Author's Note: This chapter happens concurrently with Frozen Wight chapter 40, and every chapter after this one will be happening prior to 41.

Not sure if you picked up on the subtlety before, but that person at the very top of the list of people Fritz would rather not know about his crush? That was Princess Anna. See, it was cruelly ironic because she did, in fact, already know the secret. Fritz was bringing this up because, just as he was gazing down at the castle gardens and contemplating his own worthlessness, the number two spot on the list waddled onto the balcony.

"Hi, guard-whose-name-I-don't-remember!" Olaf gave a pleasant wave of his twig-arm. "Does Elsa know you're in love with her yet?" A toothy smile crossed his deformed face. "Ooh, ooh, want me to tell her for you?"

"No!" Fritz yelped, his voice breaking. He cleared his throat. "I mean, no thanks."

"If you say so." Olaf shrugged, which basically amounted to his twigs bobbing up and down.

For the most part, Fritz's preconception of the Snow Queen had been totally wrong. Elsa wasn't some twisted freak of nature at all – In fact, she was the most gorgeous creature in this world or the next. But there was one little hiccup... Elsa could bring snowmen to life. That alone was pretty freaky, but what really freaked Fritz out was that nobody else seemed particularly freaked out about it. Were... Were talking snowmen normal? Maybe they were normal. Fritz had never asked. He didn't want to sound prejudiced or anything.

Just then, a high-pitched squeal hit Fritz's ears, and onto the balcony dashed a person who freaked Fritz out way more than any sentient inanimate object ever could.

"Fritz!" Anna tackled him with a hug. It was all Fritz could do to keep from screaming. "I've got great news!"

"Yes! I love great news!" Olaf joined in, too. "Why are we hugging?"

"I convinced Elsa to throw a ball," said Anna. "It's the perfect time for you to confess your feelings to her!"

"But I don't have any- Oh, you were talking to Fritz."

"Wait? A b-b-ball?" Fritz turned whiter than Olaf. "You mean, like, a social gathering? Where I have to stand in the same room as lots of other people?"

Anna rolled her eyes. "It's not that bad, Fritz. Look, take it from me, being alone all the time is really overrated. You could use a social gathering or two."

Fritz's head drooped. "But Princess Anna, you saw her crumple up my letter... Elsa's never gonna say yes to me."

"Hmm..." Anna frowned, scratching her chin. "Y'know, we've got a few days before the ball starts. I could help train you so you're prepared."

Fritz blinked. "What kind of training?"

"Oh, y'know, coaching you on what to say, teaching you how to dance... That kinda stuff."

"And..." Fritz audibly gulped. "...how long will this training take, exactly?"

"I dunno," shrugged Anna. "A few hours, maybe."

"Oh! Oh!" Olaf raised a stick-arm into the air. "Or you could make it go faster with a musical number!"

Anna's face lit up. "Yeah! Great idea, Olaf!"

"No, no, that's okay!" said Fritz, waving his arms frantically. "You really don't have to-"

"Let's get down to business,

To impress the queen,

You'd best man up because,

She won't date preteens!"

Suddenly, Anna was giving Fritz a scathing inspection while singing in the deepest voice she could, which was still somewhere north of tenor (DISCLAIMER: I have no idea how deep Kristen Bell can actually make her voice. She can pull off the manliest of baritones for all I know).

"Though you're weaker than most other guys,

And your shoe size,

It is quite small,

Mister, you'll ask her out,

At the ball!"

There was a quick montage of Anna forcing Fritz to waltz with Olaf and balance books on his head and memorize witty one-liners, all whilst Anna continued to sing:

"I've got dating advice,

Never tried before.

Use it and I promise,

You are sure to score.

Though you're feeble, frail, and just might be,

A minor if I recall,

Somehow you'll ask her out,

At the ball!"

After hours of time-elapsed training, Fritz stopped to pant:

"This training is a living death,

But worth it if it brings her to me."

"Bet Elsa can't wait to date this strapping guy!"

Anna beamed, but nearby, Kristoff looked less thrilled.

"Yeah, I might not hold your breath."

"Must you always be so gloomy?"

"All I'm saying is this plan probably won't fly."

Then came the refrain, which was sung by a voiceover of some incredibly macho men:

"Ask her out!"

"You'll have to muster up all your courage!"

"Ask her out!"

"Confess your feelings, then pretty soon-"

"Ask her out!"

"-When she is joining you on the dance floor,

You will sweep her off her feet and make her swooooooooooon!"

Fritz was given only a second's reprieve before being thrown back into the training as Anna sung:

"Time is racing toward us,

'til the ball arrives.

Heed my every order,

And your love will thrive.

When you think a bit,

Most likely it,

Probably won't work out at all.

Still you must ask her out,

At the ball!"

"But what does climbing a flagpole with weights on my arms have to do with-?"

"The flag symbolizes Elsa's heart, NOW CLIMB!"

"Ask her out!"

"You'll have to muster up all your courage!"

"Ask her out!"

"Confess your feelings, then pretty soon-"

"Ask her out!"

"-When she is joining you on the dance floor,

"You will sweep her off her feet and make her swooooooooooon!"

The chorus repeated an additional time, and then, finally, the song was over.

"Agh!" Fritz landed at the base of the flagpole with a resounding thud.

"Almost there, Fritz!" Anna bounded towards him across the courtyard (They'd changed locations during the montage). "Just a few more tries, and-"

"Alright, alright!" It was at this point that Kristoff stepped between Anna and her victim. "Let's call it a day before he breaks his neck." He turned to Fritz, who was busy rubbing his tailbone. "Look, kid, if you want help asking Elsa out, there are better people to go to than Anna." He gave her an apologetic look. "No offense, but you've kinda spent a good chunk of your life in big, empty castle."

"Yeah, yeah..." Anna faltered. "Most of my dating experience is with a murderous sociopath..."

Fritz found himself shrinking under Kristoff's gaze. Of course, the less people who knew about Fritz's shameful crush, the better, but Anna's boyfriend knowing didn't bug Fritz quite as much as Anna or Olaf knowing. He'd rather Kristoff learn the truth if it meant he wouldn't get the wrong idea about why Anna was spending so much time with Fritz lately. They'd even come clean with him about the Incident, and he'd only tried to murder Fritz a little bit, which he was pretty understanding of Kristoff, all things considered. Still, the guy reeked of reindeer, so Fritz was always on edge around him.

"The point is, we're visiting my family today," said Kristoff.

"You mean those 'love experts' you keep mentioning?" said Fritz. "And you want me to come with you?"

"Yeah, but, uh..." Kristoff's eyes drifted skyward. "I should probably mention, my family can be a little... weird. But trust me, when it comes to romance, they're never wrong."

"She's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of your league," said a troll-child.

When Kristoff had said his family was weird, Fritz had been expecting a bunch of snarky, puffy-faced blondes. Instead, Fritz was standing here processing the fact a whole race of mythological creatures was apparently real. It didn't freak him out that badly, though – Once you've accepted that talking snowmen exist, everything else gets easier.

Fritz backed towards the center of the valley, huddling closer to Anna and her boyfriend – though he kept a safe distance from said boyfriend's antlered murder-beast. They were surrounded, the eyes of every last troll man, woman, and child fixed on them.

"Out of his league?" repeated Anna, scowling. "What's that supposed to mean? You're fine with me dating Kristoff, and he's not royalty or anything."

A bright-faced troll woman stepped in front of the child – Kristoff had introduced her as his adopted mom, Bulda. "Err, I think what Pebbles means to say is that Fritz here might not be a good fit for Elsa, not because he's too poor, but because he's too..."

"Too what?" demanded Anna.

"It's okay, Anna..." Fritz turned away, hiding his face. "I know what they mean."

"No, no, don't cry, honey!" Bulda hurried to his side to give Fritz's leg a pat (It was the highest she could reach). "Look, you're a cute kid, and I'm sure plenty of girls would like you. It's just that Queen Elsa, well..." She trailed off, fishing for words. "Elsa's been through a lot, and I'm not sure you're the right person to help her handle everything she has to... handle."

Fritz wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "W-What do you mean?"

"Well, for one thing, you've got, like, zero self-confidence," another troll said flatly.

"But you don't understand!" Fritz yelped, hating himself every time his voice cracked. "I love her. I... I mean that. I've never felt this way about anyone before." He shut his eyes. Fritz had already worked everything out in his head. He was going to confess his feelings, and he would do it so sincerely that Elsa would marry him on the spot, and then all of Arendelle would love him and Fritz would prove to the reindeer herders and his momma and his father and- and everyone else, once and for all, that he wasn't a loser. It was his only hope. The only thing that kept him going through the day. And now, the love experts, the absolute authorities on love, were saying it was hopeless?

When she caught sight of Fritz's face, something about Bulda's expression seemed to soften. "Y'know, what, dear?" she said. "You sound pretty sincere to me. Maybe you deserve a second opinion. I think we need to bring you to..." She turned to her fellow trolls. "...the Heart of Arendelle."

A gasp passed through the crowd. Even Kristoff and his freaky reindeer friend hung their mouths open.

"Are you sure?" asked a troll at Bulda's side – Kristoff's adopted dad, Cliff. "I mean, we can't show the Heart to just anyone. We should at least ask Grand Pabbie first." He glanced towards a burrow in the distance, where the old troll was busy talking with Elsa.

"Oh, you worry too much." Bulda flashed Fritz a smile. "Any friend of Kristoff is a friend of the trolls. We can trust him."

After that, Fritz was led away from the center of the valley, leaving Anna, Kristoff, and the-reindeer-who-shall-not-be-named far behind.

"The Heart of Arendelle's an incredibly powerful magical artifact," Bulda said as she and Fritz wound their way around trees and over streams. "Our tribe's been guarding it for hundreds of years. Almost everything we know about love comes from studying the thing."

"But why do you want to show it to me?" asked Fritz, sounding much less weirded-out than he felt.

"Sometimes, people's feelings can be complicated, and the Heart can help sort them out. From what I've seen of you, I think you really might have true love for Elsa."

Fritz's own heart skipped a beat. "That's- That's a good thing, right?"

"Oh, yeah, it's the absolute best way to feel about someone," said Bulda. "If two people share true love, they can forge the strongest bonds, live the most fulfilling life together... The problem comes when only one person feels true love for the other."

"Oh." Fritz's face fell. "So you think Elsa won't love me back?"

Bulda sighed and rubbed her rocky temple. "The poor girl's been locked away most of her life. At this point, for her to feel true love for anyone besides her family and her snowmen... it'd take something really special."

"She does like me, though," said Fritz. "As a friend, I mean."

Bulda paused their march to glance back at him. "Are you happy being her friend?"

For a second, Fritz envied the trolls. He wished he could curl up into a boulder right now. "No. I... I want more than that." He shut his eyes, his cheeks scorching hot on his face. "I can't get Elsa out of my head. I love her so much, it's kinda taken over my life."

Bulda nodded solemnly. "It's important for both of you to be happy. There are forms of true love besides romantic and familial, but... Well, let's see what the Heart has to say."

After a while, they came to a stop at a jagged cliffside jutting out from a clearing in the trees. It looked normal enough, but something about the place made Fritz anxious. When he closed his eyes, he could swear he almost heard, like, a... a rhythmic thumping sound. Thump, thump, thump.

"Here we are." Bulda bounced up to the cliff and pressed her stony palm against its face. She closed her eyes, then chanted, trancelike:

"Oh, great Heart of Arendelle,

I need you so I can tell,

What it is my heart desires.

Give me a clue."

The words echoed through the clearing. Nothing happened, but somehow, Fritz found the hairs on his neck standing on end. Then, out of the blue, the cliffside split apart like a sheet of paper being torn in half, scraping the dirt with a deafening rumble. When the rocks finally stopped, the cliffside had transformed itself into the mouth of a cave.

Fritz stared at the entrance. It was pitch black in there, and the thumping was getting louder. THUMP, THUMP, THUMP. Y'know what? He didn't want to see the Heart that badly. Fritz started to turn around-

"C'mon, what are you waiting for?"

-and was promptly dragged inside by Bulda.

As it turned out, Fritz's fears were unfounded. There were no horrible monsters or anything in here. It was a totally ordinary cave, only its rock was bright red and... oddly squishy. Actually, y'know what, Fritz's fears were totally founded. Apparently, the Heart of Arendelle resided in some kinda... meat-cave. Fritz could barely contain his shock. Never in his life had he thought he'd encounter a place even more disgusting than his momma's butcher shop.

The human and troll walked deeper into the cave, their feet making a sickening squelch with every step. Somehow, the cave was causing drops of moisture to accumulate on Fritz's skin. He, uh, tried not to speculate about that. The deeper in they went, the dimmer the light grew. Just as they were about to be enveloped in pitch blackness, Bulda knelt down and lit a lantern the trolls had apparently left there. Now it was just Fritz and Bulda standing in a little bubble of light in the middle of a meat-cave. Not terrifying at all.

"S-So is this thing, like, an actual, living heart?" Fritz asked this less out of curiosity and more for the sake of drowning out the growing THUMP, THUMP, THUMP sound.

"You guessed it," Bulda said as they continued deeper. "Long ago, when this land was first called 'Arendelle,' its prince fell in love with the youngest princess of the Southern Isles. The princess ran away with him to Arendelle, but her twenty-four older sisters-"

"Twenty-four?"

"It was a different time. As I was saying, her twenty-four older sisters came after them. Long story short, the prince of Arendelle sacrificed his life to protect his beloved princess. The act of true love was so powerful that, through some unknown, ancient magic, his wounded heart was imbued with incredible power." Bulda paused, then added, "But the humans didn't realize that, so we trolls had to do some gravedigging. We've been guarding the Heart ever since, making sure its powers are only ever used for good."

They reached their destination just as Bulda finished her story. The Heart of Arendelle was, indeed, a human heart growing out the cave's meat-walls, as if the fjords themselves were one massive organism. There was even a jagged scar running down the Heart's surface, presumably from where it'd been stabbed all those years ago. The sight might have made Fritz want to hurl if it hadn't been so... surreal and dreamlike. He felt lightheaded just looking at the thing.

"This whole cave was forged with troll magic to sustain the Heart," said Bulda, giving it an affectionate pat. "So long as we keep it healthy, it pumps out waves of pure love-magic that Grand Pabbie can study. It's where we get our love expertise from."

Fritz scratched his head. "But... But how can some magic waves tell you how to, like, talk to girls and stuff?"

"We trolls know how to translate their meaning." Bulda held her palm against the beating heart, frowning. "I can do it myself a bit, but it'd be easier if Grand Pabbie was here."

"Speak of the devil, Bulda."

"Wah!" Bulda and Fritz spun around to find none other than the decrepit old troll himself standing before them.

"G-Grand Pabbie?" said Bulda, pebbles of sweat trickling down her stony forehead. "I thought you were talking with Queen Elsa?"

"We finished," Grand Pabbie said tightly. "I was planning on resting before I sensed people in the Heart chamber." His eyes fell on Fritz. "Why did you bring this boy here?"

"He has feelings for Elsa, and he needs to sort them out." As she spoke, Bulda placed herself between the young boy and old troll. "I thought the Heart could help."

Grand Pabbie's eyes narrowed. "Did he hear the password to the entrance?"

"He won't tell anybody," said Bulda. "Look, Fritz is a friend of Kristoff's. We can trust him." She gave a pleading look. "Come on, Pabbie. You know Kristoff needs all the human friends he can get."

Grand Pabbie looked like he'd like to argue the point, but instead he merely sighed. "Very well. I suppose since the boy's already here, we might as well read his heart." He turned to Fritz. "Are you certain you want to hear this? The Heart will tell you how you really feel about a person, whether those feelings are good or bad."

"I..." Fritz took a breath, steadying himself. "I'm going crazy here. I need my feelings sorted out."

"Very well." Grand Pabbie stepped toward the Heart. "I will tell you what the Heart has to say... so long as you promise to keep the Heart's location and password a secret. If the Heart of Arendelle were to fall into the wrong hands, its powers could be perverted." He shut his eyes. "Instead of explaining people's feelings, it could be used to change them. Such a power could cause a great calamity over the land."

"Well, I don't want to destroy Arendelle or anything," said Fritz. "I just want to let Elsa know how I feel, and... and if this Heart thingy can explain what that feeling is, exactly, that'd help a lot, wouldn't it?"

"Indeed it would." Gently, Grand Pabbie put his palm to the Heart, listening intently to every beat. After a moment, he removed it. "I have heard the Heart's voice." With a wave of his arms, Grand Pabbie conjured up a lightshow in the middle of the cave, like a miniature aurora borealis. A mass of blue light appeared in the cavern's center, taking the unmistakable, twiglike shape of one Fritz Herman Gudmund.

"Your love for Queen Elsa is very real and very powerful." The lights changed in time with Grand Pabbie's words, forming a mass of blue Elsa-shaped light next to the Fritz-shaped light. "But it is flawed." Suddenly, the light burned blood red. "When you look at the queen, you see all her perfections and none of her imperfections." The light-Elsa split in two, forming a blue Elsa with a flowing dress and a French braid alongside a red Elsa with gloved hands and her hair up. "If Elsa was ever to desire a romantic partner, they would be just that – a partner. An equal who could shoulder some of her burden. Right now, all she is to you is an idol. An escape from your own miserable life."

Fritz's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe what Grand Pabbie had just said... Elsa did NOT have imperfections! That was crazy talk!

"True love is putting someone else's needs before your own." The faster Grand Pabbie spoke, the faster the Heart beat. "If you continue to let your heart be guided by such selfishness, your own doubt will consume you, and you will commit a great evil against the one you love most."

The instant Grand Pabbie finished, the lights faded and the heartbeat slowed, leaving Fritz and Bulda to stare at him by lantern light.

Bulda gave Fritz a reassuring smile. "That's really not as bad as it sounds. You do love Elsa. You just need to change the way you look at her, that's all-"

"No, no, I get it." Fritz turned for the entrance, his lip quivering. "The Heart's saying that... I'm not good enough for Elsa!" He fled the cave.

"Wait, Fritz, come back-"

The noise that accompanied Fritz as he ran wasn't his, though. There was just a, uh, little girl somewhere nearby, sobbing hysterically. Totally unrelated.

Man, the troll's valley must've been thick with allergens because... because Fritz's eyes were really watering. And... And he must've pulled a muscle, which was the only reason he was curled up in the fetal position on the forest floor right now.

Fritz sniffled as he pressed his face against a rock, watching ants crawl over his fingers. Stupid trolls... Stupid Heart... What'd they know anyways? Fritz's love for Elsa was real and pure, and one day she'd realize that, and then she'd marry him and Fritz would never be sad again. So there.

"Aww, poor guy," said a voice.

"I wasn't crying!" Fritz sat up, frantically turning his head to find the voice's owner, but there was nothing here but trees and rocks.

"You look like you could use a pal," said a rock.

"What the-?" Fritz started to stumble backwards, but then the big rock uncurled itself and he calmed down. It was just another troll.

This one seemed different from the others. He wasn't adorned with any flowers or gemstones, but what he did have was an unusually thick coat of moss. A little patch of it had even sprouted at the tip of his chin, forming a moss-goatee, and his body-moss was so thick, it trailed off his back like some sort of moss-trenchcoat.

"Pleased to meet ya." The troll flashed a sleazy grin and extended a hand. "The name's Mossy." Well, huh, that was pretty apt. Even the guy's palm was covered in the stuff.

Fritz politely declined the shake. "Um... hi? I'm Fritz."

"Oh, I already know all about you, Fritzy," Mossy smirked. "I couldn't help but overhear your little dilemma. So, you wanna hook up with the queen, huh?"

"Yeah." Fritz bowed his head. "But I'm not good enough. That heart thingy said so."

At this, a spark seemed to cross Mossy's eyes. "Heart thingy, eh? And what'd it say, exactly?"

"Uh, well..." Fritz thought back. "I guess it said I only love Elsa for selfish reasons. That I need to put her needs before my own. But... But I never thought I was being selfish. I just..." He brought a hand to his eyes. "I just wanted someone special to like me."

Mossy let out an indignant gasp. "Why, the nerve o' that Heart! It really expects you to put some dame's needs before yours? She's a super rich, super powerful queen lady! She's doin' fine! You're the one who's hurtin' inside. You're the one who's been treated like dirt his whole life."

"Yeah. H-" Fritz wiped his eyes. "How did you know?"

An arm extended towards him. Fritz looked up to find Mossy giving a more pleasant smile. "Cuz I been treated like dirt, too. C'mon, kid, I wanna show you somethin'."

Fritz smiled back and accepted the hand, pulling himself to his feet. "Okay. What is it?"

That spark crossed Mossy's eyes again. "A way to even the odds."

Mossy's home consisted of little more than a big, underground cavern containing a cauldron, some scattered books, and a half-eaten fish. Considering the height of the ceiling, the place had been dug more with trolls in mind than humans. Of course, Fritz had spent most of his life herding reindeer in the open air, so he couldn't have known he was claustrophobic... Fritz just hoped he could get back out of this hole as easily as he'd come in. He didn't exactly know his way back to the castle, so if Elsa, Anna, and Kristoff decided to leave without him, Fritz would most likely be trapped in the wilderness for the rest of his life.

"S-So you're really gonna help me?" he said as he struggled to avoid bumping his head.

"Yeah, of course," said Mossy. "Anything for my pal. I've got a little somethin' that'll guarantee you win the queen's heart, and I'm givin' it to you absolutely free withonesmallcaveat."

"Wait, what-?"

"Oh, it's no big deal or nothin'," Mossy said as he examined his own fingernails. "It's just, uh... you wouldn't mind sharing that little password to the Heart of Arendelle's hidey-hole, woulda, buddy?"

Fritz paled. "Why?"

"No reason," Mossy chuckled. "Just, well, it's a funny story, actually. See, Grand Pabbie won't let me in there. The dude's way overprotective of the stupid thing, if you ask me. Only reason you were let in is cuz Bulda went behind his back, I bet."

"But- But Grand Pabbie said if the Heart fell into the wrong hands..."

This only made Mossy laugh harder. "Oh, please, do you really think I'm the kinda guy who'd, say, use the Heart's powers to drain all the love in the kingdom and then watch Arendelle rip itself apart from pure hatred just for my own amusement?"

"I... guess not?"

Mossy leaned in closer, his smile broadening. "Kid, c'moooooooon, have I ever steered you wrong before?"

Fritz pondered this. "Well, we've never met before today, so... technically, no, you haven't."

"Then there you go!" Mossy threw out his arms. "Now, the Heart password, if you please."

Fritz started to open his mouth, but still, he hesitated. "I... I don't know about this, Mossy. Bulda and Grand Pabbie really trusted me..."

"So what? Who cares what that old fart thinks, anyways?" Mossy twirled around his cauldron, and the next thing Fritz knew, the background music was picking up as the troll sang:

"I admit I'm on bad terms with old Grand Pabbie.

In fact, all the trolls, they called me, well, a jerk

Stupid, ugly, mean, and fat,

But I'd have none of that.

I stormed out, packed my things, and found new work,

Right here."

As he sang, Mossy started swaying to and fro around the cauldron. If Fritz didn't know any better, he'd think it was coming off as vaguely seductive...

"And I'm fortunately good at brewing potions

It's a talent that I always have possessed.

I've decided, just this once,

To give my assistance,

To infatuated, lovesick, and obsessed..."

In an undertone, he added,"pathetic," then made his voice all deep for the refrain:

"Poor, unfortunate Fritz.

Clearly in need,

Of some divine intervention,

If you want to get the girl.

And with me helping?"

He snapped his fingers.

"Guaranteed.

You poor, unfortunate Fritz.

So weak, so thin

It's a good thing that you've called in

Help from my great expertise,

Cuz I'm ready,

To begin."

Mossy settled himself before the cauldron, which flared to life, painting Fritz with a sickening green glow.

"Now don't get all self-righteous,

Call my methods impious.

I do not want to see you throwing any fits.

You might touch the moral gray,

But you will not be led astray,

You poor, unfortunate Fritz!"

Okay, now Mossy was definitely invading Fritz's personal space. He leaned in close enough for Fritz to smell his breath – which was not unlike freshly-cut grass, actually – then said, "Now, here's the deal. I will make you a potion that will cause Elsa to fall madly in love with you. All you've gotta do is fork over the password to the Heart of Arendelle's cave, and then I sneak in and steal some of its magic love-wave thingamabobs – that's the potion's main ingredient. One sip, and the queen'll be head over heels for you. I've even got another potion that hides me from Grand Pabbie's senses or whatever. No one'll ever know 'bout any o' this 'cept you and me!"

"A love potion?" said Fritz, trembling. "I don't know. Wouldn't that be kinda like... brainwashing her?"

"Fritz, please, brainwashing's such a strong word," Mossy said silkily. "All the potion'll do is make this chick attracted to you. Think about it. How is that any different from if you happened to be handsome or charming or rich or the slightest bit competent in any way, shape, or form? You've been playin' with a disadvantage, and this love potion is just... evenin' the odds."

"Evening the odds?" Fritz repeated slowly.

"Yeah." Mossy flashed another grin. "Come on, man, after all the horrible stuff you've put up with all your life, don't you think you deserve to come out on top... just this once?"

"But..." After a moment's hesitation, Fritz turned away. "...maybe I should wait. I mean, I haven't told Elsa how I feel yet. Maybe I won't even need a love potion."

"What? Are you kidding?" Mossy let loose an incredulous laugh, then resumed singing even faster:

"A dolt like you can't climb the social ladder.

There's no way that you'd ever be a prince.

So you see, my ugly friend,

For you to get your happy end,

This thing may be your one and only chance!

Come on, you know you won't be hurting dear sweet Elsa.

It's more like you're lending a helping hand.

Life gave her a rough deal,

But your love can help her heal,

Cuz we both know that all chicks just want a man. Ha!"

Suddenly, the cauldron was boiling over, hissing like a tea kettle, and filling the room with a blood red glow.

"Come on, you poor unfortunate Fritz!

Go ahead!

Pick a side!

I'm a very busy rock troll, and I haven't got all day.

It won't cost much,

Just your pride!

You poor unfortunate Fritz!

It's sad but true,

If you want to cross the bridge, my boy,

Can't wait around and sit.

Take a sniff now take a whiff,

Now take the beaker. This is it!"

Mossy handed Fritz a beaker of the red liquid. It bubbled furiously, almost like it was begging to have some magic love waves added to complete it.

Slowly, his hand shaking, Fritz accepted the beaker.

Mossy fist-pumped, then sang softly to himself:

"Ha, I did it, now I've got this boy!

Wow, what an idiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiioooooot!

This poor unfortunate Friiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzzzzzz!"

The cavern's lighting returned to a sickly green as the contents of the cauldron sloshed and spun. Fritz found himself paralyzed with awe as Mossy chanted:

"Lutefiska, lutfiska

Come winds of the Norwegian Sea!

Cervidae capreolinae,

Rangifer tarandus,

La cor to me!"

He pointed to Fritz. "Now sing!"

"What?" said a disarmed Fritz. "Why-?"

"The song symbolizes Elsa's heart, NOW SING!"

Fritz reluctantly started doing the Part of Your World theme with his soft, delicate, beautiful voice.