Absence
(Prompt: I can't believe you talked me into this)
Raven spent the entire cab ride to Abby's place trying to ignore the nerves which were stirring in the pit of her stomach. The plane ride had been longer than she remembered, four months since she'd made the trip, but only three weeks since Abby had visited her.
The cab's headlights illuminated street signs in the dark, each one bringing her closer to the place where the biggest part of her heart had resided now for so long. Crossing her good leg over her brace, she folded her hands in her lap and tried to feign composure, tried to concentrate on anything other than arriving on Abby's doorstep unannounced. She watched the meter illuminate dollars and cents, money the least of her worries even though this whim had cost her plenty.
When Abby's street sign came into view, the driver making a right hand turn into the street, Raven's heart began to race inside her chest. Too many what ifs. That was what she was here to resolve, after all. Tipping the driver she grabbed her suitcase and climbed out of the car. She was cold as she stood on the curb, the red cropped jacket she'd thrown on over her tank top not enough to block the chill in the night air. Raven couldn't get her feet to cooperate, frozen to the spot, she looked for signs of life in Abby's house. The movement of curtains illuminated the path for the briefest of moments.
Wheeling her suitcase over damp leaves, which had lost their crunch in the evening dew, she stood at the bottom of Abby's porch. Her grip on the handle of her suitcase caused her wrist to ache. Taking a breath, she picked up the case and walked the two steps to Abby's front door.
A firm knock broke into the silence of the night around her and she swallowed against the rising tide of nerves which threatened to overtake her. Footsteps clicked down the hall, stopping on the other side of the door as Abby fiddled with the chain lock and key.
Raven had to stop from launching herself at Abby, her girlfriend's face cycling through shock, joy, and confusion before settling somewhere among all three.
"Raven." Abby breathed her name like the math didn't add up, like she couldn't say it too loud in case she was wrong. "Why are you…come in, come in. Here, give me that." Abby reached for Raven's suitcase, taking it from her hands and holding the door open allowing Raven to slip past and into the warmth of the house.
As soon as Abby closed the front door and set the case down in the entryway, Raven's hands were on Abby's cheeks. A smile full of confusion overtook Abby's face, brow furrowed as she leaned in to kiss Raven. There was nothing desperate about the kiss, nothing frantic, but it knocked Raven off balance. Stepping back, she felt her body meet the wall.
Abby held her there, one hand on Raven's hip, the other resting against her neck. Raven felt drunk. Eight hours where she was barely able to eat and a half hour in the cab where her stomach told her it was a bad idea was all too much.
"God, I've missed you." Abby pulled back enough to utter the words before kissing Raven again, first on the lips, and then on the forehead. "I've missed you so much."
"That's why I had to come. I couldn't wait another nine weeks, Abby. These three without you have been torture-" Raven stopped, hearing her voice crack well before she was ready to start the speech she'd planned, well before Abby scolded her for wasting money and taking off work to be with her.
Taking her by the hand, Abby, guided Raven over to the couch, tucking up a leg to sit sideways, to be able to pull Raven into her.
"Why didn't you call?" Abby traced her fingers over Raven's cheek and along her jaw as though she were checking Raven were real.
"I didn't think, Abby. I haven't thought for days. Sinclair found me at work and I was a complete mess and he drove me home, waited while I packed a bag, and drove me to the airport." Raven's felt tears stinging at the backs of her eyes, the warmth of Abby's arms encircling her were overwhelming.
"It was harder leaving you this time. So much harder, but I don't know how to fix it, Raven. We both love our jobs. You wouldn't be you without that job. We wouldn't have even met if you worked elsewhere or did something else." Abby shifted on the couch to allow Raven to stretch both legs over Abby's lap. She took care to remove Raven's brace before placing it beside them, her hands moving to massage the points she knew ached at the end of each day.
"When you walked into the conference that day, I mean, I'd never been more attentive. I could have repeated what you said verbatim and still written poetry about the way you wore that suit." Abby quirked an eyebrow, their memories taking the edge off Raven's emotions.
"You happily feigned ignorance when you asked me about it at that cocktail party later." Raven reached for Abby's other hands, linking their fingers together.
"I couldn't believe that such a beautiful woman, who was also clearly the most intelligent person in the room, would be standing off in a corner by herself. I wasn't feigning ignorance, I lost my ability to construct sentences when you smiled at me." Raven grinned at Abby's words. "See, you look at me like that and I need to check my driver's licence so I know my own name."
Raven laughed.
With Abby still massaging a hand around the base of her knee, Raven leaned forward to kiss Abby once more. It had been almost two years since she had first done so, since Abby asked Raven to have dinner with her the night after the cocktail party and Raven responded by leaning in and placing a kiss to Abby's cheek. She had felt Abby sigh before placing a hand to her cheek and kissing her lips. When they left the party together, Abby saying later she was sure Raven was going to take her back to her hotel, Raven walked Abby the short distance to the docks.
"Have dinner with me tonight, instead." Raven smiled at Abby, eyes full of mischief, and Abby felt torn, but couldn't bring herself to say no to the woman.
"What if someone notices we've left the party?" Abby was distracted by the way Raven's thumb grazed the back of her hand as they spoke.
"What if they do? There'll be others, this partnership between my university and your hospital is a done deal, Doctor Griffin, there are going to be plenty more cocktail parties in our future.
Without another word, Raven took Abby's hand and walked her across a short bridge which led to a fish punt on the water.
"Tomorrow night I'll take you somewhere fancy, but right now I just need something to counteract all the alcohol in my system. I didn't feel drunk until I kissed you back there." Raven winked, and Abby blushed.
"You're something else, Raven Reyes. I can't believe you've talked me into this."
"I don't know how to do this anymore, Abby. The distance, being so far apart from you for so long, I feel sick." Raven could see tears welling in Abby's eyes now and she reached forward to smooth her thumb over Abby's skin, eliciting a smile which was so feint she wondered if it had been there at all.
"Just tell me you haven't come all this way to break up with me." Abby sounded like a young child, afraid, a plea in her voice which was entirely unfamiliar.
Raven gripped Abby's hand tighter as she saw Abby's tears threatening to spill over. Reaching into her pocket she produced a small box, a box which had sat in the drawer of her nightstand throughout the week of Abby's last visit, which sat open, staring at her the day Abby left and Raven kicked herself for having been too afraid to ask the question.
"Abby, I love you. I know living on opposite sides of the country is ridiculous, we've spent more time apart in two years than we've spent together. But I love you, and I want to marry you, Abby. I should probably get down on one knee, but I don't trust myself to stand right now."
Tears trailed down Abby's cheeks. Wrapping an arm around Raven's neck, she pulled Raven closer, holding her tightly. She whispered I love yous against Raven's ear and Raven felt her heart double in size, inside her chest.
"I don't know how we make this work, Raven. I can't ask you to leave your job, and I know you'd never ask me to leave mine, but I love you and I want to be with you. I want to marry you, Raven."
Raven removed the ring from the box and took Abby's hand. Raven slid the ring over Abby's finger, the one she wore years before still hanging on a chain around her neck.
"You've never asked me, you know." Raven smoothed her hands over Abby's where they rested in her lap, and toyed with the ring on Abby's finger.
"To marry me?" Abby appeared as confused as she had been at Raven's arrival, a smile despite her furrowed brow.
"To move. You've never asked me to move." Raven let her words sit, Abby's face deciding between hopeful and concerned.
"But you're a professor there, Raven. What other college would allow you to continue in that role and run a program at that level. It's the only one of its kind in the country." Abby had settled on concern now, her thumb shifting her new ring in circles around her finger.
"I'd still be a professor if I packed groceries at the market, Abby." Raven joked, feeling high from Abby's acceptance of her proposal, and on the decisions she was making as they spoke, her last conversation with Sinclair coming together in her mind. "What if I build a new program right here? What if I start from scratch? You're already using our technology in your hospital. After my lecture you guys ran with it and managed to work it into every department. What if we start from there?"
Abby chewed her bottom lip, concern still evident in her eyes, but Raven was sure she could see a hint of a smile forming on Abby's lips.
"Can you take a leave of absence and return to Seattle if this doesn't get off the ground?"
Raven nodded.
"So it can be a temporary arrangement and if you're not entirely happy you'll be able to go back to doing exactly what you love?" Abby's voice was now hopeful with only the smallest hint of concern.
Raven beamed, nodding again.
"I'm not asking you to move, okay. I won't do that. I also won't make you stay. But, Raven, if this works, I'll be the happiest woman on earth." Abby's mouth broke open into the most stunning smile Raven had ever seen.
Relief moved through Raven's veins like a drug. Launching herself forward Raven captured Abby's lips with her own and kissed her like it had been more than three weeks. The tears had been worth it, the nerves had been worth it, and Raven knew, despite Abby's concerns, that moving her life across the country to be with the woman she loved would also be worth it.