Chapter 3

A Token

I walk across the stage, fully aware of him in the audience. Jake, a full head taller than everyone else, sits with Charlie and Billy. His loud whoop still rings in my ears as I nod my thanks to the principal, and hold my diploma for the obligatory smile-for-the-camera Kodak moment.

He came. At first sight of him, my heart sings. Just as quickly, I smother its delighted melody. I turn to the comfort of my darker thoughts, far better than the unfamiliar pounding in my chest. My mind, eager to contemplate anything else, skips to the unwanted party tonight. But the Jake of my mind is just as persistent as the one sitting next to my father.

Why am I feeling these unwanted things toward Jake, of all people? Why, especially now since we've postponed my switch? We all decided I couldn't make the change tonight as originally planned since it was too dangerous with Victoria's scheming. How I hate her. Now I have to face a fate even worse than being a vampire newbie, my graduation party at Edward's house. It's ridiculous! I don't even know, much less like, half of the people who are invited.

Wrapped in my thoughts, I belatedly realize that I forgot to throw my graduation cap in the air. I feel Jake's concern all the way across the auditorium. I look up to meet his scrutiny. Holding eye contact with him, I force my mouth toward a smile, shrug, and give the mortarboard a half-hearted toss. This seems to placate him and his features calm.

~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~

A few hours later, Charlie leaves me in the Cullen driveway and I reluctantly make my way inside. Edward finds me. He pulls me into his arms at once and kisses me. This kiss frightenes me. There is too much tension, too strong an edge to the way his lips crush mine - like he's afraid we only have so much time left to us.

I can't let myself think about that, so I pull away from him.

"Let's get this stupid party over with," I mumble without meeting his eyes.

I order myself to focus my attention around the Cullen compound. Alice has gone all out and it is perfect. Too perfect. The party setting comes complete with twinkling lights and music coming from a somewhat locally famous garage band. It's just like the setting of a house party in one of those teen dream movies where the girl playing the Cinderella role finally captures the heart of her teen heartthrob of a prince. Already the set is staged with vaguely familiar faces from school, enjoying the novelty of being in the infamous Cullen residence.

Yeah, and who's your prince tonight, Bella? I wonder wryly, raising a glass at Edward who leans against the staircase across the sea of dancers. Lazily, he watches me with a bemused tilt to his mouth. I am standing next to Alice, Angela, and Ben, trying to concentrate on their conversation and failing miserably. The party is in full swing and I figure I am going to be as relaxed as I will ever get tonight. A gasp from Angela, however, interrupts my reverie and has me swinging my gaze up toward the front door.

"Who invited the werewolf?" Alice gripes at me.

I scowl, "Guilty."

"You invited him, you fix it." She says tightly, tossing an, I'm-gonna-get-even-with-you-so-be-prepared-to-go-to-the-mall kind of look at me. As if an afterthought, she adds, "I have to find Carlisle. Something's... come up."

I nervously watch her move away, noticing, too, Edward disappear into the shadows under the stairs.

"Hey, Bella!"

I hear Jacob's call, adding my name and a deep timbre to the music that is somehow pleasant to my ear. I see that he has Quil and Embry at his side. Just great, three teenage werewolves in a vampires den. Seeing them all there, I suddenly realize what a bad idea it had been to invite Jake into his mortal enemies' house. I chastise myself for my selfishness. What other harm will I bring him with my thoughtlessness?

Jake is waving. I wave back. The expression on my face is meant to clearly indicate that I meant it as a wave goodbye. Pushing my way through the crowd, away from the boys, I come to accept that I am literally running from a future my own rebellious heart is all too eager to embrace.

I turn toward the stairs. Jake's swift movements block further escape. He is already unexpectedly at my side. He places a large, warm hand at my waist, tugging me toward the shadow by the kitchen. I scold myself to move away, but my legs refuse to obey. I know I'll follow him wherever he leads. But there is no way in this lifetime I am ever going to give up that last bit of information. I try to summon up any remaining anger I have toward him. This is the only way I know how to protect both his heart and mine.

"What was that, Bells?" He growls.

"Did you forget that I punched you?" I glower back. "You're not welcome here."

My words hold much more animosity than I actually feel. I guess you can say they have more bark than bite. I am mightily pleased with my performance. I really need him to think I hate him. I hope this verbal shove is enough to get him out the door and out of harm's way. This way is be so much easier than telling him the real reason why I want him gone.

The tension in him increases. He seems even more intent on saying whatever he has to say. Stupid, stubborn, too handsome for his own good, werewolf! He is so exasperating!

"I'm sorry you hurt yourself with my face," he groans sorrowfully, sparing a glance at my braced hand.

"That's NOT an apology, Jake! You hurt me," in more ways than you know, I add silently, scowling up at him. My index finger pokes at his chest with my last three words. He catches my eye and I quickly look away. My hand drops as his comes up, hesitatingly, softly brushing an errant tendril from my face. Meeting no resistance, he brushes my temple with his finger tips. Cupping my jaw with his warm palm, Jake gently draws my gaze back to his.

"I'm really sorry, Bella, I shouldn't have kissed you that way," his deep voice full of sincerity and despair. "I shouldn't have deluded myself...that you'd want me the same way as I want you."

At his words, my reasons for fighting him any further take flight. I flinch, knowing full well exactly who had been deluding themselves that night. He felt my unintended motion beneath his fingers. Misinterpreting, he drops his hand away in dismay.

"Don't be like that, Bells," he whispers softly. Then, suddenly as if remembering something quite lovely, a smile touches his lips, "Hey, I risked life and limb to come and bring you a graduation present."

I laugh a little at his joke, but steel myself again to make my voice sound like a reprimand. "You know I hate presents, Jake. Just return it."

I don't want this new feeling I have growing inside for him. I already know what I want! This is NOT part of the plan!

Jake deserves so much more than what I have to offer, I remind myself. I am broken. He doesn't deserve me with the deep fissures in my heart that I believe can only be filled by Edward. He doesn't need me and the insanity inside that wants to become a vampire.

I need Jake to go.

The clear reasons for me making the switch, ones I held in a death grip through Edward's absence, and now clutch to with his return, blur whenever Jacob is near. I resent Jake for this. I need this fantastic reality Edward's world offers. In it, I will be strong, not weak. I want an eternity with someone who loves me.

I just need Jake to go away... to stop... to stop making my heart beat...

for him.

"Oh, good, you're calling me Jake again. I can get on with my life now," he sighs with exaggerated relief. His laughing eyes meet my sombre ones and all at once, his sarcastic teasing is gone.

"I can't return it,'' he says, gaze unfaltering. "And if you do, it would.. it would break my heart," he barely breathes the last few words.

I blink.

Then, he holds up a small pouch, dangling within inches of my face. His playful tone returns.

"I think you won't hate this one. I made it myself." He touches the colorful pouch to my nose. I catch a good whiff of his wolf-y fresh forest scent as the fabric brushes against me a second time. He foresees how I'll raise my hand to swat it away. As I do, he drops his hold on the pouch strings. I feel the rough weave as I catch it to keep it from falling.

"A pouch!" I exclaim, feigning ecstasy as I hold the gift in the palm of my good hand. "Wow, it's so... pretty! I didn't know you could... um... knit?"

"It's NOT the pouch, Bella," his quiet growl of frustration emanates sexily from his chest, "I'm not sitting around in my spare time weaving macrame for you! Open it. Your gift is inside."

I pull at the opening, not knowing what to expect. It can't be a car or a newly refurbished motorcycle, I think humorlessly. I shoot him a suspicious look. He looks... expectant.

I reach in and touch something cool, delicate, and smooth. A chain bracelet, my mind predicts as I trace my fingertip against the gift before taking hold and pulling it up out of hiding.

"I didn't make the bracelet," he admits, "just the charm."

I peer at the tiny figurine that I hold between my fingers - a miniature wolf, utterly realistic, carved of the same red-brown wood that perfectly matched the color of his skin.

"It's beautiful," I whisper wondrously, "You made this?"

What else can Jacob do that I've failed to notice? And why haven't I been paying attention?

Ignoring my question he answers it with his own, "Do you really like it?"

I can't make myself refuse his gift. With all the obvious care he'd put into making this little wolf, I just can't endure parting with it. My heart makes up my mind for me. I will allow myself to keep and cherish this very special token from him.

"Yes, It's unbelievable, Jake," I breathe. "Will you put it on for me?"

I hold out my wrist and he fastens the clasp much faster than I think is possible with such big hands. I raise my wrist, bringing the charm up to my line of sight. I smile with pleasure as the little wolf just about glows under the twinkle of lights.

Then he smiles - that happy, unencumbered smile that I love to see him wear. But it leaves his face all too quickly as a realization dawns on him. He scans the room.

"Hey, where are your bloodsucker friends? Aren't they always watching you?"

"I..." my eyes shifts uncomfortably. I don't want him involved. I know instinctively why. If he knew what was going on, he'd be on the front line fighting for me and there wouldn't be any stopping him. I can't let him know.

"Don't even try lying, Bells, you totally suck at it."

Before I can come up with something believable to explain Alice and Edward's disappearance, all of the Cullens are near. I watch Jacob's whole body tighten with stress. His nose wrinkles at the sugary onslaught of condensed smell of vampire.

Quil and Embry clearly upset by the Cullens' proximity to Jake also appear out of nowhere and flank him. My fingers itch to reach out and calm Jake's unease. I am all too aware, however, of a certain watchfulness from the boy standing slightly outside of the family circle. So, I touch my new charm instead. Jake notices and he quickly resumes a wary, but more relaxed stance. I didn't see that Edward, too, caught sight of my slight movement. A quick tightening of his jaw would have given him away if I'd only thought to look.

Alice tried to ignore the wolves as she explained the situation. Victoria and her newborn vampire army would be descending on Forks to seek revenge by killing me. At Victoria's name, Jake's head whips up, his hair standing nearly on end, as though finally catching the scent of his elusive prey. He forces himself into the conversation. Almost before I know it, an unlikely pairing forms. It is an alliance I never thought would ever be made.