2. Distractions
Bella was significantly more cheerful than usual the next day. Perhaps it was because she was no longer grounded. Or perhaps it was because graduation was just a few weeks away, and she wouldn't have to worry about school any longer.
I was elated, too, but it all had to do with the small, fragile hand I held in mine as we walked to the cafeteria. I saw the posters for the prom hanging on the walls, but we would not be attending this year. Bella had made me promise that she wouldn't be subjected to that again.
Alice, Bella, and I headed for our usual lunch table, with Bella's friend Angela Weber and Angela's boyfriend, Ben Cheney.
"Have you sent your announcements, yet?" Angela asked us as we sat down.
"No," Bella answered. "There's no point, really. Renee knows when I'm graduating. Who else is there?"
"How about you, Alice?" Angela asked.
Alice flashed one of her brilliant smiles. "All done."
"Lucky you," Angela said with a sigh. "My mother has a thousand cousins and she expects me to hand-address one to everybody. I'm going to get carpal tunnel. I can't put it off any longer and I'm just dreading it."
"I'll help you," Bella said. "If you don't mind my awful handwriting."
I smiled. This was good. She was fulfilling Charlie's conditions without involving werewolves. Of course, I knew it wouldn't be this easy to get her to forget about Jacob, but at least it was a step in the right direction.
I'm glad Edward's back. She's finally back to her old self again. "That's so nice of you," Angela said, relieved. "I'll come over any time you want."
"Actually, I'd rather go to your house if that's okay—I'm sick of mine. Charlie un-grounded me last night."
"Really?" Angela asked. "I thought you said you were in for life."
"I'm more surprised than you are. I was sure I would at least have finished high school before he set me free."
"Well, this is great, Bella! We'll have to go out to celebrate." It'll be nice to do something with someone besides Jessica.
"You have no idea how good that sounds."
"What should we do?" Alice mused. I smiled in amusement as I saw her ideas of a suitable celebration: a weekend in the Amazon, a trip to Niagra Falls in Canada…
"Whatever you're thinking, Alice, I doubt I'm that free," Bella said.
"Free is free, right?"
"I'm sure I still have boundaries—like the continental U.S., for example."
Angela and Ben laughed, but Alice was genuinely disappointed. Her plans changed to a shopping trip in Portland or a movie in Port Angeles.
"So what are we doing tonight?" Alice asked Bella.
"Nothing. Look, let's give it a couple of days to make sure he wasn't joking. It's a school night, anyway."
"We'll celebrate this weekend, then."
"Sure."
Alice and Angela started talking about options for suitable celebrations. Bella was excited at first, joining in and reigning Alice in whenever her plans got too outlandish, but after a few minutes, I saw a look of sadness cross her face. I knew the cause. She realized that just because she was free, it didn't mean she was free to do anything she wanted, and the thing she wanted most to do, the person she wanted most to see, was off-limits by my restrictions.
All of a sudden, a blank look crossed Alice's face as she saw something that was definitely not the cafeteria walls. Victoria was returning for Bella. She would be in Forks this weekend. Get Bella out of town, Edward. Do whatever you have to do to get her out of town. The rest of us will take care of Victoria. You keep Bella safe. And don't tell her. Tell her I'm seeing Jasper in Texas or something. If you tell her, she'll insist on staying.
"Alice? Alice!" Angela's worried voice broke my attention from Alice for a moment.
Terrified as I was, I knew I had to play calm. And I would have to distract Bella and not let her get a moment of time alone with me to ask what was happening. But first thing was first.
I laughed quietly. "Is it naptime already, Alice?" I teased.
Alice returned to the present and composed herself. "Sorry. I was daydreaming, I guess."
"Daydreaming's better than facing two more hours of school," Ben said.
Alice threw herself back into the conversation about celebrations with more enthusiasm than before. Just a little too much, actually. She locked eyes with me once more during lunch. She'll be okay, Edward. Don't worry about it. Just get her out of here.
I deliberately made sure that Bella wouldn't have a second alone with me during the rest of the day. After lunch, I slowed my pace to match Ben's and chattered mindlessly about some assignment I'd already finished. Then, between our next two classes, I talked with a few other people, not really paying attention to what we were talking about. I just needed to make sure that Bella couldn't ask me what Alice had seen. Maybe, if I kept her from asking long enough, she would forget about it.
After school, I struck up a conversation with Mike Newton, of all people. He was having car trouble.
"I'm needing a jump every morning, but I just replaced the battery," Mike said, frustrated.
"Perhaps it's the cables?" I suggested.
"Maybe. I don't really know anything about cars. I need to have someone look at it, but I can't afford to take it to Dowling's."
Bella opened her mouth to say something, then shut it again.
"I know a few things—I could take a look, if you like," I offered. "Just let me drop Alice and Bella at home."
Bella and Mike both stared at me with gaping mouths. I worried that Bella was seeing through my unusual act.
"Er…thanks," Mike muttered, completely shocked. Why is he suddenly being nice to me? He hates me. "But I have to get to work. Maybe some other time."
Alice was already in the Volvo, prepared to prattle endlessly. She was fully aware of what I was trying to do.
"What was that about?" Bella asked as I opened her door for her.
"Just being helpful," I answered.
Alice started babbling the second I got in the car. "You're really not that good a mechanic, Edward. Maybe you should have Rosalie take a look at it tonight, just so you look good if Mike decides to let you help, you know. Not that it wouldn't be fun to watch his face if Rosalie showed up to help. But since Rosalie is supposed to be across the country attending college, I guess that's not the best idea. Too bad. Though, I suppose, for Mike's car, you'll do. It's only within the finer tunings of a good Italian sports car that you're out of your depth. And speaking of Italy and sports cars I stole there, you still owe me a yellow Porsche. I don't know that I want to wait for Christmas. What about as a graduation present?"
Alice continued to babble, while I drove in silence. I could tell Bella was getting more nervous by the second and was settling into her patient mode. She hadn't forgotten. I would have to figure out some other way to distract her.
As I dropped Alice off at the end of our driveway, she gave me a sharp look. Don't tell her the truth, Edward. You'll frighten her and she'll insist on staying. Get her out of here.
"See you later," I said, trying my best to be perfectly at ease. In truth, I was terrified.
But then I suddenly had an epiphany. Bella had never used the voucher for the plane tickets to Jacksonville that Carlisle and Esme had given her for her birthday last year. I would somehow convince her to use the tickets to see her mother this weekend.
Bella and I were both silent as I drove back to her house. When I parked out front, I finally broke the silence.
"Light homework load tonight," I said absentmindedly.
"Mmm."
"Do you suppose I'm allowed inside again?"
"Charlie didn't throw a fit when you picked me up for school," she pointed out.
When we got inside, Bella headed up the stairs. I followed her up to her room and made myself comfortable on her bed as she turned on her computer to answer an e-mail from her mother. I had another epiphany. I could make her forget about Alice's vision altogether, at least for a while. I could make her forget her own name.
Bella's fingers tapped restlessly on the desk as she waited for her ancient computer to start up. I walked over to her and put my hand over hers, holding it still.
"Are we a little impatient today?" I murmured.
She looked up at me, I assumed to make a sarcastic remark, judging by the look on her face, but I made sure my face was close enough that she would lose her train of thought. I purposely breathed on her, and a dazed look crossed her face. I didn't give her a chance to recover. I pressed my mouth to hers and kissed her with more enthusiasm than normal. Even though I knew I could never hurt her while I was kissing her, I still didn't want to push myself to go further with her. I couldn't do that. I could hurt her if we went further. And I knew how badly she wanted it, so I had to be extremely careful, knowing I wouldn't meet any opposition if my instincts got the best of me.
But I was trying to distract her, so I knotted my fingers in her hair and pulled her closer to me. Her arms wrapped around my neck and she strained herself closer still. I slid one hand down her back, pressing her against me. She shivered against my cold body, so I loosened my hold ever so slightly, but she pressed herself back into me. I felt the tip of her tongue trace the bottom curve of my lip, and, when my first instinct was to carry her back to the bed, I knew I needed to stop. It took all of my willpower to pull back and unfasten her arms from my neck.
I chuckled once. "Ah, Bella," I sighed.
"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not," she said, breathless.
"And I should feel sorry that you're not sorry, but I don't. Maybe I should go sit on the bed."
She exhaled. "If you think that's necessary…"
I smiled her favorite crooked smile as I disentangled myself and went back to the bed.
She shook her head a few times, trying to clear it, I assumed, then turned back to her computer, which was warmed up now.
"Tell Renee I said hello."
"Sure thing."
I watched her for a moment as she read Renee's e-mail and shook her head now and then. I smiled. Bella was almost the mother figure in that scenario. She had always taken care of her mother.
While Bella was typing, I got up and walked up behind her, sneakily retrieving the voucher for the airplane tickets without her noticing. It was then that I noticed the heap of metal that was sitting on the floor. It was the stereo system that Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett had given her for her truck, and it had been horribly mutilated in her attempt to remove it.
When she had turned the computer off and turned around, I spoke, glad I'd found something else to distract her with.
"What did you do to this?" I asked her in a teasingly horrified voice.
"It didn't want to come out of the dashboard."
"So you felt the need to torture it?"
"You know how I am with tools. No pain was inflicted intentionally."
I shook my head. "You killed it."
Bella shrugged. "Oh, well."
"It would hurt their feelings if they saw this," I told her. "I guess it's a good thing that you've been on house arrest. I'll have to get another one in place before they notice."
"Thanks, but I don't need a fancy stereo."
"It's not for your sake that I'm going to replace it."
She sighed. She hated when I spent money on her.
This was the perfect opening to suggest the trip to Florida, which I would take her on if I had to drag her kicking and screaming.
"You didn't get much good out of your birthday presents last year," I said in a disgruntled voice. I started fanning myself with the voucher. "Do you realize these are about to expire?" I asked and held the paper out to her.
"No," she said flatly. "I'd forgotten all about them, actually."
I tried to stay cheerful and lighthearted. "Well, we still have a little time. You've been liberated…and we have no plans this weekend, as you refuse to go to the prom with me." I grinned. "Why not celebrate your freedom this way?"
She gasped. "By going to Florida?"
"You did say something about the continental U.S. being allowable," I reminded her.
She glared at me, suspicion in her eyes, not speaking.
"Well," I asked after a long moment of silence, "are we going to see Renee or not?" Of course, we were going to see Renee, but I would try to get her to go willingly rather than drag her there.
"Charlie will never allow it," she pointed out.
"Charlie can't keep you from visiting your mother," I argued. "She still has primary custody."
"Nobody has custody of me. I'm an adult."
I pulled out the crooked smile she loved. "Exactly."
She deliberated for a minute and I watched her face carefully. I could tell she wanted to go, but she didn't want to bring the subject up with Charlie so soon after she'd been liberated.
After a minute, she sighed. "Not this weekend."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to fight with Charlie. Not so soon after he's forgiven me."
It was getting easier to read her all the time. Many times, I didn't need to be able to read her mind to tell exactly what she was thinking.
I pulled my eyebrows together. "I think this weekend is perfect," I muttered. This weekend is perfect, because I will be getting you as far away as possible from the sadistic vampire who wants to kill you.
She shook her head. "Another time."
"You aren't the only one who's been trapped in this house, you know." I frowned.
The suspicion returned to her face. That had been the wrong thing to say. I never complained about anything to do with myself. Besides, I was blissfully happy in this house. I would stay in this house and never leave if it meant I could have Bella with me the whole time.
"You can go anywhere you want," she countered.
"The outside world holds no interest for me without you."
She rolled her eyes.
"I'm serious," I told her.
"Let's take the outside world slowly, all right? For example, we could start with a movie in Port Angeles…"
I groaned. This wasn't going to be easy, but I was determined to get her to Florida one way or another. "Never mind," I said. "We'll talk about it later."
"There's nothing left to talk about."
Oh, yes, there was, because I was getting her on that plane if it meant I had to slip her a Mickey and drag her onto the plane unconscious. But I couldn't let on about that, so I shrugged.
"Okay, then, new subject," she said. "What did Alice see today at lunch?"
Damn it! I'd known I couldn't keep her distracted for long. I hated lying to her, but Alice had told me that she would insist on staying if she knew the truth. I couldn't allow that. I would rather she spent all day, every day with Jacob Black the werewolf than stayed in Forks while a sadistic vampire was trying to kill her. Luckily, Alice had told me what to say.
"She's been seeing Jasper in a strange place, somewhere near the southwest, she thinks, near his former…family. But he has no conscious intentions to go back. It's got her worried."
"Oh," she said simply. "Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I didn't realize you'd noticed," I lied again. It killed me. "It's probably nothing important, in any case."
We headed downstairs to work on our homework. I finished mine in just a few minutes, but Bella struggled laboriously through her calculus, the one class she had without me, until she decided it was time to make dinner. I helped her a bit, making faces now and then at the raw ingredients. They smelled disgusting. How did humans eat this stuff?
Charlie was in a good mood when he got home. He didn't even go out of his way to be rude to me, like he usually did. And Bella's dinner, one of his favorites, softened him up even further. I excused myself from dinner, as usual, and went into the other room, flipping on the evening news. I didn't watch it. Instead, I listened in on the conversation in the other room, which didn't begin until after Charlie had finished his dinner.
"That was great, Bells," he complimented her.
"I'm glad you liked it. How was work?"
"Sort of slow. Well, dead slow, really. Mark and I played cards for a good part of the afternoon. I won, nineteen hands to seven. And then I was on the phone with Billy for a while."
"How is he?" Bella asked. Charlie wouldn't be able to notice the subtle change in her voice, but I could hear it, and I knew she was in pain.
"Good, good," Charlie answered. "His joints are bothering him a little."
"Oh. That's too bad."
"Yeah. He invited us down to visit this weekend. He was thinking of having the Clearwaters and the Uleys over too. Sort of a playoff party…"
"Huh," was all Bella said.
I heard dishes clattering and walked back into the kitchen. I grabbed a dishtowel and headed to the sink to help Bella with the dishes. Charlie sighed and got up from the table, but I wasn't going to let him go so fast. This might be the way to get Bella on that plane of her own free will. Whenever Charlie didn't want her to do something, it made her want to do it. And I knew Charlie would object to her flying across the country with me.
"Charlie," I said in a conversational tone.
"Yeah?"
"Did Bella ever tell you that my parents gave her airplane tickets on her last birthday, so that she could visit Renee?"
Bella dropped the plate she was scrubbing on the floor. Her expression was one of mortified shock. The plate didn't break, but it did splatter the room, and all three of us, with soapy water.
"Bella?" he asked, just as stunned as she was. Why didn't she ever say anything to me about this?
"Yeah, they did," she answered.
Charlie spoke to me again. "No, she never mentioned it."
"Hmm," was all I said.
Charlie was suspicious now. "Was there a reason you brought it up?"
I shrugged. "They're about to expire. I think it might hurt Esme's feelings if Bella doesn't use her gift. Not that she'd say anything." That was true…
Bella stared at me, her expression still one of shock.
Hmm, well, it would be a good idea for Bella to see her mom. But it's so far away. But it is her mom. She'll be fine. "It's probably a good idea for you to visit your mom, Bella. She'd love that. I'm surprised you didn't say anything about this, though."
"I forgot," she said.
Charlie frowned. "You forgot that someone gave you plane tickets?"
"Mmm," she said, turning back to the dishes.
Wait a second… "I noticed that you said they're about to expire, Edward. How many tickets did your parents give her?"
"Just one for her…and one for me."
Bella dropped another plate, but this time it landed in the sink, so it didn't make as much noise or mess.
Charlie exhaled sharply. He was furious. That is out of the question. I am not letting my daughter fly across the country with this boy. I don't trust him. "That's out of the question!" he yelled.
"Why?" I asked, trying to keep my tone of voice innocent. "You just said it was a good idea for her to see her mother."
Charlie spoke to Bella now. "You're not going anywhere with him, young lady!"
"I'm not a child, Dad," Bella countered immediately. "And I'm not grounded anymore, remember?"
I fought to keep back a smile. My plan had gone off without a hitch.
"Oh, yes you are," Charlie fumed. "Starting now."
"For what?!"
Because you're not going anywhere outside of this town with Edward. "Because I said so."
"Do I need to remind you that I'm a legal adult, Charlie?"
"This is my house—you follow my rules!"
Bella glared at her father. "If that's how you want it. Do you want me to move out tonight? Or can I have a few days to pack?"
Charlie's face turned bright red and his thoughts became incoherent, a mixture of anger and sadness.
Bella took a deep breath. "I'll do my time without complaining when I've done something wrong, Dad, but I'm not going to put up with your prejudices."
Charlie sputtered, but his words were as incoherent as his thoughts.
"Now, I know that you know that I have every right to see Mom for the weekend," she continued. "You can't honestly tell me that you'd object to the plan if I was going with Alice or Angela."
"Girls," he grunted, nodding.
"Would it bother you if I took Jacob?"
I clenched my teeth.
Um, well, I don't…I guess not. "Yes. That would bother me." His voice was unconvincing.
"You're a rotten liar, Dad."
"Bella—" I don't want you going out of town with Edward.
"It's not like I'm headed off to Vegas to be a showgirl or anything. I'm going to see Mom," she told him. "She's just as much my parental authority as you are."
Charlie gave her a look, but his resolve was dissolving rapidly. He was going to give in soon.
"Are you implying something about Mom's ability to look after me?" Bella asked, her tone threatening.
Charlie flinched.
"You'd better hope I don't mention this to her," Bella warned.
"You'd better not," Charlie said, resigned. He knew he was going to lose this argument. "I'm not happy about this, Bella."
"There's no reason for you to be upset."
Charlie rolled his eyes, but Bella's persuasion had worked. He was giving in.
Bella turned and pulled the plug out of the sink. "So, my homework is done, your dinner is done, the dishes are done, and I'm not grounded. I'm going out. I'll be back before ten-thirty."
"Where are you going?" he asked, a little furious again. He didn't like the idea of her going anywhere with me, no matter whether it was in this town or not.
"I'm not sure," Bella admitted. "I'll keep it within a ten-mile radius, though. Okay?"
Charlie grunted in resignation. He knew he couldn't really do much about it, but he didn't want me alone with her. He thought Bella and I were more physically involved than we actually were, and he didn't want to give us any more opportunity than necessary to be alone together.
"We're going out?" I asked, enthusiastic.
She turned to glare at me. I could tell she wasn't happy with me for bringing up the trip to Florida. "Yes. I think I'd like to speak to you alone."
Of course she would have a thing or two to say to me after that. We walked out the door in silence. She didn't speak until we were in my car.
"What was that?" Bella demanded.
I'd already come up with a good lie for this. "I know you want to see your mother, Bella—you've been talking about her in your sleep. Worrying actually." It burned my throat coming out. Why, oh why couldn't I just tell her the truth?
"I have?" she asked, surprised.
I didn't know if I could keep my tone level if I answered the question verbally, so I just nodded. "But, clearly, you were too much of a coward to deal with Charlie, so I interceded on your behalf."
"Interceded? You threw me to the sharks!"
I rolled my eyes. "I don't think you were in any danger."
"I told you I didn't want to fight with Charlie."
"Nobody said that you had to."
She glared at me. "I can't help myself when he gets all bossy like that—my natural teenage instincts overpower me."
I chuckled. "Well, that's not my fault." And my plan worked beautifully.
I stared out the window in silence. I hated lying to her, and I could tell she was suspicious about my reasons for taking her to Florida. She knew me too well. I was a good liar, and I almost had her believing my entire story, but I would have to be very careful not to let anything slip at all, or she would find out everything.
"Does this sudden urge to see Florida have anything to do with the party at Billy's place?" she asked suddenly.
I clenched my jaw. I knew that if it were up to her, she would much rather spend the weekend with Jacob and go to that party than come to Florida with me. "Nothing at all. It wouldn't matter if you were here or on the other side of the world, you still wouldn't be going."
I heard her teeth grinding together. I worked to calm myself down. When I was sufficiently calm, I spoke again.
"So what do you want to do tonight?" I asked.
"Can we go to your house? I haven't seen Esme in so long."
I smiled. Esme would love to see Bella again. "She'll like that. Especially when she hears what we're doing this weekend."
Bella groaned, defeated.
My entire family, minus Rosalie, was thrilled to see Bella again under circumstances that didn't involve a discussion about her mortality. The last time she had been here was to make them all vote on whether or not she would become a vampire. She had been placed on house arrest about three hours later.
As I'd predicted, Esme and Carlisle were both thrilled when they heard about my plans to take Bella to Florida for the weekend.
Alice was happy with our plans, too. Great idea, Edward. But make sure you have plenty of indoor activities planned. There's not going to be a single cloudy day while you're down there.
I smiled at her.
We relaxed for the evening, just enjoying each other's company. I beat Alice at a game of chess we played mostly in our minds. She foresaw the moves I would make and I picked her moves out of her head. It took all of three minutes before Alice knocked over her king and surrendered.
Bella then played a game of chess with Jasper. Since we'd come back to Forks, he'd been a little more comfortable around her. He felt so horrible about what he'd done before that he knew he would never do something like that again. Bella was horrible at chess and Jasper beat her easily.
I dropped Bella back at her house half an hour before her curfew. Charlie was up waiting, of course, but his thoughts were not at all what I expected them to be. I'd expected him to be waiting to ambush Bella some more and to try to talk her out of going to Florida with me. He was resigned on that point. He knew he couldn't win.
No, Charlie's thoughts were somewhere else entirely. He was thinking about Bella's relationship with me. And he was thinking about the reason he didn't want us to be alone together. He was waiting for Bella to get home so he could give her a sex talk. It took all of my energy not to laugh out loud.
"You'd better not come inside," Bella said, nervous. "It will only make things worse."
"His thoughts are relatively calm," I said in a teasing tone. The corners of my mouth twitched as I fought the amused smile that threatened to break free.
"I'll see you later," she muttered.
I laughed and kissed the top of her head. "I'll be back when Charlie's snoring."
Of course, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to listen to this exchange. It was sure to be quite entertaining. I drove up the street and parked the car out of view, then went up in the tree outside Bella's window to listen.
"Did you have a nice time tonight?" Charlie asked. I'm sure they had a real nice time together.
"Yes," Bella said, her tone hesitant.
"What did you do?" Do I want to know?
"Hung out with Alice and Jasper. Edward beat Alice at chess, and then I played Jasper. He buried me."
That sounds a little too innocent. Charlie hit the mute button on the TV.
I smiled, amused. Yes, this was going to be very entertaining indeed.
"Look, there's something I need to say," Charlie said, very uncomfortable.
"What is it, Dad?"
Here goes… "I'm not good at this kind of thing. I don't know how to start…Okay, Bella. Here's the thing. You and Edward seem pretty serious, and there are some things that you need to be careful about. I know you're an adult now, but you're still young, Bella, and there are a lot of important things you need to know when you…well, when you're physically involved with—"
"Oh, please, please no!" Bella interrupted. "Please tell me you are not trying to have a sex talk with me, Charlie."
It was very hard to keep my laughter low enough that they couldn't hear. I knew it was wrong to be intruding on their privacy like this, but the entertainment value was worth it.
This is…uncomfortable. "I am your father," Charlie said, his tone matching the discomfort in his thoughts. "I have responsibilities. Remember, I'm just as embarrassed as you are." Probably more embarrassed than you are.
"I don't think that's humanly possible. Anyway, Mom beat you to the punch about ten years ago. You're off the hook."
Then why am I putting myself and her through this? "Ten years ago you didn't have a boyfriend."
"I don't think the essentials have changed that much."
Charlie was now wishing a pit would open in the floor so he could fall in. "Just tell me you two are being responsible," he pled. Then we can stop having this discussion.
"Don't worry about it, Dad, it's not like that."
No, it wasn't like that, but how I wished it could be! I wanted it, possibly more than I wanted Bella to marry me, but I would never allow myself to take that kind of risk with my love's safety. Not while she was still human.
"Not that I don't trust you, Bella," Charlie said, "but I know you don't want to tell me anything about this, and you know I don't really want to hear it. I will try to be open-minded, though. I know times have changed."
Bella tried to laugh, and the sound was awkward. "Maybe the times have, but Edward is very old-fashioned. You have nothing to worry about."
Charlie sighed. "Sure he is," he grumbled.
"Ugh!" Bella groaned. "I really wish you were not forcing me to say this out loud, Dad. Really. But…I am a…virgin, and I have no immediate plans to change that status."
I don't really believe her, but somehow I doubt if she'd tell me the truth if she was sleeping with Edward. I'll just drop it and hope she doesn't get pregnant any time soon.
I jumped out of the tree. Charlie was done with the embarrassing part of his speech. He was going to talk to Bella about Jacob now. I didn't want to hear it, and I needed to get far enough away so they wouldn't hear my laughter. That had been quite entertaining indeed.
But it had also saddened me. I briefly thought about breaking my rules. I loved Bella. I couldn't hurt her. I could stop myself if I saw that I was. Or could I? No, I couldn't take that kind of risk. It was too hard to keep my focus, even while I was kissing her. How much more difficult would it be if I was having sex with her? Not that I knew from personal experience, but apparently it was a very intense experience and it was very difficult to stop once you started.
No, I couldn't risk it. If I lost my perspective for even a split second, I could crush every bone in her body. I had to be patient. I would get my wish soon enough, when she was less breakable.
Suddenly, my phone rang, interrupting my thoughts. It was Alice.
"Edward, Bella's future just disappeared. I can't see anything. I think she's planning on going to La Push. I can't even see if she'll come back."
"I'll take care of it," I said, and hung up.
I ran back to her truck and opened the hood, taking out one of the parts that it needed to start. Then I went to sit in the passenger seat and stayed perfectly still.
Bella walked out the door a moment later, looking over her shoulder a couple of times as she headed towards the truck. She didn't notice me as she got in and turned the key. But instead of starting, it just clicked. She tried again. I moved ever so slightly, so she would know I was there.
"Gah!" she gasped.
"Alice called," I said, trying not to show my anger in my voice. "She got nervous when your future rather abruptly disappeared five minutes ago."
Her eyes widened.
"Because she can't see the wolves, you know," I continued. "Had you forgotten that? When you decide to mingle your fate with theirs, you disappear, too. You couldn't know that part, I realize that. But can you understand why that might make me a little…anxious? Alice saw you disappear, and she couldn't even tell if you'd come home or not. Your future got lost, just like theirs."
I toyed with the piece of engine in my hands as I spoke. "We're not sure why this is," I mused. "Some natural defense they're born with? That doesn't seem entirely likely, since I haven't had any trouble reading their thoughts. The Blacks', at least. Carlisle theorizes that it's because their lives are so ruled by their transformations. It's more an involuntary reaction than a decision. Utterly unpredictable, and it changes everything about them. In that instant, when they shift from one form to the other, they don't really even exist. The future can't hold them…"
I wanted to scream at her, to yell. But I couldn't. I couldn't hurt her feelings more. I knew how badly she wanted to see her friend. And it took all of my willpower not to put her truck back together right then and let her go. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't take the small risk that she wouldn't come home. What if something she said upset Jacob and he phased involuntarily? She could get hurt, or killed. No, I couldn't allow her to see him, no matter how much it hurt her. It was for her own good.
Bella was silent through my musing, possibly too angry to speak to me as well.
"I'll put your car back together in time for school, in case you'd like to drive yourself," I told her.
She pursed her lips and yanked her key out of the ignition without a word.
It hurt to see how much I'd upset her. "Shut your window if you want me to stay away tonight. I'll understand," I said, unable to speak above a whisper.
My pain at causing Bella pain was such that I couldn't concentrate on her brief talk with Charlie. I only heard voices, not words. I stared at Bella's open window, wondering if she would shut it. At first, she did. But then she opened it again. I smiled. I wouldn't have to endure the agony of a night without my love.