A/N:

I have written absolutely nothing this whole year because this whole year has been a dish of depressing spiral of a new diagnosis of PTSD, sprinkled with a touch of suicidal tendencies and served with a new therapist. But your comments have not gone unread, and have, in fact, been a bright point in my increasingly darkening world, and for that I sincerely thank you all. Please continue to be excellent to one another.

Continuing the tradition of using your ideas, this one is dedicated to fandemoniuminthestreets (I hope I spelt that correctly).

Regards,

JaneMartin906

He couldn't control it. It was extremely embarrassing and he hoped that no one else could hear it, but, of course, Fili and Kili heard it. Of course, he had to be walking right behind these two as it happened.

"There it is again!" Fili exclaimed, searching for the source as he nudged his brother. "What is that? You?"

"Wasn't me! Was that Bombur?" Kili giggled.

"No, he's too far back, that sounded closer..." Fili's gaze rested on the hobbit. "Was that you, Bilbo?"

"We only packed up from breakfast two hours ago, you can't still be hungry! You ate almost as much as Bombur did!"

Bilbo could feel his face turning red. "Yes, that was me. You don't get the chance to eat nearly as much on the road as you do at home. Folk in the Shire would be traumatized at this whole three square meals nonsense." He immediately regretted this statement, knowing it would spawn more questions from these two. They had been far too inquisitive concerning hobbits lately, and he didn't want to encourage it.

"What, do you not have three meals a day?" Fili asked.

Bilbo hesitated, wondering if he should tell the truth. "No, actually, we eat twice that much," he admitted slowly.

Both jaws dropped. "So what you're telling me," Fili asked skeptically, his eyes narrowing, "is that your people eat six times daily?"

"Well, on average, yes, but there are frequent meals between meals, you understand." Bilbo's stomach rumbled, and he sighed as he tightened his belt yet again. "That's why you keep hearing that growling noise."

"No, I really don't understand," Kili mused. "You're so thin for eating so much! You should be as big as Bombur, maybe even bigger!"

"I heard that!" Bombur yelled from his place walking behind them. The round dwarf jogged until he caught up with them. "I've been hearing my name being called in vain up here. Now, who ought to be bigger than I, then?"

Before Bilbo could apologize or offer explanation, Kili burst out, "Bilbo says hobbits eat six times daily, and sometimes even more!"

The larger dwarf gave Bilbo the same skeptical look Fili did before laughing. "Yer havin' a laugh. Fooling with these boys' heads, eh? Hobbits eating six times a day, hah!"

That was almost an affront to his entire race, but Bilbo took a deep breath and wisely kept a calm head, understanding that he was the first hobbit that these thirteen had formally met. "No, of course not! We hobbits take great pride in food, and we really do eat that often. Sometimes even more often than that."

Bombur's eyes widened when he realized that it really was true, and he gave Bilbo a look of wonder before patting the hobbit's stomach. "Where d'ye put it all, then? There's hardly a bit o' meat on yer bones!" Kili's hands joined the search for where the food was hidden.

Bilbo swatted the probing hands away with a "Yes, all right, that's enough of that! I've probably lost quite a bit walking on this journey with you!"

"Not really," Fili mused. "You were rather slight when we met you."

"So how many times do you eat breakfast?" Kili blurted out.

Bilbo sighed. "Two. We have breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, lunch, sometimes afternoon tea, dinner, and supper."

Fili counted on his fingers. "That's seven meals."

"Tea is only sometimes, like I said."

"Hang on, you eat all that and you only had the one pantry at your house?" Fili burst out, trying to make sense of it.

Gandalf had been listening to the conversation with increasing amusement. "Oh, of course not!" he offered. "I was there when his father designed the house. There are, in fact, several pantries in Bag End. Most hobbit holes have at least two."

"Please don't encourage them, Gandalf," Bilbo muttered as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Bombur clapped his fat hands together. "This settles it, lads! As soon as we're done here, I am retiring to the Shire!" he announced loudly.

"What on earth would ya do that for, then?" Bofur called from the rear. "I mean no offense!" he added quickly to Bilbo, "'Tis a lovely country 'n all, but so far from home, Bombur?"

"For the food! Hobbits eat like kings!" Bombur called back to his brother. Now everyone had heard, and they nodded in agreement, all of them fondly recalling the night of the party at Bag End. Bilbo remembered that night differently, the night his life had been completely uprooted and scrambled about, but he was very glad indeed that they remembered the Shire fondly.

"Perhaps it would do us all good to visit your home once again, when all is said and done." He hadn't realized it, but Thorin had fallen into step beside him. His deep voice startled Bilbo a bit as the others gave a rendition of the song they had invented the night of the party.

"Well, any time you feel the need for quiet, my home is always open to you all," Bilbo replied, a bit formally, but sincerely.

Thorin regarded him with a cool gaze and a gracious nod of his head. "Six meals certainly will appeal to us all. Now that we know of your many pantries, I hope you will have them well stocked for our next visit."

Bilbo almost looked forward to it. Almost.