Crisscross
By: Stained In Negativity
Cloudy

The first light faintly glows through the uncovered window the next morning. As it becomes more prevailing I am able to feel it fondle my ginger hair, as if petting my head and attempting to soothe all of my insecurities away. A memory of my mother wiping my tears away forces its way into my mind's eye. I can't recall what caused me to weep, but I do remember my mother being there for me. Silently seething, I force the memory away, not wanting to think or feel.

But I do, nevertheless.

Now I'm having difficulty identifying what took place the night before. Why is it that I awoke in the mist of shattered glass? An image of the crisscrosses on my arm flashes in my psyche. No, I could not have used them for that purpose. None of the shards are coated with blood.

I take a deep gulp of air, closing my auburn eyes and rest my head on the flooring. With every ounce of energy that I wield, I desperately wish for the day to not begin. I knew that it was Monday, yet another meaningless day that I have to endure. School would begin in a few hours.

The thought of wearing that degrading school uniform sickens me. The feeling of making my way down the hallways, knowing that a guy's watching, staring, grows. I shiver at the unwelcome notion.

The digital clock that blinks off the minutes tells me that it is almost time to prepare for school. Trembling, I push myself off of the floor. I feel lightheaded as I stumble across my room, careful not to step on the glass.

Ironic how I was careful of the broken glass. It's not like I've been cautious not to sever myself before.

A few moments later, after I've taken a temperate shower and have put on my uniform, I wander over to my darkest corner, where the better-off description of me lives. But I'm surprised to only see the hallow frame, nothing. Where was my reflection?

Then the image of the girl in the mirror covering her face as a telephone flies towards her flashes. The hatred that I felt returns, but I'm not certain on whether I'm disgusted at myself or at my actions. Maybe both.

The mirror's shattered.

How could I have forgotten?

I broke her. I ruined her. I'm the source of my own acrimony. By betraying the girl who stared back at me in the mirror, I betrayed myself.

How could I?

A deep voice comes from behind me as I somehow find myself in the school's front yard, waiting for the first bell to ring and the day to begin.

"Hey, Sora. How are you?"

I turn to gaze into unreadable cerulean eyes. "Hey, Matt. I'm the same. You?"

Matt's shoulders bound up and down once. Then his cerulean eyes lose focus on mine and drift around. It occurs to me that he always does this when he's about to reveal something.

"TK had this idea of having a family dinner," he says uncertainly. "As in, me and my dad and him and his mom. The four of us."

When his words reach my ears, I'm not sure how to react. I know for a fact that Matt's parents are divorced, and have been since he was about six or seven. His mother took his younger brother TK, and he stayed with his father. If my parents divorce is tearing me apart, then I wonder how he must have felt. I also wonder why he refers to his and TK's mother as if she wasn't his mother. They share the same parents.

However, this isn't something I can ask him.

So I voice, "Oh. When are you guys getting together?"

"Tonight at Moreales. TK says he's paying for everything. I don't know how, but he is."

I take this time to study Matt, searching for any sign of emotion. But he just has this poker face that he's been working on for most of his life, and it's perfected. So I can't help but notice the way his blonde hair brightens when the sun touches it.

"Yeah…," Matt sighs, and it occurs to me that I've been staring at him. I shyly smile and fight the urge to twitch in embarrassment. "Tonight's going to suck."

"Maybe it won't be as bad as you think," I propose.

He actually laughs. But just like his poker face, I have trouble interpreting it. Was he laughing at how unpromising the idea was? Or was he laughing at me? I fear that one the most.

Before I'm capable of saying anything else, the bell rings and the crowd around us starts to squirm. People rush, stepping in between me and Matt. I can see the crowd pushing us away from each other.

I catch his attention and stare into his orbs. "See you."

"Later," he says as he turns the corner into a hallway.

The rest of the day is blurry. Distorted. Cloudy. I recall walking from class to class, then sitting through the teacher's lectures and lesson, then picking up my books and starting the cycle all over again. Only I wish it was as simple as that.

I walked around all day with an unknown pain in my heart, an imaginary sack of potatoes being dragged around, taking a toll on my back. I didn't have a bounce in my step because there was a boulder tied to my left ankle.

And then I find myself at my locker, putting my books away. Surprisingly, none of my teacher's assigned any homework, which meant that I have a day to relax. Or try to.

From the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of a boy with wild chocolate hair making his way to me. The smile that's splattered on his face makes me want to do the same.

My thoughts run dry as he comes up to me, but says nothing. It's one of his silent greetings, one that I find quiet amusing. I exchange blows with the urge to giggle and concentrate on pretending to look busy.

After a few moments, the silence is awkward.

"Sora?" He struggles to obtain my attention.

"Hmm?" My hands quiver as I attempt to position my books in my locker.

The suddenly locker door slams shut. Tai picks up both of my hands, disabling me from doing anything. I soften at his touch. The warm presence of someone else being here with me crawls, washing away most of my negative thoughts. When he realizes that he's claimed my attention, his hands release mine and my arms fall to my side.

There's a bitter reaction as my inner arm brushes against my side. I do not notice that I visibly cringe until I witness the unease rinse Tai's handsome features. To cover my aggrieved expression, I offer him my finest grin, but I see that his focus is on my arms.

Even though my uniform is long sleeved, I panic as I attempt to hide my arms. The crisscrosses burn with anticipation of being found. I feel as though Tai already knows, though. He can somehow always detect when something isn't right.

Tai leans against the lockers. "What's wrong?" he asks, worry reflected in his voice.

The finest grin I have to offer slips from my face and alters into a despondent frown.

"My parents are getting a divorce." I'm wondering why I do not choke on the words, how I find the willpower to say them out loud. I could not before. I find tears threatening to plummet, and I seek out reassurance in Tai's understanding gaze.

"Want me to come over today?" he asks, his chocolate eyes staring into mine. There is something hypnotic about his dark orbs; something let me know that I will be all right as long as he's around. And I admit to myself that I have grown to favor his presence.

I zealously wish I'm not blushing.

"Sure," I listen to myself quietly agree, and Tai widely grins.

When Tai walks away, I find my way out of the crowded school and turn onto the street that will lead me home. I sense cars breeze by me. I get a glimpse of the younger kids scamper out of candy stores, their eyes bright and shinning.

As I pass the park, I witness a happy family of three as they keep each other company under a tree. A blanket is spread beneath them; the baby is being held by the mother, who is being held by the baby's father.

Another memory fights its way into my mind's eye once more. This time, it's of me and my parents. I remember the bliss that I experienced when my father came home from when I was five. That was the first time the family was pasted together. The first time I saw what the picture of the Takenouchis looked like together.

I can't keep my eyes off of this family I see under the tree. I record how pleased they seem, how picture perfect they appear to be as one family.

My chin drops as my eyes water for an unknown reason.

A reason that I cannot be let known.

I'm so deep in thought that I hardly notice a car pull up next to me. Curious, I turn my head in time to see the window being rolled down. To my alarm, I see the man who calls himself my father.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him, bewildered. It's not often that I see my father. That rarely happens. He's usually so busy with his career.

"Getting these divorce papers signed," my father replies. I'm not sure how to read his tone. Is there a hint of glee in his voice? Is he proud of what he's doing? Or am I mistaking that for uncertainty?

Not taking note on my stillness, he asks, "Why don't I give you a ride home?"

Disregarding him, I glance up towards the clear atmosphere and wonder where everything went wrong. I silently ask whoever might be eavesdropping what I did incorrect, what I did to deserve this.

Can't we be like that loving family under the tree?

Then it occurs to me that it's senseless to wonder. A waste of thoughts and energy. Of course I won't receive an answer to my distrusts.

With my best foot forward, I take a few steps towards my father's vehicle. An arm extends from my body, and I watch as I open the door and wordlessly get inside.

"Glad that's decided," my father says, and the car leaps forward. We head towards home, where my mother is waiting along with the nearing devastation.

/3/

Author's notes: If you want more details on how Matt's family reunion went, go read my one shot entitled 'A Scar for Each'.