial hair. "Have you dated since you left?"

I flickered my eyes over to him. My mind racing. Remembering that nightmare I had.

"N-no..." I mumbled, pulling my brows together. "I haven't."

He gave me a skeptical look.

"Have you?" I tried to switch the subject to him. "Whom have you been with?"

I really did not want to hear the answer. Jealously was already consuming me.

"I dated the Imperial Carlotta for a little bit." He answered, and I could feel my heart bend. "But it didn't work out."

"Why?" I pushed. Not sure why I was. I guess I was hoping for an answer that involved me.

He jutted out his bottom lip as he peeled the label off the bottle. "I don't know. I just wasn't feeling it with her I guess."

"Any idea why?"

The wolf took a swig out of the bottle then switched his gaze to me. "You are awfully curious Elsa."

"I've been away for a while." It was almost as if I connected myself to him as I gulped my mead down.

Granted I finished the bottle before he was even half way done.

Finally, a buzz.

"She talked about produce way to much." He admitted. "It was irritating."

"Thought every man wanted her."

"If they knew her - they wouldn't." He laughed humorlessly. "Trust me. She is as boring as staring at a blank wall."

"Not everyone can be as exciting as you wolf boy." I snorted loudly, removing my hair from the braid.

Vilkas stood quiet for a moment, before he reached out to tug at my hair. "When did you start becoming a blonde?"

"What?" I shot him an aberrant glare. "I'm not a blonde."

"Well, then the sun is making it lighter." He chuckled. "You are now a tomato, lemon color."

I glowered as I popped open another bottle of mead. Immediately focusing my attention back on the book.

Although my mind was not even remotely focused on the book.

"I guess I should head to bed." Vilkas stated through a yawn. "It's late."

"Thought you couldn't sleep."

His lips curved upwards. "Maybe I lied."

I opened my mouth then shut it. Realizing I couldn't speak. Was he just messing with me?

Vilkas stood up, stretching out his long torso. "Night whelp."

"Goodnight wolf boy." I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice.

I didn't want him to leave.

I stumbled into the weapon room. My vision blurred from drinking so much.

I must have been hallucinating because I kept seeing shadows from every corner.

'I want to marry you.' A voice whispered in my mind.

I winced, shaking my head.

'Desire is a sin.' A deeper, evil tone said.

'Make love to me.' The same familiar husky voice repeated.

Not again.

I dropped to my knees. Many feelings were rushing through my body. I had no idea what was happening.

Love, guilt, regret, want.

It was on repeat.

I suddenly realized I really did want to be alone. Human companionship was something I was craving.

Crawling my way back up the stairs to my quarters. I stopped when I reached the middle.

A tingling sensation scattered through my veins.

I knew exactly what I wanted.

More like whom.

I stood up with wobbly legs. Making my way through the dim room. When I saw the mirror - I stopped.

Checking my hair to see if Vilkas was right. To my dismay - he was. My hair was a lot lighter than it used to be.

My off-white silk night-gown came down to mid-thigh. The back swooped down, hugging my body. It revealed most of my back.

The inner battle with myself continued as I exited to the hallway.

What was I doing?

Why was I doing this?

Alcohol, damn you.

His door came into view. I stopped immediately - sucking in a breath.

The tingling got more fierce as I ran a hand through my long hair.

Wrenching open the door quietly, I poked my head to peer into the darkened room. A single candle made it so I could see.

He was lying on his back, snoring softly.

My, he was sight.

The pounding of my heart was becoming more intense as I tip toed inside. Closing the door behind me.

I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at him like a creepy stalker.

Despite my drunken vision, he seemed more gorgeous than ever.

He coughed as his eyes fluttered opened. "E-Elsa?" His voice was thick with sleep. "What are you doing in here?"

Shit, I was caught. I didn't even know what my intention was. But as I gazed down at his lips - it became more clear.

An aberrant sense of confidence flushed over me as I just leaned in without thinking.

I crashed my lips to his.

Like an idiot.

There was no response for a moment. I guess he was shocked at my sudden notion. But for some reason - I could not remove my lips from his unresponsive ones.

Now I really felt like an imbecile.

He broke away from me. "What are you doing?" His voice was breathless.

"I-I don't know." I backed my head away. "I'm an idiot."

With a deep breath I began to stand up.

Before I was able to stand all the way up - something yanked me back down.

"No you're not." He murmured, grabbing the back of my head with both hands. "You're not."

Suddenly his lips met my mine fiercely. Our lips collided as he pulled me over so I was straddling him.

I could feel my pulse go into a rapid pace. I was in in disbelief this was actually happening.

His hands trailed up my thighs, gripping them tightly. He bit my lower lip roughly.

I placed my hands on both sides of his face - making the kiss deeper.

I knew I shouldn't be doing what I was doing. But I couldn't make myself stop.

He knew I was a virgin - would he take it if he did not have feelings for me?

When he lifted my night gown over my head - I knew my innocence wouldn't be there that much longer.

It seems so close to me,
but still beyond my reach.
Calling me,
and playing hide and seek.

Look behind that door,
I'm the one you've been searching for,
and I'm not a little girl anymore.

I could say that I don't care,
but the truth is I'd follow you anywhere.
I've been waiting such a long, long time,
Dont you dare change your mind.

-'Don't you dare' Alexz Johnson