I do not own One Piece.

Princess Zoro had been on the Yonko's ship for a week and had gotten into a routine. Wake up, avoid Whitebeard's hugs, steal breakfast from Big Mom, train with Shanks, drink sake, nap. It was peaceful, and Zoro liked it. Little did he know that King Nami knew where he was and was plotting to kill him. How did Nami know where he was? Simple. Shank's stupidity. He wrote a letter to Queen Luffy.

{-}

"BWAHAHAHA! Now I, King Nami have the most silky smooth hair in the whole Kingdom now that Princess Zoro is dead!"

"Zoro's not dead." Nami swiftly turned to her husband who was calmly chewing on a piece of meat.

"WHAT. .JUST. SAY?"

"Zoro's not dead." He held up a lpiece of paper he'd just een reading. "Shanks sent me a letter~! Zoro's with him and Whitebeard!"

"LET ME SEE THAT!" She snatched the letter from Luffy's hands and scanned it. As she read, the vein in her forehead bulged. "He's alive. I AM GOING TO MURDER THAT IDIOTIC COOK!" Nami threw the paper down and began to stomp on it "AND THAT STUPID PRINCESS ZORO!" Luffy began to pout.

"Naa-aami," he whined "you're ruining my letter!" Nami stopped stomping, and slowly turned around to look at her husband, a murderous glint in her eye. Now, I'm not going to tell you what happened next, because it is too violent, 'kay?

{-}

Nami wiped the blood off her hands. No, I just told you I'm not saying what happened to Luffy!

Anyhow, after her hands were all clean she went to Franky's workshop.

"HEY FRANKY! MAKE ME A POISONED APPLE!" The blue-haired cyborg stopped what he was doing and struck a suppah! pose

" Okay! One SUPPAH poison apple coming right up!" The apple was ready within minutes. She snatched it from Franky's hand and left the castle

"MIRAGE TEMPO!" With a wave of her clima-tact , the King was transformed into an ugly old hag. After muttering "That little bastard is so dead", she set off to make sure she, King Nami, would have the silkiest smooth hair in the entire kingdom.

{-}

Zoro was on the ship's deck training when the creepy old lady appeared. He'd ignored her, until she climbed onboard and began to talk to him

"Eat the apple." She held out an apple, its peel an unaturally bright red.

"No"

"It's free."

"I don't want it"

"Why not?"

"Ever heard of 'don't take candy from strangers'?"

"It's an apple."

"Same thing."

"Just eat the damned apple!"

"I do not want the fucking apple!"

"EAT THE APPLE OR ELSE!"

"FINE." He grabbed the apple, took a bite, and promptly keeled over, dead.

THE END

I'm kidding, I'm kidding! You should've seen the look on your face, it was hilarious.

Princess Zoro grabbed the apple, took a bite, and keeled over.

"BWAHAHAHAHA! NOW I HAVE THE SILKIEST SMOOTH HAIR IN THE ENTIRE KINGDOM!" King Nami would have stayed and gloated some more but she heard someone coming, so she ran off. It was Shanks, looking for his new favorite drinking buddy.

"Zoro! I got sake!" He saw Zoro lying on the ground and poked him with his foot. "Wake up!"

Zoro did not wake up. Shanks then saw the apple, and reached the logical conclusion.

"AAH! THE APPLE KILLED ZORO!" He grabbed his sword and began to slash the apple "DIE APPLE, DIE!"

Whitebeard of course came to the deck to see why Shanks was yelling about apples. Big Mom came too, mainly because apples= food.

"What are you yelling about Shanks?"

"THE APPLE KILLED ZORO!"

". . . I'm sure he's just napping as always."

"NO! THE APPLE KILLED HIM! HE WON'T WAKE UP!"

"What apple?" Big Mom had finally put her two berri in. You see, Shank's frantic slashing had reduced the apple to apple sauce, which blended in pretty well with the wooden deck. Shanks looked around.

"AAH! IT TELEPORTED!" While Shanks freaked out about the apple's "disappearance" Whitebeard had decided to do something useful, and check Zoro's pulse to make sure the Princess wasn't dead.

"There's no pulse. He really is dead."

"SEE! THE APPLE KILLED HIM!"

A/N Please review!