A/N: Beta wanted, email me if interested.
"Speaking"
Thinking Chapter 3- Guilt
"So if you need anything…just ask" Harry said quietly before turning and starting to walk away.
"What about our house?" Vernon asked, Harry turned to look at him, "If it is destroyed, I will have it made again, I'm sorry for bringing this on you" Harry told them softly before leaving.
…..
Harry stared blankly at the wall…sleep was something that was hard to come by for Harry now.
Whenever he did he had visions of the people he killed.
This shouldn't be a burden for a 15 soon to be 16 year old boy
A single tear made it's way down his cheek.
"Harry" Tonks called out hesitantly from the doorway to his room.
Harry wiped the tear away impatiently and looked up, "what is it" Harry asked, voice hoarse from suppressed emotions.
Tonks sat down on the bed next to him, "its ok Harry" she soothed.
Harry shrinked away from the comforting hand, "No it's not allright…there will be no coming back for them! They aren't just going to wake up again…they are dead Tonks! Dead! And I killed them…it seems like all im good for is ending life around me…so I wouldn't get to close if was you" Harry finished miserably.
"Oh, Harry" Tonks cried and sprung forward and swept him up in a hug.
"Harry, Harry, you had to" Tonks murmured into his hair, Harry shook his head against Tonk's neck.
"No...No I didn't have to, I could have just knocked them out, but instead I killed them…all of them".
"Harry, they were Deatheaters! They deserved it" Tonks whispered to him.
"But what if they were under imperious curse or threatened into servitude" Harry croaked.
"They weren't…you would know if they were…how they move" Tonk's voice failed after that as she held back tears.
Harry drew back from Tonks to look at her in the eye, suddenly feeling very selfish thinking that he was the only that had problems ending life.
This time Harry engaged the hug, with Tonks pressing her face against his chest.
They stayed in this position for a long time.
Long enough for a certain Headmaster to come looking for his favorite student and find him in the embrace of an older woman…both pleasantly relaxed in silence.
Dumbledore smiled to himself at the sight and headed back downstairs.
……..
Some time later Tonks sat up, "thank you Harry…that has been on my chest for a while", Harry looked at her and shook his head, "no, thank you for helping me".
Tonks stood up, "don't let it get to you, you had no choice" and she walked out of the room.
So she didn't hear the whispered reply, "but if I had I choice…would I have done anything different?"
…….
"We have to wipe your memories…you aren't supposed to know about the Wizarding world" Moody growled.
Theresa turned to Harry, "Please, I want to remember, please" she cried reaching for Harry.
"Please Harry…this experience changed my life" Dudley said softly, his friends nodded in agreement.
A distraught Harry could only open and close his mouth unable to speak.
"I'm sorry" Remus told them.
"Don't" Harry whispered, everyone turned to him, "Don't wipe their memories…no one would believe them anyway".
"Potter…you can't actually think" Moody began, but Harry cut him off, barely restrained anger was quick to rise to the surface.
"The old practice of wiping Muggles memories when the got too close to the truth about magic is no longer they way we must live" Harry stopped to look at everyone.
"Voldemort has risen again, don't you think they deserve to know what most definitely a threat to them is! Do you think Voldemort will bother to explain to his victims the social structure of the wizarding world? It will be like the old days, when we were burned at the stake…only worse. Better they know now that we are not all like Voldemort before we have two wars on our hands" Harry finished vehemently.
"I believe Harry is correct" A soft voice told everyone as Dumbledore entered the room.
Moody sighed and left the room, Dudley and his friends thanked him including Petunia and Vernon.
Harry stared at his Headmaster a few tense moments before his lip quirked upward into a smile.
…………
"Could I please go to Diagon Alley to purchase some new books" Harry asked when he saw Dumbledore surrounded by the rest of the Order.
"What about all those books we saw you take Mr. Potter" his Transfiguration professor asked shocked.
Harry rubbed the back of his neck, "Well you see…I…er…kind of finished them already".
"Already?" Lupin asked shocked, "I had nothing better to do" Harry told them defensively.
"We will let you know when we finish this meeting Harry" Dumbledore told him.
Briefly anger coursed through him before he quelled it and nodded before he left.
He sighed when he got back into this room, I may as well work off some my steam
Harry thought as he approached to border to his en suite bathroom.
……
Tonks walked into Harry's room to find it's occupant hanging of the door frame of the doorway into his bathroom, lowering himself and then heaving himself upwards so that his head periodically disappeared from view.
The rest of the Order members that were going to accompany Harry to Diagon Alley silently stood next to Tonks, watching the Boy-who-lived exercise without break.
Harry dropped to the ground and started his push-ups, "Are you just going to stand there?" Harry asked without looking up.
"Yes Potter there is, we are coming with you to Diagon Alley" Snape sneered as he made his way through to him.
Harry nodded, "Just let me finish my push-ups".
Snape tried to sneer at him, but curiosity got the better of him, "how often do you do this…and why do you do this".
Harry didn't pause as he replied, "as often as I can, I do it to so I don't think about certain…things".
"How long do you do it for" Snape asked, still curious.
Harry finished and rolled onto the balls of his feet; "until I can't exercise anymore and collapse" Harry said shrugging.
"Well, c'mon Harry, get ready" Tonks said gaining her voice, although it was still a bit squeaky.
…….
Harry smled as he looked around Diagon Alley, it had seemed like a lifetime ago when he had been here with his friends.
Friends…I wish I could see Ron and Hermione soon
Harry shook his head to stop himself on that line of thoughts, and headed into the resident book store.
Harry walked wandered down the bookshelves, eyes scanning each title.
A title named The Physical Arts: Needed or not? Harry took it down and browsed through it, it had some stances and moves including those for a Katana.
Harry added it to his pile and headed to the counter, the cashier eyed his pile warily as if expecting him to take them and run for it.
"I would like all these please" Harry said politely to the man.
The Cashier eyed the choices Harry had made, "All of these are pretty fight-orientated…preparing for a battle kid?" The man joked, Harry cocked his head to the side, "you could say that", the movement of Harry's head had brushed aside the hair in front of his scar, exposing it to the man who looked at in surprise for a few moments before ringing up his purchase.
Harry walked out onto the street casually walking from shop to shop, he knew someone from the Order was following him, even though they all had pretended to do there own things.
….
After a few hours of eating, browsing, and buying, the Order showed their face again.
"Harry…there was another reason we could come today" Tonks said nervously.
Harry sighed, "I expected as much…what is it?" Remus took over, "The will reading of Sirius…we have to go to Gringotts".
Harry suddenly felt numb…like he had no control of his body anymore, thoughts swirled through his head randomly. His first meeting with Sirius who was still in rags, Sirius in the fireplace in Gryffindor tower, Sirius as 'snuffles' in the cave, Harry stumbled backwards feeling light-headed.
Harry fell back onto a conveniently placed bench, "Why today…why now…why didn't you tell me!" Harry asked hoarsely voice rising.
"I'm sorry, Harry, but we only just found out about it today…goblins aren't the most polite creatures" Tonks told him, teary-eyed.
Harry nodded slowly and stood up , swaying slightly on his feet.
"Let's go then" Harry whispered.
……
I, Sirius Regulus Black, of sound mind and body bequeath my assets as followed:
40 000 000 Galleons to the Tonks Family
30 000 000 Galleons to Remus Alfred Lupin along with my bike
50 000 000 Galleons to Albus JamesDumbledore along with No. 14 Grimmauld Place, London
60 000 000 Galleons to the Weasley Family (Arthur almost fell out his chair)
20 000 000 Galleons to Hermione Jane Granger along with my shares in Flourish and Blotts
And I leave the rest of all my assets and properties to my Godson, Harry James Potter
Now the writing turned personal and it seemed that Harry's godfather had written it.
Now the serious stuff is over…get it…serious stuff…oh forget it.
Now I know that you are probably all sad and that sort of thing but I don't want you to be.
I'm in a better place…I would rather you celebrate my life (especially my pranks) than mourn my passing.
And if I know me…and I hope I do, I would have gone out fighting hopefully protecting someone, and if that is the case then please feel no guilt.
Now Harry, I have 5 words for you: Live life to the fullest, that's the phrase your father and I took to heart every single day and we never did anything wrong…well there were times when maybe we…ah…made a slight mistake.
And if I see you moping about from up here, I will personally haunt you, got that kiddo?
And Tonks I know what you're feeling for a certain modest hero and I give two thumbs up, go for it.
And to the rest of you…live well and EAT well, heh just kidding.
Goodbye all, I hope to see you in many, many , many years time!
Ciao
Hot tears ran down Harry's face as he stared at his lap, it seemed even death could not quell his godfather's humor, the part he said to Tonks was a little confusing but Harry had other things on his mind now.
Harry finally looked up, there was a not a dry eye in sight, even Dumbledore who had only just arrived in time had tears trickling down from his eyes.
"Well, Harry, I think we should head back now" Arthur told him gruffly, and led the emerald eyed youth out into the street, the rest of his escort plus Dumbledore following.
…….
"Harry!" A voice in front of him shrieked as he was trudging up the stairs in Grimmauld place to his bedroom.
Hermione collided with his chest at maximum speed, knocking the wind out his chest.
Ron followed her at a more leisurely pace and embraced him for a moment in a manly one-armed hug.
"How are you going, mate? We heard you had it pretty rough recently and your muggle relatives stayed here for a while" Ron said to him.
Harry nodded and smiled a genuine smile, his friends were back by his side and there seemed like nothing bad would happen as he led them to his room to tell them about his hectic holidays.
…..
"Oh Harry, that's horrible" Hermione squeaked teary-eyed as she clung to his arm, the good feeling that Harry had experienced when his friends had come back into his life had faded leaving Harry feeling bad once more.
"Excuse me…do you mind if I work off some feelings?" Harry asked, not waiting for an answer as he dropped to the floor and started his push-ups.
Ron and Hermione watched him silently for the whole time he did his push-ups and started his sit-ups.
"Why do you do this, Harry?" Hermione asked quietly, Harry shrugged in the middle his sit-up. "It helps with my emotions".
Harry asked about their holidays, all the while continuing his exercise.
Ginny and Tonks walked in just as Harry stripped off his sweat soaked shirt and heaved himself off the floor on the door frame again.
"Merlin's balls Harry!" Ginny squeaked as she watched Harry's glistening chest heave up and down.
"You've got some…yummy…muscles there now" she told him, Harry chuckled as he saw Hermione and Tonks nodding before they were out of view again.
"Ginny" Ron scolded.
"How long have you been doing this Harry?" Hermione asked, Harry grunted "Whenever my emotions and thoughts weigh too heavy on me".
Harry dropped to the floor, "which is a lot" Harry said flashing them a lopsided smile.
A/N: Well, what do you all think, please tell me in a review!
Till next chapter, Ciao!