Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games

6 Months

She felt his cold hands against her stomach. In her dream, her bump wasn't noticeable yet. Katniss laid herself down on the mattress and his hands slid up to her chest. She was breathing hard and couldn't think straight. Mischievous lips pressed against her skin and Katniss started to feel highly uncomfortable. Her body wriggled slightly and she whimpered when his hands went to the inside of her thighs. In this dream, speaking wasn't accepted- she didn't have the power to say anything. All she could hear was her labored breathing and the sound of their bodies moving on the mattress. When his fingers started to play in a certain area, Katniss grunted and backed away. 'Stop' she wanted to say. He crawled up her body and removed what was left, so it was just skin against skin. Katniss could feel his silver gaze piercing her naked body in the dark. Instantly, a combined wave of pain and pleasure took over her. It was mostly pain, though. He started to move into her, with hard thrusts and Katniss felt hot tears coming down her face. She pleaded for him to let her go, to let her go, to please let her go.

"No!" Katniss shrieked. She got herself to sit up, and took in her surroundings. She was safe at home, sharing a warm bed with a sound- asleep Peeta. It appeared like he didn't hear her scream at all, because he was still as a rock. Katniss's body trembled. She could still feel Gale's hands on her. Slowly, she slipped out of the covers and left the bedroom. She kept a hand on her swollen belly, containing her and Peeta's twins, and felt stirring. They both noted that the twins would move every time Katniss woke up, and several times during the day, and only a bit at night when Katniss accommodated herself. The movement continued and she burst into tears.

Katniss entered the room that would soon belong to the twins. Quiet mumbling noises escaped her lips as she crawled into the corner and buried her face in her hands. Guilt spread throughout her body like flames. She shivered and sobbed.

…

Peeta's arms extended slightly, searching for Katniss's warm body. His hands patted several parts of the mattress until he felt the edge. Katniss was gone. Tired, sapphire eyes blinked open in the dark. He lifted his head off his pillow and his eyes accustomed to the darkness, so he could make out shapes in the room. The door. The nightstand. The wardrobes. The bookshelf. He squinted and saw that the little hand on the clock was pointing at the two. Blue moonlight managed to enter the room through the opened door. Inaudibly, Peeta slipped out and stood quiet in the hallway, waiting to hear a whimper. Something was obviously wrong. In fact, he remembered hearing something several minutes ago, in his sleep- like screaming.

But currently, it was silent. Only the sound of the almost inaudible clock ticking could be heard. Peeta opened each door on the floor he was in. He searched his painting room, his brothers' rooms and his parents' room, behind the shower curtains in the bathrooms.

Katniss could hear footsteps and the moving of objects. She didn't want Peeta, not now, with the memory of her and Gale fresh in her mind. Katniss moved so that she was hiding behind the wide white crib that the twins would share. She wanted the darkness to swallow her whole. Finally, Peeta entered the room. Katniss watched him. The moonlight just so happened to land on her eyes. The glistening caught Peeta's eye and realized the moonlight illuminated Katniss's tear-soaked face. He sighed and looked at her sadly. "Katniss?" He murmured. He got closer and Katniss sat still. "Was it a nightmare?"
"Just go back to sleep, Peeta." Her voice trembled. "I just… need some time."

"I'm not leaving you here. Come with me."

Katniss obeyed him and stood up with his help. She wrapped her wool sweater tighter around herself. Anxiety bubbled in her stomach as Peeta led her back to their bedroom. The two of them laid down together. Katniss buried her face into his warm neck. Peeta felt her tears wet the skin on his neck. He stroked her back. "Want to tell me about it?" He asked softly.

She wanted to.

She wished it was easy.

The guilt was horrible. She wanted to admit the truth. In this moment she realized she couldn't keep this secret away from him. It was too big of a secret to hide. Especially from him. Her eyes closed and she breathed deeply before speaking.

"Peeta." She croaked.

"Yes?"

Katniss gulped. Her body trembled in his arms and she cried harder. She didn't want to lose the boy with the bread. She had a dark feeling inside that revealing the truth wasn't a good idea.

"I'm listening, Katniss. What's wrong?" He calmly asked, with unmistakable love in his voice. It hurt Katniss.

"I'm sorry." She said, in a loud whisper.

Peeta looked down at her. "For what? What's the matter?" He inquired. He tried to raise her chin, but her head didn't budge. Her tears started to seep through his shirt.

"Katniss? What are you sorry about? What happened?" His voice was so calm. The guilt and anxiety was making her body shake and get tensed up.

"I… This is hard to explain- to tell you."

"Is this about your dream?"

She shook her head. "Well… I guess, maybe a bit. I dream about… what… happened."

"Mm hm?" Peeta pressed his lips to her head.

Was this it? Was this when she was supposed to say what happened? Because there was no turning back anymore. Peeta knew something was wrong and she couldn't deny anything anymore. It was time.

She parted her lips, ready to say the four words which would change everything. Katniss' lip quivered, and she grasped tightly at Peeta's shirt.

"I slept with Gale."

She kept her eyes closed. She didn't move a muscle. Peeta didn't move a muscle. He felt his stomach turn and a numb feeling washed over him as her words echoed in his ears.

Katniss's eyes shot open. What was Peeta going to do?

Yell at her? Hurt her? Leave her?

She didn't dare look up at his eyes. She didn't want to see that hurt expression. They both laid perfectly still in each other's arms, waiting for the other to react.

Peeta let it sink in. Where? Why? How? And most importantly, when?

"Peeta…?"

He couldn't believe any of this. Why hadn't he known? It was obvious that she loved Gale. She used to, she doesn't anymore. But she loved him enough to let him make love to her.

Peeta didn't want to be holding her now. Not anymore.

"Katniss."

"Yes?" She answered, desperate for him to speak.

"I'm going to the bathroom." Katniss felt her heart sink. He pushed her off his body, a bit roughly, not 100% gently.

"Peeta—"

"Just wait, okay?"

Katniss could hear pain in his voice. And anger. She sat up and watched him. Peeta faced her and noticed how shocked she looked. It looked like she wanted to speak, but she didn't know what to say anymore.

Peeta entered the bathroom and closed the door. He stared at the mirror, looking himself in the eyes. He put his hands on his face and sighed. He tilted his face upwards so it faced the ceiling.

Why did she even admit this? It could only mean one thing.

That it happened recently, before they left the Capitol, or that Peeta was around when it occurred. Hatred ran through him and his breathing accelerated. His hand swiped at the glass cup on the sink, sending it flying down to the floor, with a loud, shattering noise. He moved the broken pieces of glass to the side of the wall with his foot, and then sat between the sink and the bathtub. He rested his elbows on his knees and kept his hands up at his temples.

Meanwhile, Katniss laid curled up on the bed, weeping. She wrapped her trembling arms around her knees, trying to get them as close to her as possible. It felt like their relationship was falling apart. This was adding fuel to the negative area of their relationship and it felt like Peeta wouldn't trust her anymore. He wouldn't forgive her for this…

Her body jerked with sobs. She didn't want to lose him. But it was the right thing to do- tell him the truth. She couldn't lose him when she was 6 months pregnant with his children.

Katniss's eyes widened as she realized a thought that could be running through Peeta's mind-

Maybe these twins weren't his. That they would be born with the same shade of Katniss's and Gale's deep, olive skin, raven hair and grey eyes. That there would be no chance of Katniss giving birth to a child with blond curls or sapphire eyes.

Her body crumpled into a tighter ball and she pulled at her hair's roots. She felt hot tears drip down her face and her nose get stuffy. She listened to herself whimper and cry. The black strands of hair glued themselves to her lips and her cheeks.

She wanted to speak with him. To explain all of this. Then, maybe he'd understand.

Looking up at the bathroom door, Katniss stood up. She pressed her good ear against the closed door, but it was quiet. Her hand reached for the gold doorknob and she twisted it to the side, to make sure it wasn't locked. Luckily, it wasn't, so she turned it very slowly, and peeked her head in.

He was staring blankly at the wall in front of him. He pretended like he hadn't heard her come in.

"Peeta?" She spoke softly. His blue eyes moved off the wall and met her grey eyes. He took a moment to observe her features.

Her pointed nose, perfect moon-colored eyes, which were shedding tears. Thin, dark eyebrows, pale, rosy lips. High cheekbones and a long, black cascade of hair. Her small but strong figure, with a large pregnant belly. She was beautiful. He sighed and Katniss allowed herself in. She walked closer to him and secured two buttons on her white knit sweater she wore over top her forest green nightgown. One of her hands held onto the sink as she sat down in front of him. They stared silently at each other. Peeta would look away every few seconds. Katniss tried to determine what she saw in his eyes. Disappointment? Anger? Disgust? Despondency? His hands got off his knees and he ran his fingers through his blond hair.

"Look, Katniss." He finally said. "I don't…" He began. "I don't really know what to say. I don't know what you want me to say. I don't know what to think." He murmured.

"Peeta." She said again. Her voice sounded like a plea. "Can I explain?"

"I'd like that, thank you." He was disappointed. "Before you start… can I please know when this took place?" His eyes flitted back at hers. Her brow furrowed in worry and fear. She gulped and wiped her nose, then nodded. He looked down at his knees.

"It… it was in the Capitol."

Immediately, Peeta's chin lifted and he faced her in shock. He felt deceived. "Why?" In his voice was disbelief and astonishment.

Katniss looked like she was about to cry.

"I'm sorry, okay? It was after we got out of the tunnels in the Capitol. When we went to Tigris."

"You did that behind my back?"
"I thought you were dead!"
"And you do that? Of all things?" He raised his voice also. "Right after I die, you decide to go to Gale? You're unbelievable."
"Peeta, please—"

"Were you waiting? Were you just waiting for me to disappear, so you could go and fuck someone else?"

"No! It… Please, let me explain fully, Peeta, please." She begged. "I couldn't accept the fact that you were dead. And I got so depressed, I just needed something. I needed you, but you were gone. I just needed human closeness."

"And by human closeness you mean sex?"

"Stop, Peeta, I didn't mean it like that—"

"No? Then what are you saying then? You just told me you slept with him while you and I were already a full-on thing. You cheated on me."

"I did not! We all thought you were dead! It's not my fault that happened. Gale tried to kill you."
Peeta shook his head. "Again. Why did you have sex with him, if he almost killed me?"

This stopped Katniss.

"Did you love me, Katniss?" He asked. "Is our entire relationship still an act? Is this," He pointed at her swollen belly. "An act? Did you want me to do that on purpose? So you could convince Snow? Do you even love your children?"

She sobbed in front of him and looked down. She shook her head. "Please don't make this harder than it is, Peeta!"
"Do you love me?!" Peeta yelled. "Do you?! I need to know! If you don't love me, I'll go! Because it means this is all fake! I can't live a life like this Katniss!"
"Okay, look!" She yelled back. "You don't understand. I haven't gotten to explain the rest. Okay?" She told him. "Will you listen to me? Do you want the truth, Peeta?"
"Yes! Yes, I want the truth."

"Okay." Katniss sighed. She opened her mouth again, and then she thought of something. Her hands undid the buttons to her sweater, and then started to undo the ones on her nightgown.
"What are you doing?" He asked. "No, Katniss." He placed his hands on hers. "Stop."

"I'm showing you something. Let me show you this."

"What are you doing?" He repeated.

"He hurt me."

"Who did?"

Katniss didn't reply, instead continued undoing the buttons until she reached the last one under her chest.

Now, she sat in front of Peeta, showing him her bare chest. Then she could tell that he was observing the scars.

His head tilted sideways. On her chest were red scars and darker areas of skin. The skin was a darker shade of olive. It meant they were once hickeys. Somehow he knew they didn't come from his mouth.

"What happened?"

But Katniss just looked at him.

"Katniss, what happened?"
"He raped me." She said calmly.

Peeta's expression looked like he'd seen a ghost. Katniss buttoned up her nightgown.

"What?" He asked, his eyes wide with shock.

"Gale raped me."

His mouth dropped open and he started to panic. "Oh my god." He mumbled. Tears made their way down his face. He grabbed Katniss by the shoulders and embraced her tightly. "He raped you! Why? No! No, Katniss, he can't hurt you like that, he can't!" He cried. Katniss quickly hugged him back and tried to calm him down.

"Why didn't you tell me! Why didn't you tell me?!" He bawled into her shoulder.

"Shhh, Peeta, calm down. I'm okay—"
"But how could he?!" She pressed his head to her shoulder and held him. "No, Katniss, he-!" He whimpered. Katniss hushed him.

"Shh," She let a few tears escape her eyes. "Peeta… it's okay, love." She told him, using the word he always said to her. She felt him shift and his muscular arms wrapped around her torso. Katniss rested her chin on his head and accommodated her body so that his head was nuzzled against her warm chest. Peeta pressed his cheek against the warm skin and breathed in her scent. She had never hugged him like this, but they both liked it. Her chest grew damp with his tears.

"Katniss?" He murmured. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was too scared to tell you. I'm sorry, Peeta."

Katniss parted herself with him. He was looking down at the floor. She held his face in her hands and kissed him gently, all over. His nose, his cheeks, prominent jawline and forehead. Finally she kissed his eyelids and lifted his chin. He looked at her sadly. Peeta's hands held her waist as she sat on her knees between his legs. "I just can't imagine him all over you." He whimpered.

Katniss tilted her head and gave him a saddened look. She ran her fingers through his blond curls, pulling him close to her.

"He had no right to hurt you like that, Katniss."
"I know."
"I can't believe he…"
"Shh, baby, sh." She whispered against his cheek, kissing him there. "Shh…" Katniss brought her lips close to his and brushed her lips lightly against his. Her lips continued to hover over his. Katniss took one of his hands off her waist and placed it on her stomach. He felt movement under her nightgown. He relaxed at the feeling of his children moving. She moved his hands around so he could feel more of his little twins moving. How he loved them.

As they grew in Katniss's womb, they grew in his heart. He loved them more and more every day, knowing that each day brought him closer to being able to hold his twins in his arms.

"So those memories still haunt you?"

Katniss nodded in reply.

"Is… is that why you haven't been wanting to…"

Katniss nodded again.

His brow furrowed. "Why didn't you tell me? I could've taught Gale a fucking lesson—"

"Don't swear, Peeta. Please."

He grunted. "Why, Katniss? I should've been told about this… up to 4 months ago."

"I was scared."

"Don't be afraid about telling me something like that. What did you think I was going to do?"

Katniss looked down and didn't reply.

"Hm?" He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I don't know." She whispered hoarsely.

Peeta observed her. "Wait a minute." He said. Thoughts ran through his head. Katniss raised her head to face him. He stuttered at first. "This was what was wrong." Peeta gasped. "When you kept denying that something had happened… Gale raped you; that's what happened."

She didn't speak.

"I knew it." He said in a low tone. Katniss looked shocked.

"Then why didn't you do anything?"

"What? No, no. I never would have guessed that he raped you. Never. What I meant was… I knew Gale wouldn't walk away from you without… sex. But I thought it had already happened. Before the Quarter Quell. Or perhaps before I arrived in 13."

Katniss shook her head. "It was an accident, Peeta. What he did, it—"
"Katniss." He said it a shocked voice. "Rape isn't an accident, Katniss. It's done on purpose. To hurt someone."
"But…"

"Why are you defending him?" He asked, with anger rising in his voice. "Did you like what he did to you? Huh? That wasn't love, nothing even close, Katniss. Rape isn't love, Katniss! Don't defend Gale! He hurt you!"

"I'm sorry! Peeta, I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said."

"Stop saying that! Stop saying that you didn't mean what you said."

Katniss stared at him sadly. "It's hard to explain! There's so much to it, and I need you to be quiet and let me say it all."

"Then say it." He spat. Katniss struggled with what to say. After several seconds of silence, Peeta stood up and left. He was irritated. He couldn't believe she was defending the man who raped her.

"Peeta!" She called, and chased after him into the hall. She grabbed his wrist and he pulled back.

"Leave me alone! Go with Gale if that's what you want!"
"NO! I don't want to, I swear! I hated what he did! I was in intense trauma for weeks. Those words came out of me without thinking, okay?"
Peeta took a deep breath and looked at her watering grey eyes. "I just want you to be happy."
"Well, I'm not!" She yelled. "Please listen to me! I won't ever be happy with Gale. I'm happy with you. I can't even see Gale the same way anymore. Not after what happened to Prim, or him trying to kill you, or, of course, raping me. I need you, Peeta. I don't want to leave you and I never would."

Peeta listened at her sadly.

"Please, Peeta." She begged. "I love you."

"I still can't believe you hid this from me. For four months."

"I'm sorry, Peeta. I truly am."

"So is there anything else I should know? Did you sleep with Finnick too?"
"Peeta. Stop."

"What's that supposed to mean? An excuse?"
"I did not sleep with Finnick." She hissed. "He would never sleep with me. If you knew who he was, you would know he would never would do that. Please, he's married."

"You and I are basically still fiancés. Wait. Why did Gale even decide to rape you?"
Katniss gulped. "Please forgive me. Forgive me for what I did, Peeta. I thought you were dead. That's why it happened. You should've seen me cutting myself. I swear I wasn't okay. I felt horrible. I needed that human closeness I was telling you about. But I felt guilty, knowing I was about to have intercourse with him. But he wouldn't let me go. And then he… raped me."
Peeta suddenly felt remorseful. He didn't realize how much he meant to her in those tunnels. She needed him. The twins needed him. He had two babies to come back to. If he had died, Katniss would have followed soon after. From depression and agony. Peeta embraced her.

"Please come to bed with me." She pleaded. Peeta felt unsure. It would be strange lying next to her after she had admitted all of this. If she had told him earlier, in the Capitol, Peeta would have gone after Gale and beat the life out of him. Seeing Peeta cry made Katniss's world shatter. But she knew it was her fault he was crying. He was frustrated that he couldn't do anything about this. Gale was all the way in District 2, from what they'd heard.

He was also disappointed to know Katniss betrayed him… But she didn't expect him to come back…

Peeta started to hiccup and whimper.
"Peeta…" Katniss murmured. She raised her hands to wipe his tears away. Suddenly, Peeta lifted his hand.

He swatted at the copper-colored glass vase on a shelf. Katniss jumped at the sound of shattering glass and gave him a shaken look. She had seen him like this before; after their Victory Tour in 11, when he was mad at both Haymitch and her. He turned to face the wall, then faced the floor, his eyes closed and his hands balled up into fists.

"Please calm down, Peeta. For me, just…" She got closer to him and wrapped her arms around him from behind. When she pressed her cheek against his back, she noticed he was breathing hard. "Shhhh." His breathing eased. She ran her hands along his tense muscles. They loosened as her hands ran over him. "There you go. Just be calm. I'm okay. No one's going to hurt me."

"I needed to release some of my anger." He whispered.

"And you did. Don't break anything else. Just relax, Peeta. Okay?"

"Okay." He inhaled through his nose and exhaled through his mouth. Katniss walked around him so they faced each other. She cupped his face and pressed her lips to his forehead. Then she replaced her lips with her own forehead. "Come with me." She spoke. She led him back to the room. "I want to sleep, Peeta. Can we sleep?" Peeta nodded yes.

Despite he wasn't feeling sleepy, he still laid down with her and wrapped the covers around her body. Katniss pressed herself closely to him. Her last few tears were absorbed by his shirt. Peeta kissed her head. His body tensed up again.

Katniss's fingers played gently at his shirt's neck line. Peeta felt her fingers touch his skin in that area. She felt soft curls at his chest, and she continued to play with them.

She felt like Peeta felt unsure. Maybe he was losing feelings for her after what occurred tonight. But, as if Peeta read her thoughts, he whispered.

"I love you, Katniss. I still love you, okay? Please don't forget that, and please… never think that I don't. Please."

Katniss nodded. "Okay." She swallowed. Her body wriggled and she opened her mouth again. "Peeta… do you—"

"Shhh... Just sleep, Katniss. It's okay, I promise. It's okay."

And there you have it, guys.

Finally, after 3/4 months, Katniss spilled her beans. I know everyone was waiting for this scene to happen. The guilt was eating her alive, you know?