So crazy little piece of news I have for you:

MTV is coming to my school.

Yeah, that show, Made is having an open casting call in two weeks in our auditorium.

Exciting, no?

(Dear) Diary,

"...So look to your left. Now, look to your right. And don't say goodbye to these people. Shake their hand. Hug them, even. But just wish them good luck."

Taylor's valedictorian speech was far from warm and comforting like I thought it was going to be. Good luck? What is this, graduation? Or are we being shipped to boot camp? I can still feel David Mood's nervous sweat smell shutting down my system, and Nina Mitchell left a few tear stains on my gown. Hugging wasn't one of Taylor's brightest ideas.

But why can't I shake this odd feeling of...

Problem: I can't really think of a word to describe how I feel right now.

I'm kind of jittery. I sort of need to pee. My hair's all wrong and the future is a few steps away. I smell like a weird boy's sweat, and I question whether I'm ready for a life outside of high school. I'm anxious, but I'm timid. I really feel like crying right now, but Nina seems to have it covered.

So?

Is there a word for this? Or do I just chalk it up to "being Gabriella" as Dad always says?-

Gabriella suddenly jumped and the ink of her ballpoint pen darted across the open page of her journal. A familiar name poured from the speaker's bringing thunderous applause and stray catcalls from the male population:

Sharpay Evans.

The first of the four to graduate. The most confident of the four to graduate. A proud tickle found the back of Gabriella's knees as she clapped for her best friend. There was something about the way she glided to Mr. Matsui and received her very fake diploma. She smiled to it. She handled it with such a care. She knew it represented the future, and she was ready.

She simply glowed.

Was this the same Sharpay Evans Gabriella had met in kindergarten? The transition from the loud, obnoxious six year old to the blonde, self-confident woman was amazing. Gabriella was envious. Again.

I've shifted nervously in my seat for ages, (dear) diary. Every diploma just the same. They shine, they shimmer, they sparkle. And for some reason, every singe student of the senior class seems just a little bit older. That guy that always used to cut in the lunch line seemed less of a jerk. That couple that used to make out in front of my locker appeared more mature.

I'm not really sure if I'm over analyzing or glamorizing the entire situation. (because that's just the kind of girl that I am) Graduation could be graduation. Or graduation could be graduation. Either way, I'm just not ready, or I'm too ready.

I think I'm having an allergic reaction to the sterling silver of this bracelet Kelsi gave me, though.

Sincerely,

Gabriella

P.S. Nina Mitchell was just called to stage to receive her diploma I guess that means that I'm-

"Gabriella Montez."

A haunting reverberation caught Gabriella's name. Her head jerked up wards without warning her conscience and all of her thoughts scrambled inside of her skull. Who?Me?Gabriella?Didyousaymyname?Isittime?Time? Principal Matusi encouraged her with a nod and she uneasily rose from her chair, her journal dropping between her knees.

"Woo! Go Gabriella! Way to graduate!"

Her feet shuffled to the edge of the auditorium's stage and a few polite snickers accompanied Sharpay's tacky cheer. Suddenly, her breath taped itself to her throat.

There.

It was right there, a few yards away, patiently waiting to be taken from Mr. Matsui's old, wise hands. Despite her diploma being very fake, its essence was so real, that Gabriella swore she saw ribbons of smoke rising from its excellency.

For the first time in an eternity, she wanted it. She wanted to hold it in her hands and know that her future was secure... but so not secure... she propelled herself those few extra yards and outstretched her arm for the taking.

There.

Now its cylindrical form was closed in her palm and all of her questions seemed to be answered.

Okay, no, they weren't.

Gabriella realized that she was glamorizing the entire situation. Because there she stood, in front of a good two thousand people, under burning lights, in her graduation gown, holding her future in paper form. And she still felt the same. The garish blinking of camera flashes caught her attention and she looked meticulously into the audience to see her mother and father taking as many photos as possible.

"Oh, god..." she hissed to herself. Gabriella hastily moved her tassel to its respectful side and rushed off the stage.

What had I been thinking, (dear) diary?

What was supposed to make today so special?

The fact that I'm wearing a dowdy curtain of nylon and a piece of cardboard on my head or the fact that my principal rewarded me with a... a...

cylinder?!

I'm so stupid for letting the stars live in my eyes. For seeing this as something more than it really is. Gradu-fucking-ation is just a giant goodbye. I don't feel any less insecure or any more mature.

I feel like Gabriella Montez. Who is jittery. Who still needs to pee and whose hair is all wrong.

Taylor would tell me that all of my feelings are psychological. Kelsi would pull her tarot cards out and spit out some advice from the stars. Sharpay would tell me that this was nothing a facial and a seaweed body wrap couldn't solve.

I was right from the beginning. Today is a somber day. A day of pathetic crying and a lonely carton of ice cream. I tried to look forward to the future if only for a few moments, I really did, but it merely dragged me back to stage one.

So I'm done here.

Hooray for the future.

Sincerely,

Gabriella

P.S. Oh, what's the point? I have nothing cute or witty to-

A soft elbow dug into Gabriella's ribs and she dropped her leather bound book with a clatter. A few hushed conversations were erupting around her and she glanced to her left to see Sharpay crouched next to Nina Mitchell. Taylor and Kelsi were bunched behind her.

"Congratulations!" Kelsi hissed and gave her a thumbs up. Gabriella's chin quivered terribly at the sight of her friends' excitement. Why did it have to be so difficult for her to feel the way they did?

Sharpay elbowed past Nina who wailed in protest. She took her best friend's sweaty palm in her own. "We did it!" she attempted a whisper, but her enthusiasm drowned out Mr. Matsui's closing speech. Taylor poked her in the hip as a warning before slithering over to the other side of Gabriella, jamming herself next to David Mood. Gabriella didn't feel the usual warmth that she felt when her best friends surrounded her. She felt...

"Ladies and gentlemen..."

Cold.

"I now present to you..."

Icy cold. She felt Taylor and Sharpay squeezing both of her hands. She glanced in Kelsi's direction to see her bouncing anxiously on her toes. Here they were, being propelled into an unpredictable future...

"The graduating class of 2008!"

Freezing. Icy. Cold.

Her friends used their unoccupied hands to whip their caps off of their perfect hairstyles and toss them into the buzzing air. Screams and shouts of acclamation turned her ears inside out, yet Gabriella couldn't let herself be part of the happiness.

All because of something she was already expecting.

Shivering, freezing, icy, cold.

Heyy, you likey?

Review, I'm already working on the next chapter!

Which, is like a huge surprise, especially if you are familiar with my updating patterns. :D