Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!
Chapter 3: Raiding the Lost Fridge
Disclaimer: I don't own people. I don't pwn people… According to the top scientists of the world I just suck at everything. I'm just a little n00b trying to get attention. Fortunately for me, I seem to do a good job of getting that attention. Negative or positive it doesn't really matter.
Reviews: You will be given a free hair sample if you review…
Gold Stars:
If you feel like the use of gold stars is demeaning and rude and hurts your self esteem then -∞! (That's negative infinity for all you who can't see/read/talk)
If you respect the wonderful gold star: 99!
I've decided to revert back to my original fanfiction goal, before humor was the only thing on my mind. I just want to have fun. Simple. Whee...
ICP!
(error on page whenever I try to press the stupid line button... oh well... the story is starting now... so yeah... have fun reading it or whatever... blah blah blah blah... I'm shutting up now)
"Yar! We be getting booty tonight!" Mario yelled waiving his sword in the general direction of France.
"Why do you always have to waive it at France! That's disrespectful!" Peach yelled before getting thrown overboard by all the rodents. Sadly, the rodents strained themselves in the attempt to carry someone so much more heavy than them and they soon died of exhaustion.
Peach was eaten alive by Frenchmen. Oh I can smell the irony. I can't read anything ironic, but I sure can smell it.
"Yar! Stinky!" Mario yelled kicking the steering wheel so hard it fell off.
"NOOOO! WE'RE STUCK!" Popo screamed as he and Nana had gotten stuck in the toilet.
"I fixed the toilet problem sir! Now we're not taking on water!" DK said with pride.
Nana was eaten alive by Popo.
"YOU SICK FREAK!" Peach yelled to Mario. Who was trying to eat a Frenchman.
Just then the steering wheel rolled off the ship.
"Yar! Who be wanting scurvy!" Mario asked holding up free samples of the sickness.
"MEEE! MEEE!" Falco cried out like a fan it.
"And our lucky winner is Germany!" Mario yelled injecting Germany with scurvy, killing everyone who lived there. Fortunately, everyone in German has dual citizenship, so they were only halfway killed.
"I smell burning flesh…" Bowser said, soon realizing he was on fire.
"FIRE ON DECK!" Ness screamed. The other pirates misinterpreted this and launched all the cannons and guns at their deck. Blowing a hole wide open and killing Bowser.
"Yar! No one abandon their post! Yar! We be going down with the ship!" Mario yelled.
"But we never even left port yet! We're not going down with the ship because the ship isn't going down!" Ness said.
"Yar! Lost treasure!" Mario yelled leading his team of crack-addicted warriors into battle against the Huns.
"That's politically incorrect slash incoherent!" Roy screamed with the voice of Darth Vader.
"NOO… wait… screw that… I'm sick of screaming no… I'm going to go play some solitaire…" Darth Vader yelled slash incoherent with the voice of Luke SkyNarth
"Yar! The treasure be North!" Mario screamed and tried to jump to the dock. He missed and hit the beach instead.
"Yar! I be drowning!" Mario yelled as he tried to get eaten by the fish on the beach. Sadly, all the fish were playing poker and were too busy to eat poor old Mario.
Marth's hairspray backfired and he died.
"THERE'S A MURDERER ON DECK!" DK screamed so loudly that his feet revolted and declared their own independent republic of google dot com.
"Traitors!" DK yelled and threw some lice at the feet. They were eaten alive. Their last words were "never forget…"
DK forgot. He tried to walk away but tripped and fell into a wormhole.
"Yar! I be avenging ye!" Mario yelled waiving his peg-arms around in anger.
"Where's the treasure captain? Samus asked with an eye in her eye" Samus asked.
"Are you still talking in third person?" Ness asked.
"Samus knows what you mean… and really cool and stuff and so talks in third person" Samus said.
Samus's suit had a malfunction and flushed. She died.
"I'm not even going to pretend to know what just happened…" Ness said as his head grew several inches in diameter.
"Yar! On to the treasure!" Mario yelled charging the first house he saw.
"LIAR!" Yoshi yelled and threw his eyes at Mario. Mario took the eyes and used them to see the house, then gave them back politely.
"Thanks…" Mario said and charged.
"LIAR!" Yoshi yelled and stuck is tongue out at Mario, killing a random passerby in the process.
"NO! MY HUSBAND!" Jigglypuff yelled clutching onto Pichu.
"Aren't I underage?" Pichu asked.
"Not if you don't want to be!" Jigglypuff winked with a say.
"What?" Pichu asked before Zeus decided to kill them both.
"Aww… I wanted to do that!" Buddha cried with jealousy.
"Hey! They were Christians! I'm the one who's supposed to be able to kill them!" Jesus said angrily.
"Aww… that's no fair! Everyone's a Christian now!" Zeus said with a dollar in his eye.
Fox killed them all with his cheap move set.
"Yar! Push forward men!" Mario yelled as his pirate crew continued its charge.
"Nah… I think I'll take a break here" Luigi said sitting down on a bench and enjoying the sunset.
"Yar! There be no time for that here! When the clock strikes twelve we be losing the treasure forever! Yar!" Mario yelled as everyone got more motivated and charged the first house they saw in the village.
"Why hello there young man… are you here to sell me a vacuum cleaner?" an old granny said while winking.
"Yes" Roy said and gouged the old grannies eyes out.
"Ooh… I like it when I can't see… it adds adventure to the whole experience!" the old granny said.
"Yes" Roy said and sold the old lady on ebay. She died during the electronic conversion.
"Damn…" Roy geletationed as he walked away.
"Yar! Don't be walking away! The treasure still be hiding within these walls! Yar!" Mario yelled.
"Yar! I like boys!" Ness said, parodying the captain.
"n00b!" the society of under grown midgets yelled together in a swarm.
"AHHH!" Ness screamed as his head grew several centimeters in diameter. "Speaking of which! One inch is two point five four centimeters!"
"CONFUSING!" Captain Falcon yelled failing his physics class.
"America is dum" Gannondorf said, even though he had no idea where or what America was"
"LIAR!" Ness said as he walked out of his local patriot shop.
"K" Gannondorf said as he charged into the house of mystery and stuff.
A book started gnawing on Gannondorf leg.
"MAKE IT STOP!" Gannondorf cried as he turned on the TV and started enjoying some Three's Company.
"I LOVE THIS SHOW!" Falco yelled and jumped on to the sofa to watch.
"Yar! There be no time for that now! We be needing to find the treasure of lost souls!" Mario yelled as several small children stared in wonder.
"KILL THE INFADELS!" Mewtwo screamed and pulled out a several dollar bill.
"Only for you…" A dark animeish figure said with a dark and moody wink.
"Is that even possible?" Ness asked.
"Yes" the dark animeish figure said with a wink. Then snapped Ness's head off with a cool animeish move and disappeared forever.
"NOOO! ANOTHER MYSTERY TO BE SOLVED!" Gannondorf screamed as the book gnawing on his leg had gotten through to the bone.
"I'm a real boy!" Zelda said as she turned into Sheik and jumped into the refrigerator. A salami sandwich ate her.
"A salami sandwich may have eaten her… but did it eat her… TO DEATH?" Link asked with a grin the size of Tibet.
"Yes" Young Link said "matter o flat".
"The matter of flat is equal to the quantitive proportions relating directly to the size of one's third eye!" Dr. Mayalati Newton said with a grin that made all the girls faint. Roy fainted/died, as did Dr. Mayalati.
"Yar! We be getting close to the treasure!" Mario yelled.
Just as Link was about to say something, a wormhole opened up above him and DK landed on him, breaking all his bones and causing him to lose half of his virginity.
"I'm a virgin at that age?" Y. Link asked with a tear in his eye.
"Well no DUH! You were SLEEPING for seven years! What did you THINK would happen?" DK said while wearing a top hat.
"Where did you get that?" Y. Link asked.
"Wall Mart!" DK replied.
"SELL OUT!" Young Link asked.
"Reel Gib Shif!" DK replied.
"K" Young Link said killing himself for having lost the argument. His death was very funny and comical and involved a fairy… being shoved down his throat at high velocities… yeah…
"Yar! DK! Ye be the only one here! We be sharing the plunder!" Mario yelled with glee.
"What about me?" Kirby asked.
Mario shot Kirby.
"I do not approve!" George W. Bush said while arguing with France… the ground… not the French people or government, just the actual soil of France.
"You idiot! France doesn't HAVE soil!" Condaleeeeza Rice yelled at Bush.
"I'd totally do you!" Clinton yelled barging into the room.
"What did I tell you about bothering me at work?" Condaleeeeeza Rice yelled at Clinton.
"I'm sowwy…" Clinton said looking down at the ground.
UFO's killed all three of those people…
Mario opened the refrigerator.
"Can't we just call it a fridge?" DK asked.
"NO!" Mario yelled as he then peered inside the refrigerator.
"LAWL LAWL!" a piece of ham screamed jumping up and down while holding a spear.
"DK died" Mario said.
"Aww… do you really want me dead?" DK started crying. "I thought we had something special!"
The Ham threw a spear at DK, killing Dr. Mario.
"Call in the pirate crew that's actual worth something!" Mario yelled as Wario, Zero Suit Samus, Meta Knight, Snake, and Pit ran into the room.
Wario's fat hit Zero Suit Samus and she melted.
"Now only guys are left! That's sexist!" DK yelled.
"What about me?" Pit said with a wink.
They all caught colds and died.
Mario was the only one left now. He looked around sadly. All had been lost. Except the treasure… he WOULD get that treasure.
Mario stuck his hand into the fridge and pulled out a treasure chest. Inside held the secret to all of humanity. He opened it. It was a Barbie doll.
"YAY!" Mario yelled. "WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED!"
The Barbie doll's eyes glowed red and possessed Mario. He walked into a meat grinder and died.
It's over.
(Back on the ship)
"Hello? Is anyone there?" Popo asked as he was still stuck in the toilet.
"Here… I'll help…" Fox said throwing his gun at Popo, it got lodged in his eye.
"AHHH! THAT ISN'T VERY HELPFUL!" Popo screamed in bloody pain.
"Here… this oughta help…" Fox said planting a time bomb on Popo.
"YOU SON OF A BI…"
The ship exploded in a fiery ball of Monopoly pieces.
The Monty Python troupe ran out on stage.
"And that's our show!" They yelled and soon after all died of heart attacks.
(linelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelineline)
Yes… Monty Python wrote all of that… I didn't write a thing.
Although you've probably noticed it isn't like most of what the Monty Python troupe does. The main difference between this and what most of their stuff is is the lack of boobs thrown in at random intervals.
And yeah…
Whee…
It's an update…
I demand an official apology from Poland when this is all over…
Everybody Jumps to the Juggalo sound! F(censored) out of here if you ain't down with the clowns!