WARNING: This chapter deals with extremely mature subject matter so read at your own risk

Daisy woke up with a start and felt beads of sweat rolling down her temples and her breathing coming in ragged gasps. She rolled slightly to check the time on the display screen of her cell phone which read 2:30 A.M. Daisy pulled the sheets back and sat up feeling the tremors and the cold chill that raced up her spine. She waited a few minutes until the tremors subsided and her breathing evened out to stand up and head over to the mirror perched on a dresser. The terror that she had managed to bury for 15 years resurfaced like a suffocating blanket of ice.

She saw the knife blade shaped scars carved into her skin when she looked into the mirror.

Five stab wounds, one above her heart, one below her belly button, one under each breast and the last one just under and to the right of her rib cage.

She brushed each scar with trembling fingers and felt the slightly raised flesh under her fingertips. She knew that if the knife had gone deeper she would not have survived.

Daisy took a deep breath and managed to let her mask slip back into place as she turned from the mirror and grabbed a change of clothes out of the open bag on the dresser.

She pulled the black t-shirt over her head as if covering up her scars meant they did not exist. If no one could see the damage, no one would know that behind the FBI agent was a terrified little girl.

Daisy quickly threw on her cargo pants and didn't feel like styling her hair threw it into a messy ponytail. She let out a steadying breath before grabbing her cell phone off the nightstand and heading for the front door to start her morning run.

She didn't get very far before she noticed Reid standing in front of a sliding door leading out on to his balcony as if stuck in a trance. Daisy's eyebrows furrowed in confusion at Reid's odd behavior but when she saw him point to the open diary on the coffee table, his behavior made perfect sense.

Daisy saw her reflection in the glass door and watched as her hands involuntarily clenched into fists and her eyes darkened several shades.

Daisy saw fear burning in Reid's eyes as his body involuntarily tensed. He turned around to face her knowing that he would deserve it if she hit him. He knew that he had invaded her most precious sanctuary. A sanctuary that described in graphic detail a crime that made his blood run cold despite being in the BAU.

"What the hell gives you the right to invade my privacy?"

Stunned by the amount of anger behind Daisy's words he backed away from her. He kept retreating until his black hit the wall beside the sliding glass door and he had nowhere left to go. He found himself trapped and at her mercy. The punch that landed millimeters from his head caught him off guard and left a hole in the wall.

He watched as Daisy stood in front of him her chest heaving as her breaths came in ragged gasps. He took the opportunity to let out a relieved sigh and wiped the drywall dust from his face. He read her file and knew what she was capable of so he counted his blessings that she decided to take her anger out on the wall instead of his face.

Reid cautiously reached out to her and pulled her into a hug. It happened in a split second; Daisy's demeanor changed from fear and anger to hurt as she broke down into tears. She clung to him as if he was the only thing keeping her from falling apart.

"Daisy." Reid said his voice cracking from the emotion tearing at him. "I know you're hurt and you have every right having been stabbed and raped by your boyfriend but I'm not like him because I would never hurt you."

"I'm sorry." Daisy choked out between sobs.

"Shh it's okay." Reid said soothingly as he continued to rub her back.

After what seemed like an eternity, she stopped crying and Reid let go. He watched as she grabbed her jacket and he grabbed his own knowing that Daisy shouldn't go running alone. As he locked the door behind them, he found himself thankful that the storm dissipated but knew it wasn't over. As they walked beside each other through the building hallways and stairwells part of the diary entry he read kept circulating in his mind.

January 1st, 1997

Dear Diary

How can I believe that the world is a safe place where people are kind to one another and love is possible?

I know that it is a cruel and hate filled place, which thrives on selfishness, greed and violence.

The worst part was not even the rape itself. The worst part was the knowledge that someone I trusted could brutally violate me.

The truth was even when Jake had me pinned down by the wrists and thrust into me as I begged him to stop I could not hurt him. I could not do it because I knew if I did, he would not survive.

I tried to imagine I was somewhere else but it did not work. By the time he pulled out, I could see blood staining the carpet from multiple lacerations and bite wounds. However, that is not what scared me; it was that he pulled a knife on me and ran it over my skin while yelling at me that I was a traitorous whore.

Never in my life did I think it was possible to hate a number. However, I now hate the number five. Five times, that is how many times he stabbed me before he decided to penetrate me with the knife. I honestly did not know how intense pain could be until the feeling of the knife penetrating me brought me crashing back to reality. I began choking on the blood-laced vomit that shot up from my stomach and sputtered out of my mouth.

I do not remember what happened after that. When I woke up, I was in a hospital surrounded by Dale and the members of his team. I spent six weeks recovering in the ICU. After I got out of the hospital, the first thing I did was request to see the case file. After days of relentless begging, Dale finally gave in and let me see it. That is something I will regret doing for the rest of my life because I learned that just before police arrived I killed Jake.

Despite not remembering anything it hit me hard that I killed him because I had tried my hardest not to when I was aware of what was going on.

Dale comforted me by telling me that the body can only take so much before it instinctively defends itself. I do not know why but I cried for weeks afterwards. I guess I still loved Jake even after what he did to me. I guess that old saying is true

Love knows no bounds

Sincerely,

Daisy Gomes

Reid shook his head trying to clear it of the disturbing diary entry but it did not work. As they stepped out of the apartment building into the black outdoors Reid watched as Daisy zipped up her jacket.

He did not need light from the street lamps to know that tears stained her eyes from crying. He rested his hand on her shoulder and his eyes filled with amazement as she looked at him and gave him a sad smile.

"I'm sorry." Reid said feeling bitter, cold, guilt sink its claws into him.

"I know." Daisy replied her voice cold as ice and devoid of emotion.

The two stood in awkward silence for a few moments trying to find the right words to say before realizing there are no right words and beginning their jog to the BAU.