And Back Again
Chapter 3
It had been nearly a week since Bilbo had first woken from that terrible dream,and no matter how hard he tried he found that every night, and throughout the days he couldn't stop images of the dream coming back to him.
He felt ill, seeing grotesque images of a battle field full of dead in the normal corn fields, of his parents passed away while he stood at the spot in the garden that wasn't even there in his back yard where they were buried, of people he knew he had never met and most likely were not real but he couldn't convince his heart so.
But he did his best not to worry his mother and father. Every day since the dreams came, he woke for breakfast, and after second breakfast would put on a heavy coat and warm scarf and gloves before going for a walk.
This was the first day that the snow that had fallen the night before stayed on the ground past noon and he was relieved to see he wasn't the only hobbit to be concerned about it. Many were now gathering extra firewood for their hearths and adding to their food stores what they could. There still was no answer from Bree about food assistance, or anything to be sent by caravan, but Bilbo tried not to think on it negatively.
At the moment he sat on a hill, having patted down the snow to make it more comfortable and having already forgotten about the bite of chill on the end of his nose and tips of his fingers. He stared out to the east, knowing somewhere beyond the horizon lay Erebor. He had tried to find some text about the lonely mountain in the shire, but there was nothing much outside information about elves.
Why did he dream of such things? Of a ring, an evil horrendous ring, that caused so much pain and death. Of war and pain, of the elves leaving for the gray havens. Of he himself going with everyone from the fellowship eventually following? It was such a bizarre dream, he wished it made it easier to play off as unreal. But his heart twisted whenever he tried to convince himself it was not true. Even though he could not grasp how it could be possible, he couldn't completely let go of the idea that it was some type of forewarning of events to come.
In the distance he heard laughter that shook him from his thoughts and he sighed looking to the young flaunting giggling in the snow farther down in one of the fields. Would they starve? Would wolves eat them? His stomach clinched at the thought.
He continued to stair at them not actually processing the game they were playing, just seeing the young innocent faces red with chill and carefree.
Another young face entered his mind unwillingly. Frodos. Then more. Merry. Sam. Pippin. He clinched his eyes shut. There were ghosts in their gazes suddenly, a weight on all their shoulders. Frodos most of all.
It was wrong. So wrong. They deserved to live long, carefree lives-didn't they? Not be whisked away on a nearly impossible quest due to his mistakes. Pippin and Merry especially had been far too young for such a quest.
Feeling suddenly as if he could no longer stand sitting, he jerked up, forcing himself to turn from the children and block out their laughter. It made him queasy, the thought of what could happen in the coming months.
Running Bilbo ran into the treeline of the nearby wood almost running into an elm near the entrance he grabbed it and collapsed panting at its base. The laughter was in the distance, barely heard but it still haunted him.
How long would it be until the laughter stopped?
How long would it take to come back?
Bilbo steadied his breath and his gaze stopped on a fallen branch. He wasn't sure what it was about the large stick that stopped him, or made him go over and pick it up, but he did. He swung it a couple times before putting it back down to the ground finding it too heavy to swing properly.
Why was he even sitting around worried about this while doing nothing?
It wasn't very bagginslike to not find a solution to a problem.
And what he was about to propose was even farther from acting like a proper Baggins..
Spinning on his heel, a grin on his face, Bilbo made his way back to Bag-End an idea growing in his head.
If the Shire was truly going to fall to disaster this winter, why not be ready for it? His dreams may have just been that, but he was not willing to sit back and watch others suffer.
After all; he was a hobbit.
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"It is absurd Bilbo! Arming everyone in the Shire in preparation for wolves! Wolves rarely come to the Shire! And certainty not in the numbers you are predicting,"Bilbo frowned as his father continued to pick apart his idea over dinner," and that is why the ranger are here to help! They always take care of any problems such as wolves before they could harm us hobbits. You don't know what you are asking for. We are not warriors! There is no way a hobbit could fight off even one wolf!"
Bilbo pushed at his food a little, he noticed his mother had kept the meal rather small that evening, and sighed putting down his fork.
"Then I would like to request the coin to have my own weapon commissioned father. A sword as for I feel I would fair well with one," he tried to keep his voice even and any real heat from it. He knew that his father wished for him to display proper Baggins behaivor, and this was farthest from, but he couldn't bring himself to act very Bagginsish at the moment.
He wasn't sure after the dream he ever would.
Bungo sputtered and his kindly round face became pale while he seemed to eventually deflate. Softening his voice and leaning forward he put a hand to his sons," dear you are no fighter. You are a Baggins of Bag-End. I could not see you. . .wielding a weapon! Those stories your mother tells you are just that. Stories."
There was a sudden humph and Bungo looked to where his wife was staring at him pointedly her arms crossed.
"Well they are dear, he is a tween now. Far too old to be going off those wild tales," he tried to reason with his Tookish blooded wife.
Said Tookish blooded wife frowned deepened," Why my dear husband. And what of my adventures before we wed and had Bilbo? Were the travels I had with Gandalf just stories?"
Before he could answer she stood continuing as she went to stand behind Bilbo. Despite feeling slightly empowered by the dreams he had, and his mothers sudden support, Bilbo felt suddenly very awkward being between the two in what seemed to be an open argument. They didn't have many.
"And I personally think our Bilbo would look very dashing with a sword in hand,"she continued patting him on his shoulders and he forced himself not to look up from his suddenly very interesting plate as her voice became slightly wistful," possibly protecting a lass that he would later fall madly in love with!"
"Mom," he said in what he wished was a less whiny tone,"I'm 26!"
She giggled," that is when your father first gifted me our first courting flower."
"And the first of many for her to decline,"he heard his father grumbled a blush going over his cheeks and nose.
He could practically hear his mother roll her eyes at his father-it was always something to tease the poor about. 34 Courting attempts, and before the 35th could be dealt she had approached him with her own.
"What I am saying dear," she continued going over to her husband now to give him a kiss on his red cheek," is that this is not a bad thing! Bilbo has been far too shy and. . .unsocial with others his age for quite some time now. This could be a good way for him to make some closer friends outside of Hamfast. Who, by the way Bilbo, has been training under good old Holman Greenhand and has accepted his first job to tend to our gardens-So you may see more of him now that all his time will not be following around that sweet Bell."
Bilbo groaned as his mother spoke of the thing he hated being brought up at dinner.
"I'm just not interested in any girls right now," he groaned before looking up to her in hope," does this mean I can get a sword?"
"What-no!"Bungo looked shocked to his wife as she seemed to be actually considering the request,"Belladonna please! Can you imagine! A Baggins, someday to be head of Bag-End, wielding a sword!? What would the renters think? That he would raise the monthly coin by threat of his blade?"
"Why I would never-"
"It is just not very Bagginsish son, I am sorry but I must put my foot down," his father said matter of factly ," I-Its just not normal. Going around the shire-THE SHIRE- with a weapon of all things!"
Bilbo sputtered and looked between his two parents before standing," Well then. There it is. I understand very . Mother. I feel I must retire now," he said feeling anything but tired, but not wishing to argue this any longer. He was sure there would be a way for him to get a sword. He just had to find it.
"See here Bilbo," his father said in a pleading tone that had Bilbo pausing at the doorway," I am not tryin' to be your enemy on these matters. I know for the past few days you have been mighty stressed about this coming winter-and rightly so! But to blow things out of proportion, to think of arming yourself. . .son you already have so very few friends. At this rate I fear you shall become a recluse , with no wife or children, no one to morn your passing when your time comes. "
Bilbo allowed his face to lax and to squeeze his eyes shut since he knew his parents could only see his back. His fathers words brought back memories of the dream. Having returned from his year long journey dream Bilbo had found that nearly all of his precious possessions had been sold and there had not been one damp eye in the greeting crowd. Honestly it had seemed that no one truly cared for Bilbo past the extent of his belongings and he felt his heart break at the thought. In his dream he had returned to the Shire, heavy hearted, though not empty handed, and high hoping to receive some welcome along with a hot bath and warm bed. Though he received the latter, he never could quite reconcile the relationships with his neighbors. Even Hamfast, who had been tediously working to keep Bag-Ends garden pristine for its new owners.
"I do not find," he finally said, thoughts of dwarven friends going through his mind;friends who urged him to stay in the lonely mountain at least the winter through, who clasped hands and gave hugs and begged for future visits,"that there is truly anyone in the Shire I should find to my liking. None have truly struck my fancy,"and because he was feeling rebellious and his courage was not all used up he gripped the wall harder and added on.
"Not that I think I would fancy a dainty lass much."
His shoulders tensed at the silence behind him, knowing dropping such information on his parents shoulders, especially with everything going on, was a bit much. But in his dream it had never happened, and he had been oh-so confused growing up those late tween years without a mother and father.
"T-thats," his fathers voice was slightly faint. He knew such relationships were not spoke of in the Shire. Bilbo closed his eyes feeling hot tears build up. He had so hoped his parents would have magically accepted him.
"I think that's enough for tonight," his fathers voice was tight," were obviously all stressed out about everything that has been going on lately. Yes. Thats it. Right. Good. Well off to bed Bilbo. We cant be keepin you up."
His father continued to mumble as Bilbo scurried to bed darting through his door and throwing himself to his bed.
Bilbo didnt care if he made a tearful mess of himself, he sobbed into his pillow none the less. It must have been a slap to his mother and fathers faces-their only child someone whos tastes didnt quite run the way they should be. It left him offley confused in his dreams, but somehow between the intense dream and waking up with much time for thought the past few days he had come to terms with what he was.
A soft knock alerted him that his mother was at his door.
Sitting up he grabbed a handkerchief and rubbed his eyes and blew his nose,"come in."
She slipped in silent as any hobbit would, though she was holding a bundle in her arms that made Bilbo forget the pounding of his head and the weight in his heart.
"Sweetheart," she smiled at him and he smiled back shakily happy to see she wasn't completely distraught by his announcement earlier.
She came and sat down on the bed next to him, pulling another one of his precious hankies out to dab at his eyes," my dear Bilbo. Sometimes it is hard to remember how grown up you are. It sometimes feels like yesterday your father and I were wondering if we would even be able to give birth to a child."
Bilbo winced knowing that he had been an only not by choice. Most hobbit families easily had 6 or 7 children, one alone was truly odd.
"But," she continued pulling his attention back to her warm honey brown eyes," that is our mistake. And one that we should not make for it is you who suffers."
She passed the long object to him, it was wrapped in a black cloth and was heavy and long. Looking to her confused for only a moment, he carefully unwrapped it.
"Mom," he breathed blinking,"what?"
"If you feel the need to defend yourself, I do not have a sword to give you," she said smiling at him sadly and tucking a stray curl behind his ear," but this is one of the first bow-staffs I wielded while on journeys to Rivendell with Gandalf. And it may just look like a fancy walking stick, but I assure you it had came in handy in more than one skirmish I am sure you recall."
Bilbo now stood, the wrapping having fallen to the floor as he fingered the fine wood-it was strong and sturdy, completely smooth with very fine etchings put into it by his mother recording her greatest moments on her adventures.
It was one of her dearest things, the things left over from the days she used to go with Gandalf off into the blue, and she was gifting it to him!
Suddenly he paused turning to her to see her smiling up at him.
"Mother,"he hesitated before continuing,"I am extremely grateful; I know how precious this is to you. And I promise to take really good care of it. But. . . but mother. about earlier. . .about what I said"
"Your father and I accept you no matter what Bilbo," his mother stood looking at him sternly," Yes your father is unsure of how to acknowledge this. Give him time Bilbo, as for he has been raised to merely worry and think of things how they are meant to be in the eyes of the Shire. He has little knowledge of the world beyond, or of how matters of the heart truly work."
"Mom," he breathed collapsing into her hug a new wave of tears running down his cheeks.
"We love you very much Bilbo," she murmured," I am sorry that we are ot better at this parenting thing."
"Your perfect," he sniffed grabbing his handkerchief from his mother and dabbing his eyes and nose," you have no clue. Thank you mom thank you!"
Suddenly her smile was sly as she looked to her only son," Oh don't thank me yet Bilbo Baggins. I do wish to hear the lucky one who has stolen my sons eyes from from under my nose so silently. We can discuss it tomorrow," she said kissing him on the head and making the way to his door," when we go about training you to wield that properly. It is probably a better idea you start out with that than a sword. "
He nodded numbly realizing suddenly that his mother had just said she would be giving him bow-staff lessons,"well get some sleep dear, and clean up your face. And remember-if you have anything else you need to say. . . don't hold it in until it is too much to bare. Come to your father and I and we will work it out."
He nodded and she turned to leave but before she could make it out the door he called to her.
"Mom."
Turning she blinked,"yes dear?"
"I really do love you."
"I love you too," she smiled," I really do."
And she turned and closed the door.
Bilbo's heart twisted a bit and silently he promised himself. His mother would not be dying this winter. He was going to do all he could to prevent that.
The next morning Belladonna had taken Bilbo to their back yard, and proceeded to teach Bilbo proper footing and handling of the staff while she held her own-though hers had a very intimidating point to the end that was made of obsidian that she had obtained on one of her journeys- rare for even the places she had been she had said.
And that is how the next several days went, they would wake earlier than normal to practice some in their back yard, have a light breakfast-in which BIlbos father was almost always absent- and then Bilbo would go off on his own to train in the nearby wood or a field- never minding the giggles and jeers the other tweens would give. Then he would head home for a quite meal with his parents before collapsing in bed.
It was about a week later, when he was just becoming used to the strange weight of the staff and feeling slightly more comfortable with twirling it about when he had been washing the dishes after breakfast that he heard a knock on the front door. His father went to go answer it and Bilbo felt his hands slow in cleaning the dishes.
His father and the person at the door spoke in hushed tones so Bilbo was not able to understand them besides the fact they sounded grim. When the door closed it was his mothers voice that chimed up with question before Bilbo could even dry his hands.
"What did they say dear?"
"Bree will not help," his fathers voice sounded tired. Heavy," more flaunting are falling ill. And there is talk of a cold front coming. We are about to see some very dark times my dear."
There was silence before his father continued," I have to go see your father. Perhaps he and your brothers can held decide what is our best move now."
"Write him then,"began his mother.
"No," his father sounded the way he did when making his mind up during an important business matter," we are already so early in the season and many children are already ill. Not many messengers will be going back and forth, and I couldn't bare to request someone part from their family in these times. No I shall go, and go alone. It will be faster with just me, and I will perhaps bring back good news. Your father always seems able to make it appear out of no where."
"As well children," she laughed, though it sounded strained. Bilbo knew his mother did not wish for Bungo to leave, but was't going to argue it so mentioning her 11 siblings was an easy deterrent.
Bungo laughed lightly and agreed before saying he should hurry to set off as soon as possible. Bilbo quickly toweled his hands off scurrying down the hall.
"I can come too father!"
"No Bilbo I need you here,"Bungo shook his head.
"But I can help."
Bungo chose his walking stick and a warm coat as his mother silently packed him travel food and blankets," Bilbo. Please listen to me. I need someone to watch over Bag-End."
Bilbo blinked suddenly surprised.
"You are to be the future master of Bag-End. I am unsure how long this trip will take me, it may be longer than normal. This will be good for you to understand the feel of being the head of this household," his father nodded matter of factual and Bilbo found himself swelling with pride.
And all too soon his father was sharing kisses with his mother and whisking out the door leaving Bilbo torn between wanting to run to him and wanting to make him proud by doing what a Baggins of Bag-End should do.
As he made his way back to do the cleaning he found himself slow down, and the world around him seemed to dull in color. He became light headed and had to lean against the wall for support.
Suddenly the scene that had just transpired between him and his father played before his eyes, though just slightly different.
He could see his father and him conversing, much as they had done just moments before though perhaps Bilbo taking on his responsibility of acting head of Bag-End to heart more firmly, no fear in his eyes of wolves or starvation.
And he realized.
In his dream the same thing had happened.
Nearly the exact same thing-word for word. As if it were not a dream at all but a premonition.
Bilbo fainted.
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So I didn't realize when I first uploaded this that the format got all wacky and half the story was cut off! Sorry about that! Here is the corrected chapter!