Okay, a few trigger warnings here: some sexy stuff (nothing detailed, really) and conversation about rape. The conversation will continue in further chapter, and appropriate trigger warnings will be placed!
The next few weeks of the semester were miserable for Dean Winchester. Granted, he loved the fall; the colors of the changing seasons were amazing, the crunch of leaves always put a smile on his face, and the sunsets were always guaranteed to get him a good lay on a date.
Except that he still hadn't had one. A date, or a lay, for that matter. Not since that fateful summer day. And now that he'd actually been forced into thinking about it, (drunkenly, at that) it never left his mind. Not only was it all he seemed to think about, he couldn't even talk to his roommate about that night. Whenever he brought it up, or even tried to, the weirdo gathered all of his things and scurried out of the apartment for several hours, leaving Dean feeling as though he'd just been punched in the gut.
Even when Dean had confronted him straight forward, entirely positive that Castiel had just been talking about him, he had yelled at Dean about eavesdropping and disrespect, disappearing in a few short moments. Dean, of course, hadn't noticed the bright red flush in Castiel's face as he'd left the room.
As always, Sam noticed something was off right away the first time they had hung out. He had been mid-sentence in a story about his latest debate class when he stopped, tilted his head, and asked Dean how he'd been doing lately, and why did he look so far away?
Dean did what he always did when his brother attempted one on one's, he brushed it off, laughing about a quiz he did poorly on (which was true) and a girl who won't give him her number (which was definitely untrue, considering he hadn't even attempted getting a girls number since his very first semester in college). Sam relaxed immediately and dove back into his story. Dean settled into the seat, his hands behind his head, smiling proudly at his babbling little brother.
He spent a lot of time either in his dorm, or in Jo's. His grades had suddenly shot up, not only confusing his professors, but also Jo and her mother Ellen. He swore Jo to secrecy after he confided in her, still not totally ready to stomach the idea that women were no longer his cup of tea, try as he might.
For Castiel Novak, the next few weeks were no better. He spent as much time as possible working at the library, deciding that if he spent all his time at Gabe's, there would be questions, and he was as easy to read as an open book. It absolutely was not worth it. He spent some night's at Balthazar's, if the man hadn't brought back some other person to warm his bed. Balthazar being who he was, teasingly asked Castiel several times if he'd like to do the honor. Balthazar learned after only two days that bringing up Dean would lead to an extremely sullen Cas, which he didn't not have the head, nor heart to put up with, so he kept his banter light and playful, always happy to see Castiel's eyes light up with his smile. He'd laugh or blush, and then bury himself back in his homework.
Which he was extremely ahead on, considering he refused any free time to allow his mind to wander to his godly roommate. Anna had only called him a few times, making sure that he was receiving his financial aid from her and that he was eating enough and not hiding in his room. (Funny, he thought, because the exact thing I'm hiding from is in my room.) Ash had tried quite a few times to get him to join everyone at a party, and each time, Castiel politely declined, well aware that Ash and Dean were mutual friends and that could only lead to a disaster, he was sure of it.
And so, Castiel remained in Balthazar's dorm, reading and studying, while Dean harassed Jo, Ash, and Garth, all of them refusing to let him get drunk again, all perfectly content having Dean tucked in next to them, studying away while they played their video games and laughed at one another.
Dean wouldn't have guessed that it wouldn't take long to have yet another embarrassing episode. Yet this time, it was far worth than he could have imagined himself.
It was another party, off campus this time, with as much alcohol as there could be and possibly even more weed. Half-naked girls were weaving in and out of the crowd, occasionally dancing ,sometimes making out with whoever might be around them. For a moment, Dean was hot, and so incredibly attracted to one young woman who was giving him a look. But he looked too long; her pupils weren't right-she had definitely taken something. In an instant, any feeling of attraction he'd had died. He turned away bitterly, taking another swig of the beer in his hand; unsure of what number he was on by this point in the night. He was soaring past pleasantly buzzed, straight into the land of wasted and he was completely okay with the fact.
As he finished his 180, he found himself chest to chest with another man. There was a sweep of black hair, dark brown eyes and a smile that reminded him of the Cheshire cat. In an instant, hands were on Dean's hips, and they were grinding.
Admittedly, it was a little hot, and Dean was a little drunk, but he still had half a brain to shout, "Dude, what the fuck?" over the din of the music.
The other man's smile merely grew wider before he swooped in, right next to Dean's ear and whispered, "I saw you, you know. Looking around. None of those pretty little things in here caught your eye, now did they?"
Dean clenched his jaw, realizing that his hips were (against his will) moving against this other man's hips. "They're all high as kites, man. I don't roll that way."
"No, no, of course you don't," his voice was so close, right in Dean's ear, sending a shiver down his spine, wrapping around his core. Hips rolled against hips and Dean couldn't deny the heat gathering at his core. "You roll the complete...other way, don't you?"
Granted, if Dean had stopped to think about it, the whole exchange was nine different levels of creepy, but he couldn't deny the tightness in his jeans, nor the predatory (and quite sexy) smirk on the man's face.
And that is how Dean Winchester ended up in a bathroom, gasping incoherently for air, with his pants down to his ankles and a man's head between his legs for the second time in his life. When he'd managed to get his eyes rolled out from the top of his head again, he blearily watched the stranger stand up and help zip him up. A gentle kiss was planted on his lips, tinted with the taste of himself, before he was left alone, gripping a shower curtain like his lifeline.
Dean sat down heavily at the edge of the tub, still holding tightly to the curtain, his green eyes wide and bright with confusion, and he whimpered to himself, "Jesus Christ, I really am gay."
Castiel sat in his dorm, brooding.
Balthazar had finally gotten the balls to bring up Dean, shouting that Castiel needed to do something about it before her made Dean think was a Bible-thumping homophobe. Castiel only shouted back, near tears in his fear of rejection.
"Cas," Balthazar said gently, his voice low. "Cas, you don't have to tell the man you're in love with him or that you want babies with him. Just tell the idiot that you're gay, tell him what happened to you and I think he'll get it."
Castiel scrubbed furiously at his eyes, breathing hard. "Balth...no one knows about that. Not even-"
"I know," he replied soothingly, rubbing his friend's back. "You haven't told your brother. And that's okay. But you've gotta give Dean something to go off of, otherwise he's going to think you're even more of a nut than you really are."
Castiel sniffled, laughing a bit and smacking Balthazar. "Get out of here. I've got to clean, we have room inspections tomorrow morning."
With that, Balthazar leapt up. "Shit, we do? I gotta go!"
Castiel watched his friend rush out of the dorm, chuckling to himself and turning to pick up the little mess that is on his side of the room. A ping from his cell phone distracts him for a moment.
Balthy: Hey, Cassy be warned, you've got a hot drunken mess coming your way.
Castiel froze and paled. He knew that he'd have to talk to Dean eventually, but he was hoping he'd have a little while to prepare himself. He also knew that if Dean was as drunk as he was the last time, there'd be no shutting him up.
That was the last thing he was able to think before Dean stumbled into the dorm. They both stood across from each other in the doorway of their bedroom, staring. "We need to talk," they said simultaneously.
It was Castiel that tried to backpedal, even though Dean's brain was begging him to do so. "No, no, maybe not tonight. You're drunk, again, might I add and I just can't-"
"Dude I am not fucking drunk," Dean snapped vehemently, causing Castiel to flinch ever so slightly. "I was, and now I'm not, so we're having this conversation tonight, right fucking now because I am done." His voice was dark and angry, laced with fear and irritation.
Defeated, Castiel eased himself back onto his bed, pulling his knees up to his chest, propping his chin on them. "Okay fine. Shoot."
Dean sighed, relieved to finally have gotten through. "I don't know what your deal is, but I practically come out to you and you run off like I just killed your cat and then you avoid me for weeks on end like a pro and something tells me you expected this to continue? You were okay with that?" Castiel didn't respond, only trained his eyes onto his feet guiltily. "Seriously, if you're homophobic or anything you don't need to worry about me bringing dude back here at all hours. I mean, I'm still trying to sort this thing out myself, and man, is it-"
"I'm not homophobic," Castiel murmured into his knees.
"Huh?" Dean stopped short, staring at the boy curled up across from him.
Castiel cleared his throat. "I said, that I am not homophobic. Nowhere near it, as a matter of fact."
Dean threw his hands in the air. "Then what the fuck is your problem? I'm not coming onto you or anything!"
Castiel swallowed, training his eyes on Dean, who was still sweaty from the party, his blonde hair sticking up at a million angles, his green eyes wide and deep. "I'm gay," he mumbled. "So I guess that would be my problem."
Dean's eyes widened even more, if even possible. He fell back onto his own bed, his head thunking heavily against the wall. "You...you're...what?" In an instant, he was angry, pissed, even, fire shooting through his brains, pulsing throughout him. "What the fuck man? Why the fuck wouldn't you say anything?"
"You don't understand Dean, I couldn't just-"
"Then fucking make me understand, dammit! you could have fucking helped me! Do you even know what the fuck I've been going through?" He ran an irritated hand through his hair, turning away from Castiel. "I mean, shit man, I thought- I thought I was fucking crazy, I thought you hated me and I'm stuck with you for a year...and this whole damn time you could've-"
"I was raped," Castiel blurted suddenly. His heart was racing in his ears
Dean's back straightened, as if hit by a ruler. He slowly turned back to face Castiel, who had his face buried hopelessly in his knees, wishing that he could just disappear after making that confession. "What?" Dean whispered. "What? Cas...oh my god, you should've...I'm so sorry. I've been-"
"It's not your fault," Castiel mumbled. "I just...it's not something I talk about a lot."
"I can't blame you man," Dean murmured sympathetically. "But what does that have to do with me? Did I scare you? Did I do something wrong?" His voice broke. Staring at the shattered boy sitting in front of him, his heart clenched at the thought of inadvertently causing him some kind of grief.
Castiel quickly shook his head. "No, no, you didn't do anything." He looked up at Dean, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "It's just. He was the first non-family member that I came out to. And he...he gave me something. I didn't even have the chance to...and then he-"
Dean shot up from his bed, unwilling, not ready at all to hear the rest of the story. Castiel was curled into himself, sobbing all of a sudden and Dean wanted nothing more than to comfort him. All he'd seen of this boy was gentleness (aside from the random outbursts), an overwhelming shyness, and a desire not to upset the lives around him. How could this have happened to him?
Dean clambered into Castiel's bed, awkwardly looping his arms around him, pulling Castiel to his chest. He stiffened for only a moment, and then crumpled, crying harder as Dean wrapped his arms tighter around him.
Dean could feel his heart beating in his skull, panic in every breath. What just happened? What the ever-loving fuck just happened?
I hope everyone enjoyed! Do you think I ought to just change the rating of the story now, or later? hmm. As usual, please review, let me know what you thought, please!