This chapter really pulled at my heartstrings. I hope you enjoy it, and feel it, too.
Notice the length of it. It took me a LIFETIME to finish. Are you proud?
Breaking Dawn comes out tonight at midnight.
My friend just bailed on me so I'm going alone?! Haha. We'll see.
Who else is going to the release party/getting it at midnight?
--
Chapter Three: The Bad News
Bella was always different from any other person I've ever known, and I've always kept that around with me. There was something about her: the way she talked, the way she smiled, the way she cried and the way she laughed. In each and every way possible, she was simply different. Everything I've ever seen her do or say or explain has never ceased to amaze me at the least. When I say different, I literally mean... different. It's like everything she's ever been capable of doing has always struck me as being something more special and more unique than if someone else had done so. There would be times where I wouldn't know what to do with myself, and only she could be dumb enough to care, and want to know what was going on. That was the thing about Bella -- she was precious; in every way you could imagine.
After that day, life wasn't the same for me as it once had been. I saw someone I'd never set eyes on before, and whether or not I heard their thoughts, I smiled. I smiled at birds, I smiled at grass, I smiled at silverware, meaningless content that took up space in my house, I smiled at trees -- I smiled at everything. I just couldn't help myself. Telling Bella was the best thing that I could've done, and if I would have told her right when it happened, I wouldn't have carried this burden around with me for so long. Psychiatrists would call that period of my life depression, but seeing how optimistic Bella was about everything, I knew she would look at it and say, "Opportunity."
Time floated like air, the sun summoning it to the skies and sending down wind to further blow my red-brown hair into the messy clump it already was. It was simple, it was easy, it was fast. Yet, it was oddly enjoyable. That is... until just a few years passed. That's when time really began to change, and things started to crookedly fall into place...
Two Years Later
My time being with her was becoming more and more cramped, and it felt as if each time I saw her, it was always less than the last time. I hated it, couldn't stand it, and wouldn't tolerate it much longer. This was just testing my patience; it was cruel.
And things... they were changing along with the time itself. Things were becoming different, but I couldn't sense how that could be a good thing. How could this slight separation be a course of fate? It bugged me. Each and every day I had to convince myself that things were staying the same.
I knocked on her front door, and as usual, Renee answered. "Hello, Edward," she smiled kindly. Poor boy. How will he handle it?
I didn't know how to take that. "Hello, Miss Swan. Bella home?" I flashed her a smile.
"I... now's probably not such a good time. Maybe you should come back later." Not now.
But her thoughts only provoked my curiosity. "It's important," I lied, "and if you don't mind, I'd really like to speak with her. Please, Miss Swan?"
"I don't know, Edward... I really think you should wait," she explained. I gave her a look of question, and she focused on everything but my eyes. "I'd really like to talk to Bella," I said, and right when I did, I saw a tall, young man walk to Renee's side.
"Who's this kid, Renee?" he asked, placing an arm around her waist. I was surprised. Bella had never told me about him before.
"Edward. Edward Masen." I gave out a hand, and he shook him with a firm grip. "Nice to meet you, Edward. My name's Phil... I'm sure Renee's already told you I'm her fiance."
Shock slowly spread across my face, and then anger. I had never even seen this man before, and now he was engaged to Bella's mother? "Actually, she didn't, but it's nice to meet you, too." With that, I brushed past them both, and made my way to Bella's room. I knocked like I always did, but there was no reply. I knocked again, and still nothing. "Bella?" I called, but she didn't answer. I turned the doorknob, and to no one's surprise, it was locked. "Damn it." Out of anger, I shut my eyes, held it tight, and pulled. With what seemed like no effort at all, I felt it slide into my hands.
I had just broken her doorknob. "Jesus!" I muttered.
"Edward?" I smiled. That was definitely her voice. She opened the door from inside, and came out looking unsurprised. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I just took it in my hands and it... well... it just kind of... broke."
She carelessly shrugged. "Nothing we can do about it now."
"Why weren't you answering me? I called you practically three times and no one answered," I said.
"I was sleeping," she yawned, cupping her hand around her mouth.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll come back tomorrow or something then. You just get your sleep --"
"Don't be silly. I'm already awake. Just come in." So I did.
There was something... strangely different about the way her room looked. The pictures and posters had been taken down from her wall; her desk's contents had been cleared; her closet empty. Yet another thing for me to find out. "What happened here?" I asked. "Getting sick of the decorations already?"
She shrugged. "No." I could tell she wouldn't tell me anything else, so I let it go... for now.
"Oh, Bella," I sighed. "It feels like I barely ever get to see you anymore, let alone spend much time with you. Why do you think this is?" I asked, brushing her red, cool cheek with the back of my hand.
"It's the way it is, I guess." With another shrug, her shoulders carelessly slumped over, not one bit of emotion being shown. That wasn't like her. She was always so happy, so full of energy. She was probably just feeling a bit sick today.
"That's where you're incorrect though, don't you think? I would like to be around you more often. I actually kind of miss you," I teased, lightly nudging her in the ribs, but she didn't laugh, nor did she attempt to.
After what seemed like an eternity, she spoke up. "You should go now. My mother will give you a ride if you'd like." Her offer seemed everything short of kind. What had gotten into her today?
"Well, would you like me to go? I guess I won't object to that, but can I at least have a decent reason?" I asked. She played with her fingers, something she did when she was nervous. Something was happening that she wasn't telling me about. She looked frightened, and I placed a long arm around her shoulders, comforting her. She didn't seem the least bit grateful.
"Come on, Bella. Please explain to me what's going on in that little head of yours, hm? I feel so confused already. And you know, I met some strange guy just now and happened to find out that --"
"Just stop talking, okay?" she snapped. "I don't need this from anyone right now, especially you. I don't need anyone reminding me of what's happening right now and I definitely don't want to be reminded about what is and what will happen to me from now on. I'm tired, Edward, can't you see that? Don't you have any idea what's going on?"
Her sudden outburst left me in a daze, but I shook my head, even more at a loss for words. "Tell me, Bella."
She walked over to her window, staring and observing the trees; she refused to make eye contact with me. "I can't be here anymore, Edward." She crossed her arms, and looked just as unfriendly as ever.
"What do you mean you can't be here? I don't get it Bella --"
"I'm done. I'm done with this, I'm done with everything, I'm done with you."
I could feel my eyes start to burn like acid, my stomach start to curdle. "Why, Bella?" I walked over to her, but she still refused to spare me a glance.
"Edward," she whispered, over and over, until finally, she told me.
"That man down there..." she started, "my mom's fiance... he's a good man, Edward. Maybe not so much someone I'd pick out for Renee, but he makes her happy. I see that now. They may not have known each other long, but I'm sure they'll stay together. And you know what?" She finally turned to me, arms still crossed, her light eyes shining in the sunlight, boring into mine. "I don't want to be a burden anymore. I can see it in my mother's eyes... I get in the way, Edward. With me here, they're not as fully happy as I know they're capable of. You see because... to my mom, I'm just another person she thinks she has to take care of with Phil around. You think I want that for her? Sixteen years and she's finally found someone who makes her eyes shine."
She fully turned to me this time, her eyes never leaving mine. "I'm not taking that away from her, Edward. And I definitely would never take anything from you." I understood what she was saying, but I couldn't speak. My lips wanted to move, but couldn't. They were sealed shut, and the horror was only beginning; I knew that.
"You can't leave," I whispered. That was all I could say. I knew I couldn't stop her, and I knew I wouldn't. "You can't. You can't."
She smiled without humor, and took my hand. "I'm moving in only a few days, Edward, to a place called Forks. It's in Washington, near Seattle, and I'll be staying with my father, Charlie." She smiled at me, but I found it quite hard to return. I felt sick, sad, and more alone than I ever thought possible. I'll be fine." But her technique of soothing me wasn't working. I was so afraid for her. My Bella. My sweet, innocent Bella felt this way because of her own mother.
"I'll be fine, Edward." She squeezed my hand, rubbing circles into it with her thumb. "I already told you Charlie's a cop. Nothing's going to hurt me."
I looked directly at her. When I saw her grin, my jaw tensed, and clenched itself together. "It's not funny," I whispered, now looking around her empty room, saddened beyond belief. Her smile quickly disappeared, and all attempts to cheer me up had vanished. My heart hadn't react this way since I could remember. In fact, I had never remembered a day that felt quite like this one. I knew I would never forget it; this would stick with me forever.
Pulling my hand out of hers, I took a seat on her bed, the only decent piece of furniture left in her life-deprived room. She stayed where she was, and I didn't have the strength to talk any further.
"I couldn't tell her," she whispered, ignoring my face again. I wasn't going to ask her what she was referring to, much less did I really care. She was leaving, and soon. Nothing would change that now.
Finally taking her place next to me, she put her hand on my back, and said, "I couldn't tell her that I wasn't going to leave here without you. I was so close, Edward. So close to saying those words that would completely change her mind and let her know that I didn't actually want to go. Then I thought about it more, thought about how much she needed her alone time with Phil. It would be everything, and there's no way I could spoil that for her."
I forced my mouth shut each and every time she said something that was pure ludicrous. This couldn't be happening. My Bella couldn't leave me here alone.
"Please," I whispered, closing my eyes once again. "Please, Bella." And after that, we both stayed quiet, her arms around me and my lips pressing against her hair. There was nothing left to say, this I knew. But I couldn't accept this as being reality. Not yet. Time passed yet again, the sun ran away and the moon came out, lighting up the dark night sky. She never told me to go home like she usually did at this time, worried that I'd get lost or get snatched up by predators of some sort. I constantly had to remind her of the strength that I had, physically. Mentally, I was a mess.
After what seemed like hours, I knew it was time to go. "When do you leave?"
She sighed, and opened her eyes. "A week."
"Why didn't you tell me? Why, Bella?" I asked, exasperated, "you know how much you mean to me, you do. You weren't planning on telling me, were you?" No movement. "You should have told me, Bella, you really should have. What if I came knocking on your door one day, and I find out that you'd moved all the way across the country, huh? Why would you do that, dear Bella..."
She looked into my eyes, and contemplated whatever it was she wanted to say. "I didn't want to hurt you." I thought about that for a long time, tongue-tied and speechless, immobilized and fearful for how I would survive. Ever since that day at the park, Bowler had obviously spread the word of what had happened, and the label of 'freak' was never used without association of my name. Bella saw me for what I was -- human, and I wouldn't have that in just a week.
"You could never hurt me, Bella. Not intentionally; I know you wouldn't."
"I'll miss you," she whispered. I closed my eyes, breathing heavily, lost in my thoughts. Just then, a hand reached my face, pulling it downward. "You know," she breathed, a sudden smile appearing across her face, "you have the most beautiful green eyes I think I've ever seen, Edward. Did I ever tell you that?" One eyebrow lifted, and I chuckled lightly, enjoying the moment.
"Maybe once or twice... a while ago." I smiled. "Why? Have you decided to be more emotionally open to me now?"
She slapped my arm. "Shut up, Edward! Just because I'm not as open as you... I just think your eyes are pretty, that's all." She played with her fingers once again. "I'm sorry."
I relaxed myself, leaning against the back wall, watching her. "I forgive you, Bella. I forgive you for everything. And I'll be here... when you... you know, leave next week. I promise I will be here."
After a while, she yawned. "I'm kind of tired. Edward!" -- I jumped up, awakened -- "Elizabeth is probably worried sick about you! You should at least have called her or something!"
I simply shrugged. "She knew I was coming here anyway. I'm sure she knows I'm fine."
We both layed down, in sleeping positions. She lifted up my arm, and put herself in them. "You can just stay with me tonight." Goodness did she shound like a little child again.
"Goodnight, my lovely Bella." With a kiss on her head and a final yawn, we both fell into a quiet slumber.
--
By the time I got home the next day, my heart had given my head some time to cool off; I wasn't nearly as tense, yet I felt anxious. Bella and I only had so much time. "Did you know?" I asked my mother, as she chopped vegetables in the kitchen. I had been right about her reaction: she wasn't worried at all. She was hesitant now, overthinking her thoughts, which I unfortunately couldn't read at this very moment. "Mom..."
"She wasn't ready for you to know. I knew Bella would tell you sooner or later... I wanted to stay out of it, and let her do her part. That's what she wanted." She turned to smile at me and all I could feel was completely infuriated.
"She wasn't even going to tell me, Mom! She was going to wait until the last minute because she absurdly thought it would hurt me to know any sooner. And you knew all along..." She walked over to me, and kissed my cheek lovingly. "I'm sorry," I said, "I'm just... upset. Bella's leaving for good next week. How am I supposed to do without her? You know how she's been, even Dad knows. She helped me and stood by me when nobody else would. And when she leaves, I won't have that anymore --"
"Shhh, my sweetest Edward," she soothed. "Bella thought she was protecting you. You think she wanted to leave you here, sweetheart, hm? Is that what you think?" I tried to speak, but she cut me off before I got the chance. "Just trust me on this, Edward. Bella loves you. She may not tell you that every waking moment you two are together, but you're her dearest friend, and I think that what she's doing for her mother is very selfless. Even if Renee is a bit... oblivious, Bella will make it through. She's a strong girl, and you'll see each other soon." Her words comforted me.
"Thank you," I said, as I walked into my room, dreading what little time I had left.
"Edward?" my mother called.
"Yes?"
She came in and sat herself beside me, putting a motherly arm around me. It reminded me of when I was a little boy. "Bella means a lot to you," she said. I looked up at her, and my eyebrows knit together in confusion.
"You could say that," I answered."
She grabbed my chin firmly, and made me look at her stern, serious expression. "Edward Masen," she threatened with venom, "what is Bella to you?"
"Bella... Bella is just... she's everything." I sighed. "Bella is..." I paused, not wanting to open up as much I might. I hadn't known this was coming, but this was my mother, the most respected person of my life.
"Just let it out, Edward, sweetie. Let it out, go on."
She let go of me, and I stood up, my back to her, and finished what I had started. "Bella is my world. When I'm sad, angry, frustrated, upset -- none of that even matters when I get to see her face. The way she comforts me, the way she makes jokes at the wrong time all the time, the way she still calls me 'silly', the way she still screams like a little girl when I tickle her --" I smiled at the thought -- "everything about her is absolutely magnificent, beyond words. I'll never meet anyone like her, and no one could ever take her place, or open my heart, the way she's been able to. She just has this way of making me feel invincible. Like I can do whatever I set my mind to. And only a few years ago, when I went through a tough time which you and dad know about, she was the one that constantly reassured me that everything would be all right. That I would make it out alive. How can I ever repay her for that, Mom? How is that possible? And now that she's leaving, I feel as if an entire piece of me will be gone. I don't even feel complete as of right now. The matter of whether or not I'll make it through always comes down to her. I love her. I love her more than life. She is my best friend and I would do anything to make her happy."
I felt my eyes start to burn, but I quickly blinked them away, remembering where I was, and with who.
I finally built up the courage to turn around, and face my mother, who was smiling up at me, more happy than I had ever seen her. "Edward, sweetheart. Your father is special to me as Bella is special to you."
I gave her my straight-up confused look. "But you and Dad are married. Bella and I are friends."
She gave me a pat on the shoulder. "Well," she said, "I think it's time that you give her a proper goodbye."
"Uhm, what?"
"When she moves to Washington, you want her to have something special. Something she'll remember you by, correct?"
"I guess so... But she'll have pictures and different little things I've given her over the years. You know that," I said.
"Something special," she whispered. She got up, kissed my cheek once again, and left my room, leaving me confused, once again.
--
"Crap!" I shouted, looking at the clock on my nightstand. I should've already been at Bella's house by now, watching her last movements near me. I climbed my way out of bed, the pieces of my heart pulling themselves away from each other. I put my nicest white dress shirt, light stripes complimenting its look, and dark-wash jeans. I stuck a hand in my hair and ruffled it around. "Perfect." I grabbed the tiny square box from a drawer beside my bed, and ran out the door, making my way to Bella's house.
I ran as fast as my legs could bare, as hard as my lungs would allow. My breath got caught in my throat, but hell, I didn't give a damn. "Hurry, hurry," I whispered to myself, my chest heaving up and down, up and down.
I finally reached her house, and the big, moving truck parked in front of it. I cringed with disgust, and ran into the yard. "Bella?!" I yelled. "Bella!"
"Edward?" I turned, and there she was, further into the yard. Once she caught sight of me, she ran towards me, grabbing me in a hug. "You almost missed us, we're leaving now."
"N-Now?" I stuttered in disbelief. "No," I whispered. "You can't go, Bella!" I cried. "Please, you can't."
She took my hand, tears softly filling her eyes. "I'm a big girl. You're going to have to trust me on this. Trust me to do something right for once." I couldn't say anything at that moment, nothing would be right, anyway.
"Bella!" Renee called from the front door, "your flight leaves in an hour. We better get going. Oh, hello, Edward! I'm so glad you came in time to say goodbye."
"So am I."
"Well," she said, "I'll let you two talk. Phil, come on!" And she disappeared back inside.
"I wish this day didn't have to come," she said. "I wish I could just see you every single day like normal, but you know what?"
"What?" I forced myself to ask, my lungs giving up on me.
"I thank God everyday for letting me have you in my life for seventeen years, Edward," she said as she stared off into the woods. "That's more than I deserve."
"Bella," I breathed, taking her face into my cold hands, "You deserve more than what you have. You deserve everything good in life that comes your way, understand me?" She nodded, tears spilling over. I could barely control myself.
"Listen," I said, getting her attention once again, "I... I wanted to give you something." Reaching into my back pocket, I pulled out the same square box that had been buried in my room.
"Edward... you didn't have to..."
"You're right. I needed to." I held it in front of her, and opened it, watching her expression with delight. Her mouth opened wide as it could, resembling an "O", and a smile crept upon my face. "Do you like it?" I asked. She took out the silver ring, a whole crystal-stone heart residing in the middle, with slight color in it.
"It's... it's... it's beyond words, Edward." She looked up at me, noticing my smile. "Thank you." She laughed.
"Look closely," I said. I took it from her and gently pulled the heart apart. "It's magnetic on the inside," I explained. "You can pull them apart, but no matter how hard you try, they're always going to come back together, to form a whole piece. Does that remind you of anything, Bella?"
"Well of course it does, silly!" she perked, wiping a tear from her face. "It reminds me of me and you, and how bizarre we are." She giggled sadly.
"And if you look on the inside..." I turned it over, peering in. "You can see the imprints." She took a look at it, and was further amazed. I felt quite good about it. "My Bella," she whispered, reading the print. "That's incredibly kind of you."
I took a good look at her, memorizing her face at this very moment. "I'm really going to miss you, sweet Bella." I took her into another bear hug, but it was more meaningful this time. "I love you, sweetheart," I whispered.
This time, her crying wouldn't stop. "I love you too, little Edward. Take cake of yourself okay? R-Remember what I said about n-no talking to s-strangers. They're no good and... and be good. And I'll see you soon."
"Don't go, Bella." Before I could control it, tears were swelling up in my eyelids, and if I blinked, they would fill my cheeks with salt, and my heart with sorrow. "Don't go."
"Goodbye, Edward." She seperated herself from me, making her way towards the car.
"Bella! No!" I grabbed her into my arms. "Bella, please, you can't. I don't know how to live without you. I don't. I'll be lost without you!"
"You'll be fine, Edward," she said, brushing my tears off my face which wouldn't give up anytime soon. I hadn't realized it until just now. "Shhh, we'll both be okay." Standing on her toes, she leaned towards me, giving me a brief, sweet kiss on the lips. "I love you."
I didn't know how to feel, what to feel, what to think. I was in a daze; I had least expected that. What was going to happen now? My body ached. She couldn't leave me here. Not here. Not alone. Not now. Not ever.
"Don't go. Don't go," I muttered.
"You will always be the best part of me," she whispered in my ear. Her, Phil, and Renee entered the car, and I blankly stood there, numb.
I'll be there for you when the sky falls down
I'll be there for you when no one's around
I'll be there for you when there's no way out and you're down
and you frownI know life won't go your way
and you never know what to say
when you have nothing left
I'll still love you moreI'll be there for you through your deepest fears
I'll be there for you 'till the smoke clears
I'll be there for you when you see no end and your friends
are all goneI know life won't go your way
and you never know what to say
when you have nothing left
I'll still love you moreYou could turn your back or run a thousand miles away
I'll be waiting for you with nothing left to say butI'll be there for you when nothing can go wrong
I'll be there for you when you sing a joyful song
I'll be there for you when your smile lights the room
and your gloom is all goneI know life won't go your way
and you never know what to say
when you have nothing left
I'll still love you more
The car started to move. "Bella!" I shouted, but it kept moving. "Bella, please! Come back, Bella! Come back!" She turned to look at me, and before I knew it, the car vanished.
She was gone.
--
There For You – The Undeserving.