Dark Emotions

Chapter Three

Sam Winchester wasn't coping well with Bobby's death, Sam had lost his rock, the guy who was keeping him on the right path. Dean might have been the one who had talked him off the ledge, but Dean wasn't emotionally stable enough to help Sam now. To talk him through how he felt and offer him a drink when he was shook up, all Dean did was look at him as if he was a time bomb that he was waiting for to go off. Bobby didn't treat him like that, he tried, had tried to treat him like he was normal still.

Lucifer was taunting Sam day and night, showing him Bobby's death in a thousand different and inventive ways. For the first time in his life Sammie had turned seriously to drink. Sure he could sink a few beers, he was a hunter, and hunters could always drink. He had never drunk on his brother's scale though, not until now. Anything to try and blot out the mental tortures that were slowly driving him mad. He was trying to stop what was left of his mind from crumbling into mush.

He was so tired now, tired of fighting, of caring and certainly tired of feeling. In the middle of the night he woke to hear Dean sobbing. It tore out Sam's heart, Dean had always been so strong, and now look at him. Sam had wanted to get up and comfort his brother, but he knew if he moved that Dean would just clam up like he always did. Dean and Sam, they weren't brothers anymore, they were casual aquitences that barely spoke or looked at each other. Dean was shutting Sam out of his life, and really if he couldn't be here for him now when he needed him, then Sam was glad to see him go.

Sam thought he heard "Idjot!" being muttered and opened one eye to see Bobby standing over Dean watching them both. Sam pounded the scar on his palm trying to block the sight out, but it wasn't working. Sam closed his eyes and tried to pretend that it wasn't there.

Next morning, well late afternoon when Sam woke up Dean had already left on a 'supply' run. Groggily Sam dragged himself into the shower to try and wash off the stink of stale ale off of his skin. His head pounded, the long put off hang over starting to grey the edges of his vision. He needed a drink really badly right now. There were a few light beers in the fridge, they would have to do until Dean got back, unless his brother had drunk them already.

Sam watched the shower water carefully as he washed, he didn't want any of the black goo sneaking into his meat suit. He really needed to wash properly, Dean had said to wash with just bottled water to be safe. It wasn't the same and it didn't get the dirt and grime off like a shower did, just freshened up. Sam felt dirty to his very own bruised and battered soul. He thought about Dean crying, and wished they had been able to share that supporting each other. That they weren't both living here alone trying to deal with everything, that they could truly be brothers for once! They wasn't who they were though, they were both the Kings of Denial. Sammie wished that he could make his tears come, but they just wouldn't. Lucifer was seeing to that.

As he showered, trying to unknot the balled up tight muscles in his shoulders, a poker came flying through his chest. He groaned, "Can't I ever catch a break!" he asked.

The poker withdrew, and a barely clothed Lucifer joined him in the shower. "Missed me Sammie?" he asked calmly.

"Do you have to be here right now?" Sam snapped, "Can't I have five minutes peace!"

"I don't know Sammie, can you?" Lucifer asked, "It's your mind that keeps bringing me here, or so you think. It would be so much easier for us both if you would just accept that you are still in the cage with me. That you never left, and all of this is just one of my little games. A sickness that can kill angels, and travels through the water supply. Do you not realise how crazy that sounds? How impossible? Or are you too far gone already?"

"You are not real!" Sam snapped, holding the scar so hard it almost bled again.

"Oh Sammie darling, must I prove it again!" Lucifer asked.

"Whatever you do, I won't believe you!" Sam replied, trying to wash his hair and ignore his own personal 'Harvey'.

Lucifer smiled, "I love a challenge."

Suddenly the water ran as a river of blood. Screaming Sam jumped out of the shower, standing naked in the bathroom, trying to control the images of the blood dripping off of his skin.

"Nice view" Lucifer commented, looking at Sam's naked form. "I do enjoy a nice, strong young man."

"Oh shut up!" Sam snapped, he grabbed a towel, wrapped it around himself and headed to the fridge. He found one beer lurking at the back, pulled it out and cracked the lid.

"That's not doing you any good Sam." Lucifer called from the other room.

"Like I care" Sam muttered, draining the can. He dressed hurriedly and went for a walk hoping that getting out of the motel for the first time in days might help clear his head.

Maybe it would have if Lucifer hadn't followed him. "Oh Sammie, what's wrong? I'm living in this body and you expect me not to take notice of how it looks!"

"Will you shut up?" Sam snapped, trying to ignore the looks he was getting.

Lucifer slapped Sam's ass, "You have to admit even after all your years in Hell, the body work is still fine! You also have to admit that it's been a long time since you had your 'frustrations' eased. I'm just offering to help lighten your load."

Sam stopped in the middle of the sidewalk not caring who was staring. "I am not gay!"

A mother hurried a little girl past him, "Don't look at the strange man." She scolded her.

"I am NOT gay!" Sam hissed through his teeth at the phantom demon.

Lucifer tapped Sam's head, "Remember Sammie I'm inside your grapefruit. I see all your deepest darkest thoughts and desires. I know everything about you, how broken you feel inside. How you want to end it all, but you are too scared to leave your brother alone."

"Fuck you!" Sam shouted and walked away.

Lucifer stood behind smiling, "No Sammie, fuck you!"