Title: 101 Ways To Hitch A Ride With Mustang
Author: Mon Petit Pierrot
Fandom:FullMetal Alchemist
Rating: T (for safety)

Summary: Ed's trying all sorts of methods in order to get a ride to work from Roy. Roy's royally pissed off that his phone is ringing off the hook. It's all in a day's work.

Note: SORRY FOR THE WAIT! To make it up to you guys, there's more attempts this time! Yay! But if you have any ideas, please share them! Pleeeeeeease? I would love to have some input! I'm kind of hyped up on apple cider at the moment if you can't tell.

(And since I'm currently listening to character songs from Hetalia, there will no doubt be some influence...)

THANK YOU'S TO: Sonar, Inked Wolf, TTFN, Fully Metallic Bleached Notes, PinkPsych00, Silverwolf819, TheSoulAlchemist, DarkVampirePrincess8, artistic-weirdo, dogluva12, xxedxwinryxx, Alchemist of Steel, Misty-Nala, edward elric xD, Taranova, FullmetalHanyou15, Akira Elric, Isabelle-Artemis-San, MisaTsumi, TwilightWolf8988, Mayo2198, iStoleYourChips, Lane Render, tuffchick1, The Curse of Forever, Skippy the Hobolo, animeangel105, I ain't sellin, Fma crusher xx, horserider117, lolcatsrule, AnimeAddicter101, Fullmetal Spirit, Geeksam311, firefly267, Super Saiyan Angel, Obsidian Silversmith, and InvaderKT.

- One Hundred And One Ways To Hitch A Ride With Mustang -

Chapter 3

The Twelfth Attempt

"ROOOOOOOY! I MEAN IT THIS TIME! YOU BETTER PICK ME UP!"

"Why?" Roy drawled, absently scrawling his signature on the paper in front of him. It might have been an order for his dismissal for all he cared. "What are you going to do this time?"

"I'M GONNA BLOW UP THE BRIDGE! SO HA! TAKE THAT!"

The colonel sighed, wondering just how the younger man was able to exhaust him so quickly. "What bridge?"

"..."

"Ed. Please tell me that you haven't fooled yourself into thinking that there was a bridge in Central."

"...There's no bridge?"

"No, Ed."

"..."

"Then what am I standing on?"

CLICK.

The Thirteenth Attempt - courtesy of iStoleYourChips

"Rooooooooooooooooooooooooooy! You sadistic bastard! I bet you're just smirking at me, right now, aren't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP, YOU BITCH!"

"Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?"

"Waaaaaah, Mustang...don't you care about me? You're such a jerk!"

"Oh, don't even pretend to cry Ed. You're too old for that."

"YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU BE SO UNCARING! YOU BETTER GET YOUR SCRAWNY ASS HERE RIGHT NOW SO MY FIST CAN MEET YOUR FACE, BITCH!"

"Ed, I don't think it's a good idea to threaten your boss, you know."

"Well, just how do you know that if you've never tried it, huh? I bet you just can't stand my awesomeness!"

CLICK.

The Fourteenth Attempt

"I'm gonna sing until I piss you off!"

"Well, you're already halfway there."

"Oh really now? How about I sing to you?"

"And what good would that do?"

"California girls, we're unforgettable! Daisy Dukes bikinis on top, sun-kissed skin so hot we'll melt your popsicle!"

"Dammit, Ed, why did you have to pick the most annoying song to ever exist?"

"Oooh, so it annoys you, huh?" Roy could pratically hear the smirk in the other's voice and asked himself just why the hell he said that. "California girls, we're undeniable, fine, fresh, fierce, we got it on lock West Coast represent, now put your hands up!"

CLICK.

The Fifteenth Attempt

"Since you still won't pick me up - I don't know why, 'cause I'm just gonna call you all day - but anyway, since you won't, I figure I could just sell myself online. Since you don't care and all."

Roy kneaded his temple, wishing that Ed would just shut up and leave him alone. "Fine, you do that. And I can buy you for a penny."

"YOU BASTARD! YOU DON'T CARE DO YOU, YOU SON OF A -"

CLICK.

The Sixteenth Attempt

"I LAY CLAIM TO YOUR BREASTS!"

Roy stared incredously at the phone.

"Exuse me?"

"YOU HEARD ME! I CLAIM YOUR BREASTS!"

"Uh...Full Metal, I understand that you may not be feeling well right now, but I assure you that I am not a girl."

"YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?"

"Yes, Full Metal. Why are you shouting?"

"I HAVE NO IDEA! IT'S TOO MUCH FUN TO SHOUT!"

"Why don't you go lay down or something and stop bothering me, will you?"

But with Ed, he knew that something that simple would be impossible.

"I DON'T THINK SO! OH! OH! I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!"

"Then say it already."

"YOU ORIGINATED IN ME, SO YOU CANNOT BOSS ME AROUND! SO THEREFORE, I CLAIM YOUR BREASTS!" (1)

CLICK.

The Seventeenth Attempt

"ROY! I'VE GONE INVISIBLE!"

"All right, what did you drink this time?"

"I didn't drink nothing!"

"Ed, that's a double negative."

"Don't go all technical and grammar and shit with me! I'm INVISIBLE!"

"So you drank something, then."

"WILL YOU HELP ME ALREADY?"

"Well, how can I do that if you're invisible, Ed?"

"Just think of something and get off your lazy ass!"

CLICK.

The Eighteenth Attempt

"Hiya, Roy. Just wanted to say hi...and to ask WHY THE HELL YOU HAVEN'T PICKED ME UP YET!"

CLICK.

1 - In Hetalia (you knew that this had to happen), there is a character called South Korea. He has the habit of always correcting people and claiming that everything originated in him. He follows his big brothers China and Japan around and always tries to claim his "breasts". I don't really know why he does this, but he's a very hyper character so I think that explains it.