A Walk Through The Park

Buffy lay silent on the motel bed in the dark, and just stared at the ceiling. This motel was pretty much the same as the one in Sunnydale. It was kind of crappy but it was a place to sleep. Everyone had gotten settled in and was sleeping. That is everyone except for Buffy.

She turned her head slightly and looked at the young girl sleeping next to her. It had been a very long, depressing day. Dawn had fallen asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Buffy wished that she could have done the same. She was exhausted. Her body was trying its hardest to shut down and give her some peace, but her mind was too busy to allow that to happen.

She returned her head to its previous position. After a few more long moments of glancing at the ceiling Buffy decided that trying to sleep was useless. She slowly and carefully climbed out of bed hoping not to wake Dawn. Then she pulled on her jacket and quietly slipped out the door of the motel room.

It was nearly pitch dark outside. The only light that appeared was from a lone parking lot light to the left, and the half moon. Buffy was used to the dark and sometimes even preferred it so she decided to take a walk to the right of her room. She wouldn't go far but taking a walk was the only thing she could think to do at the moment.

The other motel rooms were dark. It appeared that not one tenant was awake at this hour. She put her hands in her jacket pockets and continued to walk passed the rooms and in the direction of what looked like it might be a park. In the distance she could faintly see the outline of a seesaw. As she got closer she also began to see the outline of what looked like it might be a swing set.

This would be perfect, Buffy thought to herself. Now at least she would have something to do. She decided that she would go on the swings for a little while and think. Then, if she was lucky, she would get tired and eventually, finally be ready for sleep.

When she reached the park she went straight for the swing set and picked the swing farthest to the right. There were four swings total and she always liked to be on the end. She got herself started up and then nearly went into a trance as she swung away and let her mind wonder. Buffy was now in her own little world. She was so deep into her thoughts that she didn't even hear the footsteps coming up behind her.

Faith too was unable to sleep. She had been in her room trying as hard as she could to turn off her thoughts and fall asleep but it was no use. She had also decided to take a walk and came across the same park that Buffy had. When Faith approached it, she could see that someone was on the swings and she immediately knew it was Buffy.

Even when Faith was lying on her bed in her room she could tell that Buffy was most likely unable to sleep as well. In the back of her mind she had almost hoped to find the girl along her travels.

For a moment or two, Faith just watched the fellow slayer on the swings. She knew that the same things were going through Buffy's mind that were going through her own. She finally decided to let her presence be known. She could tell that Buffy must be deep in thought since she didn't even hear Faith coming to begin with, so she decided to slip into Buffy's view before saying anything so as not to startle her.

She took a deep breath and then slowly walked towards Buffy and stopped when she was in front of her, but slightly to her right so as not to get kicked in the face. "Couldn't sleep either?"

Buffy immediately slowed her pace as she saw Faith appear in front of her. She then slowed enough to put her feet down and come to a complete stop before replying. She smiled a little and shook her head. "I'm tired as hell…but I've got too much on my mind."

Faith smiled back and nodded her head as she put her hands in her jean pockets. "I hear that. A lot's happened. Makes it hard to sleep."

The other slayer nodded her head as well and then looked to the ground as she tried to find the words she was looking for to say what she wanted to say. "So…I know your not big on the whole 'lets talk about this' kind of thing but…I think we kind of need to talk about…stuff."

Faith rolled her eyes. She knew this was coming. It was Buffy's way. When something big happened she always wanted to talk about it after words, make sense of it, and get everything straightened out. This usually drove Faith nuts. She hated talking things through. She would have been much happier just letting it go and pretending it never happened.

This time was a little different. She still didn't really want to talk about it, only because she knew it would be a really uncomfortable situation, but this time she would. She would play along with what Buffy wanted because deep down she wanted to make sense of things too. She shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah…I guess your right."

A look of shock appeared on Buffy's face. She was expecting to have to fight hard to convince Faith to actually have a conversation about what happened. "Right. So we'll talk then. We'll get everything out in the open and figure everything out."

"Right."

Buffy nodded her head, but neither spoke. She couldn't think of what to say to start the conversation off and she could tell that Faith was in the same position. This whole situation was very uncomfortable and the silence was making it that much worse.

Finally, after a few more moment of uncomfortable silence, Buffy just asked the first question that came to her mind. "Why did you kiss me?"

Faith had really been hoping that wouldn't be what came first. The truth was…she didn't really know. She kind of just did it. She had no idea why she kissed her.

She looked to the ground and closed her eyes. She couldn't seem to bring herself to look at Buffy. "I'm not sure." She let that sink in for a moment and then she was able to bring herself to look at the other girl as she thought of something else. "I wasn't going to ya know. I was going to kick your ass for hitting me."

"You hit me first," Buffy responded with a little bit of anger in her voice.

"I was upset, confused, I didn't mean to…I didn't mean to hit you," Faith said in an angry ton at first and then a little calmer towards the end. "I'm sorry."

Buffy also began to calm down again. "I'm sorry too. I didn't meant to hit you either I just…it's kind of a reflex you know?"

"Yeah. It's ok. I would have done the same thing if you hit me first."

Buffy smiled a little and nodded her head. "Right."

Then the awkward silence was back. Again, neither one really knew what to say next. This time Faith was the first to speak. She took her hands out of her pockets and let them slap to her sides. "Look, I really don't know why I kissed you. I really don't know why you kissed me either. And I really don't know why either of us did any of the other stuff we did to each other. But I don't think that's really what matters here. What's done is done. I think what really matter's is…"

She didn't finish what she was saying. She didn't know if it was because she lost her train of thought, or maybe she didn't really know what she was going to say to begin with, or maybe she knew exactly what she was going to say…but she just didn't want to say it.

"What really matter's is…what did it mean?" Buffy finished for her.

Faith sighed. "Yeah. Exactly." She then proceeded to nervously rub her hands together. Then after a few moments she spoke again. "So…what did it mean?"

Buffy got up from the swing and walked away from it and to the left of Faith. She put her hands on top of her head and pushed her hair back in frustration. She then turned in Faith's direction and tried to think of a response. She was so confused and so frustrated. All she wanted to do was sleep. She was sick of this, she was sick of all of this.

"I don't know Faith. I just don't know. I don't understand why this happened. I never expected something like this to happen. I mean sure when I was upset about stuff in the past I've done stuff like this. When my mom died and Angel came back for a night, I ended up kissing him. When Giles left, I ended up kissing Spike. And now…Spike and Robin and Anya and so many other people are gone and I end up kissing you. In a way it's just my track record. It's just what I do. But I have never kissed a woman before. I've never even thought about it. And you of all people. That's something I really don't understand. We don't get along Faith. You know it. I know it. Everyone around us knows it. I have no idea what any of this means and it's just so frustrating. I just can't take it anymore."

Buffy had tears in her eyes as she finished. She just couldn't handle the confusion anymore. It had been such a hard day and this thing with Faith and trying to figure out what it meant was just the last little thing to push her over the edge. She was breaking down and it took all of the strength she had left to stop from dropping to her knees and crying.

Faith watched Buffy as she went on her rant. When she was finished Faith slowly walked towards the girl until she was only about a foot away from her. She felt bad. Buffy was clearly confused and upset, as was she, but for some reason Faith wanted to hold back her own emotions and comfort Buffy. She wanted to be there for her. She wanted to take away her pain and make everything better. She had never really wanted to do that for anyone before.

She could see that Buffy was fighting back tears. She reached her hand out slowly and gently placed it on the distressed girl's cheek. "Its ok," she simply said softly, "its ok."

Buffy immediately let herself go at Faith's touch. She closed her eyes and leaned a little into Faith's hand longing for the touch as the tears began to slowly fall.

This had all been too much. Buffy was the slayer and she had to be strong. It was part of her duty to not let herself break down. She was never supposed to show vulnerability and she usually never did. For some reason this was different. She, all of the sudden, felt safe with Faith. She felt free to let herself go. She felt like it was ok to cry. It was ok to show her vulnerability this time.

Faith just smiled slightly as Buffy opened herself up to her. She gently brushed away a falling tear from her right cheek with her thumb. She closed the remaining distance between them and placed her other hand on Buffy's left cheek and brushed away the tears on that side as well. She then looked into the girl's eyes for a moment and gave her a comforting smile. Then she gently pulled Buffy's head closer to her own and lightly kissed her forehead. Finally, she pulled the other slayer into a comforting embrace allowing her to cry on her shoulder.

Buffy was finally letting it all out. The day's events had been hard on everyone but it wasn't even just this day. For the past few months Buffy had been responsible for a lot of people's lives. She was used to having to worry about her closest friends and Dawn but she wasn't used to being responsible for the lives of thirty or more young girls. She had always been used to being the decision maker of the group but this year she was forced to be stronger then ever. This year she was truly forced to be a leader.

She had been forced to harden herself and basically just brush off all of the young lives that had been lost and the missions that had failed. Right now at this moment she was finally able to let everything out. Even though the tears started out of confusion about what had happened between her and Faith, it wasn't why she was crying. She cried for the young girls that she had been responsible for losing, she cried for Robin, she even cried for Anya, and of course…she cried for Spike.

For a while she wasn't sure she would ever stop. After holding all of her emotions back for so long she wasn't sure if she would be able to close the flood gates again. But it was ok for now. Faith was there. She had never expected her to be this understanding. Buffy had tried to be her friend for years but she never let her in, but now Faith was there for her when she needed her the most. At that moment Faith became the bright spot in the dark cave that Buffy had been living in for so long.

Faith just held Buffy in her arms not saying a word. She held her up when she could feel Buffy's knees get weak. She stroked her hair during the moments when Buffy cried the hardest. She even kissed the top of her head every once in a while just to let her know that she was still there for her.

Even Faith herself was shocked at her own actions. She had never been this compassionate towards anyone in her whole life. When she was younger she had a tough life and she was conditioned to stand tall and never let herself go. She was taught that crying showed weakness. She was never shown any consideration in her own life so she never showed any to others. But the moment she saw Buffy begin to break down it was as if she was a different person, a new, better person. Knowing exactly what to do to comfort Buffy became an instinct that she never before possessed.

After a long while Buffy's tears finally began to lighten. She slowly began to compose herself. When she finally stopped crying completely she slowly pulled away from Faith's shoulder and looked into her eyes. Buffy's face was drenched with tears but she didn't care. She smiled slightly and then leaned her head in closer to Faith's. She kissed her lips softly and then slowly pulled away. This time there was no awkwardness at all. It felt right this time. "Thank you," Buffy said softly with a small smile.

Faith smiled back comfortingly. She then put her hands on Buffy's cheeks and once again began to dry the tears from her face. When Buffy's face was completely dry, or as dry as could be without a tissue, Faith leaned in and initiated another soft kiss on the lips. When she pulled away the two slayers simply looked into each other's eyes for a few moments. Finally Faith spoke. "I don't know about you…but I think I'm finally ready to go to sleep."

Buffy smiled and sniffled as an after effect of the crying. She nodded her head and laughed a little in response. "I think I'm finally ready too."

Faith smiled back. "Good." She then broke away from they're embrace and then held her hand out for Buffy's. "I'll walk you to your room."

Buffy took Faith's hand and the two started walking. As they walked Buffy brought herself closer to Faith and eventually rested her head on her shoulder. She grunted sleepily. "I can't wait for sleep."

Faith let out a small laugh as she rested her head on top of Buffy's. "I'm with you on that one. You're in the room on the end with Dawn right?"

"Yup. You're about two doors down from mine I think."

"Yup."

"Who did you get stuck with?"

"Oh you didn't hear? I was the lucky one. They tried to get me to sleep in the same room with Andrew but I stuck him with Giles and Xander. You're lookin at the only person who has her own room. Feel free to be jealous."

Buffy lifted her head from Faith's shoulder in shock. "I so am. That just isn't fair."

Faith laughed slightly at Buffy's obvious jealousy. "Yeah well…life isn't fair," she said as she playfully pushed the older slayer with her shoulder, but never letting go of her hand.

As they nearly got to the door to Buffy's motel room, Buffy stopped causing Faith to stop as well. Buffy looked as if she was about to say something but she almost looked too embarrassed to say it. "What is it?" Faith asked with a little hint of worry in her look.

Buffy looked down at the ground nervously before answering. Then she looked at Faith with anticipation. "Do you think that maybe I could sleep with you tonight?" Buffy then realized how much that sounded like an invitation for sex. That was not how she meant it at all. She just didn't want to be alone tonight. Sure, Dawn was in her room but that was different. She just wanted to be with Faith. She just wanted to fall asleep in her arms.

She began to get nervous again as she tried to think of something to say that would subtly let Faith know that what she had just said wasn't meant to be taken in a sexual way. "What I meant was…umm," she was drawing a blank.

Luckily for Buffy, Faith knew that her words were anything but an invite for sex. She smiled, faced Buffy, and took her free hand in hers. "It's ok. I knew what you meant."

Buffy let out a sigh of relief.

Faith laughed a little and then nodded her head towards the door to her room. "Let's go you nut."

Buffy gave a half smile at being called a nut. It was such a silly thing to be called but she liked it. She set free one of Faith's hands to allow her to open the door.

Faith pulled Buffy into the room and they're hands broke apart as they each approached a side of the bed. They climbed in at the same time and pulled the covers over themselves. A little uncomfortable at first, they both stayed on they're own sides of the bed. After a few short moments, however they began to ease closer together.

Buffy lifted her head slightly to glance at Faith and the younger slayer took that opportunity to put her arm out. Buffy smiled as she snuggled closer to Faith and laid her head on her shoulder. She then wrapped her arm around Faith's waist and held her close.

With the arm Buffy was laying on Faith gripped the girl's shoulder and puller her in tighter. Then she proceeded to gently caress the older slayer's shoulder with her hand. Finally, she placed her free arm across her stomach and searched for Buffy's free hand. When she found it they're fingers interlocked and they were pretty much as close together as they could possibly be. Underneath the covers they're legs were even intertwined strengthening the connection.

Both girls were finally at peace.

Buffy let out a large yawn and then glanced up at Faith who was still caressing her arm. "Good night Faith," she said with a peaceful smile on her face.

Faith looked down at Buffy with the same peaceful smile and simply responded, "Good night Buffy."

They then returned they're head's to they're previous positions and closed they're eyes. All of the noise in they're minds that was keeping them awake was finally turned off. They lay there peacefully and within moments, they were both asleep.