A/N: And now we're on to the more obvious things. Poor, poor Steve. It's only going to get worse.
Disclaimer: Hey, wait a minute...I don't even have a banana. Unfair.
Pretty soon, Steve saw a sexual undertone in everything Tony ate. Everything from carrots to Butterfingers.
The sad part was that Tony wasn't even doing it on purpose. He had been so caught up in work lately that he was barely paying attention to the world around him. He was just reaching for whatever snack foods he could find and if they happened to be particularly phallic, well, that was just his own dirty mind seeing sex in everything Tony touched.
He avoided eating with Tony most days. Usually, it wasn't too hard to get breakfast before Tony was up and go for a run to clear his head.
It wasn't exactly helping. He couldn't look at a water bottle anymore without seeing Tony's lips stretched over the bottle neck. Too many runs ended with a cold shower and locking himself in his room for the rest of the day.
At least Natasha had stopped badgering him to date one of the female SHIELD agents. He was sure she was still plotting to set him up with someone, though, if her calculating expression was any indication.
He stirred his oatmeal and avoided her gaze. All he needed to do was wolf down his breakfast and escape before she could try anything. If he was lucky-
"Hey, Cap. Hey, Nat," Tony said, strolling into the kitchen with his tablet tucked under his arm.
Steve slumped down in his chair. Today was just not his day.
"I hope I'm not interrupting your breakfast date," Tony said. "Just here to grab an apple and I'll head right back down to my cave."
"Have a banana," Natasha said. "You could use the potassium."
Steve glared at her from across the table. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"
"Doing what?" Tony asked, hand hovering over the fruit basket.
"Nothing," Steve said quickly.
Natasha smirked. "Plotting ways to get you eating better."
Oh, yes. She was definitely doing it on purpose. Which meant it was all going to get so much worse.
Tony picked through the bananas with his nose wrinkled in distaste. "These are all way too ripe. Who the hell eats bananas like this?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," Natasha said casually. Her gaze flicked to Steve. "I didn't know you liked hard bananas."
Steve almost choked on his oatmeal. "Natasha," he hissed.
She stood with a languid stretch. "Come have a seat with Steve," she said. "I was just leaving."
"Uh, sure," Tony said. He dropped down into the seat across from Steve and began carefully peeling his banana.
Steve closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could do this. It was just breakfast.
When he opened his eyes, the tip of the banana was resting against Tony's lips as he tapped at his tablet.
No. There was no way he could do this.
"Tony, I'm going to-"
Tony held up a finger. "One sec, Cap." He tapped viciously at the screen and jammed the banana into his mouth.
Steve swallowed. And now Tony was deep-throating that damn banana.
Tony finally bit off half the banana and began chewing. He looked up at Steve curiously. "You were saying?" he asked, once he had swallowed his mouthful.
"Nothing," Steve said. "Absolutely nothing."