A/N: Sorry for taking so long with this one. Humor is hard to come by when playing Solo Que alone. Nevertheless, I did make this one longer and came up with a system to get these out faster next time. In addition, if any of you fine ladies and gentlemen wish to request my friendship in… ok I'm done. Basically, if you want to play with me, I play on NA servers under the summoner name Ulaire Minya (props to whoever gets the reference). Just add me and once I accept tell me you're from Fanfiction. Enjoy.
Tsunami State: Thank you for the compliment. I'll see what I can do about continuing. :P
Ttran2323: Thanks for the thoughts. Nice to see that you like it so much! :D
FreakinAssassin: Why does Talon have an account on this site? Moving on, Thanks for the compliments my friend!
pucfleck: If Fiddle was a homicidal maniac, this would be rated M and not particularly funny except for dark humor :/ I went for a light hearted comedy style with this.
Disclaimer: I don't own League of Warmog's Legends.
February 1, 22 CLE
After a recent rework of the Fields of Justice, many of the magical conveniences that other champions had grown accustomed to were disabled in an attempt to prevent unstable magic from wreaking havoc on the Institute. This decision was met with collective groans as all kill, death, and assist tallies from recent matches had to be done by hand by the champions themselves. After much muted grumbling, Darius had plopped himself down at a table by the bar collectively owned by Gragas and Singed along with an astronomically large pile of paperwork. I would go so far as to bet that he regretted achieving such an impressive score last match. Some might call it poetic justice.
After several hours the paperwork evened out somewhat and began to look something like the front of a castle, with two high piles at the left and right edges of the table and several even piles between them. Naturally, I was not the only one to notice this, as when Darius went for a drink Draven took the opportunity to stick a note with "Fort Darius" written on it on the front of the paper castle. This left the Hand of Noxus dumbfounded as he spent the next hour wondering why so many of the assembled champions were giggling or struggling to suppress outright laughter. Once he plowed through the piles of paperwork and discovered the note, Darius cracked a rare smile and cuffed his brother on the head.
February 14, 22 CLE
The League has been buzzing with activity the last few days. All have been involved in turning the stony halls into a festival of pink. I have no knowledge of this celebration, but it seems to involve a lot of a certain aforementioned color and incorrectly represented human hearts. I, Thresh, Mordekaiser, Maokai, Blitzcrank, Hecarim, Rumble, Galio, Karthus, Nautilus, Skarner, and Malphite were collectively blackmailed by all the female champions into allowing ourselves to be decorated for something called Valentine's Day. Long story short, we were swathed in pink and Thresh was politely asked (at gun, bow, crossbow, sword, and all manner of deadly instrument point) to change his lantern color to pink and to slip a sleeve over it so the light would project anatomically incorrect hearts whenever lit.
Throughout the day, ridiculous quantities of chocolate and other sweets appeared and were distributed to champions and summoners alike via minion messengers. On a side note, Talon received more than anyone else, although he may have ordered part of the metric ton of assorted sweets that arrived towed by several super minions. I observed with great interest as he promptly began to conceal boxes of candy in various nooks and crannies throughout the Institute. I think I may have inadvertently solved the great mystery of how Talon always has candy no matter where he is. I wonder how much candy is hidden in Summoner's Rift.
Although I now have begun to grasp the purpose of this holiday which seems to focus on the human emotion of "love" it also seems to be the holiday of underhanded dealings. It was hard to see and hear because of the various noises and pink streamers, but I am convinced I saw Luxanna bribe Talon with yet more sweets to lure Katarina and Garen into an isolated and windowless room before sabotaging the door's locking mechanism. Politics confuse me.
As part of the festivities, Pentakill played for free in the Institute's main hall. The room was jam packed and amazingly enough all of the occupants of the League managed to squeeze inside. It was quite a sight, the 100+ champions (minus the five band members of course) and hundreds of summoners as well as a stage squeezed into a hall designed to hold two hundred people. Luckily, I was left almost alone due to my fearsome reputation (one never appreciates the value of fear until it frees you from having to take part in a human tide).
After several pages of small speed sketches of various couples posing, the next few pages are filled with untidy, almost unreadable scrawls of various champions in drunken stupors.
February 15, 22 CLE
In a display of opposites, the day after Valentine's Day (who is Valentine and what did he do, I wonder. I shall have to research this) was unnaturally quiet. Few champions or summoners rose before noon. The career soldiers were of course up with the birds and queing for the coffee line along with the other "early risers" such as Mordekaiser, Thresh, and I. Truth be told, none of us sleep in the way humans understand, but it would unnerve most of the residents of the Institute to think that were wandering about in the dead of night so we remain unmoving in our respective residences until first light. We find this policy inconvenient, but better than total imprisonment by the magic of the summoners.
The League itself is still strewn with yesterdays decorations even though many have been obliterated from last night's concert. Streamers form a carpet of pink interspersed with the multitude of red paper hearts and multicolored candy wrappers, although our little group (Mordekaiser, Thresh, and I have decided to form what humans seem to call a "gang") is convinced that the majority of wrappers originate from Talon.
In other post-holiday events, Mordekaiser almost crushed Teemo as he lay passed out on one of the cafeteria benches from the nights festivities while perfectly camouflaged.
He didn't "almost crush" me. He actually sat on me until my muted screams attracted Thresh's attention and he casually informed that hunk of metal while sipping coffee that "your seat appears to be crying out in pain. I suggest displacing yourself." – A squashed Teemo
A/N: Please point out any errors/make suggestions for improvement. Until next time.