Chapter 3:
Moving in.
That afternoon Maura stayed in bed holding Jane in her arms, watching her sleep unable to close her own eyes despite her own exhaustion. Looking at Jane sleeping, feeling her shaking in her arms Maura knew that even if she had never experienced an abortion she had to find it in her to try to understand Jane, to put herself in her shoes to be able to help her. She knew that Jane didn't need her to talk, that for now she just needed her presence but she knew that one day, she would need to express her feelings regarding the terrible decision she had made and knowing Jane knew it would probably be in a very destructive manner. Over the years Maura had helped Jane through a lot : she had supported her through the all Hoyt situation, through her physical and emotional rehabilitation after the shooting, she had helped her cope with her parents' divorce but this was new but she knew she couldn't fail her, not now.
Around 6 pm Jane finally woke up her face still marked by the terrible decision she had made.
"How are you feeling?"Maura asked her voice low, warm, reassuring as she looked deep down into her friend's eyes.
"I didn't do it Maura."Looking up at Maura seeing how exhausted she was, those words were the first that Jane wanted to say and they came out as a true relief.
"You didn't?" Suddenly feeling relieved that Jane had changed her mind Maura wanted to scream, to bounce out off bed and release her emotions but she couldn't, she needed to understand why Jane had changed her mind and if it was a definitive decision.
"No, I was laying there, ready to go through with it but the Doctor had an emergency and was late so …."
"So you started reconsidering your decision." Calming herself down feeling Jane's body relaxing under her grip Maura took pride knowing that she was probably no estranged to that decision.
"Yes and I realised that I wanted this baby, actually I always knew I wanted it ever since I took that test two weeks today I just didn't feel capable of raising this child."
"But now you do."
"No, I still don't feel fit to be a mother but I' almost 38 Maura and if I have to wait until I meet the right guy or for my life to be free of drama, I'll never have kids. Also you seem to believe that I am capable of being a good mother and I learned to never doubt you. I don't know how the next few months are gonna play and God knows it scares the crap out of me, but I know that you're here and I trust you help me and support me."Looking up in straight in Maura's eyes Jane, for the first time in her life was asking for help. Maura had supported her in numerous occasion over the past few years but Jane had never to ask for it, all she needed to do was too look in her eyes for Maura to understand. This time it was different, Jane was scared and even her legendary pride couldn't stop her from releasing her emotions.
"Of course I will be there. I will there for every single ultrasound, birth class and check up and I will be there to help you give birth to that child but most importantly I'm going be here to help you see yourself the way I and all the people who love you see you. You are the most incredible woman I know Jane and you're going to be a great mom." Saying those words Maura realised that Jane had changed her mind because of her, because she had promised to stand by her and hold her hand through this pregnancy and as scared as she was by Jane's sudden excess of trust she was also flattered and determined to live up to her friend's expectations.
"I hope you're right. Can I ask you something?"
"Sure, you can ask me anything."
"I do not want to talk about the father or even tell him I'm pregnant yet. I know it probably makes me a horrible person, that he has the right to know and I will tell him but only once the baby is born."
"I understand, do you feel that you will know what do know once you hold your baby?"
"Precisely, I know that I don't love him and I that I don't want to engage in a relationship with him for my baby's sake but I also feel it would be unfair of me to keep that child away from its father, but right now I don't want to have to deal with him."
"Okay, I won't talk about him and I will make sure everyone respects your choice."
"Oh boy, how am I going to tell people? My mother is going to torture me until I tell her who the father is."Laying on her back rubbing her face with both hands Jane was suddenly hit with reality : she wasn't alone with Maura in this world, she had to consider how this would affect her family and friends and how to behave with them.
"Jane, please calm down. First of all, people usually don't make any announcement until the first trimester is over and I think you should respect that tradition, it will give you time to figure things out. Secondly if you don't want to reveal the father's identity to your mother you just need to tell her and to stick to your position and I will be there to make sure she respects your decision."
"Thank you. Damn who knew you could be such a rottweiler?"Jane smiled remembering the time when Maura went to see Hoyt in custody and straightened him, she wasn't the weak and frail woman people thought she was, she was a fighter and she knew that she would do everything to protect her and her baby's privacy even if it meant standing up against Angela.
"Only when it comes to you Jane."
"So what do you think I should do next?Should I go to see an OBGYN."
"Well first thing first you my dear are going to pack your things so you and Joe Friday can move in with us."Sitting up on Jane's bed quickly looking around her trying to figure out how much personal belonging would bring Maura was determined to do this the right way and to take her responsibility seriously.
"No, no, no. I said I would accept your help but I won't bother you by invading your private space."
"Jane, your mother already lives with me, my house is already half Rizzoli anyway."The truth was that Maura's house was huge, it had 3 bedrooms and a guest room and it was far too big for her and Bass and even if she didn't want to admit it she never felt so at home since Angela move in with her and she knew that having Jane with her would be a blessing.
"I can't accept that, not to mention that If I move in with you I will have to find an excuse to justify that to my mother and to everyone until we make an announcement."
"Don't worry about your mother, we will find something to tell her, without lying of course but I suppose we could bend the truth a little bit."
"I can't Maura. I'm sorry."Sitting on the edge of her bed ready to walk away from Maura Jane suddenly reached her limit, yes she needed help, but she wasn't ready to put so much responsibilities on Maura's back.
"Why?Is it because you don't want me to lie to your mother or because you're too pride to accept my help?" Trying to keep Jane to walk away from her Maura knew this wouldn't be easy, that she would have to convince her that moving in with her was the right choice, that it didn't make her weak but that it was the right decision to make for her baby.
"A little bit of both I suppose."
"I understand that you are very independent but you're going to need support days and nights over the next 8 months and as much as I'm willing to help you I'm not willing to cross town every time you will crave for ice cream in the middle of the night ."
"You know I'm more of a hot dog person..."
"Then I'll make you hot dogs in the middle of the night or I'll rub your feet but only if we're under the same roof."
"Alright, I suppose we could give it a try, but don't you think two Rizzolis, well 3 oh God 4 with Joe Friday is gonna be too much?I don't wanna be a burden!"Finally giving in Jane realized the extend of what Maura was offering. She had already gave her roof to Tommy, who had recently moved out and to her mother and now she was willing to welcome her, the baby and Joe Friday under her roof, Maura was actually turning her life upside down for her, for her family.
"Don't say that. You're my best friend, you're my family and you will never be a burden, as for your mother I will tell her that I have been having recurrent nightmares because of Hoyt and that I can only sleep when you're with me, which isn't a lie."
"Oh Maura, I'm sorry…I have been so busy pushing my head up in my own ass that I didn't even consider how hard the past months must have been for you too."Her hand on Maura's neck brushing a strain of hair covering her scar Jane suddenly realized how selfish she has been : Hoyt had sequestered, tasered and brutally cut Maura and not even once she had asked her how she was sleeping.
"It's alright, I'm alright now. Anyway, I suppose you haven't consulted an OBGYN yet?"Changing the subject to something she felt comfortable with Maura had no intention to pull the cover towards her, no matter how many nightmares she had and how intense they were, this wasn't about her.
"No, should I get an ultrasound ?"
"Do you want the short or long version?"
"Do you really need to ask?"
"Alright, short version then, I would recommend that we wait until the 6th week because before that the embryo might be too small to be seen and we might not be able to detect cardiac activity which could upset you, and we wouldn't want that would we?"Speaking of ultrasound Maura realized that this wasn't a dream, Jane was really pregnant and she knew that she would want her to follow her pregnancy closely because she trusted her more than any OBGYN.
"No we wouldn't. Well you're the Doctor, you know best. Actually you know what?I'll make you a deal. I will take all the ultrasounds, blood tests and eat all the prenatal vitamins if you spare me all the medical crap, let's keep this simple okay?"By making this deal Jane was simply trying to avoid long and painful discussion with Maura knowing that she would probably spend hours documenting herself on relaxation, diets or birth methods and she wasn't willing to sit there listening to her for the next 8 months.
"Oh…Okay, I understand you do not wish to know every details of what is happening inside your uterus, but I personally found it fascinating."
"So do I, but I don't need you to feed me with all the scientific bullshit, all I need to know if if my baby is healthy and if he or she is of normal size, you know normal things but I don't really feel compel to know what is happening week by week, does that make me a bad mother?Even if Jane really wanted to keep this baby she had yet to feel the excitement and real interest regarding what was going on inside of her but she knew that Maura would make it a personal mission to make sure she would enjoy this experience fully.
"No darling, I'm the one who's a bit too excited, it's not everyday that you get to follow your best friend's pregnancy."
"Well that's what I love about you, you care, a lot ."
"So you really trust me regarding your and your baby's welfare?"
"Of course I do, I always trusted you with my life, now I trust with my baby's life, no pressure though."Saying those words Jane realized how much she was asking Maura. On top of taking care of her and moving her into her house she had now officially put her in charge of the welfare of her baby.
"Well I'm flattered and I promise I'm going to take good care of you and right now what I want to do is to start packing your things. Come on." Maura enthusiastically said taking Jane's arm, dragging her towards her closet.
Going through Jane's clothes Maura realized the extend of the responsibilities Jane had given her . Even if she was only a Medical Examiner Jane trusted her to make the medical decisions and to make sure her and the baby were alright and that was probably the biggest proof of trust Jane had ever given her. Even if Maura knew she would have not only to find the best OBGYN in town, that she would have to made extended research in order to be fully prepared for the next 8 months and despite her visible fear she was actually excited, knowing that this experience would be something great that would tighten their bond a bit more.
That night Maura helped Jane and Joe Friday pack their personal belonging and drove them to her house. Parking in front of her house, taking a deep breath as she got off the car Maura knew that there was no going back now, that this was really happening and couldn't help but to feel a bit nervous.
"Please would you just let me help you?"Jane said rising her voice seeing Maura struggling to carry her luggage inside.
"No, you take Joe Friday inside, you're pregnant you can not and won't carry heavy things, not under my watch." Maura stated looking Jane straight in the eyes.
"Alright, alright, don't bite me. Come on Joe Friday, she wants to play superwoman, I say we let her." Jane joked opening the door.
"Jane, Maura?"Angela said almost on her way to the backdoor.
"Ma, you're not in bed?" Jane mumbled looking at Maura knowing that the confrontation she has been worried about was about to happen.
"No, I was a bit hungry, what are you doing with those luggage?"
"I ...I have been having nightmare ever since Hoyt attacked us and Jane insisted to move in with me until I felt safe again and you know how stubborn she is, I couldn't say not." Maura explained, feeling her pulse right as what was close to a lit was coming out off her mouth.
"You're such a good daughter..." Angela said pinching her daughter's cheek.
"I know, I'm perfect...How about you go to bed, we got this."
"Alright sweetie, good night." Angela said not trying to understand what was going on. Ever since Maura came into her daughter's life she had changed and if there is something she knew it was that it was useless to try to understand their dynamic.
"How about you go take a shower while I unpack this?" Maura painfully rolling Jane's suite cases towards the guest room.
"Alright Boss." Jane smiled thinking that she actually could really used a shower.
Half an hour later Jane came out off the shower only to find out a fresh pair of pyjama on the chest next to the shower. Quickly getting dressed Jane couldn't help but thinking that this might have been the best idea Maura has ever had. Walking into the guest room a few minutes later Jane found Maura, laying on the bed sleeping, Joe Friday on her belly. Climbing in bed next to her Jane couldn't help but thinking that Maura was basically about to give up her life and personal life to help her and her baby and couldn't help but feeling guilty thinking about what Maura was about to sacrifice to be there for her. Unfortunately Jane needed Maura more than ever, she knew she could count on her family and especially her mother, but for some reason Maura's help was the only help she was willing to accept for now. She knew that Maura would take care of her but would also never hesitate to shake her up a bit if needed. She knew that she could express her fears and weakness in front of her, that she didn't have to put the brave mask she was usually wearing for people, that with her she could be her true self , that Maura wouldn't think less of her, and being petrified as she was right now, being able to be herself came as a blessing. Laying down in bed holding her belly Jane knew that the next 8 months would be hard and also incredible. Thinking about it she realized that she had so many things to do and to take care of, but somehow knowing how organized Maura was fell a little bit less stress and as guilty as she felt to put so much pressure on her best friend she couldn't imagine doing things any other way. Jane knew that for the next few month Maura was going to be her own world, holding her hair during her morning sickness, taking her to the doctor's appointment, making sure she followed a specific diet, that she wasn't putting herself in too much danger at work. Actually thinking about it Jane smiled realizing that for the next 8 months Maura was basically going to be that baby's dad, doing everything a husband would do and somehow it felt so right, much more than it would actually felt if the biological father was around to assume this role. Thinking about it Jane realized that she didn't want him around and actually didn't needed him around, because she had Maura and started to wonder if she should even tell him.
So guys, of course she didn't abort the child!So do we think Jane is asking too much to Maura?Do we think she's a bitch for preferring Maura to the dad to help her during the pregnancy?
Please give me feedback!I have so many ideas for this story!