A/N: Awww you guys... I'm saving Tali for last... well, 1 or 2 before last; the last will be Shepard, of course. So I guess Mordin's up next.

This chapter, though, was almost complete when your reviews came in. So, I decided to publish this one first. I promise, Mordin will be in the next chapter.

Note: This chapter has been edited. Edit log is at the end.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect, its universe, and the characters within, all belong to BioWare.

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Last Rites

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Chapter 3: The Soldier

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He's standing in front of his worktable. Just finishing up on ensuring that all weapons are loaded and ready to use.

Ungood to barge into the Collectors' stronghold without ample firepower.

The rest of the squad members had earlier provided him with a list of weapons they planned on using. He had checked them all. Quadruple-checked, even. And he also double-checked all weapons not requested. Just in case.

If they failed the mission, it will *not* be caused by a jammed weapon. That will be double-ungood.

And he has just quintuple-checked a modded M-15 Vindicator. He had modified its inertial dampener to lower an already low recoil into something obscenely trivial.

So recoil-less, a girl can wield. Or, for that matter, a man with brittle bones.

His mind drifts back to his encounter with Joker several hours ago, just after Shepard and team left.

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He was returning from the loo, to find Joker leaning on the bulkhead beside the entrance to the armory. When Joker saw him approach, Joker nodded at him.

"Hi, Joker. Wassup?"

"Oh... uh...," Joker looked mightily uncomfortable. "On the debriefing... uh... thanks for speaking up for me."

"Don't mention it, bro. You've done well back there. It's totally not your fault. And please don't hate Miranda. She was very shocked, and inadvertently snapped. She's the XO, after all. You know, all the responsibilities stuffs. And paperworks."

"Okay... but, um, that's not exactly what I am here for."

Jacob raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Joker took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. Definitely trying to calm himself.

"I've been thinking... and please don't laugh at me... but I *have* decided... I... I've made up my mind..."

It was evident to Jacob that Joker was struggling mightily, so he tried to calm the pilot down.

"Relax, bro. Your secrets are safe with me. I *do* hope you ain't gonna say you have feelings for me, though. Because if you do that, I'll scream. Swear to God, I'll scream."

Joker laughed. But Jacob's joke did the trick; the pilot was visibly relaxed afterwards.

"I don't think I will ever fall for a guy who knows a thousand ways to kill someone. And still be nice afterwards. Too creepy."

This time, Jacob laughed. "Actually, it's one thousand and fifty-three," he winked, then continued, "Okay. Now what was it you wanted to say, then?" he asked, smiling.

"Um... do you have a weapon suitable for me?"

Jacob's smile immediately vanished. He narrowed his eyes, suspicious of the pilot's intentions.

"Wait. Wait. Look, what happened, the crew's abduction, is *totally* not your fault, okay? Don't blame yourself too hard, Joker," said Jacob, lifting two hands to calm the pilot, ready to stop him from doing anything stupid.

"What the... Good grief! I'm not planning a suicide, Jacob! Geez!"

"Ow," Jacob blurted, looking visibly relaxed. "Okay. But... what do you need a firearm for?"

"Well," Joker wrung his hands, "I just felt... vulnerable. Especially since now we're entering their lair."

Jacob nodded. "Okay, I understand. Let's see what I can cook up for you."

"Thanks, pal. I owe you one," said Joker, slapping the weaponmaster's shoulder. "Back to the cockpit, then. Just tell me when you find one. I'll pick it up here."

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Jacob's eyes scan over the Vindicator.

Yup. Mondo inertial dampener. Awesome tracking scope. And wayzkool ammo modifiers suitable for fighting the collectors.

He sends a message to the pilot. Your rifle is in locker 20. Pick it up when you have the time.

Jacob stretches his arms. His preparations are done.

If they won't come back from this mission, at least they die fighting.

He turns off the lights of the armory, and goes to the crew's quarters for a nap.

As he shuts his eyes, one last thought crosses his mind.

Nothing is more glorious than dying in battle.

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Author's Note: Please leave a review! And while at it, try to guess who will appear in the chapter after the next chapter :)

By the way, I've just published Chapter 12 of my *other* ongoing story, "Explanations and Excuses." Have you read it? :D ... This whole story is actually a spinoff of that Chapter ;)

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Edit 01: Gee, I completely forgot to put in my usual title decorations and spacers. Fixed. Also some minor error-fixings (dropped word here, italicize there). The chapter proper is not changed.

Edit 02: Minor fix in title decoration. Add spacers between flashback and present.