Act 6
My Eyes
"Damn it," Penny says angrily. He's never seen her so furious. "Damn that Dr Horrible. Why couldn't he rob a bank on any other night? Like one when I don't have my weekly date with my so-called boyfriend."
There's an overload of information in twhat she's saying and it takes Billy a moment to process it. She's obviously pissed, but her words are strangely contradictory. Is everything not going so well with Captain tool? But weirdly, what he actually says, because his brain has never been good at talking to women, is "Dr Horrible? It isn't Dr Horrible!"
"What?" Penny asks him, surprised that's all he's got to say.
"I mean, yeah, totally," Billy backtracks, picking up a menu and almost hitting her in the face with it. "I mean, that's annoying."
"Do you know something about this, Billy?" She asks him, suspiciously. His stomach drops for a moment, but then she says, "Have you seen something on the news?"
He shakes his head, relieved. For a minute there, he thought she might have wondered how he seemed to know so much about Dr Horrible. "No… I mean, yes. I mean. No. Not the news." What is he saying?
But would it really be so bad? If she knew? Really?
"Billy, what's wrong?" Penny gives him a funny look and he takes a deep breath.
"Penny, can I tell you a- a secret?"
Her frown deepens. "I guess. I mean, just so long as it's not weird or anything."
He gulps. He doesn't appreciate being made fun of. Not when he's trying to tell her the biggest thing about his private life. She seems to see that in his eyes and she smiles apologetically. "I'm sorry Billy. Of course you can. I was just being… silly. You can tell me anything."
For a moment he doesn't say anything, he just watches her face, wondering what she'd think if she knew everything. He wonders how fast she'd run. But the effort of keeping everything in for two weeks is killing him, and he blurts. "The reason I know that Dr Horrible isn't out robbing banks is because Dr Horrible is here with you tonight. I'm Dr Horrible."
Penny just stares at him. Then she begins to laugh.
He doesn't. "It's true, Pen. I'm Dr Horrible. At least, I was. I've kind of retired."
Penny shakes her head. "But that's ridiculous. You can't be Dr Horrible! You don't look anything like him. I've met him and he's… villainous! And evil! And you're-" She trails off.
"I'm Dr Horrible, Pen. I swear. That day, when we met in the alley, I couldn't talk to you because I was doing a heist. Then Hammer came along and smashed up the remote control on top of the van and it almost killed you." The words stick in his throat and the truth hits him like ice water. The first time he talked to Penny, he was carrying out an evil scheme and Captain Hammer interfered and almost killed her.
Why in the hell hadn't he learned his lesson?
So, okay, now he has! But hello, mystical time-travelling involved!
"You're Dr Horrible?" Penny says, a look of horror on her face.
"Retired!" He insists helplessly.
"Oh my god," She gets to her feet, unsteady in the ridiculously high-heeled shoes she'd worn for her date with Hammer. "I'm sorry, I can't-" She tries to leave then, but trips and sprawls on to the floor. He springs up instantly from his seat to help her up, trying to simultaneously shoo the restaurant staff away.
"Well this isn't embarrassing at all," Penny says sarcastically, red-faced and close to tears.
"I'm sorry," Billy mumbles. "I just had to tell you the truth. I won't hurt you. I promise. I don't do that. You don't have to be afraid of me."
She dabs her eyes with a napkin. "Okay." She says, shakily. "The truth I can handle. But I think I'd better hear the whole thing. Let's start with why you became a super villain?"
He nods, squirming inside, because he's never articulated this stuff to a real person before, only to a webcam. "Well, I guess it started when I was a kid, at school."
The funny thing is, the more he talks, the easier it gets.
*--*--*
Everyone's a hero
On the day of the opening of the homeless shelter, Billy's up at six o'clock to meet Penny and the other volunteers at the building. They're all exhausted but excited about the day to come. Billy dresses in jeans and a t-shirt. There will be no white coat and goggles today.
Penny confides in him, telling him that she's intending to break things off with Captain Hammer today, but she doubts he'll even notice. She even apologises, although Billy's not quite sure what she's apologising for. Maybe for falling for the jerk in the first place? For being too blinded by hero-worship and his shiny hair to notice the bottom, even deeper layer of the guy which was 100% pure idiot?
Or maybe she was apologising for not talking to him the day after he'd confessed that he was Dr Horrible? For needing space to come to terms with it? That had been the longest twenty-four hours of Billy's life.
Maybe she was just apologising for using and abusing his wicked science chops for the past two weeks.
He doesn't really care, because she takes his hand and squeezed it.
Actual, physical contact. Moist will be proud of him. And probably jealous.
Of course, at lunchtime, when the main hall starts to fill up, Billy sits at the back. hoodie pulled up to hide his face, and he tries to look inconspicuous while at the same time showing his presence to support Penny.
God, he loves her more and more each day. He loves her bright intelligence and her passion and her kooky dress sense and her amazing hair and her eyes and her smile and her kindness.
So to just sit there and watch Captain Hammer talk so mean about her, telling everyone how he'd had sex with her, it just makes him crazy. He wants to leap up and strangle the man with his bare hands.
But then he sees Penny, sees the way that she calmly and without fuss simply gets up and walks off the stage, leaving Hammer to posture and monologue, and say the most insulting, ignorant things.
Penny grabs his hand as she walks by and pulls him up out of his seat, through the main doors and out on to the street. Looking up at him, she gives him a shy smile.
"Thank you, Billy buddy," she says, and pulls him down into a soft, gentle kiss.
His mind goes kind of screwy for a minute, because she tastes like blackcurrant and milk duds and she's gorgeous and everything he ever-
Behind them, as Penny pulls away, there's a commotion in the street, and screaming. Instinctively, Billy pulls her close and they whirl around.
There's a terrible, horrible sound.
The sound of a horse, whinnying.
*--*--*
Bad Horse Chorus
This must be what it's like to be normal.
In the aftermath, that's all Billy thinks. This is what normal people feel.
Somehow, out of the chaos and running and terror, Captain Hammer appears and shoves him and Penny out of the way. They both land painfully on the concrete sidewalk and in that position, it's a little hard to see what's going on. But as far as Billy can tell, Hammer goes for Bad Horse, fists first, and Bad Horse fights back, sharp hooves flying.
The death whinny echoes across the street and Penny cowers, trembling in his arms.
The fight goes on and on - an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object - and eventually Bad Horse is beaten back. But it's not without a price.
When the animal lies senseless, on its side in the middle of the sidewalk and the police are left to try and work out how to cuff it, Hammer crawls away, groaning in pain. He spots Penny on the asphalt and limps over to her, trying to grab her hand.
"Hey!" Billy says, pushing him back violently. He doesn't even think about the consequences.
But Hammer stumbles back under the force of the blow. "Penny?" The big man says. "I saved you. I saved all of you!"
And Billy couldn't be more proud when Penny replied. "I know, sweetie. Thank you. But I think Billy should take me home." Billy drapes an arm around her and they turn to walk away. His heart soars because, even now, he can't believe that she's chosing him over Captain Hammer.
"Billy?" The Captain says, incredulously. "But you know he's-"
Penny looks back over her shoulder. "I know who he was," she says, smiling at Billy. "But he's retired. And I think Bad Horse was after him, actually. So thanks for saving my boyfriend too."
Boyfriend? Did Penny just call him her boyfriend? Billy can't stop grinning as they leave Captain Hammer, impotently fuming on the sidewalk behind them, and catch just one single explosive word before they are out of earshot.
"Balls!"
*--*--*
So they say
Captain Hammer sits in a bar, drowning his sorrows. Except, he's not exactly Captain Hammer any more. No, he's just plain old Ricky Holland now, a pathetic shell of a man. After winning the most epic fight with the most despicable of super villains, it seemed nobody wanted to deal with a broken down ex-hero who's super strength has been drained from him.
And it was all Dr Horrible's fault.
Dr Horrible, who's seduced his Penny, who's set him up against Bad Horse and stolen his power.
Dr Horrible, the most evil man alive.
Dr Horrible had to pay!
Hammer's cheek twitches as he wishes, with all his heart and soul, that Dr Horrible could feel just what he feels right now.
Suddenly, the seat next to him is occupied by a tall, ugly-looking dude wearing some kind of Halloween costume. Which makes little or no sense in July.
"Don't you just wish that some people could get what's coming to them?" The weird-looking guy says. "You know what they say, what goes around, comes around."
He's got horns, and weird skin, and a big, long dress. Maybe he's an extra in a movie or something?
"Hell yeah," Hammer mumbles into his drink. "All I want right now is for him to feel how I feel." Hammer blames his stupid shrink, because what does that man know? How does it really help him by talking about how he feels all the time? It doesn't solve anything! All he wants to do is get Horrible in his sights and whale on him. Make him feel real pain. "Know what I mean?" He slurs.
The weird-looking guy turns around in his seat and smiles, showing a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth. "Oh, believe me my friend, I do. Now tell me what you'd wish to do to him if your nemesis were here right now?"
Captain Hammer thinks that he looks kind of demonic.