Chapter 3: Kisuke's No Scrooge, And Neither Is Aizen!

"...And that's why we need your help."

Toshiro and Rangiku had travelled to the Human world, and found Rukia at the Urahara shop. Rukia stared at them blankly. "So...What do you need me for?"

Before Toshiro could throw a fit about how he just explained what he needed her help with, Rangiku intervened. "Your Zanpakuto's name translates as 'Sleeved White Snow', so I had the idea that you might have some snow-based abilities!"

Rukia still stared blankly. "Umm...I don't think the name of a Shinigami's Zanpakuto is always relevant to its abilities..."

Rangiku grabbed Rukia by her head, lifted her off the ground, and started saking her from side to side while shouting at her. "YES, IT DOES! SHIRO-CHAN AGREED WITH ME! THAT MEANS I AM RIGHT! OTHERWISE, WE DIE!"

"What do you mean we die?" Rukia only just managed to speak.

"Captain-Commander Yamamoto has threatened us with death by Bankai if we don't comply with his orders." Toshiro said.

Rukia struggled out of Rangiku's grip and dropped to the ground. "Oh, why didn't you say so? Yeah, I have a snow power!"

"YOU HAVE?" Toshiro's face was slightly red. "Why didn't you just tell us that earlier?"

"It's a Kido power! You asked about Zanpakuto powers."

Toshiro sighed, and calmed down. "In that case, would you mind returning with us to Soul Society to put this Kido power into action?"

"Not at all! Though there's just one thing..."

"What?"

"Well, Ichigo is very likely to find out about this, and will probably demand to come with us."

"Why would that be a problem?"

"Well, I assumed by the fact that you both looked around when you walked into looking like you were making sure someone wasn't here, meant that you didn't want to se Ichigo right now."

"Well...the thing is...I don't mean to offend him, but..."

"Bad things happen when he's around?"

"Well...yeah. I mean, think about it. When he first went to the Soul Society, I got stabbed and almost died, Momo got stabbed and almost died, Zaraki got stabbed a lot and almost died, Byakuya cot attacked by Ichigo's Hollow counterpart and almost died, Ikkaku got sliced up and almost died, your friend Chad got stabbed and almost died, Mayuri got his arm shot off and a holt shot through him, and miraculously survived, Yumichika got his face blown up, Renji got sliced up and almost died, Komamura got sliced up and almost died, two Lieutenants got thrown into prison, and to top it off, three of our captains betrayed Soul Society and formed an army of Arrancar!"

Rukia shrugged. "Fair enough, I suppose."

"So how do we get rid of him for a while."

Kisuke Urahara walked into the room, and threw something at Toshiro. "Use this."

Toshiro looked at what was in his hand. A small white circular objest, that looked like a tablet. Toshiro looked up at Urahara. "Hollow bait?"

Urahara nodded. "Ichigo is a stronger Shinigami now. He should be able to fight them all off."

Rukia objected. "Urahara, the last time someone used this, a Menos Grande attacked!"

"And Ichigo fought it off."

"With complete and utter luck that could have killed him!"

"I have faith in him. He will survive." Urahara started walking around the shop "And besides, he has friends who will assist him."

"They'll get hurt! Orihime and Chad have never gone up against a Menos before!"

"There's a first time for everything."

"THEY COULD DIE!"

"If that happens, you can return here, find their ghosts, send them to Soul Society, they can enter the Shinigami academy, become Shinigami, gain possession of a Gigai each, and return to the human world, and resume their lives as normal!" Urahara smiled. Rukia didn't.

"Yeah. Prefectly normal, apart from the whole 'not-aging' thing!"

"I don't suppose you have any better ideas?"

"Yeah, actually, I do!"

"What idea do you have?"

"We could just tell Ichigo that I have to go to Soul Society for a few days, and that he can't come!"

"You really think that will work?"

"Yes!"

"Well, I don't!" Urahara snatched the Hollow bait from Toshiro's hand and crushed it in his hand. Rukia and Toshiro stared, jaws hanging wide open. Rangiku was busy looking through the alcohol collection to pay attention to what was going on. "Honestly, Rukia, considering Ichigo rarely listens to anything you say, do you really think he's not going to follow you to Soul Society? Besides, even if he can't go the same way you can, he'll just come here and ask me to send him there, and I can't do that!"

Rukia finally found the will to speak. "Why not?"

"Because..." Kisuke took off his white and green hat, and replaced it with a Santa Claus hat. "I'm preparing the shop for Christmas!"

From outside, they could all hear a Hollow scream.

"You'd better be on your way, then." Urahara opened the door for them. "Ichigo will probably have all of these Hollows killed in about ten minutes, so you'd best hurry back to Soul Society."

Toshiro glared at Urahara. "Urahara, I swear, if any civilians die today, I will come back for your head!"

Urahara frowned and started walking back into the shop. "Merry Christmas to you too, Captain Hitsugaya."

Toshiro grabbed Rangiku by that arm. "Rangiku! Have you been paying attention to anything that's been going on?"

Rangiku looked at him. "Of course I have!"

"Then what just happened?"

"Urahara said there was no possible way that he would use any kind of Hollow bait to distract Ichigo from following us to Soul Society!"

Toshiro sighed. "...Let's just go back to Soul Society, already!"

The Arrancar moved quickly to avoid being detected. He had already escaped from the Seireitei, but he wasn't far enough yet. If he opened a gateway to the Hueco Mundo here, the Shinigami would swarm around him before he could blink. It took him a while to get far enough, but when he did, opening a gateway was a piece of cake. He leapt through it, and it sealed behind him before anyone could notice.

The Arrancar went straight to the throne room, walked up to the throne, stopped right in front of it, dropped to one knee, and bowed his head. Aizen looked at him. "What news do you bring from the Soul Society?"

The Arrancar had been able to spy on the captains' meeting earlier that day. He explained to Aizen that they were preparing the Seireiteu for Christmas. When the Espada heard this, they all laughed loudly. Well, all except Ulquiorra. Obviously.

"Christmas?" Grimmjow finally managed to get words out of his mouth after laughing so much. "The Shinigami really have become pathetic!"

"A complete waste of energy that could be spent trying to defeat us." Ulquiorra said.

"It is..." Azien said. "I mean, their Christmas decorations won't be nearly as good as ours!"

The Espada turned to Aizen. Ulquiorra opened his mouth. "What do you mean, Lord Aizen?"

"We can't let them have a better Christmas than us! We have to decorate the Hueco Mundo to look better than the Seiteitei!"

"Sir, with all due respect, Christmas is a waste of time. If they're distracted by it, then they'll be perfect targets for an all-out attack."

"I don't care! Christmas is being celebrated by humans and Shinigami. We simply cannot be left out!"

"Lord Aizen, it would not be a misassumption to say that you have succumbed to something that I would like to call 'Christmas Insanity', also known as 'Chrisanity' ot 'Insanitmas'."

"Ulquiorra, would you like to be dressed up as Santa?"

"What? No!"

Aizen threw a large ball of tinsel at Ulquiorra. "Then shut up and put those up somewhere!"

Ulquiorra sighed, and walked off, dragging the tinsel behind him.