Chapter 3: "Long Ago and Far Away" ~Vera Lynn

Just one look and then I knew

That all I longed for long ago was you

A week passed by and Lukas had a project due soon, one that required more than sources from the internet, much to his chagrin. He would have loved to stay in his room and search the web for everything he needed, but the library was calling, so he finally got up and made his way to the building.

It was a very beautiful library, and he'd seen some good ones. He had no idea what he was doing, though. He wished he would have paid better attention when they were teaching the dewey decimal system, because now he had to go over to the front desk and ask a balding librarian where he could find information on Bram Stoker.

The librarian pointed upstairs, although the second floor was also massive and he shook his head, saying, "I'm sorry, I won't be able to find it."

The man seemed to be busy, so he just scribbled down some numbers, looking around for an assistant. "Well, I suppose I could take you myself, although I—"

"What's he looking for?"

The librarian looked at the student behind Lukas, smiling widely and handing him the sticky note with the book information on it. "Bram Stoker. Not Dracula. Information on the author. It would be really great if you could take him up there."

"Uh, yeah! I can do that. But could I re-check my books really quick? I lost my account password and didn't have time to reset it."

The librarian quickly scanned the students card, clicking on his keyboard until he smiled again, muttered a "Thank you," and he gestured for Lukas to follow.

Lukas awkwardly followed him, wondering if he should say anything. He hadn't gotten a look at his face yet. They walked over to an elevator and he pushed a button, waiting patiently.

"You a freshman?"

Lukas looked forward awkwardly, giving a faint shrug. "No. Transferred."

"Oh, cool. You like it here so far?"

Lukas gave another shrug. He hadn't been here long enough to know yet. "I guess."

There was silence as the light on the elevator lit up and the doors slid open. Lukas got on first and watched the other step on after, finally able to see his face. He instantly paled when he saw it and he swore his heart stopped. It felt like he was staring for a minute, but he knew it was just a second, if even that.

He looked extremely familiar, to the point that it frightened him. And his clear accent made his head practically spin.

"What's your name, anyways?" He asked Lukas, glancing over at him for the first time as well, his eyes narrowing and moving over to the clip in his hair. "I knew someone who wore a clip in their hair. That's so crazy."

Lukas just stared at him, feeling like he was in some sort of dream. "What's yours?"

"Uh, Mathias," he replied, stepping off of the elevator. "And yours is…?"

"Where are you from?"

"I'm from Denmark. Copenhagen, actually."

"Mathias Kohler?"

Mathias' eyes widened and he stared at the other, bringing his hands up to cover his mouth. "Oh fuck. No fucking way," he muttered, shaking his head slightly. "Holy sh—" He paused, looked around, and went into the nearest study room. "Holy shit! Wait, wait… Lukas Bondevik?"

Lukas looked absolutely horrified as he followed Mathias. He had never been so embarrassed in his life. He was pale and blushing at the same time and he was almost positive he was going to throw up. "Mathias. Oh, God. How?"

"I got a scholarship to Wake Forest! It's my third year. Did you plan to go here?" Mathias said it as a joke, but he was genuinely curious as to if this was planned by Lukas. He had a hard time believing that this meeting was an accident. But Lukas shook his head, looking like a deer in headlights. "I didn't. I had no idea."

"Holy shit. How are you?" Mathias almost, almost reached up and embraced him, but stopped himself before he could be too weird. They were strangers now. He didn't even know who Lukas was anymore. And if Lukas had any idea who he was, he would probably turn right on his heel and never look his way again.

"I'm fine. You?"

"Good! I'm good. How have you been? How was it when you got here?"

Lukas shrugged, shaking his head. "Fine."

Mathias smiled like an idiot and looked down at the floor. He was avoiding the question he wanted to ask the most. The pain of crying himself to sleep nearly every night until he was twelve because Lukas never called struck him like it had all those years again and he nearly choked on the same sadness again. Why hadn't he called?

He couldn't ask Lukas why he'd been dropped. There was a good reason, he was sure of it. He probably made other friends and it wouldn't have been healthy for him to keep Mathias around.

Besides, he shouldn't have been getting sore about something that happened so long ago and was so insignificant. They were just stupid children. It wouldn't have been fair of Mathias to hold anything against him.

"It's really good seeing you. I should probably get you to those books, huh?" He let out a small laugh and walked past Lukas, who was watching Mathias with an odd kind of fascination.

He looked like his father. Remarkably. His shoulders were strong and wide, his arms were firm, and his legs were muscular, and it suddenly struck him that Mathias must have chosen to continue with soccer. His hair was still unruly, but he clearly maintained it to an extent. His eyes hadn't changed one bit. They were as bright as they had been when he last saw him.

Meanwhile, Mathias couldn't believe how Lukas had turned out. His nose was prominent, but still curved up the way it had. The way he remembered. From what he could tell, he had never chosen to have braces, so each one was still slightly out of place. He was thin, but a concerning thin. The kind that Mathias would expect on an athlete, but the muscles lacked, making him think that it was a result of not eating and not of exercise.

"What are you studying, Lukas? Music?"

"Graphic design."

Mathias raised an eyebrow, glancing back at him. "Still play violin?"

"On my own personal time."

Mathias walked down one of the aisles, clicking his tongue quietly as he searched for the right books, then said, "Good."

"You still play cello, Mathias?" He ran his fingers along random books, pulling them out and reading the spines. Mathias moved closer, handing him one book. "I do. Along with soccer. Orchestra and soccer are everything in my life. Between you and me, I like playing my cello better."

Lukas couldn't help but smile very faintly at that. He figured. It had always seemed that way in the past. It made him happy to hear that Mathias hadn't quit playing his cello.

Mathias continued to hand him books until he had a stack of six, at which point he nodded and said, "Thank you." Lukas turned to go, but Mathias put a hand on his shoulder.

"Wait! Just a minute. You want to hang out sometime? Maybe grab a bite and catch up?"

Lukas' stomach churned and he turned around, avoiding Mathias' gaze. He didn't mean to be off-putting, but he felt like he was so awkward and had no idea how to act around Mathias anymore. Mathias was a completely different person. Lukas wasn't blind at all to how good he looked, or how easy it was to get caught up in his words. He'd embarrass himself.

"I'm busy."

Mathias' smile fell and he dropped his hand. The smile returned after a few seconds, but it was weak and forced. "Ah. Can I at least get something?"

"What do you mean?"

Mathias took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. "Like a way to get ahold of you," he said. "One that I can actually use this time around."

The last comment made Lukas frown and his heart felt like it skipped a beat. The comment was snarky and he felt defensive, almost angry, but guilty more than anything. "I have Instagram so I can keep up with my family. Is that okay?"

Mathias nodded, opening the app on his phone and handing it to Lukas, who looked himself up and clicked the follow button. "Here. I need to work on a project and I should go," he said, giving Mathias his phone back before turning and leaving Mathias standing alone in the middle of the aisle with a look of shock and disappointment on his face.

Lukas scrubbed off his body, nearly making his skin raw as he let the scorching water burn his back. He couldn't believe what just happened. He felt like he was going to break down at any moment from the all-consuming guilt of what he'd done and he let out a scoff as he rinsed off a soapy leg. "God," he muttered, reaching out to turn the music up on his phone.

It was awkward. He remembered everything they'd done. Mostly the promises they made and the kisses and he scoffed again, resting his forehead on the shower wall. What does he expect, anyways? He thought. Hopefully not a relationship. Lukas was not cut out for those.

Mathias didn't seem all that gay, he thought. He sighed, feeling bad for thinking that. Gays don't have a type or anything! Stupid.

He turned the shower off and got out, drying himself off and barely dressing before grabbing his phone again, immediately seeing a notification. He opened it, seeing a message from Mathias.

Just consider dinner this Wednesday at six. Time is flexible though. CONSIDER! I'll pay.

Lukas shook his head slowly, not knowing how he was supposed to respond. I'm ace, he typed out. He immediately backspaced and didn't send it. He stood in the bathroom for a moment, completely silent. Dinner.

It was just dinner, right? And Mathias probably just wanted a friend in him.

It's the least you could do after abandoning him, his conscience said. He had to agree, too. He slowly typed out, Okay, then clicked send.

Lukas walked into the restaurant, looking around. The lighting was dim, but he could see Mathias wave him over. Much to his surprise, there was someone sitting next to him. He walked over, sliding into the booth across from them.

"Hey, Lukas! Glad you made it. This is Natalya."

She just looked at Lukas and said, "Mm. I'm his girlfriend. Nice to meet you."

Lukas immediately recognized her voice and realized that she was the one who'd been talking so often in folklore class. And when she said Matt, she had been talking about Mathias. He looked at her with curiosity, then said, "It's nice to meet you, too."

She turned to Mathias, pointing at something on the menu. "I wish they'd write the calories next to the food. That would be so much more helpful."

Mathias nodded, glanced up at Lukas, who was also watching him, and flashed a very small smile. Lukas' face was blank, but his mind was wandering. He couldn't read the couple. He was confused by them and by the way they were interacting. Something about them made him feel sick and a little dizzy. Almost angry.

He looked away and scanned the menu, ordering quietly when the waitress came by. Mathias and Natalya both ordered, and Mathias was looking over at the drinks, wishing he was twenty-one already.

"How do you know him, again?" Natalya asked, leaning in to examine Lukas. "He's Norwegian, you said?"

Mathias wrapped an arm around her, although her arms remained crossed, and said, "Mhm. We were good friends in primary."

Natalya snorted slightly. "What? How could you even remember? You're strangers now. You're probably making him feel weird, Mat."

Lukas blinked a few times and leaned forward anxiously, then said, "I'm actually fine. I remember Mathias very well."

She took a sip of her tea and turned to Mathias. "I bet you're enjoying this blast from the past, aren't you, Mat?"

There was something off about her tone, although Lukas couldn't quite figure it out. It was like she was annoyed. Or bored. Or both. "I am, actually! C'mon, be a little more positive," he told her, leaning in to press a kiss to her jaw. Lukas' eyes narrowed, but she remained unamused.

"I could have gone to a party tonight," she murmured under her breath. Mathias flat out frowned and whispered something to her. Lukas wasn't sure what it was, but it was enough for her to shove him away, say she needed to use the restroom, and leave the table.

Lukas stared at Mathias, then at the table. He slowly sipped his water, trying to ignore how amused Mathias looked.

"I'm really sorry about her. She just gets in these moods. I swear she's great most of the time."

Lukas froze, pushing his drink away again. "She's in one of my classes."

"Oh, yeah?" He picked up his fork and lifted a piece of food off of his plate. "Does she talk about me?"

"…No." There was no way he was going to tell Mathias any of the things she'd said. It would just be more awkward when she came back.

"Hey, how's your family?"

Lukas spun some pasta onto his fork and took a bite, covering his lips with his hand while he spoke. "Good. Emil started high school. He still has that puffin you gave him, you know."

Mathias grinned, a genuine grin that he hadn't seen since he'd arrived at the restaurant. "I forgot about that. I remember I gave you, uh… a pink bunny. God, I was stupid," he said, laughing it off. "Do you still have it?"

Lukas shook his head. "I donated it to some charity."

Mathias took a slow breath, then nodded with a smaller smile. He figured, but it still made him feel something he really shouldn't have been feeling. "The watch?"

Lukas looked away, shaking his head. "Mathias, I—"

"Do you still have it?"

Lukas couldn't look up. He stared at his plate and shook his head reluctantly. "I haven't seen it in years." He gave a small, apologetic smile.

Mathias smiled, but his eyes were dim. "I understand. No worries."

What he wouldn't do for a drink right now. He would have killed to have a fake I.D. on him. "So, Lukas, are you seeing anyone?"

He almost laughed at that. "No, I'm not. I haven't since eighth grade."

Mathias chuckled, crossed his arms, and leaned back. "What? Why not?"

"I'm ace, actually."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Ace?"

"Asexual."

He stared at Lukas, blinked a few times, and shrugged, disregarding the comment entirely. They would have continued talking about it, but Natalya returned, and they spent the rest of dinner talking about their classes so far.

Mathias took out his wallet and sat down on his bed. The wallet was an auburn colour and worn out. He opened it up, pulling open a pocket that he hadn't opened since the day he got the wallet and pulled out the pin he had put inside. He had kept it in every single wallet he'd had since he started using wallets at all. The pin was gold and still shone the same. The cross shape wasn't bent. And the clasp still worked.

He ran his thumb over the metal, shaking his head and muttering, "What the hell am I doing?"